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Grit

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

https://www.facebook.com/Illum.....358148905/.

I enjoyed this talk. Take the time to listen and absorb (it's short). I believe there is a strong element of truth in what the psychologist is sharing. Wouldn't have thought so 20 years ago - but absolutely do at 47 years young today.

And a slogan I saw on a Gap kiddies hoodie yesterday. Fab for kids. Fab reminder for parents. Thank you, the Gap.

ETA: I forgot to mention that I'm not trying to suggest how to raise your children. I know very little about raising children because we weren't blessed with having them. I was struck by the talk because it described the people who I view as successful and have achieved.

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Latest reply was from Echo

always trying

Veteran

thanks Angie. I agree. I am 78 and grew up with sayings like you gotta be tough and take the hard knocks. I think that is part of this too.

Bijou

Veteran

I just listened to this and loved it. A wise friend once told me "The key to life is resilience.. We will always be knocked down, it is the getting up that counts." I do think we need to be there for each other too, to accept help and to give it.

I love the Gap hoodie - stylish and with a great message.

rachylou

Veteran

I have to think about this. A strong element of truth, but not sure if it's an ultimate truth. I certainly appreciate true grit in others... but you know, I have to be honest... like at the bakery, most people don't manage to carry their own weight. And lots of people come through, and their work histories show they don't persevere, but they still eat. And in office world, wow - I've seen whole divisions that only squeeze in a little imaginary doings between opening their personal Amazon deliveries to the workplace... people taking international business trips to discuss the font choices of other departments.

I guess I think achievement and success quite different things.

Not to be all negative or anything... :p

gryffin

Veteran

I can't remember if this is the same person, but I saw a TED talk on grit and I totally agree that grit accounts for all my success in life. Bijou's friend nailed it, "A wise friend once told me "The key to life is resilience.. We will always be knocked down, it is the getting up that counts." The strength to soldier on despite setback,s and not to lose heart or focus, that's what gets you where you want to go in life. The destination isn't important, it's the process that's key.

Sisi

Veteran

Interesting. This article made me immediately think of dr. Martin Seligman and his theory about the relation between an optimistic attitude and success.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies.

Bijou and Gryffin, you and your friend are wise.

Rachy, FWIW, the point is to think of life as a successful marathon and not a successful sprint. Do a spate of successful sprints create the endurance for a successful marathon? That's debatable too. Personally, I'm a huge supporter of why the Tortoise won the race.

always trying, I nodded along with what you said.

Sisi, I suspect there was a positive correlation.

Anonymous

Yes to grit! And also to its sibling: 80% of success in life is showing up (as opposed to just staying in bed).

Gaylene

Veteran

Like Rachylou, I'm wary about speakers who propose a universal answer to complex issues. Perseverance, optimism, resilience, support, and, yes, "grit" as the speaker chooses to call it--can be important in many contexts, but I'm not sure they are any more vital than stubbornness, calculated submission, rebellion, or distancing--or any other quality we choose to tease out of human behaviour. I am fairly sure my promoting any of those latter qualities in our children, though, wouldn't lead to a $$$ speaking engagement or a snappy saying in popular media.

After spending half a century working with children and adults in a classroom, all I can say is that I truly don't know why some keep moving while others stop. And, even if I did have the answer, why is movement, instead of stillness, automatically preferable? What is it we are moving towards--Spiritual transcendence? Monetary success? Intellectual curiousity? Mindfulness? Social compatibility? High test scores? Celebrity? Are "grit", patience, and head-down perseverance always the right tools to use. Does a focus on forward momentum displace the benefits we could get from reflection and diversion. And, even if we accept forward momentum as the "right" answer, couldn't a series of sprints, with breaks for rest and re-calculation, keep us more alert and mobile in an unfriendly or unpredictable environment? If we can't agree on what we are aiming towards, how in world can we know how what qualities are necessary to "teach" another person? And, are these qualities even "teachable" or do they come as by-products of self-awareness and experiences--pleasant and unpleasant.

Complicated stuff, despite so many experts wanting to give me the answer. I keep thinking maybe the only person who can judge the success of my life is myself, which leaves me to be the only one who can figure out what I need to do to get there. It's a tough lesson to teach a child, though.

rachylou

Veteran

Yes, Gaylene.

Yes, Xtabay.

Yes, Angie. I'm personally all about the tortoise.

I will say one thing I really appreciated in the talk was the comment about trying to think years out. That's my personal downfall. Although, it's ironically true that this is my failure because 'life is what happens while you're busy planning it.'

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

HAH, Rachy. In hindsight, we're all geniuses, aren't we.

