High tea for stepdaughter?

Sally B

Hi everyone my stepdaughter is getting married. She will have a hens night with her girlfriends. I am wondering if it would be okay to host a high tea at my home for her and a small group of women on my husband's side and mother of the groom. Or would it be better to just have a get together with her, husband to be and groom's parents a month or so before or just not do anything .... thoughts please?

6 years ago

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9 replies

Latest reply was from

Bijou

Veteran

This sounds like a nice idea. I would ask the bride if she would like you to host this informally before making any arrangements. The bride will have a lot to organise, so don’t be upset if she declines your kind offer. Weddings can get a bit overwhelming.

6 years ago

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

That sounds nice to me! I don't know her relationship with her mother, would be sad but not surprised if she feels she has to turn this down. I hope, though, that she will be ready to make her own choices and looks forward to a good relationship with you in the future.

My mother's friends usually held showers for each other's daughters (& maybe new daughters-in-law, but I'm not sure). Their etiquette was that throwing a party for your own daughter was not the thing to do, so someone else hosted.

I agree about brides being harried; if you do a get-together, you probably don't want to ask her for input.

6 years ago

The Cat

Veteran

Sounds like a nice idea. But why not ask the bride what she would prefer?

6 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Fashintern, I grew up with that as the rule, but it isn’t in effect anymore, at least in my circle.

6 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, I think that would be lovely! It could be any time from now until even after the wedding. I don’t suppose I come from people for whom the whole year before is filled with events such as this... and lol, I have to say, I can’t imagine anyone asking me ‘if’, only ‘when.’ In my tribe, you are expected to be an individual but not individualistic. Marriage and family are definitely not about you and more important. Lolol! *Sigh*. My fam greatly amuses me

6 years ago

cjh

(website)

Veteran

It sounds like a lovely party if the bride would like it. I agree that doing it as a bridal shower with gifts is not “correct” etiquette, no matter what some people do now. Not to be contentious, but I believe it’s still seen by many as a ploy for gifts and “greedy” if hosted by the mother, stepmother, or sister of bride or groom.

I see it as a matter of two outlooks. If hosted by mom or sisters, it comes across as, come to my party and bring my daughter some gifts. If hosted by friends, or even aunts, it comers across more as, let’s have a party to celebrate “bride” and bring her some sweet new things for her new home/family/life.

That is often why I’ll look at the gift registry for ideas but won’t follow it when choosing a gift. Call me old fashioned...

6 years ago

Sally B

Active Member

Thanks everyone for your input. It would only be a small gathering with no expectation from the bride to do anything and no gifts involved. I don't know if her mother is doing anything as we don't speak but I just thought an informal get together with my husband's side of the family ie a few nieces, aunties, sister in law would be nice.

6 years ago

The Cat

Veteran

Sally B, thanks for explaining more. And what a nice and thoughtful gesture from you to host such a party for your stepdaughter! I hope you'll really do it. I like the idea of an informal party with no expectations from the bride and no gifts. Having a good time with loved ones and creating happy memories is one of the best gifts anyone can ever give or receive.

6 years ago

Anonymous

Sure-why not? I'd ask her though first. She may be stressed about the wedding and want to do it after at some point.

6 years ago

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