How do you "deal" with Ridiculously Photogenic Friends? - YouLookFab Forum

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How do you "deal" with Ridiculously Photogenic Friends?

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

So, this is a shallow topic, but here it goes...

I have a friend who is an ex model, but I swear she looks amazing for the camera even if she's not aware that the camera is on her. She loves the camera, and the camera loves her.

Everyone avoids (like the plague) getting their picture with her, because beside her, we all sort of look like overgrown trolls, when we clearly are not. I think she sort of feels excluded whenever we go for group activities and take a picture, because usually if she's there, it's a picture of only her, or a picture of her with the rest of us trying to run out of the picture.

It probably doesn't help that she likes to "surprise" people and take pictures and post them on social media, so usually our pictures are of us going or :{ or something similar because we're just simply focused on something else at that moment.

This is such a Facebook generation problem, I realize it's really silly.

Regardless, any ideas how to deal with people like this? If you're not ridiculously photogenic yourself? We've all untagged ourselves from pictures she posts on her social media and are getting sort of annoyed.

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catgirl

Veteran

I do just what you do - avoid being in the picture.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Ah, yes, I have an old Jr. High friend I played softball with who is now a fitness model/athlete. I don't see her IRL, but she is all over FB promoting herself. Now, she looks really good - at 43 she trumps most 23 year olds, and I know she works really hard at it - but every pic being a "look at me" shot gets kinda old. Oh, yeah, and she's had kids, too. Sigh.
I suppose the best we can do is try not to compare ourselves to others, but be the best 'us' we can be.

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Caro in Oz

Veteran

I think if she is a friend then it is appropriate to tell her you do not like having candid photos taken. If she doesn't stop, she isn't what I'd call a friend. I'm not sure there is any answer for the group photos other than acceptance of things as they are - easier said than done I know.:)

cinnamon fern

Veteran

It sounds to me like there are two separate issues here.

Re her taking pictures of you and putting them on facebook: it's totally within your rights to ask/tell her to stop posting photos of you.

Re the other thing: there will always be someone prettier than you, smarter than you, richer than you, and so on. The only thing to do is not let your sense of self-worth stand or fall with comparisons to other people. Obviously this is easier said than done ...

cinnamon fern

Veteran

In other words - what Caro said

Jules

Veteran

Maybe she wouldn't be so obnoxious with the photo-taking/posting if she didn't feel left out of group pics? I can imagine feeling insecure about my friendships if no one wanted to be in a photo with me (especially in the fb age).

bj1111

Veteran

Lyn* aren't you an ex-model too?

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Lol, one weighing in at 137 this morning. *sigh*

Irene

Veteran

I would be really bothered if someone took photos of me without my permission and then posted them on FB. Just politely ask her not to do that if it bothers you too.

Regarding your other question, I have photogenic friends. I actually have taken pro-amateurish portraits of them that make them look even better than IRL and their regular photos. I think taking a role in making them look good has helped me cope with the fact that no matter how much effort another person could put on my portraits, they wouldn't turn out half as good because I am not photogenic. Instead of hating how great they look and getting angry with myself, I strive to make them look even better. And if I finally achieve that, I take pride in knowing that, yes, they look fantastic, but I helped them put on a flattering outfit and took their photos from the best angles.

This reminds me of a convo I had with a friend not so long ago. She's model-tall and model-thin and has a pretty face. She complained that when she and her girlfriends were getting ready for a night out, they would all compliment each others' outfits and make up (she would compliment them too) yet she never received compliments from them. It was as if they thought she already knew she was pretty so why bother. The truth is, she told me she would have liked the positive feedback as well because she did need it and she felt left out, too.

I think it's rather selfish and self-centered of all of you (sorry) to leave this girl out of the picture (literally) just because she makes you feel bad about yourselves. As much as it is not your fault that you are not as much photogenic, it is not her fault that she happens to be. Beautiful girls have feelings too! And maybe she just wants photos of herself with her friends.

Mochi

Veteran

Agreeing with what everyone else is saying as well as Irene's point directly above. Other than that, nothing much to add. I don't believe I'm ugly, but I truly feel like I am one of the lesser photogenic people out there. (In fact, it's the *contrast* between how I believe I look in real life and how I come off in pics that is striking to me.) Some people's facial structure is just not conducive to getting a good shot, especially a candid shot. Sigh.

Archer

Veteran

I can't help but read this as tragic, sorry lyn*. Are you seriously saying that grown women avoid their friend in case they get their photo taken and don't look as good as her?
This makes me quite sad for girls and young women. It must be time for fourth wave feminism sometime soon surely?
On the second issue, Caro, Irene, cinnamon and Irene: what they said.

Anonymous

I agree with Cinnamon Fern and Irene, her last 2 paragraphs especially.

Don't let your insecurities isolate this friend. They're just pictures. By your reasoning, why not stop hanging out with her all together? If she looks that much better in pics than the rest of you, I can only imagine you all look like a bunch of trolls in person, too. This thinking and line of reasoning is just silly.

Who knows? Maybe she sometimes wishes she was a gamine Asian chick with a killer sense of style.

Kristin L

Veteran

As for posting pics that you don't like on FB, I'd talk to her. On my FB, I have it set to ask me about the pic before it tags me. I'm not sure if that will help you.

