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Hopeless - Help me!

mummy2thea

I am sorry to be moaning again, but I have had a really bad today. I went out feeling horrible today, due to having nothing to wear!! Yes the same old thing. A wardrobe full of things, most of which I hate, few of which I wear and fewer that I actually feel semi ok in.
So I fell back on the old faithful jeans and t-shirt, but with my new bag (at least that made me happy). Then I took my daughter to the mall and attempted to look for some new clothes, seriously though what is wrong with me?! I wander round not knowing what to buy, not really got time to try things on with Sothea whining in her pram. I left with nothing which is a common occurance and now I hear that we are invited to a birthday party this week and already I am freaking out about what to wear!
I feel totally hopeless. I see so many people really getting their style together on ylf and I wish I could be the same, but I am gradually concluding that I will always feel horrible in clothes. I know this probably all sounds pathetic but I don't really know what else to do.

General

21 replies

Latest reply was from Debbie

Louise

Veteran

(((hugs))) how awful you feel your wardrobe is horrible. All the outfits i've seen of you have been fab so please don't feel awful.
Do you have any outfits suitable for the party already which could perhaps be jazzed up with accessories? x

RoseandJoan

Veteran

M2T,I love your relaxed effortless style persona, I believe your style quotient has not increased as expected due to starting from a very high point!!!!

Please do not be hard on yourself, your life is going through such a period of flux, you are adjusting to life in a different culture, being a mum to a toddler and starting work after maternity leave.

I think you need a wardrobe sort out, separate the things you wear from your orphans, split these items further into categories and post on the forum. Some items may not be salvageable, some may need alteration, where as others may be hidden gems needing styled. I always feel better once I have taken control of the situation.

I have yet to find a solution to shopping with children, I research as much as I can on the internet to save time, but if the kids are not in the mood it always ends in a speedy retreat home.

Please give yourself some TLC, you are so beautiful!

Sending hugs from your homeland

Julie

fathenry

Veteran

Hi Mummy, Would you consider posting some of your outfit choices so we can see and help you? I think you would get some great ideas on how to combine things you already have from the gals here. They have been so helpful to me.

In any event, if you have a basic black dress and textured black tights, how about a new fun pair of shoes in a color to go with them? I know shoes are their own animal, but if you don't have fussy feet you may be able to jazz up a basic tights/dress with some fun new shoes (or handbag or necklace!)

Sincerely, Fathenry

sinead

I hope you're feeling better soon- I'm sending hugs.

I've also had the problem of needing everything, walking around shopping, buying nothing. For me, there is a sense of being overwhelmed when I shop and the only thing that helped was to keep focused on a few items- and MAKE myself buy something (returnable). Otherwise I'm in a constant state of looking for the perfect whatever, seldom finding it and having nothing to wear. Most people have the opposite problem, buying too much, but for a few of us, deciding what to buy out of a store full of clothes is difficult. And I agree with RoseandJoan, a closet clean out, where you get rid of anything you hate, will instantly make you feel better.

And... let's face it, shopping with a toddler is almost impossible. You've just got to go easy on yourself, this stage will pass. Could you find a babysitter for the next shopping outing- or do a trade with a mom? Also, going with a list of things I need can help me to stay focused.

One more thing- you already have killer style, a gorgeous face and body and some great basic pieces. Please give yourself some credit. I think you might be overwhelmed with all the changes and need to be really, really nice to yourself.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I eco the ladies! You came onto YLF looking great!

