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Happy, overwhelmed,not happy about my fashion choices, full closet with nothing to wear.

celia

Veteran

Hello dear YLF,
I am sorry to come to vent while I haven't been to the forum much. For the most part this is a positive vent , if there is such a thing.
I am very happy , thrilled even with the many activities going on in my life, I started volunteering at a non-profit organization, started an online course, continue to do some work from home, started volunteering at school again and returned to my karate training more assiduously.
Parallel to this I manage to have coffee with my friends and , of course, have all the DD activities and housework in general.
I was a bit overwhelmed with all this but am working on organizing myself and enjoy the fun.
However, I feel very discontent with my wardrobe situation, and in a strange way.
I have some items that I like from previous years, I bought some items this year that I see potential in them. But when confronted with the whole of my fall/winter wardrobe I see tired items, things that might not be my best shape and proportion to wear, colors all over the place.
If I look at the outfits in the forum I like everything I see and think it might be a good item for me but deep down I feel that I am not dressing myself but just liking something because it looks good on somebody else.
When I go outside I wish I could dress classical styles , simple outfits, that don't go well with my shape at all.
I guess I feel like a loony and a bit lost in my wardrobe and to add to it I lost all control of my autocritic and my self esteem is down south this days.
I hate to think about trowing things away because it is a waste and maybe I will be doing bad decisions based more in my bad self image than the actual clothes themselves.
I do not have the time to try everything and post pictures to ask for your help.
Do we have some emergency team for this occasions? Does anybody want to come to my house and go trough my closet with me?(Honestly, I kid you not)
If you were able to read all this you are a very patient person.
You can commiserate with me, complain about your wardrobe in return, offer suggestions, tell me to get a grip, whatever you feel like.
Thank you for even opening this post.

General

25 replies

Latest reply was from rute

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I think Angie MOTG's sound good for you. If you want classic, how about an absolutely killer perfect blazer. I always feel good in my navy Isabel Marant blazer.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

This is not off -topic, dear Celia!! It is very much ON topic!!

Wouldn't it be fun if we developed local YLF "intervention" teams? I can see potential in that...

The pictures you have showed us recently have been STUNNING and have showed that your style is actually developing in a wonderful way. So...I think perhaps it may be the transitional season, the difficulty of dressing while you are busy and focused on other things.

I agree with Anna. Start with one MOTG formula from your closet. Then take a look at Angie's recent capsule posts and make one of the small capsules. This will "purify" the playing field, so to speak, and you can add in (and subtract) from there.

Anonymous

I think we need to stage a TO intervention/meetup

I think your style lately is looking really good also, and maybe your FW wardrobe is reflecting an older you?

Caro in Oz

Veteran

What the others have said

Sometimes when we are changing none of the old stuff seems to work. I think you are right it isn't a good idea to purge at the moment. Would it be possible to put together a couple of outfits for each of your activities? Then you can just wear those while you are thinking about the direction you want to go in.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Celia, you've got great style, no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I know what you mean about feeling like the chaos in your life is reflected in your closet (or am I projecting here from my own experience?) ;). How about you pick your 10 favorite outfits that make you feel fab and hang those in a special "VIP" section in your closet, and add to it one outfit at a time? You don't even have to worry about creating a capsule (that stresses me out, honestly). That feels more manageable than doing a whole closet purge.

celia

Veteran

Thank you for the support and great suggestions.
Anna- I do love a great blazer but here they have a short life span which also bums me up .I will try to persevere in the blazer wearing.

Suz- Intervention teams would be genius I tried to do a small capsule but what comes off is that my colors are all over the place, sometimes not even my blues match. But the idea of 'purifying' seems very good. Just choose the best of the best.

Ceit- You are welcome to come dig in my closet I think in part my wardrobe is reflecting not only a older me,but also the new mom me and I have mixed feelings of letting go of those items because it was a sweet time and I was superskinny due to thyroid issues and probably don't want to admit I am not there anymore(although at least now I am healthy).

Caro- I do have to put together some outfits but my clothes also seem to be in pretty bad shape, at least when it comes to sweaters.

GP- You are not projecting, that is how I feel and as I said capsule wardrobe just made it worse at this point.I guess creating VIP outfits would be a good idea.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Alright then get one amazing sweater. It doesn't have to be cashmere. Merino wool is great too.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Celia, I would love to be on IO team for you...if only we lived closer to each other...
I also agree with Suz that this is not Off Topic post at all!
OK, now to virtual intervention...deep breath and relax. you had a lot going on in your life lately and feel overwhelmed. It is completely normal.
I don't agree with this statement: When I go outside I wish I could dress classical styles , simple outfits, that don't go well with my shape at all.
Simple classical outfits go with all body types. They may look different but they will not stop being classical and chic. remember: style if not size or body type.
So this is an exercise for you: take an outfit which attracted you (from the blog, forum or anywhere) and try to re-create it with the items you have. Don't try to LOOK like your inspiration but try to capture the spirit of it. Then see if you can take it YOURS by some personal touches which are uniquely you. It can be a favorite color combination, shoes or boots you especially like, special accessories...like Angie says the devil is in the details. you can also practice looking at the outfits you like and trying to understand what makes them special to you...pay attention to details.
The main thing is; do not try to solve it all at once which may be overwhelming and definitely time consuming. Do it one outfit at a time and have fun!

