Have you ever felt really unfashionable? - YouLookFab Forum

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Have you ever felt really unfashionable?

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Hi everyone, I just discovered this website today, and I'm delighted by what I've seen so far. My problem is, although I've always loved fashion, I feel like I'm unfashionable at heart. I don't go shopping a lot, and I don't spend a lot of time getting ready.

However, the desire is there, definitely there, to be a fashionable woman. It's such an inspiring world, and I want to be part of it. I find that if I really concentrate, I can look good, but it's not effortless for me.

Have you been through this, and what did you do to become more fashionable?

Dressing

42 replies

Latest reply was from Carol

Anonymous

I feel unfashionable every day

Welcome to the forum, and what you describe is so common. Effortless is a myth - and it requires thought, attention and experience for even the best of them. I read - and read, and look, and read some more - blogs, magazines, books, you name it. That's where I learned my stuff , and from this forum too .

Katerina

Veteran

Hi Carol! Nice to “meet” you! Yes, I recognize this. Agree with LisaP completely. There is no effortless, there is always work behind and I believe everybody works to create great outfits and cultivate their style, whether they are beginners or professionals. I have been an YLF member only for about 4 months, but I feel I am learning and I enjoy being here tremendously.

DonnaF

Veteran

If fashionable means to be on trend/trendy, I'll never be there and I'm not sure that I want to be. I mostly need to shop in Petites which is rather a hotbed of stodginess. That being said, when I joined YLF over six years ago, I had absolutely no idea of what was on trend so no idea of what might be available. And I dressed pretty unfashionably and without style.

I aim to hone my personal style and hence be stylish if not necessarily fashionable. Nobody I know IRL is fashionable so I have no pressure. Angie lets us know what is trending, including fringe trends. I consider what will fit my lifestyle, body, taste, etc. I try not to reject anything outright, but many things will not work with my body so I won't go out of my way to try them such as loafers, mules, and anything needing a strapless bra or none at all. Other things work with my body and lifestyle (flatform and platform shoes, cross-body bags, high rise pants) and I keep in mind that these items may be tough to find in the future.

If I were you, I wouldn't put too much pressure on myself to be fashionable (trendy); it's too hard to chase that moving target. But finding one's individual personal style -- that's another thing and IMHO more rewarding.

Welcome to the Forum!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Welcome, Carol. I'm nodding along with Lisa and Katerina - although I've been on YLF for 12 years....

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Thanks, everyone, for making me feel like it's okay to have to concentrate when I want to put together a good outfit. Some people seem to do it so effortlessly, but I guess it takes effort for everyone.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

It always takes effort, but the great thing about Angie's blog and the forum is that it makes the effort fun! I've learned so much here and continue to learn each day. I used to feel unfashionable all the time; now I've honed my personal style and I always feel "put together" in a way that makes sense for me.

Welcome to the forum!

Gigi

Veteran

Being fashionable and put-together is not natural for me either! I am glad to hear that others consider it a lot of work too.

I found that after a certain time experimenting with my own wardrobe and trying different things, it did get easier, though not effortless. After a while, you start to learn that you need a certain type of cami to work underneath a certain kind of shirt, and you need a certain type of accessory to finish a certain type of outfit, and you need a certain type of bra to work with a certain kind of shirt. These are the kinds of things that can make your fashion journey feel a bit bumpy at times!

jussie

Veteran

I think I make the opposite mistake and think I’m more fashionable than I am! Haha. Then I look at photos and think “oops.... that wasn’t as good as I thought”. Welcome to the forum! Hope you enjoy it and you will learn so much from the nice people here.

madeline

Veteran

Carol, welcome! Here is what I have found out from this great group of women. Fashion is about fun, creativity, trusting your feelings and letting your clothing spark joy. I say "getting dressed is the best part of my day" *most days*
It does take planning and trying out new looks that might not work out.
It is a process. But you are among friends!

