Help for the Holidays-book recommendation

I was working as an SA in an independent bookstore when I got married. While unpacking the seasonal merch I discovered the book ‘Unplugging the Christmas Machine.’ The book motivated me to discuss with my new DH how we wanted to spend our holiday time and break it to our parents that we would NOT be spending it with any of them. At some point in time I gave my original copy to someone who needed it, and procured a new one. When things get a bit crazy, I pull it out for a read.

The biggest take-away for me was what people want most is time with loved ones, but with all the time and effort required to be the ‘Christmas Fairy’, we spend the least amount of time with the people important to us during the 6 weeks around the holiday. DH and I took steps to curtail our social engagements in order to spend time doing simple things with each other and the kids.

The book isn’t about eschewing the holiday pageantry and traditions, but rather how to zero in on what is important to you and the ones you love, and edit out the superfluous. You are encouraged to identify your longings , be realistic about those longings, and create a holiday that gives you joy and satisfaction.

I just pulled out the book for a read, since I feel a few tweaks are in order to reconcile holiday activities with the life DH and I lead now.

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4 years ago

Kate

Veteran

Thanks, Carla! Great recommendation.

Style Fan

Thanks, Carla. I will check it out.

Helena

Love that Carla ... Thanks for sharing it!

Janet

(website)

Oh, that sounds like something I’d like to read.

My husband and I spent so many years driving 6+ hours on Christmas Day to get the boys and bring them to our home, because his ex refused to share the travel time and she got to have the boys for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. And our Christmas Eve was spent with my mom. For years the holidays felt stretched thin and were stressful.

We have adjusted as times change, and we discovered we really love traveling at the holidays. I feel like we need to take advantage of this phase of life (pre-grandchildren) as much as possible because once there are grandkids, we will want to be wherever the kids are.

rachylou

Oh, what a lovely exercise! I shall think about it and look for the book

Jules

Great concept - I have a couple of purported Christmas haters in my life and I’ve tried to demonstrate that Christmas can be what we make it. Scale down, keep only the traditions you like, etc. Asking do you actually hate good food and family time (they don’t) or what is it exactly you dislike so we can tweak it or ignore it? We are fortunate though that there aren’t a ton of unreasonable family or financial expectations on us, so most of it *is* under our control.

Anonymous

I’m not familiar with this book , but you can bet I’ll be looking for it next week !

L'Abeille

I remember reading that book eons ago.

Our first two Christmases with children, we spent it with both sets of grandparents. It is doable if they live less than three hours apart and if you don't mind driving through the night with kids on Christmas Eve to make it happen... It was actually a relief when we then spent 8 years in South Africa and had no choice but to develop our own nuclear-family celebration and traditions.

nemosmom

Sounds like a perfect read and reminder this time of year. Thank you for sharing!

Looks like a great read! I've never understood why the holidays have to be so hyperactive. It's so counter to the cycles of nature, the dark low energy time (in the northern hemisphere). There's so much pressure to spend this time shopping and socializing, or to spend hours travelling to visit far away relatives. I'm torn between FOMO, and "meh, I'd rather hibernate and catch up in June." ATM it's hibernate mode!

elpgal

I wish we had the discussion at the beginning of our marriage. We finally established boundaries after my son was born and refuse to travel for Thanksgiving, Christmas or the new year. It’s glorious!

RobinF

Very interesting! I'll have to check it out.

Suz

What a terrific idea and reminder. Great suggestion.

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