Kristin L

Veteran

I'm sending you big hugs Celia! Is it possible to have a few friends come over one day and help you go through everything? I have to agree with all of the people above. Classic styles work with almost everyone. That being said, you have to find the "classic" that will work best for. I have struggle for years with jackets. Seriously. Every jacket I've ever worn always came past my thumb joint. And last week a kind SA noticed my problem with a blazer and asked why didn't try a petite. I swear a light went off in my head. Now I understand why jackets, blazers, and cardigans have given me grief. I got a bit off track, but what I'm going with is that you have to find the items with the silhouette that work best for you.

You also sound super busy. You say you're a bit overwhelmed, but are you taking care of you?

Anonymous

I want to be on the traveling crisis team! For now, imagine me arriving in a British nanny's uniform with a pot of tea and a freshly starched handkerchief for you (plus a big shoulder to cry on).

Sometimes it helps to just close the door on your closet and wait until you feel better before trying to weed out things. Culling causes us to have to ask ourselves difficult questions and it's best to wait until you feel strong enough to handle them. Or you could be like me, throw everything out and then think, "Oh no! What have I done?", lol!

You have some incredible style Celia, and I also love you in classic pieces. An outfit with red jeans comes to mind. And yes, it's different dressing every day when you have small children, but the more fashionable you is still in there. If you can create an occasion to dress up once a week, it really helps. Big hugs!

kkards

Veteran

an emergency fashion team! to come to your house, that's my dream!!!
in the mean time, is there a high school kid who can come over an watch your DD for a few hours? then try on a few things and post a few pictures and we can do the next best thing to a in home visit.

Elly

Veteran

C-- you've been so kind to me in the past, I only wish I was able to visit, as I would love to help you out with your wardrobe and how you are feeling.

Why do blazers have such a short season? I would think they could be worn under your coats all winter long and inside during the winter too! Do your's not work under coats? I might consider updating my coats then, because blazers look fab on you and with your body type I wouldn't be afraid to layer them up top.

I think you do suit classic looks. I love your skirts, and in particular I remember a red skirt and navy and white striped top combo that looked fabulous on you, very current, and was hugely flattering.

Lisa

Veteran

I like the suggestions to try creating a capsule with your clothes, this may help you come up with new combinations to freshen up your wardrobe. I always thought I wanted a very classic, minimalistic style. Then this year, I overhauled my wardrobe at NAS and purchased items that were anything but classic or minimalistic. Bolder prints, textures, new silohuettes. I'm much happier with my wardrobe right now. Maybe I was ready for a change, or maybe it was the idea of a classic wardrobe that I liked. ie, the ease of dressing because everything mixes so easily. But in reality, I was bored with my wardrobe like this. I really varied up my style, but I have lots of "preset" outfits so my dressing is just as easy, if not easier than ever before. My outfits have the pizazz I did not have before that makes me happy. Until I change up my style again.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I commiserate. I love the suggestions here, especially what Natalie said. I see how a blazer is not practical for your climate. How about a great new coat? I decided the two items I would get this season would be a great new coat and an upscale leather backpack. These are items I will see myself in every day! I can even wear them on my way into work, on top of my "uniform."

I suggest looking for a European coat as the styles are a few years ahead. I got a coat 3 seasons ago from French label Sessun and it's still on trend. (I just want a second coat!)

I am going to look at your threads to see if I have any extra advice.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

You look so good in midis! A lot of the pictures weren't viewable, but I did spy one from a few weeks ago where you are looking fantastic with DD. The flowy midi is so on trend. Might that be a place to start? You said you felt great in that outfit.

cobaltblue

Veteran

Just a boost for you! Try to take everything one step at a time.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Echoing Elly -- not sure why your blazers do not work in winter, too? I wear mine all year under coats. So if they do not fit under coats, your first business is to get a coat you can layer under! (She said, in her bossy Madame Interventionist way.)

Beth Ann

Veteran

I so know this feeling, and always find it best to go back to the fundamentals: To have fun with fashion. Concentrate on one thing at a time: a silhouette, or a formula, or put together just 2 or three items that you love.

