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HELP: When health dictates your style, or not?

ModeGekkie

Hello there,
I had a style meltdown a couple of years ago. I am a petite pear with a size EU 40/ USA 10. I used to wear very tailored blazers/jackets with strong shoulder lines, high heels, cinched waisted dresses. All very womanly, you know? I was also 15 pounds lighter and 5 years younger. I was the brave girl who dressed for her body type. I followed the rules and I was comfortable in them because they fitted my style persona as well. BUT THEN my priorities on terms of clothes DID CHANGED DRASTICALLY after having serious health issues and also due to my recently acquired new rol as a mother. I could/can not longer dress the same:

orthotics (so no heels, no more)
NO to (most of) synthetic fibers,
NO more unnderwired bra's (due to health issues), some days no bra at all to avoid pain.
NO tailored items which restrain movement and caused pain
NO to shapewear
and so on and on...

So for me clothes HAVE TO BE COMFORTABLE. That is my number 1 priority.

I am still trying to develope an artistic/creative and modern style with bohemian chic touches. So my new staples are

soft to almost no tailoring in blazers
knitwear (in cotton and linen)
harem/pareo pants, joggers (even with my hugh thighs)
dresses (swing, balloon, empire, high waist , oversized)
only 1,5 to 2 inch heel in shoes for room for my orthotics

Has somebody experience something like this? For me it is still difficult to let go my old-me, if you know what I mean. Any comments, experiences, help are welcome.

Thanks a lot to take the time to read this long post!

Dressing

20 replies

Latest reply was from Inge

Peri

Veteran

I definitely can relate in the shoe issue as the board knows by now. I have such injured feet that I'm in running shoes with orthotics 99% of the time. This is not fab...it isn't even "okay"...but it's the only way I can function. And we have to live, right. I envy those who can choose their style on nothing but asthetics, but I just can't.

So, some things are never going to work for me. Skinnies, crops, cute casual dresses, rolled up boyfriend jeans...all on trend but not happening for me. I search high and low for full length bootcut or wide leg pants in summer materials and buy whatever I can find.

I was tempted to live in gym clothes so id at least match my shoes, but another blog addressed this issue in a way that helped me so much. She said dress the way that makes you happy from the ankles up, and the world will see a stylish woman with foot issues, rather than a woman who has given up. So that's what I try to do.

I'm sorry you are in such pain. It does seem like you have worked out some solutions, and all those type clothes can look really great. Yay for boho! And welcome.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Welcome! I am sorry to say I have no good advice or words of wisdom for you, but it certainly sounds like you are making the best of the situation as possible. Your strategy sounds like a good one, and I commend you for striving to be stylish even as you deal with these challenges.

I guess we all go through some form of the same thing, as far as letting go of old style personas and embracing our changing bodies and lives. But I understand this has happened rapidly for you, and I'm guessing you're still quite young too, so I imagine you're experiencing quite a sense of loss. Best wishes to you, and keep us posted on your continuing style journey!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I admire your tenacity in finding ways to adapt to what sounds like an exceptionally difficult situation. Your analysis makes a lot of sense. Angie always says to dress for the body you have now; often people take that to mean the "weight" you are now, but it can refer to other things as well. Many women live with various disabilities -- either temporarily or permanently -- that can change their style priorities. It's tough to let go of the old, but embracing what works brings its own pleasures and satisfactions.

As Janet says, most of us go through something similar when we change roles, body shapes, etc. but you have had to do this suddenly. That happens to others when they get ill or have an accident, too. One of our members, Kellygirl, is currently experimenting with "cast" style, because she has ruptured her achilles tendon.

I guess the one silver lining in this is that as a new mother, you would have wanted/ needed to dress more casually and comfortably, anyway, so your style would have undergone a change, regardless. Still, it must be very tough to give up the styles that made you feel most yourself.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I haven't had to make a drastic fashion change but since I'm someone who nearly always dresses casually and also wants to wear natural fibers and comfortable shoes, maybe I can offer at least some fashion insight on those things.

You mentioned soft blazers and that's something I have recent experience with. I've found that Caslon (available at Nordies) makes a wide range of very soft, cotton blazers and now linen ones as well. I own three of these and have a linen one on order (had to size up on the linen one as the first in my size seemed tight to me). They seem to fall in the $50-$80 price range.

I never wear shapewear and don't even like synthetics in my bras (but there are few choices in that regard so I do have to settle somewhat) but if bras are an issue, you could try layering with a cotton cami on your more relaxed days. I did recently find a cotton lined bra that I ordered from Bare Necessities so we'll see if that one works when I get it.

