Has This Ever Happened To You?

New here and I think this belongs in the off-topic section but I can't find the suitable category so feel free to move it where it is better suited. Anyway, just curious although this may be a personal thing to ask, but has anyone ever experienced their partner walking out on them for 'not looking good enough'? Despite such a surface reasoning, I would think that this happens a lot more than people care to admit?

I'm asking because I'm going through something similar right now, and I guess I was just hoping that I wasn't alone on this. It can be a little hard to accept that the reason they left was because you didn't look good enough anymore, and despite embracing the whole 'you're perfect the way you are', I guess it's kind of a sad truth as well?

I've always been someone who dresses plain with your average body. Admittedly, I've let go a little (most of us have) over the years. I've started trying to get back into shape or at least be healthy, but I can't help but still hope that I'd be able to win my partner back one day, and even if I can't I'd want to make that person regret walking out on me. My main question here is, how would I actually go about doing that?

7 years ago

The Cat

Veteran

No, it has not happened to me,

That said, I vividly remember critical comments made decades ago by people who didn't like some detail of my outfit. They must have hurt me more than I realized then ...

I hope someone is able to offer you specific advice. Best wishes from me.

When you start a conversation here, in the left column, just under "The Title", you will see a list called "Choose a "Category", where you can choose i.e. "Off topic."

Summer

This is very sad, and I feel for you.

No, I've never had a partner walk out for this reason, but I have, in the past, experienced harsh criticism about my choice of clothes, despite always being careful to present myself well. In my case, it was more that my partner and I had very different ideas on how a woman should dress and look. For instance, I have always preferred a simple, elegant style, whereas he liked the stereo-typical "body-con dress and high heels" look - not a style I have ever felt comfortable with. Is that your experience, too, or does your partner feel you have let yourself go? (in which case, some gentle encouragement would have been preferable to walking out on you.)

Assuming you have not let basic hygiene and grooming standards slip, I think your partner's behaviour is unreasonable, and maybe you deserve better.

Keep up the good work regarding getting into shape and keeping healthy - for your own satisfaction - and dress in a way that makes you feel happy and confident.

Good luck and best wishes.
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rachylou

Well, I’ve dated more than one person who made it clear they asked me out because I passed their fat test. And I’ve always been surrounded by people obsessed with weight, going to the gym and eating a lot of lettuce. It’s a reality. You swim with sharks you have to be one too. I can’t say I approve of sharks, tho... and I’ve actually passed out from boredom in a restaurant on one of those dates. Fell right asleep and out of my chair. Mwahaha!

That’s a good revenge...

Molly Mac

I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. It is possible that your partner has focused on something superficial rather than dig deeper and try to identify the source of their own unhappiness. Focus on the things that will bring you happiness and wellness during this challenging time. Surround yourself with people who recognize your value and love you for who you are not what you look like (and in your pictures you look lovely).

Bijou

This shows that they really did not love you - the real you. You deserve to be treated better than this. Please pick yourself up and move on. Give yourself "self love" and if your Partner comes crawling back, think twice before taking them back.

...and suing for half their assets... remember, think shark...

Toban

I concur with Bijou ... this is a major red flag about your partner. This is not someone I would want to grow old with and experience life’s challenges. I am so sorry you are experiencing this but it reflects poorly on your partner, not you.

To address the second part about change ... Over the past year I have substantially changed by body through weight loss and exercise. A consistent work out ethic and nutrition plan is needed. However, the discipline and desire for it should be driven by you to be successful and long term, not to seek a partner’s approval or revenge.

Cardiff girl

So sorry to hear that but I feel the problem probably lies within your ex partner and not with your appearance.By all means work on your appearance but I would do it for you and not with the goal of getting them back.When you feel better about yourself you may find that you don’t want them back and prefer to have some one who values you for more than external appearance.l wish you every strength for the future.

Christina F.

Not exactly, but I had a past partner who criticized very personal and private aspects of how I look to other people he knew (as I found out later). Things that are genetic that I can't help, like the color of my body hair. It was extremely hurtful. I think he was just a serial monogamist and trying to justify leaving me for someone else to himself, since he didn't have any other solid reason than that he'd wanted the other person since before he knew me.

My point is that I think these kinds of "complaints" are more about the person leaving than the person being left, though I know it's not easy to let that sink in. In the long run, I hope you will feel this person has done you a favor. I know it's hard to feel that way at first. I sympathize completely.

Anonymous

WILSXO- it has not happened to me but has to a dear friend of mine. I gave her an ear to listen and in the end 1 piece of advice I had heard elsewhere-
LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE.
She stopped feel bad about herself, started making small changes in diet and exercise and started making realistic short and long term goals for herself. In short- she focused on “ living well” as opposed to beating up on herself wondering why and/ or how to win him Back or seeking actual revenge.
Within a few years she was the healthiest she had ever been both physically and emotionally. She had begun volunteering as a way to focus on helping others instead of self pity. At volunteer position she met another volunteer- 100 % more fabulous than her cad husband of 30 years. They married a couple of years later- we all love him and are thrilled for her. Her ex as not faired as well and has regrets of comments made about her looks and of walking out.
Her taking the high road and focusing on living well made her come off classy, balanced and awesome in everyone’s eyes - including her ex’s.
Living well IS the best revenge.....hope it works equally as well for you.
Hugs

efbgen, I love that story and wise advice. Thank you for sharing. Food for thought.

Style Fan

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I don't know anything else about your ex-partner or the relationship but it does sound like a very superficial and nasty thing to say to someone. Very hurtful.

Staysfit

It sounds like you have ongoing ambivalence about this situation, and all our replies speak to our indignation about your partners seemingly harsh treatment of you. I am going to stir the pot in a different direction. Firstly, there are clearly positives about this partner or you would not consider wanting to win them back. You haven’t shared them, but they must exist. All relationships are two sided and highly complex. To say that someone would leave a long term partner just because of the way they look seems like a simplification. Targeting appearance may be an easy way to justify leaving, but there are probably other more complicated dynamics at play. Regardless, unless this partner is willing to engage with you, it sounds like moving on may be required. I hope you consider doing some work around whatever may be needed to prevent picking similar partners in the future. We have a remarkable ability to repeat our preferences, and if we don’t understand why they are not serving us well, they can completely backfire.