Have you ever found yourself totally lost, fashion persona-wise? - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing

Have you ever found yourself totally lost, fashion persona-wise?

Tricia

Veteran

That's where I am right now. I came to YLF after a few years of back-to-back pregnancies and being an exhausted working mom - so my "style" was maternity clothes and then plain, boring black pant and twinsets. I think I've gotten so much better since then, but I find lately that I'm kind of floundering trying to find my look. I feel like I want to dress less and less conservatively and more and more creatively, but I worry that I'm getting too old for it. I need to find a way to figure out what I really want to look like and balance it with my actual lifestyle. But how does one do that? Anyone been there?

Dressing

26 replies

Latest reply was from Lisa

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Yep! I'm actually trying to be a bit more conservative as I'm getting older. But I find myself in a warmer climate that lends towards both less clothing and more casual clothing. The stars are aligning against me fashion wise!! I also don't feel I have one true style but rather like so many differing styles that my wardrobe doesn't play well with each other! I have clothes I love in theory that never get worn because they don't fit my lifestyle. I'm on a learning mission here and keep soaking in what I can. Posting tons of questionable outfits and asking for help has been very helpful for me. It's a journey . . .

Late Bloomer

(website)

"I want to dress less and less conservatively and more and more creatively," What do you mean by less conservatively? I suspect what you have in mind is fine for any age.

I believe that the same standards apply as to what is appropriate to anyone from around 30 - 100. Everyone needs to consider what works best for their body shape and the activity they are involved in. I don't know where the idea got started that you have to change how you dress the year you turn 40 or 60.

And of course we are never too old to be creative.

Mo, I am struggling with the same problem. I am sooo ready for layering and boots, etc. But it's going to be 88 tomorrow and 89 the next day.

Tricia

Veteran

When I say less conservatively, I don't mean more provocative, like shorter skirts, etc. I look at Wardrobe Remix a lot, and I find that I like some of the more retro/vintage-inspired looks and some of the funkier looks, including some things like colored tights that I know give Angie heart failure. I like clunky/funky shoes like Fluevogs and big boots. I mentioned in another thread that I love the way Audi from Fashion for Nerds dresses (geekthreads.blogspot.com). That kind of thing. But then I also have to look appropriate for work (not a very formal environment, but not a very creative one either) and for being the mom of two kids under 5.

Maya

Veteran

Late Bloomer, the idea that you have to change how you dress as you age is quite common throughout YLF. I don't completely subscribe to the idea either, but you and I are in the minority. Just letting you know so there are no surprises.

Tricia, I have no advice regarding the age component, but finding your fashion persona is a neverending process. I have found a style that I have settled into for now, but I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago and I won't be the same person I am now in another 10 years. My style will change and adapt to reflect that. Even now I'm feeling bored and rutted and ready for change. Very few people probably dress the same way throughout their entire lives. That's why style is something that requires maintenance. There is no such thing as being "finished." Finding your creative side will just be one of many style journeys you take. The key, as always, is to have fun!

Late Bloomer

(website)

Tricia, That's what I thought you meant. I find my comfort level holds me back more than my age. It helps me to add just one item that that I love and that I know most women there wouldn't wear. Examples would be my new oxfords (very NOT old lady!) and blue, blue wedges. I think you will gradually find you can be pretty creative while keeping within the dress code for your job. Then of course you can have a ball trying new things away from work. And as Maya said personal style is always an evolving thing.

The sad truth is that the reason most of us may stand out has nothing to do with being edgy or even wearing the latest fashion. It's just that so many people just don't care about how they dress at all whether for work or a concert. So there we are standing out just because we put a little effort into what we wore.

Angie, it would be fun to hear how you would envision women changing the way they dress as they age.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Tricia, your feelings are very, very common - and the main reason I have a job!

I actually think that its a blessing to feel the way you do because it forces us to re-evaluate our own style. Style journeys are on going. This is good! They evolve each time we gain self-knowledge - which is a liberating and empowering process. The tricky part is finding style solutions amidst the flux and uncertainty - at least temporarily. Remind me how old you are, Tricia?

