Help me dress my boyfriend - YouLookFab Forum

Sal

Oh this is a tricky one.....I could suggest maybe not trying to change him if he really likes being casual.....? But I do agree it is good to pick and choose the occasion.

However something along the lines of how attractive he is when he dresses up and how much you like it may work?

11 years ago

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I would suggest buying clothes for him for gifts and then letting him know how great he looks in them. I also tried pointing out items on others and then relating it to my partner. Example, those pants are so nice. I think they would look really nice on you.

Positive reinforcement works on kids and pets too. LOL

ETA: He is a very attractive guy. Don't try to change him too much.

11 years ago

Deb

Veteran

He is a cutie and would scrub up well! Sometimes you need to let them know you expect a bit more and it means a lot to you. Some men NEED to be taken shopping as they have no idea. Style doesn't come naturally to lots of people. Have a fun day or two out, take him to some hip young menswear stores and style him. Staff in these stores are generally helpful hipsters. Or scan some menswear websites with him. I've always considered it important to teach my sons to dress well and it does make a difference. Young men look great in nice denim jeans, chinos, plaid, patterned and denim shirts, tees, modern shorts, perhaps denim or cotton but not cargo, knits, smart hoodies and jackets, Vans, leather booties, there is so much out there. Save the casual stuff he owns for casual days at home, park, beach or whatever. You don't want to change him, just guide him. He needs appropriate clothes for going out though and to show respect for occasions. Be sure to nourish him with compliments when he does look good. Good luck!

11 years ago

Anonymous

Convince him that ball caps are not appropriate worn indoors.

11 years ago

Joana

Active Member

Handsome young man! I can not convince my SO that out there exist other shoes than: 1. sneakers (specific kind), 2. dress shoes (wear with suit), 3. winter shoes. That's all, but I ques that's a lot more than flip flops, I must stop bugging the poor guy He has some very strong beliefs (not always true) about clothes and styling, and it is hard to convince him otherwise. So I could use some advice too. The one thing for sure - hard pushing never does the trick

11 years ago

abc

Veteran

There has to be a way that he doesn't feel that it's being forced on him. Ask him how he feels in those clothes and see how he reacts when you suggest he dress differently/better. Maybe he doesn't realize the image he's giving off and will be more interested once he knows people may view him as ___. Has he taken any notice in your interest in fashion/dressing well? There are ways to talk about it without being so direct. I would suggest small steps, you probably aren't going to make him over overnight. So think about what could have big impact - maybe a nice pair of modern jeans or a pair of spiffy shoes? Just throwing ideas out there. Good luck.

11 years ago

Elly

Veteran

The shoeless thing would be a problem for me. I would explain that that is one common way to get worms, especially if he ever walks in areas where animals have been.

Other than that I would be hard-pressed to try and change a man-- most men really don't appreciate it. A few nice gifts (with really comfy fab fabrics) might be the way to go.

When I first met my man friend he was wearing jeans that were at least 10 years old and not the right length, loved cargo shorts and flip flops. Nowdays he wears nicer pants, but still does the cargo shorts, and we've upgraded to a really nice pair of flip flops that don't make the awful noise. He has nice feet and he would probably stop wearing them if I showed him video of how he looks running in them, but I like him to much to make him uncomfortable.

11 years ago

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

It never works to try to change anyone. Instead, give him reasons to want to change: you. Why don't you dress up to the nines a few times when you go out. When he sees the attention you get, maybe that will kick in his instincts to buff up his feathers a bit. But even if he doesn't, you picked him for other reasons. Stay focused on those reasons and what you like about him-happiness is mostly about deciding what's important and running with it.

11 years ago

LadyLilac

Active Member

Lots of wisdom in the above replies about taking care in how you go about "changing" your man. It sounds like it might be helpful to explain to him about how dress communicates respect to others, especially at events ( e.g. dinner parties). I agree about starting small, maybe with some nicer dark denim and/or khaki pants/chinos.

Fit is key, as it's easy for non-large men to look overwhelmed in larger sizes, which just looks worse. I've noticed some men will not wear shirts in a "small" size because they don't like being called "small," but sometimes it's necessary to go down in size in order to achieve a more fitted, a.k.a put-together look.

I would recommend these websites for ideas and inspiration. Both are geared toward helping men begin to build more mature, adult-appropriate wardrobes. I ran across them when I also began to work on my husband's wardrobe, which is still a work in progress!

http://dappered.com/tag/1500-wardrobe/

http://www.primermagazine.com/

11 years ago

N-Marie

Veteran

I agree with what everyone say here- unsolicited advice is very tricky and not always welcome. Make sure you pick your battles well.
Lady Lilac, thanks for the links- it's difficult to find good advice for men's fashion that is not too "out there" or too GQ.

11 years ago

katemmcoy

Active Member

thanks guys! I'm gonna look into some of those sites and try encouraging him to dress better.

by the way, am I the only one who thinks he was very underdressed for this dinner? It was a casual dinner, but still. Shorts? I complained about him being barefoot but he told me he was only barefoot cause the host didnt allow shoes inside, and he came in flip flops. that's true, but don't you think he looks sloppy with bare feet?

11 years ago

Elly

Veteran

Idk, really hard to tell unless you knew what others were wearing to the party. He mostly looks very confused--- no shoes inside but a ball cap? Warm-looking hoodie with shorts? His feet look like they hurt (injuries on the toes).

