Highlights of what I've learned here, and what are yours? - YouLookFab Forum

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Highlights of what I've learned here, and what are yours?

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Not in any particular order.
1. I'm not the only one who's hard to fit, or whose size isn't carried in a lot of stores. Doesn't help practically, but psychologically, yes, it helps.

2. I'm more visible than I think. I thought "daring" silhouettes made one stand out. Others spoke about color making you stand out. Well, I do wear patterns, and intense colors.

3. Buy for my real life, weather, activities. And don't buy for the same purpose if that niche is filled. Now I try to visualize myself wearing something before I purchase it. Am I wearing it? Where? -somewhere that is a part of my real life? Do I have the supporting pieces? Do I already own enough of that type of item?

4. The people here, from Angie and Inge to all of you. Amazing sharing, amazing bravery, amazing kindness.

I'm sure there's more, but for now...
Thank you, one and all. And Happy 2018.

General

23 replies

Latest reply was from Barbara Diane

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What a lovely post, Barbara Diane!

And such interesting insights. I agree, it was a complete revelation to me that others could be hard to fit. It ought to have been obvious...but somehow I always seemed to focus the most on my own fit challenges and imagine that others just sailed out of the stores with stuffed bags, feeling like a million bucks! Reading here about the variety of ways that things can go wrong and the attendant frustrations was also, for me, psychologically helpful. It helped even more when I found forum members who shared body type characteristics and they could point to specific brands or lines that had worked for them. It simplified my shopping by a lot!

Re visibility -- it seems we're all on some continuum. A sociable introvert, I never think twice about wearing bright colour -- though I do tend to like to balance it with neutrals, and while I adore Ms. Mary's outfits (for example), if I wore nothing but bright colour, I'd feel like I was in costume. The only aspect of pattern I worry about is scale -- if it is too big or too small it won't work on me, but I'm not at all concerned about a pattern's attracting attention. Yet for some forum friends, that colour or that pattern would feel like a big red flag, calling undue attention to themselves...we learn so much from hearing how others experience the world.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Thanks Suz! I imagined the same thing about everyone else's shopping, you've described it exactly. And I like the continuum idea. I also think place has a very big part in it. If you switch what women wear here in the suburbs to NYC, or visa versa, what would stand out would change.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

You're so right about that - -environment is key. The same is true for levels of formality or casualness in dress.

In terms of my own most important lessons from YLF -- I'd probably change what I say each year, but that's probably a good thing; it shows I'm growing and changing.

Anyway, this year I would say:

Building a working wardrobe and defining a personal style is a marathon, not a sprint. You get out what you put in. And it all takes time. Self-knowledge and honesty sounds easy but is actually really hard.
Buy for the life you actually live and the place you actually live.
Have fun with fashion!

Anonymous

Nodding along .....

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Suz, you're right. I used to think if I only got my wardrobe done....but it will be fine-tuned forever.
Thanks lisa p.

Joy

Veteran

I think the biggest thing I have learned is to appreciate and even love other's styles, even if I would never wear them.
One of my first important lessons is that one's style choices and wardrobe is constantly evolving, more of a journey, not a destination.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Excellent post. You have pulled out some of the most valuable lessons YLF has to teach. It's not you it's the clothes. Why do we think we need to conform to our clothing and not the other way around? A revelation.

anne

Veteran

I've got so much more insight into and empathy for people with different body challenges and different lifestyles.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Joy, that's so true about appreciating other's styles.
Shevia, I forgot that line about it being the clothes, not us. Thanks for the reminder.
Anne, me also.

Style Fan

Veteran

Great post Barbara Diane. I am learning all the time. Here are some of the things I have learned in no particular order.

1/ Your hair is part of your outfit. Really! Lightbulb moment. Now I dress with my hair in mind because it is attached to my head. That also helped me understand why certain styles appealed more to me than others.
2/ I am not the only one with fit challenges. Based on what I have read on the forum a lot of women have fit challenges.
3/ Bookending. This is related to #1.
4/ Personal style is always evolving. It makes a huge difference to write down goals, field notes (that is what I call them), shopping lists and plan.

Bijou

Veteran

I have learned so many things from participating on YLF - some of these are:
- To have fun with fashion
- There is a confidence and freedom that comes with age
- My style is not fixed, it should change over time
- To dress for my lifestyle and climate (big lesson here, how can I have so many coats, I live in Australia, not London)
- If I ever need a fascinator, Diana is my go to stylist
- The biggest lesson that I have learned is that the world is full of lots of generous, supportive beautiful women with great style.

Anonymous

My most profound realization is that wardrobe building is an ongoing process. Life changes. Wardrobe needs in response. Style choices change and evolve. I will never be "done."