Anonymous

Welcome Carol- I came on board less than a month ago so I can tell you the YLF Friends on this blog are very helpful and supportive as you make your fashion journey. We have all felt like you at one time or another and in spite of what articles elsewhere say- it is not as simple as buying and wearing the “10” or forming the perfect “capsule”. The Fabbers above are right - it takes effort..... effort to figure out your style or styles; it takes effort to put together your favorite signature looks each day and it takes effort to put together your own personal wardrobe of “loves” whether it does or doesn’t include what everyone thinks belong in a “ top 10” or “capsule”. Don’t be so hard on yourself and have fun on this site- because we are all a fun bunch of friends getting help on our own fashion journey.

Colette

Veteran

Welcome! Ditto what lisa p, Katerina and others wrote. I've still not mastered it, not even close, but like to think I've made some progress thanks to Angie and all the members.

Susie

Veteran

Oh gosh yes!

I will say that I feel more stylish than I did before I came to ylf. Angie has created an amazing community of supportive, kind, encouraging, funny, thoughtful, and inspiring women (and a few men) who share a love of fashion. Many have been here for years and some only a few months, so you can find members at every stage of their style journey. And there is a variety of ages, locations, professions, lifestyles and of course styles.

This is a great place to learn! To put it simply, I feel like I now have a wardrobe rather than a closet full of clothes. It took a lot of trial and error and I still make mistakes, but I’ve learned what I like and what works for me. Rather than buying a bunch of random pieces, I am more focused now. I don’t feel a need to try every trend but I do like to look current.

And I really like shoes

Welcome!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Welcome! I don't think it would actually be much fun if style were effortless. Style and understanding fashion are skills and you have come to a wonderful place to learn and practice.

Anonymous

OH, yes! The worst was college. I had to live on $10 a month and most went for food. My first roommate would not be seen with me in my own clothes and insisted that I wear hers. A prof called me a little brown mouse ( most of my wardrobe was given to me from by a kind aunt who was coming out of a brown period). My advisor criticized my student teaching clothes ( same brown capsule...good quality, horrible fit). Friends took clothes for me from the drama department closet. My favorite pieces were worn when I was in the 5th grade and had been my mother's, bought pre-WWII. It could not have been much worse but there was nothing I could do until I got a job. Even then I needed to help my younger sister get through college. I am so grateful to Angie and this community for so much guidance and encouragement.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Welcome to you! Yes it's effort as others have said, but the good news is that you don't have to do a lot for results. You dont have to go all out and start shopping for hours on end (please don't do that!). But just one happy item carefully selected - like a pair of particualrily cute white tennis for example - can change everything. For me, a turning point was when I participated in an painting-inspired dress challenge on the forum and discovered thanks to Angie I could pair red earrings with army green and navy shades. This opened up a whole new world to me, and I realized I had been stuck in a certain stiff, matchy-matchy and somewhat myth-ridden image of what dressing fashionably meant. Once you reach that point, you start looking at yourself differently, try on things in a new way, and that's when the fun begins.

Joy, what a journey yours has been! My heart goes out to you! I am impressed at how far you have come.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

The MORE effort I make, the more stylish I feel. As for being fashionable, I went through a phase between 1 and 4 years on the forum where I wanted to be in the trendiest clothes, all the time. I got that out of my system and now I'm going back to modern classic with a bit of avant - boho I throw in the mix from time to time (and as result of prior trendy phase -- some of the trendy pieces I acquired actually had staying power).

What are some of the times you did feel fashionable? If you never actually felt that way, when did you feel great in your clothes, and why?

Anonymous

This is such a great question. The short answer is an emphatic YES. There is a long answer .... but I have to figure it out for myself before I can post about it. Thank you for giving me something to analyze over the next few days.

Toban

Veteran

Unfashionable? Feels like I always feel that. Stylish? I accomplish this more often. I think of fashionable as trend setting or on trend and I am a late to never adopter of trends and rarely deviate from my preferred silhouettes and colors. But stylish to me means that I have identified what best suits me, and while this takes some effort, it takes less over time once you’ve found your personal style “rules”. The YLF blog and forum are an amazing resource to help identify how to make something work, from perfect pant length, to the right type of top for different styles of skirts, etc... I love that Angie gives us tips on incorporating on trend pieces, and it has helped me to expand my style direction.

