Everyone has replied with some outrageously great advice. Can't add anything but the steely glare option when a less than kind comment is made...Jackie O used this technique quite often I read...really just put people in their place without a word.
Know that we're here to support you and think you are wonderful. Anyway, if you just can't get out of this soiree, might you be able to go out and get yourself something fabulous that you have been wanting for a while and putting off getting?
(Short of that, perhaps we can get some dashing young handsome Special Ops team members to come in and rescue you at the preciously the right moment that will daze your auntie and sis beyond words. I know that this can be done...just got to find that secret cell phone number to The Prez ).