I've been a bit scarce on the forum in the last few days. The holidays are busy, of course, and we're traveling, so there are everyday reasons for that. Going to the in-laws is also a bit stressful under any circumstances. They're lovely people, but quite particular and high-maintenance.

However, this Christmas my heart is especially heavy.

My SIL has been diagnosed, at 49, with Alzheimers. As I look back on it, the signs were there a year ago, but now, while her lovely smile and infectious laughter are intact, her ability to find words is severely impaired, and she is scared and easily confused. She is not believing her diagnosis at the moment, and hopes that she is just suffering the effects of severe depression. Two neurologists have been unequivocal.

I went shopping with her today, and she said that shopping was difficult --- at least I was able to help her select some things that make her happy. We also sat at the piano while I played and we sang together, which was great.

In years past, I've struggled with being the "fat" one when I'm with my husband's family. They are all tiny people. My DH, at 5'10" and 170lbs is by far the largest in his family. They're gracious to me always, but they have commented negatively on the size of others and judgement seems to be just below the surface. Packing for a visit always involved choosing clothing like a Knight chooses armor. This new suffering puts all of that in perspective. It's time to put all those minor things aside and exercise compassion and grace.

While she has difficulty with daily tasks, my SIL remembered that I love vanilla scents, and purchased a fragrance for me. She remembered that I loved red and purchased some red blingy earrings as well. I'll work these in to the holiday capsule outfits I've brought with me. And I'll try to make some good memories.