I find Merrell shoes great for simple summer flats that are comfy and slightly sporty. Clarks is the other brand I typically depend on, and sometimes Hush Puppies.

Try to make this a fun transition for yourself - look up boho looks on pinterest and polyvore. Freepeople and SundanceCatalog both seem to have a lot of options. And Peruvian Connection also has some very comfortable but stylish items.

Looking forward to following your new fashion journey.

Classically Casual

Veteran

I adored my high school English teacher & found him to be a wise man. One of the themes he mentioned to us often was the theme of mutability both in literature & in life. I think of mutability as the abilities to compromise, change & sometimes to let go. And these have universal application: relationships, careers, health, how we dress as we mature, etc., etc. And with just about every area there are multiple approaches we can adopt. Angie is a master of offering us many options with very few absolutes. I say dive in, try new styles that work for your unique situation & embrace the notion of finding the new perfect for you. You may find it very invigorating.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I too have no words of wisdom for your situation, but would like to congratulate you on not giving up on style and continuing to find things that work for you and your lifestyle! I guess I would definitely play with color, textures and patterns in your situation.

Carole

Veteran

Sounds like you have come to good terms with dressing for your body and the challenges you have. The style descriptors and wardrobe choices sound perfect and actually more fun than high heels and cinched waists. I have issues with painful bunions and footwear rules my fashion world, but the good news is that there are so many great and fashionable options out there. Following YLF has helped me find my way through the maze. Good luck and can't wait to see you along the way in your journey.

Isabel

Veteran

Congratulations for recognizing it and having a plan. That is so important. Try to look at it as a way to experiment with something new.

I have been there. In fact, I am still going through it. It has been very similar to your experience. I loved tailored clothing, especially jackets. I was a size 2-4 American and had been almost my entire life ( since teenage years ). I worked in the city in a booming, high tech industry. Then I had two children and logistically just didn't want to keep doing what I was doing. From my second pregnancy on, it was a mess. I had to be on a 6 month bedrest with my daughter...it was a very difficult delivery that hospitalized me. Then, in the middle of all this I some how ruptured discs that put pressure on my spine. No heels, no pocketbook, very easy clothes to pull on. I wore sneakers and hated every, single minute. I wore sweats alot ( I cannot believe I am posting that ). I gained weight, but eventually recovered and went back to my regular size. Then several years later, an artery burst in my stomach ( it was ugly ). Again, I couldn't exercise or carry anything including a bag for a long time. Then, soon after, it was discovered that I had breast cancer. During the treatments, I ballooned 35lbs in 3 months due to the treatments ( and some donuts ) and went to a size 10. Most of it in my belly. And all of a sudden not one piece of clothing fit. I couldn't wear tailored clothing or jackets because my belly was huge. It has gotten a little better. I mourned. Then one day, I decided to pack up all my clothes to donate. I posted about it here. I said "Good bye, you have served me well, go on and serve someone else." WIth the help of YLF, it became about dressing my body and trying new silhouettes. At first, it was tough. Then I stopped caring about the size label. I wanted things to fit. Angie recommended some jeans and they turned out to be fantastic. I bought a couple of blazer to fit my belly and had the top taken in to fit my chest. I got some really funky sneakers. Though I can do some low heels, now. I got some "flyaway" sweaters. I started wearing more color ( and it makes me happy ). I discovered ruching and draping. My clothes are so much more interesting now. I love accessories and my scarves, bracelets and necklaces still fit. But I was very sad about some favorite rings that no longer fit. MaryK said, " Go get them sized ! " So I did. I had some familiar things to wear. I started playing with make up. And my nails. I got some nicer pocket books. I don't know if I will ever lose the weight. And I don't care anymore. But it has been a long process. In the meantime, more and more people are starting to say that I look good. ( Before, when I tried to squeeze into my t shirts and tailored blazers , I would get asked if I was pregnant !!!! YIKES ).

Experiment. Buy a couple of inexpensive things and see if you like them. Wear them a few times. Once is just not enough to get a feeling for fit. You will get there. After you mourn the "old you" , you will celebrate the new you and realize that your body is not "you" and the best thing that you can do for that body is give the agility and freedom to do it's job, no matter what shape it is in. Dress it with respect.....

You thought your post was long ? !

Good luck, my friend.

Beth Ann

Veteran

You've had some thoughtful replies already from people who have experienced similar medical issues. Outside of dealing with lifelong weight issues, I've been fortunate. I did want to pop in and say that we are in a great moment in fashion when it comes to meeting your needs --- more ease, drape and slouch means more comfort!

We have several YLF members in Northern Europe who might be able to give you suggestions regarding webstores and clothing lines. Inge, Astrid, Jane and Ingunn come to mind.