11 years ago

Tina

Veteran

Do you have any stylish male friends who might be able to throw some hints? Agreeing with the others, buy gifts and then praise him when he tries them on (hopefully it fits and you actually like it!). Maybe start with the low end of casual, bottoms need to have pant legs and maybe try a 'cool' version of boater shoes.
I'm guessing that he's known for always dressing that way so your hosts may not have expected anything more. However, yes, I think he's underdressed for the occasion. Doesn't he notice he's the only one dressed that way? Use that as a starting point for next time?!

11 years ago

rabbit

Veteran

Echoing the others that I wouldn't try to change him, but maybe encourage him to think about clothes as part of the process of getting ready for special occasions, IF the way he dresses stands out at the event and might possibly seem unintentionally disrespectful to the hosts. For example, dinner party with parents/an older generation yes, dinner party with casual friends of your age, maybe don't worry about it.

I'm kind of laughing because I just realized I know someone who dresses the exact same way down to the bare feet indoors when he's hanging out at home or with friends or family (and is a little older) but is very well educated and respected in his field, he's just focused on other things and that's how all his friends dressed in college, so why would he change? He wears snazzy outfits when he needs to for work or weddings, otherwise he's good.

Otherwise, positive reinforcement -- buy clothing as gifts for him, tell him he looks great in certain colors, styles, etc. and see if likes the gifts and compliments, or not. If not, I'd drop it.

11 years ago

katemmcoy

Active Member

Well the others were in jeans and dress shirts, or polos. it wasn't a formal event. He was the only one in shorts and barefoot though. everyone else had socks and pants.

this might seem silly but I'm just turned off by the bare feet thing...I just really hate feet and he goes barefoot all the time. he tells me it's a comfort thing. is there any way to get him to wear socks more often?
and yea, he injured his toe recently

11 years ago

tulle

Veteran

Do you know the source of his aversion to grown-up dressing? Is it fear of looking stupid? frugality? dedication to comfort? All the above? I suggest baby steps that address these issues. For example, you toss him a bag with a good-looking shirt in it, saying nonchalantly, "There was a huge sale at J. Crew, and this shirt was 70% off! You always look so great in stripes, and the guy at the counter said it's incredibly comfortable, so I thought I'd get it for you." (I've noticed that young men seem to be less frightened of J. Crew than most other clothing shops, maybe because they carry slightly slicker versions of their old favorites.) Once he has a few nice things, he'll probably want more, and may even give some thought to what he should wear, but don't expect him ever to enjoy shopping or talking much about clothes. Luckily, as others have pointed out, he's awfully cute as is.

11 years ago

katemmcoy

Active Member

It's a comfort thing. He hates pants and socks. Maybe I should just let him be...I dunno, it's a turn off though.

11 years ago

Kim

Veteran

How would you like him to approach you about changing something that's bugging him? I agree with the positive encouragement, and buying him a few nice things, but that's where I'd let it go after that, if he didn't respond to it. Perhaps he LIKES what he's wearing.

I'm actually one who thinks that if I want to dress exactly the way I want, then I have to let him dress the way he wants. It's not like he suddenly changed and started wearing shorts and flips flops after you'd been together for a while, is it?

The way he dresses is no reflection on you. You do you, and let him do him.

But that's my way of thinking after being married for 30 years! LOL It's not worth fighting over. Really.

11 years ago

labelzilla

Active Member

Does he want to improve? Has he mentioned not liking shopping or not being sure what's appropriate in certain cases? You'll get the best results if he thinks it's his idea (or if it actually is).

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with what he's wearing EXCEPT it's totally wrong for the occasion.

You might start by offering to pick stuff up for him, things he knows he needs or things that are wearing out. I often frame it as "I enjoy shopping and you don't so let me make it easy". After years of suspicion and slow trust building my husband will let me buy him stuff if I mention it beforehand, take care if it without his input (or with minor questions about color), do it for him, return it if necessary, and assure him multiple times it's OK if he doesn't like/want it for any reason, no matter how small. For this to work it really has to be a favor and not pushy.

It's hard!

11 years ago

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Did you tell him that this is a turn off for you? If he cares about you that should get his attention and then you can carefully ease him into proper dressing - one thing at a time starting with feet

11 years ago

katemmcoy

Active Member

Thanks for the thoughtful replies...

but yes, he likes what he wears. He's always worn this kinda clothes, and we've been together for about a year. I just feel he should make some changes if his girlfriend really wants to. is that selfish? he doesn't tell me how to dress, but I know I have style lol

he knows it turns me off. at that dirty party I specifically asked him "can you please not go barefoot?" The host did make him take off his flip flops (they have a no shoes rule), but I brought socks for him to wear, and he refused because he hates wearing socks. Am I the only one who'd be bothered by this?

11 years ago

Elly

Veteran

What does he do for a living that he can get away with never wearing shoes and socks?

11 years ago

katemmcoy

Active Member

oh he wears shoes and socks to work (he works in an office), and in the winter when he goes outside. but from like May til October he's in flip flops if he's not at work. and at home he's always barefoot...it bothers me.

11 years ago

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

You definitely have a bit of a dilemma here. I sympathize with your wish to have him up his game, and don't think I have much advice to contribute that hasn't been stated more eloquently above. What I can offer, though, is another great website on men's style. It's written by a guy who seems really down-to-earth and specifically talks quite often about upgrading a guy's wardrobe from the ratty college stuff. Maybe you'll find some inspiration there:
http://www.effortlessgent.com

11 years ago

katemmcoy

Active Member

thanks Michelle, I'm gonna show him that site.

11 years ago

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