Late bloomer, I don't think you have to change the way you dress at 40 or 60. I turned 40 this year and did not change a thing. My 50 and 60 plus year old clientele are by far the most sassy and stylish of all my clients. And on this forum the 50 plus year olds are often more fashion forward than the younger gals! I constantly encourage everyone to try trends - as I assist with managing the effective execution of them.

Basically, I'm trying to prevent a 40 plus year old lass from dressing like their 16 year old baby sitter. That's a good thing for many reasons

Late Bloomer

(website)

"My 50 and 60 plus year old clientele are by far the most sassy and stylish of all my clients".

Oh Angie, I love hearing that! Of course we are the generation that rebelled in what we wore back in the 60s. Maybe we over compensated for the uptight 50s but it really opened things up fashion wise.

Tricia

Veteran

Angie, I just turned 34.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

You're a spring chicken! As long as you don't dress like your sitter - you're fine

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'll also forgot to say Tricia, that your last set of outfits with the new oxfords were fabulous! You don't look lost in your fashion persona at all

Late bloomer, I am most impressed when a lady in her 50's and older has KILLER style. ,

Late Bloomer

(website)

Tricia, I'm exactly twice as old as you are.

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

Angie - Oh dear! My sitter arrived an hour early and I was still in paint-stained yoga pants and fleece pullover. The sitter (who is rail thin) was wearing baggy sweatpants and a tee shirt. I'm not sure whose outfit horrified me more.

Time to update the "company jammies" capsule, methinks.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh MPJ, you are hilarious. I'm glad you're motivated to upgrade your capsule

Aida

Veteran

Tricia I'm in the same boat as you. I started making over my wardrobe 2 years ago, and for this second year I've been taking photos of what I wear every day (almost a full year now, 10 months worth) which is TOTALLY worth the minimal effort. I don't have one style and, as Mo said, sometimes I feel like a lot of my clothing doesn't play well with each other but mixing various styles together is a fun challenge. Having the ability to evaluate what you're wearing and to think, "What IS my style?" will get you closer!

I'm finding as I've been experimenting the last few years that I'm drawn more and more to a lot of the elements I was drawn to as a teenager (punk, vintage, Parisian; weird combo, I know) which I initially tried to get away from; at least now I know how to work them in stylishly (most of the time). It's a matter of finding those elements you love and either working them into your wardrobe or working your wardrobe around them. Besides, who says you have to have the same style forever?

Also, you're 34? Go crazy and experiment! Who does it hurt? Pick up trendy items you're interested in on the cheap; if you don't like it it's not a big monetary loss, and at least you'll expand on what you know you like or dislike.

A toast to your ongoing style journey, have fun with it!

Kyle

Veteran

Tricia, I can relate. Experimentation is good and necessary. It can also cause confusion as you search for the real you. You know what you like, which is good. Now you need to figure out what you like on you. I find looking at photos is helpful, as they often look different than what I saw in the mirror. Then look for common threads in the outfits that make you feel fab. No worries about age! Not yet!

catgirl

Veteran

Um, constantly. I am 44 and just beginning to feel like I might be seeing some hope for myself. At least we're feeling lost together.

Sally

Veteran

Yeah I feel like that sometimes....I work and have a small child and feel like it overtakes who I am or who I want to be. It all seems a bit experimentation. I have liked the recent outfits that you have posted...quite sassy.

Tricia

Veteran

Aida,

"I'm finding as I've been experimenting the last few years that I'm drawn more and more to a lot of the elements I was drawn to as a teenager (punk, vintage, Parisian; weird combo, I know) which I initially tried to get away from"

YES! As a teenager I had purple streaks in my hair, wore combat boots and Doc Martens with funky tights and dresses...and a more grown up version of that look is what I find I like now. I'm kind of sorry I spent all those years in between not being true to that part of my style. (OK, no more purple hair for me though.)

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Tricia- look through annagybe's pic's and Greenglove and San for some inspiration of how to be funky and age appropriate.
My sitter wears scrubs LOL

Reneeb

Veteran

Tricia I am with Angie, your last post look anything but lost. But I understand how you feel even though I am 51. You are at a great age to experiment and you have a good shape to try all the things you mention even the purple hair for Halloween. I wish I would have been more modern and creative in my thirties and forties. Have fun and Angie will guide you.