Have you seen some of the drapey tops and the Eileen fisher sleeveless dress in the YLF store? These might fit you well!

rachylou

Veteran

Well, let's see. There was my post-surgery wardrobe - had to be easy to put on and not be squeezy near the incision (ended up being sweater dresses, wrap dresses, and tunic dresses). And then there's also the fact that I became Type 1 diabetic at the age of 36 - which means I have to accommodate an insulin pump with tubing wire (which has to be accessible and prevented from falling) or have a way to get under my clothes for insulin injections with a regular syringe. Needless to say, I wear dresses less often and rarely tuck. Although, of course, there was the time of the surgery wardrobe where I spent day after day whipping my insulin pump in and out of my bra. It's a classy move ;> Haha.

Actually, in many ways limitations spark creativity. You get more fashionable because you don't just leave it at looking nice. Now it has to work for you.

Diana

Veteran

I totally get this. My always fussy feet have gotten worse over the years, and I find certain types of constricting clothing impossible. Specifically, things that are tight around the rib cage or neck have been giving me mild panic attacks recently.

I've never worn shape wear. I'm afraid of it.

Anyway, I think my style is sort of the arty, creative style you're talking about, if you want to give my outfits a look.

ModeGekkie

wow, thank you all for your stories which I can relate to, your tips which can make my life easier, your supportive comments which also make life more beautiful and your wisedom. I mean I am really, really thankfull for your warmth.

Also good luck to you gals in your path to express yourselves through clothes!!!!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sorry to jump in late, but another welcome from me. I'm sure we can help you find dressing solutions one step at a time.

It sounds like Eileen Fisher is a good brand to target for your style needs. Loose, natural fibres and very arty.

Trishalee

My job requires me to be on my feet and the older I get the harder it is to wear any sort of stylish shoe (I wear running shoes at work). I have found that the brand Earthies with the built in orthotic work well for me and add some style. I love ballet flats but they don't love me. I have found that if I go up half a size and add a shoe insert or orthotic that buys me several hours of wear before my feet start to hurt.

Just a tip.....Earthies tend to be pricey. Shoebuy.com often has them for 30% off.

DonnaF

Veteran

Welcome! Barkingdogshoes.com specializes in reviews of shoes for fussy feet, and she specifies what type of fussiness. Many/most are not exactly what one would call fashion forward, but they also help to sort out what would not work. I have no idea which brands are sold in Europe, much less the Netherlands.

For what it's worth, comfortable is good. Note: I didn't say sloppy. But life is too short not to be comfortable!

Elly

Veteran

I've been there. At the age of 20 I was diagnosed with a heart and nervous system condition that really turned my life upside down. At that point I'd been seriously ill for 2+ years and no one could figure out what was going on. My doc recommended I quit vigorous exercise and although I didn't gain much weight my body composition changed a lot and many of my clothes no longer fit. I was also in an abusive relationship at the time and was on a really tight budget and had very little energy. Needless to say my wardrobe and personal appearance were a mess.

After diagnosis was very hard as well. It took almost two years to get a lot of my more serious symptoms under control (chest pain, passing out, not being able to walk across a parking lot). I also went into the beggining stages of heart failure during that time which was difficult because I gained 20 pounds pretty much overnight (I lost it once we got things under control) but it was pretty much like having all 20 pounds added to my waist and tummy.

I was having a lot of abdominal swelling and issues with digestion and having issues with chest pain and pressure, which really made me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't stand to wear bras or anything with a waistband. Sometimes just clothing was uncomfortable on my skin. I also had a lot of nerve pain because of the nervous system issue and poor circulation from the heart problems. I developed sweating issues, temp regulation issues, and autoimmune exzcema. At one point I only would wear long sleeves because I looked like a junky between blood tests and the exzcema that would develop at each injury site, which made me look like I was "picking". I lost a lot of hair and developed adult acne. I often had to wear a heart rate monitor under my bras and clothes or a monitor with stick on electrodes.

During all of this I was trying to move into the career I had been training for. I didn't feel like myself or feel pretty. Many of my favorite features were significantly compromised and others were showing the neglect to my appearance during this time. A lot of the clothes I had bought during these years were oversized or overly casual and looked like I was hiding in them. I wore a lot of muted colors and a lot of black. Even after being able to exercise I still can't hit it like I used to and I don't fit into my clothes from prior to getting ill.

When I was first diagnosed and becoming aware of all the little things that went along with the illness I thought I was going to have to completely limit my style and my life to compensate. And on a temporary basis I did change my style and while in "crisis mode" I did have to.