This realization was profound because I thought if I really applied myself I could build the perfect wardrobe and be "done." I bought for the long game and found myself disillusioned when my style choices evolved. Now I see wardrobe building in a completely different light. This revelation was incredibly freeing to me.

kkards

Veteran

nodding along, especially with what Joy and shevia said...

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I dress people for a living, and everybody is hard to fit at some point. Even ramp models are hard to fit. Trust me. I've dressed them.

Barbara Diane, I'm grateful that you make this forum a nicer and kinder place.

Suz, wise words as always. In fact, wise words all round from everyone.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Style Fan, yes re: hair. Still a lifelong challenge for me. Just realized that like my wardrobe it won't ever be done.

Bijou, I need to remember the fun part. I have joy when I find a wild card or make a pleasing new outfit from my wardrobe, but I often shopping more of a job/task/responsibility. Time to consciously shift that. Thanks for the wake up call.
Still working on the confidence thing. Doesn't necessarily come with age.
Never really wanted a fascinator until I saw Diana's magic superpower.

Sterling, applies to so many areas of life, doesn't it?

Kkards, nodding along also, group wisdom here is so useful.

Angie, wow, everyone? That's even more than I imagined. Although not surprised by models as most clothing is not long enough.

Thank you for your kind words. I have gotten so much out of what you teach us, share with us, and have created here.

cindysmith

Veteran

I've branched out into new colors, partly because of menopause making me a bit insane (I've never been a pink kind of girl but I now have pink in my closet). I've also been inspired by what I see hear (olive, burgundy, thanks Angie LOL).

And I've definitely felt less alone when I read what people here say. I've read other people say that they just can't make cardigans work for them, I've seen people have a hard time finding clothes that fit, and I've seen great discussions on all sorts of psychological reasons for wearing what we wear. I love it here <3

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Cindysmith, I love the idea of adding an unexpected color-although for me, I usually don't like them as much as my usuals.
This is an amazing place, isn't it.

kerlyn

Veteran

Great post! I've learned so much in my 2 years here on the forum (even though I don't post photos, I'm an avid reader of the blog and forum).

I think my biggest take-away has been that It's always worth it to put a little effort into my appearance. I went through a bout of depression when my daughter was little, and I lived in yoga pants and oversized t-shirts. As I pulled myself out of that place, I realized the importance of putting on "real" pants ;), a bit of makeup, and even some accessories. To this day, I feel so much better when I put together an outfit (even just for days at home). I mean, dinner with my husband and daughter at home is a perfectly good reason to light a candle, put on some sparkly earrings and a pretty sweater, right?

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Kerlyn, I hear you with the whole mommy thing. While DS1and DS2 are older, I still don't get that dressed up for dinner, but caring again about how I looked was a big improvement. And I definitely am dressing better now. Looking put together and appropriate for what happens in my life was my original goal, and by in large, I have reached it. Hair and glasses still in process.

The Cat

Veteran

I've learnt that I (and anyone) can wear white bottoms.
I also enjoy what I've learned here about bookending.

In fact, I appreciate the COUNTLESS useful tips, great pictures, interesting articles, helpful advice, kind support and wise words that Angie, Inge and many forum members from various nations, age groups and backgrounds have provided. It has been inspiring and has broadened my horizon.

Gigi

Veteran

Haven't read everyone's responses yet, but I'm sure they're full of wisdom (as usual).

Important things I have learned:

. If I don't like a new trend when it first surfaces, I may well adjust to it and enjoy it later. So never say never!

. "Splitting wears" is an important concept to keep in mind when making new purchases. I have passed over a few items this year because I knew that purchasing said items would cause me not to wear other items already in my closet, and I had not yet tired of what was already in my closet (some of it had been bought last year at the end of the season, so I hadn't had much chance to wear it before the weather changed).

. Even elements of personal style that have been seemingly "set in stone" for years can change. Since I started building my wardrobe several years ago, I have always enjoyed high-contrast dressing. But the past few months, for the first time ever, I have really been drawn to low-contrast dressing. I was suprised that such a basic element of my style would change.

rachylou

Veteran

What a nice post!

One thing that comes to mind about what I’ve learned from YLF, that I don’t always mention, is how to shop. I used to just go out and buy cute stuff - and it’s rather amazing how that doesn’t produce a cohesive wardrobe with an outfit to wear every day, LOL. I consider a lot more than cuteness now, and I go to the shops less actually but trips are more productive.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

The Cat, yes, I too love having members from other countries, and various different parts of this country. It is quite easy to be U.S. focused living here. I also love the age range.

Gigi, splitting wears was a revelation for me. Even counting wears, especially in conjunction with how long the season is for a garment.

Rachylou, the concept of creating a cohesive and activity appropriate wardrobe really helped me too.