Suz, I absolutely agree this is a "both/and" -- I'm not sure why it seems like there is some contention in anyone's perception in this thread. And I don't believe there is a fence to sit on, really.

Jenni, my point is that it's AWESOME that what you are doing feels authentic to you. I would think you'd afford me or anyone else the same lack of judgment, if not enthusiasm, that we choose differently.

I think someone can be a heck of a strong feminist AND dye her hair and have a boob job and wear tight outfits on the tennis court, if she so chooses.

All of these choices are about authenticity.

Amen, Janet!

Same with choosing to wear contacts or have surgery instead of wearing specs, or wearing braces and getting your teeth fixed.

I'm reminded of something I read about Dolly Parton, who just celebrated her 71st on Saturday, by the way! When an interviewer asked her if her boobs were really hers, she is alleged to have answered: "You betcha'! I paid for them!"

Janet and Runcarla, yes!

Hi, this is such an interesting discussion, thank you to each of you for chiming in!

By the way -- perhaps I threw out "authenticity" too lightly. I don't judge anyone else for their decisions to keep coloring or not. As I said, I'm ambivalent about it. I might look younger with brown hair. I might go back to coloring it. Probably, it has a lot to do with convenience, and the fact that I'm an overall low-maintenance type person who would prefer not to "do a lot of time" in the salon.

I do notice when someone colors their hair and the color doesn't blend with their skin tone. For myself, I suspect that the grey has a more natural look than when I colored it brown.

I found some photos that document the journey. First one below is ~2012. Second one is from ~2015 when I was blonde for a few months Then I cut it short to get to grey (note the Kut demin jacket, a forum favorite :-)) . Last two are from 2017 and last month, 2018.

My hair has some waves. When I get it cut, the stylist usually blows it out and it looks more professional. But my daily look is like the last photo. Again, low-maintenance.

Did I mention that my mom told me it was a terrible idea to stop coloring my hair? (!!) There are so many (conflicting! ageist!) messages out there. At the same time, I believe that beauty and joy and positive energy come from inside of us, and in that sense, hair color might be less important than we think.

If you're still reading this far down - this was my recent shave and dye job. The pink faded and the notches grew out really fast, sadly.

I am following this thread with interest. I do not associate grey hair with authenticity per se (I may have made this speech before). I personally do not feel my true self without a bra on. (Bear with me here.) I have biggish boobs that breastfed three children in my late 30s and I do not feel good without a bra. I also prefer not to go out without some cc cream to even out my complexion. And don't get me started on hair removal. Etc. My authentic self is the one that I choose to present.
Yes, one of the motivations for stopping the dye was somewhat political - I did not appreciate society telling me that I had to dye it to look presentable. But that was my personal battle; others burned their bras .
In short, I believe we choose our authentic selves - that is what makes us human.

There is a woman in my bridge group who has mostly white hair with a bit of grey underneath. She colours her hair identical to the pic below and it is at a similar length. She has had the colour and style for the 10 months I've known her. She dresses slightly bohemian, favours teals and blues, and has great specs. She looks fabulous and if my natural colour was anything like hers, I'd be in to see her stylist for unicorn hair too!

I never played with colour when I was younger, because I liked my natural colour. Colouring in my 50's didn't work - as I've mentioned - mostly because of lifestyle and all the time I spent in the pool. Though I don't colour now, I've thought of trying rose gold when the white gets to be really dominant. If I had straight dark or iron grey hair, I'd try the oil slick colour like Una did many moons ago.

We could probably start a new thread on 'authentic self' that goes well beyond hair colour.

The authentic self thing is interesting.

I'm going to have some small work done on my face. Why? Because when I look in the mirror, I don't see me. The reflection doesn't reflect how I feel emotionally or physically. For me, personally, making the changes is bringing out the authentic me. Had anyone asked me 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago, if I would consider having anything done, the answer would have been an emphatic no. But, I've changed, as did my opinion on the subject.

I also don't see the difference......clothing, make-up, hair dye, plastic surgery. It's all the same thing to me, just in varying degrees.

This is one of those threads where I wish YLF had a Facebook function where we could like/love posts. So many I love here!

Okay we're three pages in now so I can say this as it's buried. My company got acquired so sometime this year I'll be joining a bigger company, which is notorious for age discrimination lawsuits. Career wise, it may make sense to start dyeing my hair again. Personally, I just can't and won't, at least not for *that* reason. Okay I do reserve the right to maybe do a highlight or streak here or there or whatever down the road... but it's not going to be for fear of keeping a job. Just nope.

Those who stopped dyeing, do you like the texture of your hair? I dyed for so many years because I didn't like the texture as my hair was superfine. I am now amazed at how nice and soft my hair feels, and can't wait for the last few inches to be cut off as that's the part that still feels so dry. Maybe the volume isn't the same but it's been thinning regardless, and a good cut seems to help a lot. And it's not so superfine and flyaway as the graying hairs are heavier and coarser.

Wendy, I personally draw the line at plastic surgery because years ago when my kids were at a tender preteen age they overheard me talking to my sister on the phone about how my OB/GYN had told me I was the perfect candidate for a tummy tuck, and I was debating it. Incidentally I was like a size 0p back then!!! I then overheard my kids a few days later talking about how they wanted plastic surgery someday to fix their perceived woes too...

It was that day I said no, never, no matter what. I'm just going to have to learn to love myself, droopy mother's apron and all.

That said I did joke to my hubby recently that I could really use a "chin hammock" to hold up my sagging chin. I've never had a strong chin but gosh the older I get the less chin I seem to have and more neck. Someone needs to invent a chin hammock and make it fashionable.