Now I've been diagnosed for 4+ years. Finally in the last year or so my docs and I have been able to get a better handle on many of my major symptoms. Many of the smaller things still plague me, and I am not able to do as much as I was before. However, as many of the major scary things got better controlled the other symptoms lessened as my body was put under less strain. Others I still have to deal with. IDK what your health issues are, but unless it is something that is rapidly progressive I do hope your able to advocate for yourself to help get the treatment you need to help manage your condition. If this is the case I would encourage you-- it may take awhile but things get better and as both you and your body adjust to this over time and get better treatment you may find yourself going back to some things or an adaptation of some things you now think are off-limits.

I for one am now able to wear some shoes without orthotics because orthotics have helped strengthen my feet with a couple years of wear and some PT, and also because there are a lot of fabulous supportive shoes out there now. Not that I wear 4 inch pumps, but there are lots of good options. Once I got my oxygen supply issues taken care of my nerve pain lessened considerably and I have less issues with swelling and rapid weight change/bloating.

That said, I still dress for comfort and practicality. I still battle with enough effects of my illness and taxes on my time and energy levels that I can't be made horrendously uncomfortable by my clothing. I stick almost entirely to natural fabrics that breathe, wear sturdy stable non-slip shoes with no or low heels, and refuse to wear things that overly restrict my movement. I often have days I can't wear a snug waistband, and days that I can't stand to wear my real bra and days I sweat through my clothes--- but it isn't all the time like it was when I was first diagnosed and thought I was never going to be able to wear what I wanted again. I often have freezing feet and loose circulation in my limbs and have to wear extra layers or compression garments to help with circulation. However, I've found a lot of things I originally wrote off are things I can wear now, especially on a good day. I look for comfortable versions of my favorites and add a few items that are stylish but have more ease for those bad days. Soft cotton blouses are great for hiding a bad bra or no bra with a cami underneath. Dresses and skirts with soft waistbands are good for days where jeans hurt. Soft pants give lots of options, and so do BF jeans that are worn lower on the hips and looser. Oxfords and fashion sneakers can be great for orthotics, as can boots.

I'm putting my style back together and I want to look good. I got a new hairstyle, try to keep it up, have new glasses frames that are young stylish and fun and a good color for me, have gotten back to wearing makeup and it helps alot. Luckily right now there are a lot of style options that don't necessarily need a pencil skirt and heels and skinny jeans. Oversize and drapey is in and the forum is becoming a good resource on how to pull it off on a more curvy figure.

I think being a new mother in addition to the health issues is like a double whamy, and part of feeling like your style is gone is part of the transition to a more practical style for dealing with babies and toddlers and possibly a more casual style as a mom, which is a transtion that dressier professionals with bombshell type figures tend to struggle with anyway.

ModeGekkie

THANKS EVERYBODY AGAIN!
I have been checking out the tips you gave me:

Eileen Fisher and Peruvian Connection are just so gorgeous, but far too above my budget. I will be waiting till sales.
Free People: they have some things I like and Sundance I do have to look again.
Shoes: I knew about Earthies and I LOVE THEM, but the high shipping fees, plus 30$ for returning them, I do have to think about it. There are only a few models available here and in black. I find black shoes too boring. I will stick to Wolky and Gabor (not so expensive) and maybe try Earthies on sale to see which size fits my feet.
I've just found a couple of brands in Europe that are my cup of tea: Sarah Pacini, Humanoid and Nümph. If you are in Europe, and look for something edgy and casual and have this budget, they are really nice. I will look for 2nd hand items on the internet and will wait till they are on sale. For basics (cami's and T-shirts) just H&M concious and other brands with organic cotton and linnen.
Bare Necessities: BIG THANKS fot this one because the last bra that I can wear was from Anita comfort and it was like €55.-, so way too much for me.

Jackets and blazers will sew myself, my neck and shoulders are way too fussy. So I will make a couple in linnen but without collar.

Your support has been AMAZING! I will posting my progress and new purchases/ discoveries. Maybe I can also help somebody with my style journey.

You will hear from me soon...

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bj1111

Veteran

Modegekkie, you look FAB!

Adelfa

Veteran

Yes, you look fab and stylish, not at all like someone who is making a lot of adaptations or compromises. I have been fairly fortunate with my health but your story has touched me very much, along with the responses, and I can't wait to watch you have fun with clothing the body you have now!

Inge

(website)

You look wonderful, ModeGekkie, and such fab suggestions from the other ladies.

I'd like to add that Zara and Massimo Dutti are definitely worth checking out right now. They have a lot of linen and linen blend tops in interesting silhouettes and/or with interesting details and great colours that could work for your fashion persona. WE Fashion regularly has nice basics for a good price. Have you ever tried Camper footwear? Also a bit more expensive, but their shoes are usually very comfy.