Mainelady

Veteran

I am not very trendy, so if that translates to fashionable, then I am often not. I like putting together outfits that help me look and feel my best. I am defining and refining my personal style. My personal style works well for me in my lifestyle. There may be other settings where my personal style would not be considered fashionable or stylish, but I have to be ok with that. First and foremost I have to be me. An important part of being authentic to my style is to always include at least one happiness factor to my outfit. Always!
I care about making an effort and it does take time, consideration, trial and error and a willingness to learn. I have discovered so many aspects of style (color, fit, silhouette, trends, basics, essentials, completers, statements) here on YLF. I have discovered an amazing support group, too!
Enjoy the journey. Fashion and style are processes and ever evolving. I am not sure there is a final destination. I think there are always going to be new goals and adventures up ahead.

BrieN

Veteran

Unfashionable? I went for years in T-shirts from Target and shorts or chinos as I chased my kids around. And then without a plan I'd buy a single statement piece from a local boutique or TJ Maxx and of course still have nothing to wear. I'm not exactly fashionable now--more likely I'd say "put together". But knowing that i have something i love in my closet to wear to most every occasion = priceless

cindysmith

Veteran

Welcome! Glad you found this delightful corner of the internet

I often feel unfashionable, even here. Which seems counterintuitive, since this community is so very supportive. I tend to like some pretty RATE (Rough Around The Edges) stuff: deconstructed, distressed to the point of rags, tactical, and just plain odd. I've gotten such favorable feedback here (even when it's criticism, its friendly & constructive), and yet I sometimes feel a little bit like...

... Idon't belong here. Everyone here is so well dressed, so stylish, so pretty; then here comes Cindy with jeans that she literally let people shoot with shotguns (seriously, I've done that often) and I kind of feel like I need to be shipped off to the island of misfit toys. That feeling isn't about how my weirdness has been received here; quite the contrary. Everyone is always welcoming & supportive. I'm just my own worst critic, asking myself "what are you even doing here hanging out with all these beautiful people in their beautiful clothes?"

When I needed to be stylish and situationally appropriate for my baby sister's evening wedding, I came here and begged for help. Everybody was very helpful, and it was a very comforting feeling knowing that i had a highly respected pro (Angie) and so many stylish & supportive women helping make sure i got it right. They got it so right that I'll definitely be wearing the star of that outfit for a long time in both formal and casual situations.

So if you're feeling unfashionable, know that you are not alone. I've actually seen our resident subject matter expert (Angie) put out the call for assistance. If the pro has asked for assistance, then there's no shame in me asking for it, right? And if the pro has asked this bunch for assistance, then I figure I can trust this bunch too.

So pull up a comfortable chair, poke around on the site and explore, and don't hesitate to post specific questions because that's what this place is here for

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Cindysmith please tell me that you are not in those Jeans when you have people shooting at them.I m all for. bit of garment customisation but risking actual bodily harm might be taking it a step too far!
Dear Carol,as you can see from the above replies feeling fashionable is not a natural state for most women.I think that’s because being fashionable is so hard to define especially as fashion by its very nature is in a constant state of reinvention,thereby engendering the feeling of never quite having achieved fashionability.Which in turn leads to striving to acheive something that is forever shifting and is therefore only fleetingly achievable if at all.Much better to seek individual style and for that you have come to the right place.I hope you enjoy the journey.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