I’d like to dig a little deeper, though.

o What is it about your style that you feel is lacking?
o Would you like to wear more skirts and dresses?
o Do you feel like you don’t have an adequate work wardrobe?
o Has someone made you feel bad about your style?
o How do the people around you dress?
o Do you feel that your items are dated?
o Would you like to look trendier?

mummy2thea

Thanks to everyone for your comments. Angie to try and answer some of those questions. I rarely feel smart or stylish. I would like to wear more dresses but can't find styles Like or suit me. I do not have enough work clothes, but I hope to add a few more pieces specifically dresses for when it gets hotter. No one has intentionally made me feel bad about my style. There is a real variety of styles around me but the main thing I notice is that everyone seems to have loads of clothes, one person in particular I have never seen wear the same thing twice. My stuff never gets the chance to be dated as I normally stop wearing most things after a few months either because I no longer like it or because it seems stretched or out of shape. I tend to buy cheaper items because I don't trust my own judgement and don't want to waste money, and these things never seem to last very long. The graphic print long t shirt I got a few weeks ago already looks terribly out of shape and horrible! Clothes seem to be taking over my life, they effect my mood most days and often stop me from wanting to go out. To be more stylish would make me so much happier.

mummy2thea

My computer crashed so I actually wrote that about 2 hours ago. In the meantime I have taken Julie's advice and started a proper wardrobe clear out - no wonder I have got nothing to wear, by the time I have cleared out the too big stuff and realy hate stuff, there is barely anything left! I am too scared to throw out any mroe until I start filling in the spaces though!!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I'm only now starting to throw out all of the clothes which are too large for me, I used vacuum packs to store the clothes away in case I needed to dip into them.

I understand how overwhelming it is to have a very small wardrobe at your disposable. Please ignore other people's wardrobes. I understand you live in a wealthy country and people will often have vast closets, but a small wardrobe where all of the clothes are in rotation is a realistic goal.

Now you have begun clearing out your wardrobe are you noticing any obvious gaps?

Louise

Veteran

I remember maya or hanna i think say a work colleague said they always wore different outfits but actually it was the same pieces styled differently. I think this is great advice and try to follow this myself. You might find your collegues are just good at mixing and matching.
Even different tights, shoes, handbag or jewellery can make the same pieces look different.
I think the wardrobe sort out is a great idea and we're here if you need any help. Your wardrobe should only have pieces in which fit and which you love x

mummy2thea

Yes major gaps occuring, I can see why going out in the evening freaks me out so much, as apart from skinnie jeans or suit trousers that I wear to work, I do not own a pair of suitable trousers, and don't even get me started on tops (of any description). I have noticed that all the t-shirts which I think are too tatty came from one particular shop that I will nto be shopping in anymore. Other pieces that I have bought and fell out with quickly due to bad fit or just not liking are also all from the same place. So I think I need to re-think my shopping venues. Today I had to go and meet my husband, I didn't even bother doing the whole tantrum in front of the wardrobe. I just put on the only pair of jean I feel comfy in, thong sandals and t-shirt and away I went. Don't worry though I am not giving up yet, just trying a new strategy!!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

This is a really good post M2T - I can relate to everything you're saying, and also to what sinead was talking about.

You have just inspired me to get going on my own list of serious closet gaps. I find myself wandering around, trying to shop and not really finding the pieces that I really need. Consequently, I don't have the basics in order to even come up with an actual 'outfit', let alone accessories.

Angie's questions are very good, aren't they?

By the way, one thing that has helped me in the past when confronting the wardrobe issue, is this little list at the back of a book, "The Lucky Shopping Manual" by Kim France and Andrea Linett - there's a tiny, short list of guidelines to follow when deciding what to keep and what to toss. The most empowering question on that list is:

"Do I feel great when I wear it?"

This is something you need to ask when going through your clothes. And guess what? It's OK to say, "I don't even like this...." and put it into the giveaway, donate pile.

Which reminds me, I need to do this again - while also coming up with a list of needed pieces. I have a nice black casual sort of pencil skirt. Still hanging in the closet - nothing to wear it with. I have some neat chocolate brown suede boots - and once again, nothing to wear them with. I've *tried* to come up with some of the new Autumn Mom on the Go formulas, but am seriously missing the pieces. For instance, one of the formulas suggests graphic tee, new-look cardigan, skinny jeans and ballet flats. Well, I have the ballet flats and cardigan. (laughing at myself here!).