As for the other part, if she's an ex-model, then she knows how to pose. Have you asked her for a little help? Maybe talk to her one on one and ask her to help find your good side? And yes, you have at least one because your pics on here look great! After finally figuring out mine (typically looking towards the right side with one foot slightly out), I feel a lot more confident in pictures.Or ask for some tips on what she does. Surely as an ex-model she knows what to do.

rachylou

Veteran

Sounds like someone is not a friend but a frenemy.

But you know, lyn, your peeps remind me of my dd. Sight-oriented. Taking a lot of cues about what to feel and do from the visuals. Stratifying on appearance. Of course, humans are totally sight-oriented. But I wonder about the nature of sight. Like, I'm pretty sure me and dd don't see the same picture looking at the same thing. We don't, for example, agree on the One Direction boys. I like them. She doesn't. I think it's because they're more mature in looks than, oh say, The Bieber. She's on the neoteny wave; I'm not.

ClaraT

Veteran

My sister looks just fine IRL but great in photos. No luck over the years in avoiding photos that include both of us. Now that cameras are electronic and tons of pics are taken, I have a few doozies of her that I hoard and enjoy in private Fortunately, she has many other good qualities so I can't resent her photogenicity too much.

Aziraphale

Veteran

The best I can offer is this: learn not to care.

Your friend (frenemy?) may be prettier than most. That doesn't make her better. The older I get, the more I realize that looks are minor and not strongly correlated with happiness. I mean, clearly looks count for something -- as Rachy says, we're visually oriented and we do judge people on how they look. Better-looking people are more likely to get the job and all that (I'm sure you've read the research). But all you need is to be pretty enough. Beyond that, looks are irrelevant.

rachylou

Veteran

Btw... were you really a model lyn? I find that really surprising because I can remember your face. Maybe they do something in the make-up chair? I mean obviously models are never ugly, but they seem to be very much, on-purpose forgettable faces. If that's the kind of photogenic we're talking about, I don't know. It's very very hard for me to register people with this look.

Sona

Veteran

Looks are so much genetic. I have 'light' skin that is prized by South Asians. My daughter asks me to get more sun so that I look more 'brown' like her!
Seriously bebe was not the cutest bebe when she was born and this troubled me: it was just the little down hair she was born with and the crazy mohawk that grew into the most glorious black hair. I realize now how trivial or even hurtful my thoughts were if she ever found out. I have the most stunningly beautiful, smart and accomplished child and she will always be that.

Looks are looks and let's embrace the good looking ones, the ones not so good looking, the skinnier, the short haired, the long tresses the more curvaceous. Only people with that perfect symmetry make it as models and it is such a random luck of the gene lottery. Really no one notices us in pictures as much as we do ourselves. We can all shine in pictures: maybe everyone can stand in the same pose or make funny faces or whatever.

Look at the world through your mother's lens: No other child can ever compare to hers. That is true beauty.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Thanks ladies, for your collective wisdom.

We hashed it out over lunch - we decided that we dont' really need to take pictures of each other (we really couldn't figure out how the picture taking thing started) in order to have fun - so we're making our outings all picture-less for now... except for one friend who has to Instagram all her food. :p

@Rachylou - for a few years they had a big poster of me outside of the medical hospital where I did my training and some patients asked me what "the girl from the poster" was doing treating them :p I guess I am memorable, I guess that's why it didn't ever amount to much!

Jules

Veteran

That's refreshing - there's so much "performing" and fronting going on in the age of fb, blogs, online dating, Instagram etc - "Look at me! I have friends! I'm a foodie! I bake my own uber-healthy bread from grains I grew myself for my super-cute kids! I know how to make sexy-face for my webcam!" - I quite like the idea of photo-free socializing and well, living!

MsMary

Veteran

Huh. If one likes to post photos on Facebook or elsewhere, does that automatically make one a big ol' bragger and fronter and self-promoter? And does it automatically mean that everybody else is invited to compare themselves to one in a competitive way?

I posted a ton of photos of my friends' visit last week because I was super excited about it, we had a blast and went to some fun places, and I was silly enough to think that some of my other friends might be happy for me and interested in the photos. I'd hate to think they're all snarking about it behind my back...

ETA: Coming back to say haters gonna hate and snarkers gonna snark. I love it when my friends post photos, and I am just going to assume those that don't enjoy mine will click on by. And if they do think I'm awful and braggy, that's not really any of my business. LOL

Jules

Veteran

Nah. I like online photos as much as the next person, and it's especially nice when I haven't seen people in a while. Even when it gets excessive, I get that it's a hobby/interest for some, and that's fine. But if a social group can identify that it's causing them more annoyance than pleasure for whatever reason, a photo break seems like a good solution.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think we all need to remember to put down the smartphones and cameras sometimes and just enjoy the moments as they are happening.

There are a ton of unflattering photos of me out in the world. If I fretted about being photographed alongside my good-looking friends, I would never let a camera be pointed in my direction.

Anonymous

I am the most non- photogenic person EVER. People sometimes are friggin shocked... I swear. Ah, I just don't bother about that anymore. I do get what you say though. I am guaranteed to be that " runner" lol. And, yes, there are a lot of awful pictures of me out there. I just don't care anymore.