CocoLion, you asked when I felt most fashionable. I think it was in college--it was a very confident time for me. I'd safety pin a maxi dress for optimal waistage in a haphazard way, or dye my hair pink and orange. Funnily enough, I wasn't paying a lot of attention to fashion, just doing my own thing. I wonder if paying more attention to rules and guidelines has frozen my creativity a little. At the same time, I really like learning the guidelines, because I want to look more adult. I'm 37--can't look like an art student forever.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Hi Carol and welcome from me too. I have been here just over a year and spent many hours on the site. It has helped me manage my love for clothes and particularly shoes in that I was getting an overflowing-our-space wardrobe that I wasn't wearing enough. I've made good improvements with that.
As far as feeling "unfashionable", yes,so often. I'm like some of the others, I'd rather dress to be true to myself with a nod to trends only if they happen to suit me and also can be accomplished without spending hundreds of dollars yet be ethical and environmentally friendly ( that last part difficult to accomplish!). I'm happy with most of my outfits on a daily basis now. Not that I look amazing. Just that they're practical for my circumstances and they all have something that I really enjoy about them, whether it just be the texture or the shoes or the colour or the earrings

LaPed

Veteran

Carol, I think your comment about feeling fashionable in college when you weren't even paying attention hits the nail on the head. It's a funny thing, isn't it? Often the best outfits are the ones that involve the least thought.

Of course, a lot of people also miss their younger bodies or younger lifestyles, and figuring out how to feel effortless in one's current circumstances may require some, well, effort. It's behind-the-scenes work, and I'd bet 99% of the people you look at and think "Wow, s/he looks great!" do it to some degree: playing dress-up in their own closets, fiddling around with make-up or hair, scouring thrift stores for something totally unique, taking the time for a mani/pedi or a tooth whitening, etc, etc. You get the idea. Obviously you're much more aware of the "rules" now than you were at 18, but that in itself is an advantage. You get to decide which ones you want to follow and which ones you want to break. Just like being an art student -- you learn a basic framework of techniques and aesthetics, but to create something great and truly your own, you have to get to the point where you're confident enough to subvert what you've been taught. And the only way to get there is to keep trying, experimenting, refining.

To answer your original question: I've always had something of a grain-of-salt approach to mainstream/contemporary fashion, but have always been very committed to maintaining and honing my personal style (you'll notice a lot of people make that fashion/style distinction). The last time I felt really lost in my own style was the first few months after DS was born; it wasn't so bad living in leggings and little tunics while pregnant, but postpartum it somehow became torture -- but nothing else fit! That's about when I started reading fashion/style blogs (mostly YLF and Already Pretty) and really pushing myself to "up my game" if you will. That was 4 years ago, and I'm fully back to feeling like myself these days.

cindysmith

Veteran

Cardiff giro, we usually hang the empty garment over a target or tree or something and I stand back and watch. Also, I whoop and holler like an overgrown idiot LOL

Windchime

Veteran

For a period of time in my late 40’s, I felt unfashionable all the time. My body was changing, and I didn’t know anymore how to dress in a flattering way. Discovering and learning from YLF has made a huge difference for me. I’ll never have the finely-honed sense for style that some people have, but I generally feel good in my outfits now and frequently receive compliments on what I’m wearing. I still have the occasional day where I don’t feel fashionable; now it’s a matter of figuring what to tweak in that day’s outfit so it feels good.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I like what La Ped and Windchime wrote, and what you wrote yourself about being an art student! I think for some of us at that young age, late teens early twenties, if we are lucky enough to have a nice figure and a bit of a fashion gene, that can be a great time. I was able to mix hand-me-downs, second-hand finds with the odd new trendy item usually on sale and seemed to shine. In fact once, when I was 20 I think, one of my girlfriends said ( after I'd been on a shopping trip) "You must be the most fashionable girl in the class!" Short red tartan mini dress, tights and gold slipper type shoes. But about the same outfit, one of the more staid young men asked another "Has Jenni gone punk?". Um, no. Don't think I'd ever been told I was the "most fashionable" before or since. Still love that girlfriend 37 years later!

Bijou

Veteran

Carol, I definitely have days when nothing seems to work. That top that I thought would be great with the jeans... it just looks off somehow. Now when I buy something new, I do a try on session at home to see if it actually works with the things I thought it would and try different combinations. This is useful, because then when I am in a rush, I have an outfit to wear that I know works and not a trail of clothing that has been rejected. For special events, I always plan what I will wear and like to have a couple of options, depending upon how I am feeling (and weather conditions) on the day.

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