I don't have lots of time to play in the closet, so I'll take one item -- either a favorite or new piece, or sometimes an orphan. I'll take 20 minutes and try on everything I can find in my closet that might work with it. I take pictures of the outfits I like, so I can remember latter. I like to do this one a week or so, maybe more when the seasons are changing.

I agree with the others that the looks you've posted on the forum are wonderful!

celia

Veteran

Thank you all again for so much caring and so many wonderful solutions.
Regarding blazers,this is my conundrum:
Wool blazers that can be used as outdoor blazers can be used in that category maximum 10 times in fall because they get cold pretty fast. The same blazers are impossible to wear in the too warm private houses and other places that I go to during winter. I am slowly adjusting to this but there is a shift in the middle of winter where I find indoors so warm that I feel very tempted to wear short sleeves while everybody else is happy in their turtlenecks.
On the other hand, if I choose the thinner blazers I cannot wear them as outdoor blazers in Fall and so far my activities during winter are not officce related so a blazer indoors(sometimes even a ponte one) feels like an overkill.
My coats are big enough so that I can layer blazers underneath. In fact I bought a navy military one at H&M recently that I am very eager to wear. So maybe I will buy a thinner blazer.
One thing that bums be a bit is that while everybody is wearing jeans and boots I go for shirtdresses and leggings with flats. And although this is very comfortable to me I feel like it is so 2010.(I don't even think about the fact that nobody else I see wears this kind of clothes)
I will have to take a deep breath and do a honest purging on my wardrobe.

Jeanie

Veteran

I am with you on this! Currently I would like to dump my whole dated closet and start over. I am considering taking everything out and then only put back a few classic outfits that I have tested. Maybe you can try this approach. Take everything out and put it in another room. Pick a few outfits that are classic and build from there.

I would love to help you sort out you closet. I've done this for a few of my friends. If you were just a bit closer...

Carla

Veteran

Celia, you don't need to wear jeans and boots just 'because everyone else is wearing them'! Instead of leggings, wear thick hose or tights, with your dresses and skirts. Flats are still on trend--specifically oxfords and smoking slippers. Also, the pointy 'Beattle Boots'' Angie featured in her blog post.

And, if you feel like you have 'colour all over the place' when so many seem to be in somber black, blue, grey, etc...then so be it! That might be a part of your style. For a streamlined look try a monochromatic outfit even if the 'blues don't match'.

If you are conflicted about where you want to be going style wise, now might not be the best time to shop for real. Maybe go pinterest shopping instead? By all means, purge anything that is worn, shabby, uncomfortable, or Ill fitting. At least that way you shouldn't look or feel shabby ( which does nothing for self esteem.) Then put together a few 'go to' outfits with high happiness factors and wear them until you feel up to moving on.

Anonymous

I adore the leggings and shirtdress look, but I can't seem to pull it off! If I saw you, every time I guarantee I would think "wow, she looks great!". So don't feel like you are behind the curve, it is part of your style!

I get you on the perils of winter indoor dressing. We keep our house coolish in the winter, so that a sweater or blazer would be fine to keep you comfortable. But sometimes going to someone's house where they crank up the heat can be miserable (also going to the houses of people who like it even colder, but I know now to bring slippers and a large wrap).

unfrumped

Veteran

Take deep breaths! You've shown some lovely classic looks, so don't let the stress panic you . Closet purging can be good but not when under stress-- same as shopping.
Agree with picking a few outfits you feel fab in and just repeat a bit until you get more focus. Put some stuff in a holding zone so your daily closet isn't overwhelming you .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Deep breaths, Celia. You will get there. It does sound like a big purge is in order, perhaps. And then onwards.

I hear you about the temperatures and blazers. When I run into that problem I just remove my topper (at someone's house if the temps are very warm). I also have a few underlayers that are sleeveless and/ or tissue weight, so they really don't add warmth (in case I want to wear a wool blend blazer). It is true that the outfit feels less "complete" when the jacket is off, but usually it is still okay.

But I also hear you that it can feel like overkill in very casual settings. I don't wear my blazers at home at all. I wear them when I am out and about. At home I tend more towards sweaters. And if I had little tiny kids still, I would probably still be wearing more cardigans as toppers. Or knit blazers, for a bit of structure.

rute

Veteran

You are so sweet, I would volunteer gladly to come to your house and go trough your closet but I'm so far away!
I have been there!
My advice is:
Think of the pieces you love, the ones you use over and over again, put them all together and see what you find. Maybe a style, a favorite color or pattern.
When you go shopping look for those pieces, you don't need to have many pieces, think of quality and impecable fit.
Than, do the same to the pieces you bought and don't like and/or don't use.
When shopping think of you, what you love, what suits your life.