Gaylene, it's a complex issue with a complex solution - so you are right to be skeptical. Perhaps we underestimate the importance of grit, which is interesting in itself. The Ted talk was a breath of fresh air to me - old fashioned grit is not to be ignored. All food of thought.

Xtabay, you always make me laugh. Thank you.

Beth Ann

Veteran

The research on Grit has been helpful to me, as a human and a parent. I like Carol Dweck's work even better -- check out the book "Mindset!"

unfrumped

Veteran

I heard and read some of these last summer- very interesting.

Angie, you might also like "The Slight Edge". As Gaylene cautions, it's gimmicky ( or potentially so) too, but relatable. "The journey of 1000 steps... " and so on.

rachylou

Veteran

Ok. Good topic.

I do worry that young people don't have grit. Too removed from nature anyways. My friend in the army says 1) All the vehicles are now automatic, young people can't drive anything but. 2) The military has spent a fortune developing its own system of smartphones because this is how the children get by. Or more accurately, they can't get by without them. That's a vulnerability, you know; despite the prowess and techno wow.

I also worry about first world people of all ages, and Americans especially, when they freak out because there's no ice.

BrieN

Veteran

Ditto exactly what Beth Ann said.
Mindset was the defining book of the last ten years for me.

Anonymous

My DH and I put an emphasis on education and expected our children to do well in school. They did, and they all have college degrees and gainful employment, except the youngest who is still in school. Yes, grit or determination is necessary, but parents have the responsibility to provide the right environment and resources for their children to succeed. Some people succeed in spite of everything, but most people need to be encouraged. One of my DDs said that had we not expected her to go to college, she wouldn't have. Now she's back in school getting a Masters degree while simultaneously teaching 4th grade at a local elementary school. This is her choice, not ours, but we are behind her 100%.

Anonymous

Angie, I noticed that you have a new blog post every day. Every Day. You definitely have more grit than I do, lol!

One interesting thing is: I think you can have grit in some areas and not others and the areas where you have grit are not nexcessarily those where you have talent (and that is what the lady in the video says, and ITA.)

I honestly believe I have very little talent for my profession (shhhh!), but people always like my work! It is because I have a lot of grit in this area.

Anonymous

Smittie, it's interesting you say that. I most definitely have less grit in my talent (piano/vocal) than I do in my chosen profession. My work doesn't motivate me, but it's a job that pays bills, and that's worth a lot.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies. I enjoyed reading them. (Sorry I left you hanging on this thread while I was on our road trip).

Beth Ann, unfrumped and BrieN, I'll look into those books.

BC, sounds like you you have hard working daughters.

Smittie, you are astute, succinct and eloquent as always. You MAKE SO MUCH SENSE. Absolutely dead right. Fast and to the point too. (What is your line of work?). I bet you're overly modest about your skill set!

To Smittie's point: I believe that with what I lack in raw intellectual horse power and eloquence, I can "somewhat make-up for" with hard work, resilience, energy and focused discipline. I can't control the former (it's predominantly genetic), but I can absolutely control the latter. So yes. For almost 12 years I've written a daily blog post(s) with fresh content and kept my readership reasonably engaged. And I do not enjoy writing, and would never call myself a writer. I'm a Fashion Stylist.

anne

Veteran

Seconding Smittie. Yes, You have been amazing in your persistence and discipline Angie. And I'm very thankful for it

Sal

Veteran

Yes Angie - that is grit. You certainly write very well even if it did not come naturally, your grit has got you there.

I must listen to the Ted talk.

I am going to give this some thought - I am seeing a life coach right now to hopefully change some patterns in my life - which is not easy.

Anonymous

I agree that you write very well! Really clear and well-organized thoughts. You too, Sally!

And thank you for the complement, Angie! I wasn't sure whether I wanted to tell people because I didn't want to be held to a high standard when posting here.

Echo

Veteran

While Gaylene, as always, makes some very important points, I have to agree that "grit" is crucial to the success of many people. While forward momentum is not automatically preferable, perhaps not giving up is. There are people who allow one or two failures to define them and their lives or to derail their dreams. But everyone faces failure and setbacks and people who might block one's path. While I am not advocating that traditional career success or monetary achievement or even forward momentum is key to everyone's journey, there is very little that can be achieved (either internally or externally) when a person gives up. There is nothing left when a person gives up hope.

So while putting one foot in front of the other (metaphorically speaking) may not be the answer, it can help give you a reason to get up in the morning until you are able to renew hope and THEN find the answer. The grit to keep going is crucial to not giving up hope, IMO.