Fascinating thread.

I don't have a lot to offer except:

1) Some cultures value youth more than age and wisdom and put a higher value on retaining a youthful appearance.

2) It is all degrees. At the top end we might have the Kardashians and then different levels of intervention down to someone who cuts their own hair, wears zero makeup and is happy in a fleece and trackpants.

3) If I was in a different position for work, or relationship wise, financially I might well act differently.

Wise words, Sal. We never know what we'd do until we walk in those shoes.

Wendy -- I like your openness to change and the sense that you are continually growing and changing. It's consistent with what Sal and Shevia said. We just don't know what will feel (or be) "authentic" for us down the line.

Carla -- that hair looks so fun!

Roberta -- yours, too!

Gardenchick, you look gorgeous in all versions but absolutely luminous with grey. It suits you.

I suspect we may need a dictionary definition of authentic. I may look one up later. If it "feels authentic" to someone to have lots of plastic surgery and Botox, and I mean LOTS ( could find you some pics of some 70 and 80 something women in South America) then the word seems meaningless to me. I think we're using it different ways here. I like what you said about hiding, Elizabeth P.

Elizabeth, what an amazing journey, and you look SO AMAZING in silver!!! And yes -- 10 years younger!

Again, thanks for all of the comments, wisdom and photos of your evolutions!

Suz, thanks for the kind words. One of the best things about YLF is the ongoing positive tone.

I am just starting the process of returning to my natural hair color. I started by allowing a streak near my face go natural about 6 months ago. I just commited to the full process this month. To avoid the skunk line, my hairdresser is foiling in color. My girlfriends think I am nuts, but I figured I would give it a try. If I hate it, I can always return to coloring it. The pics are from this week.

Again, thanks to all for posting your thoughts.

My own mother (81) has never colored her hair, wears no makeup, pays little attention to her clothing. She would say that her message is "I am who I am," but from the outside it comes across more as "I can't be bothered".

That's up to her, of course, and there's nothing inherently wrong with "I can't be bothered" as an approach to one's appearance. But it's not the vibe I'm after for myself.

The posts I have the most to say about, I have to think the longest about to not write a book! So... very late and very condensed -
1- the hardest transition I can remember.
2- I see the culture turning toward acceptance of grey/ white hair, and I would rather be a leader than a follower.
3- You have no idea what your natural color will be by looking at an inch of regrowth, it just looks BAD and shocking at this point.
4- You don't have to cut your hair short, you do have to have a sharp, intentional cut ( I started to look like a crazy gypsy so went for a straight bob).
5- More compliments on my white hair than I ever got on the blond! White and silver can make you luminous!

Since this thread popped back up, I have a thought about the “authenticity” aspect of our appearances. Authentic does not necessarily equal natural.

Many women have never felt the natural color of their hair feels authentic to their personality and sense of style, even when they are young and grey hair is not a factor. They’ve dyed it red or blond or black or whatever for decades.

Whether or not it is natural to what grows out of their head is not the issue — it’s what *feels* right to them. That’s what I am talking about when i mention authenticity.

Because, since Dolly Parton came up in Carla’s response, even though nothing about Dolly’s appearance is “natural,” you cannot argue that it is not authentic to her, because it most certainly is!

I went gray and naturally curly for a while in my 40s. The photo on the left is me at 48, 12 years ago. The photo on the right is me at 60, post-facelift, with straightened and dyed hair.

Je ne regrette rien.

I can't speak to the facelift question other than I will never say never AND MsMary, you look dynamite! Hands down - dynamite.

I DO think the current hairstyle would look just as great in your natural undyed hair color!

Waving at MsMary, and agreeing with Bennett. There is something about curly + gray that to me seems more aging than straight + gray.

The most dramatic thing I’ve done post-50 is let my hair grow to my shoulders. It’s poker straight and hasn’t looked this way since high school, and I get so many more compliments than I did when it was short. I just don’t seem to have the face for a pixie. I am a dark brunette and still color but have been thinking that if I stop, I’d prefer this length and grey to short and grey. For me, it’s also easier to style. I aspire to Anchie’s look if I do go grey.

So basically, April, I guess I am positioning myself to go grey *if i want* without having the hairstyle issue to worry about. The two different issues muddy the waters for me.

As for feeling authentic, I don’t even know what that means. I am post-menopausal. The weight is creeping on, the menopot is real. Do I not do everything in my power to fight it, if not just for health reasons? Does that make me inauthentic? Is it vanity to want to fit into a certain jean size? Where to draw the line as to what to change or mitigate to feel *my* best? I think we all have to define *that* for ourselves.

Never surrender the opportunity to be the best you can be, Aquamarine, but don't 'compare and despair' either!

W.r.t the "authentic" question, when I looked it up, the definitions I was considering were "genuine" and "real". I understand that Dolly Parton and many of you *feel* that way with coloured hair, breast enlargements, facelifts, Botox, other plastic surgery, whatever. And I was not judging that. What I was doing was using the word authentic to mean literally real, not coloured or altered by external means. I think the word representative may be a better one for the inner feelings rather than the word authentic. Dolly's boobs were representative of who she felt she was as an authentic self, but they weren't authentic in the way I mean the word.

Fair enough, Jenni. I am using “authentic” in the sense of being true to oneself and having conviction.

Cool. I knew we were using the same word to mean two different things

I too wonder about curly hair+grey vs. Straight+grey. Curly and grey seems more aging (or something) and might require a very modern (asymmetrical?) cut.

But maybe long+curly hair+grey is ok.

I am on the cusp of needing to dye my hair and I’m not sure which way to go.