Late Bloomer

(website)

Tricia, the thing that really blew my mind in your first post was that you were wearing sweater sets. I know they are coming back and can be a cute retro look. But to me they were the ultimate example of what women wore in the restrictive 50s. Given that you were wearing sweater sets I suspect that you can add a lot of modern and even edgy tweaks to your outfits and no one else will see it as out of place at all.

PS I just looked at Audi's blog. I love it! She is adorable. Just try what she does one element at a time. Like just add the scarf without the overdress, etc. Once you feel comfortable with that you will be ready to do more and more to dress in a way that you love.

Barbara

Veteran

"My 50 and 60 plus year old clientele are by far the most sassy and stylish of all my clients". Angie, you made my day! I most certainly am sassy, but I love being stylish too!

"And on this forum the 50 plus year olds are often more fashion forward than the younger gals". WOW. Since I've become a member of YLF, I am tweaking my fierceness to the max. Angie, confidence and wisdom combined with fashion smarts = KILLER!

Liz

I can so relate to this sort of "re-finding" one's style after spending too many years wearing post-baby sweats and pre-baby suits for work and wondering what the heck happened to my former rock chick self. Turning 40 and losing a good bit of weight last year helped me to refocus on myself, especially as my clothes no longer fit and I was sick of yoga pants. But I still struggle, too, with how to dress the way I want to against perceived constraints of a tight budget and a suburban environment where the moms seem to pride themselves on wearing pastel capri pants and matching t-shirts (not that there's anything wrong with that...). Following the weight loss, I've had to rebuild my wardrobe on a tight budget, so I've been sticking with classic, streamlined pieces, but I'm determined to mix it up as much as I can, which is why I'm now a loyal YLF reader. I do like Aida's comment about taking a photo every day of the outfit she's wearing--I never thought of taking a daily photo--what a great way to see if an outfit works and to get a real sense of how your style suits you! I'm going to start doing this.

Carole

Veteran

Your last posts of outfits, Tricia, with your new oxfords do not translate to "totally lost" just the opposite. Your outfits were so inspiring and fashion forward, perfect MOTG outfits. Go forward in confidence, my dear, you look fabulous!

Aida

Veteran

Tricia it sounds like, at the least, you're starting to identify what ISN'T you or else you wouldn't be feeling like you lost yourself. It's a good place to start from, I'm kind of in that same place myself. I think one of the keys is to remember that fashion is fun, and to have fun while experimenting.

I've been slowly working in more chain jewelry, black skinny jeans, studs/distressing, and leather back into my outfits to reflect my undying love of punk. Then as I look at the elements in my other loved styles (vintage, Parisian chic) I'm finding that lots of them overlap: Bretton stripes, gray, black, leather jackets, boots, belts, scarves, abstract patterns. I don't wear these things exclusively, though I think I may be working my way towards that. It's all about using those elements in your outfits to bring out the things you love in what you're wearing.

It's a lot easier when you look at smaller elements within the styles you love. Or even simpler, start looking at other people's outfits and save the ones you like, that you'd love to wear. What are some common elements (not necessarily across ALL the outfits)? Once you've got a list started, use those elements in your outfits and see if you feel like your style is more you. It definitely sounds like you can get to this stage quickly and I'm positive you'll be happier with your style in no time!

Keep experimenting, remember it's fun

EDIT: Sorry for the wall of text -_-

Lisa

Veteran

I can relate to this as I am trying to solidify my style. I switch from one type to the next on an almost daily basis, preppy, bohemian, arty, classic, I really can do them all. But it's actually really frustrating to dress this way, because there isn't much cohesion with my wardrobe. I haven't been able to pinpoint yet what style I want to stick with, I do like them all. I agree with others above, style is an evolution and everything from your climate, to your environment, to your current roles in life and even your moods will affect your personal style. The one thing I do try to keep in mind, is to have fun and to always wear an outfit that makes me smile. It may not happen everyday but if I was not smiling during the day with how I looked I know to move that outfit into the donation pile. Hopefully at some point, I'll gain some consistency and if not at least I'll be happy with everything I have.