Meanwhile, I would like to recommend just going into all kinds of stores and trying stuff on. I did a little of this in advance of the big sales that were coming up last week, and it was a good thing I did this. One store I was planning on going to was having everything on-sale at 50% off. I went in the day before, when it was all quiet. Tried on all kinds of things, and didn't like a single thing in the store. Saved me a lot of time, hassle and disappointment, come sale day.

So, I guess we need to 'pre-screen' our closet, make lists, and then start pre-screening the stores.

Meanwhile - you are very beautiful, and I'm still in awe of that gorgeous champagne coloured dress you were posting about a few months ago. WOW.

mummy2thea

I think you are right and a lot of it is down to time and preparation, well at least for those who do not have that natural effortless sense of style anyway!! I didn't manage to finish my wardrobe clear out today, and I found myself putting a few things back (just to make it look fuller I suppose lol) but I do intend to finish and get a list of things that I really need. At least then I will have something to work towards. I have decided though that I do love jeans, and maybe thats ok for me as long as I vary the look and have some really nice tops, shoes etc to match. It doesn't really suit the summer climate here so in preparation for it heating up again I really must focus on dresses and light weight clothes for work.
I can't thank you all enough for your help and advice. I often have bad days like yesterday and its hard when you have no body to talk to, it is nice to have the ylf life line now!!

fathenry

Veteran

Great job on the closet clean out, now you can see what you really have to work with. A smaller wardrobe with pieces you really love is really a time saver, as you don't have to sort through all the things that don't work.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I’m glad you’re feeling a little better, M2T. Please know that you can always share your feelings here. No need to feel lonely or overwhelmed all by yourself.

It sounds like you’ve been making inferior and incorrect clothing choices if you’re sick of your stuff in a few months. This should really not be the case. So let’s start concentrating on making savvy wardrobe purchases right now! We’ll help you every step of the way :0).

The first thing that you need to consider is the weather. You live in hot Dubai so this means dresses and skirts most of the year. Does that make sense? How often can you actually wear jeans and what’s the dress code at work?

mummy2thea

Dresses and skirts make the most sense. I would not wear jeans to work so I will really only wear them at the weekends now. For work I need to meet clients and attend meetings so I need to be smart. I don't know where to look for nice dresses! Once I fidn a couple of styles I like I can easily get them copied at the tailors. I'm back at work this morning after a very long weekend, and I feel so tired, thankfull only 2 days of work and then another holiday whoop!!

fathenry

Veteran

Mummy, Where are you located? Are you in the US?

RoseandJoan

Veteran

There is no need to feel isolated with YLF at your disposal.

I'm glad you are feeling a little better and have the beginnings of a plan. Don't place too much pressure on yourself, rebuilding your wardrobe takes time and patience but is well worth the endeavor.

I buy a couple of new things each month so my progress has been slow, but it is still progress none the less.

Allow yourself time to shop, set your budget and remember to have some fun!

rute

Veteran

I would start to organize my closet and to give away the most unflattering items, don't keep them, give it to the poors, because in the morning it's better to have few flattering options than a ton of clothes that don't fit or that you don't like, you'll feel miserable each morning.
Than see what's left and start to add a few pieces starting with the basics: black classic pants, pencil skirt, a lovely day dress (or two). Dresses are great because you don't have to think much in outfits!

mummy2thea

sorry fathenry - to answer your question I am in Dubai UAE.

Christie

I think your style is clean-lined and classic. I've noticed that you always look effortlessly chic. Maybe you're comparing yourself to someone whose style isn't the same as your own?

Debbie

Veteran

I wrote a similar post a couple of months ago. I would wonder around the store and not buy a thing. I was so overwhelmed. One thing I did was narrow it down. I took my list and picked 3 things I wanted to focus on. It really helped. Granted if I found something that wasn't one of the three I bought it.

I have a long way to go but baby steps. Don't be too hard on yourself either. I think I was underminding myself by expecting the style I had neglected for years to reappear in a weekend.