Peri has a great point about not being able to select just a few numbers when a loved one is in a care facility. Even regular schools and preschools my son was in sometimes called from different numbers, or some teachers used their cell phones.
Just to balance things out, and because I believe in believing the best, I’m going to try to see it from the ex’s perspective: she has xyz set up, but then these appts for the kids are necessary and she has to rejigger—or does she? Maybe he could take them at a different time, and then the whole thing works out—yay! (Or maybe it’s the other way around—haircut appts made weeks ago, friend called yesterday to invite her to Happy Hour, so she’d have to change appts). Can he do it? Shoot a quick text & find out.
Or something like that. Point is, maybe it isn’t about the haircuts (unless she’s debating styles); maybe it’s about having control over her day, or getting to do something she really wants to.
I’m still learning to set boundaries with my family. One thing I’ve figured out is there is no changing other peoples behavior; we have to choose our responses in a way that limit unwanted interactions. I understand the delicacy of this situation though—you probably don’t want to cut yourself out of future discussions of the kids & their schedules.
Final thought: different people have different preferences/assumptions. I don’t ever just pick up the phone and call my friend at work (the one exception being after our visit when I was done with my business in his town and wanted a hug before heading out; he picked up & said he was in a mtg at the mayor’s office, couldn’t talk. I skipped asking for a hug, obviously). I always text and ask when a good time to call is, even when I can see misunderstandings and hurt feelings building in our texts, because I want to be respectful of his work. Yesterday he listed out everything he had going on and said it’s actually easier for him to have my call pop up in the middle of the flow than it is for him to schedule it, and please understand if he’s in a meeting right then. Fine by me—actually easier to call just whenever I feel like it. But I’m genuinely surprised that my efforts to be considerate of his busy life were so off-base. Could it be that she doesn’t want to interrupt your work, or assumes you want to get your day set up in advance, or has some other genuine, non-nefarious assumptions going on?
