Graduation dress for DD - YouLookFab Forum

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Graduation dress for DD

anchie

Veteran

I want to start with apologies for not being very active on the forum lately - going through very busy period both at work and in my personal life. But I desperately need your help. My DD is graduating primary school and ceremony will be in a month. All her girlfriends have already bought dresses and we haven’t even started looking. Problem is my daughter is not girly girl at all - she never wears a dress - and she doesn’t have a clue what kind of dress she wants. She would honestly rather not go to graduation than wear a dress but that’s not really an option. She likes grunge style - she wears lot of plaid shirts, oversized sweaters, ripped jeans, combat boots, chokers and has long messy hair. She is only 11 years old but tallest in her class - 164cm already. She has fully developed with all womanly curves, so children sizes don’t fit her well any more - they are cut too straight for her hourglass figure. But women clothes will be probably too big on her - she has small frame maybe size XS, jeans 24/25. I am completely at loss, don’t have any idea what to look for. Do you have any visuals of what would be appropriate dress for the occasion that is fancy enough but not too grown up looking? She would prefer jumpsuit but when she mentioned that to her friends they were all against it so she is not sure about it anymore. I am not in US so you probably can’t help me with exact dresses but just some ideas in which direction to go would be great help.

Shopping

28 replies

Latest reply was from Liesbeth

Christina F.

Veteran

I am sorry that her friends talked her out of a jumpsuit. That sounds like a great option, but I know the pressure to conform is tough at that age.

I have no help for the kind of dress she should wear, but is it possible for her to wear her combat boots with a dress? It's a valid look, but I don't know if there is a dress code for this or if this is something her friends would talk her out of as well.

Lesley

Veteran

One of my daughters is exactly the same way, although younger (she's 8). I stopped pushing the dresses and just came up with dressy pant/top or even dressy shorts/top options, and if she expressed interest in jumpsuits, I'd go in that direction too! I highly recommend taking her shopping, which perhaps you do, rather than trying to pick stuff out for her. My son is fancy-clothes resistant too (he's 10) and I do the same for him, or at least we shop online together so he can pick his own stuff out. Fancy occasions have become so much more fun and relaxed. The kids actually are super happy with their outfits, rather than being glum for having to put on something they hate, and it's fun to see what they come up with and watch them feel like they are expressing their own style. I know the stakes and dynamics are different because my kids are younger, but I just wanted to express solidarity and wish you luck!

Synne

Veteran

A cute top and pretty trousers? This is what I'm planning on wearing to an upcoming fancy event my self. I guess the same formula, if not clothes, would work on an 11 year old too. (Not sure what that tells me about my style sense, ha ha).

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Lesley

Veteran

Oh, I just re-read and saw that her graduation is primary school, so closer in age than I thought. In any case, I hope any of the above is helpful!

Jules

Veteran

I don’t know what the ‘rules’ are for an event like this where you are (perhaps Europe remains more formal), but for her 6th grade grad my daughter wore an inexpensive black and white striped dress from H&M with mint green converse. The black & white sole of the shoe played nicely with the striped dress (actually stripes and converse are one of my all time favourite combos) and we got her a mint green manicure. Simple and cute.
At a glance... this is a dress but not frou frou or figure concious:
https://m2.hm.com/m/de_at/prod.....40002.html

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What Lesley said.

Take DD shopping at Zara, Forever 21 and H&M for small sizes. Remind DD that she can toughen up a skirt and dress with combat boots, oxfords and sneakers. She can knot her beloved plaid shirts over a cute dress or skirt too. Wear her chokers and feel like who she is.

She can wear dressier pants with a fitted top and denim jacket. And don't give up on the jumpsuit idea yet.

Messy hair will work!

anchie

Veteran

Those are all great ideas, I already feel better. Incorporating something from her style like combat boots is something I am sure she will like. She doesn’t want to go to far from her usual self. I probably don’t need to worry that much about sizing, thing is, we recently ordered bunch of spring things for her and I had to send all back. Because of her height she needs biggest kids size, but that size is too big for her overall, it is more like woman’s M, I could fit into it. So it seems that it is time for her to start shopping at women’s section but she is resisting it. H&M and Zara are probably good places to start with it.
I just looked at last yearbook to get the idea of dressines level - I will remove the picture soon.

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Jane

Veteran

How about a mesh animal print dress from top shop? This is my zebra one and there are more options available now... there are quite a few colours and prints and would look great dressed up with DMartens and with a checked shirt.?

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Lesley

Veteran

Check out that boy in the back row in the bottom photo... he is bringing his personal style to the formal occasion! Got to love it.

Sal

Veteran

These things are hard sometimes. I would either go for simple dress eg striped or plain in loose shift style, or nice trousers with a shirt or blouse. I like a jumpsuit too.

That 11-13 age was a struggle with my older son as he was too slim for men’s clothing and too big for boys. So he ended up with a small women’s puffer. My younger son is more muscular so it was easier.

Joy

Veteran

Your daughter reminds me of a friend’s little girl who resisted an Easter dress and insisted that she wanted a business suit. How about separates? A shirt or trousers, maybe chinos, with a jacket with simple lines, maybe even a work jacket, like the blogger outfit today (Tuesday) in white with a dark floral shirt. Another idea, she might like a wrap skirt.

Gretchen

Veteran

If the boys are in suits - would she like something similar? Nice pants with a simple top/jacket? I agree Zara or H&M would be good places as they have such a variety of sizing. When my daughter hit that stage it was easier to take her to the petites section of a larger store so she didn't feel like she was shopping at "mom's places".

karen13

Veteran

Can you bring a few items home, or at least pre-scout some places and take her on a try-on session? You may not have the easy access to returns that I do.

I was my DD's personal shopper for her prom dress and brought several things home, got a sense of what she was looking for and liked, and then we went out together. She definitely had to try things on - several things she hated on the hanger ended up working once she tried them on in a low pressure environment. I really had to focus on the fact that she needed to love it, and not push her into something that I liked. She ended up with a fab dress that we both loved.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Glory

Veteran

My friend just shopped this past weekend for her DD. She ended up with a khaki denim skirt from Zara, a cream tshirt from ON and a pair of red cons.

anchie

Veteran

It seems that we need to go shopping in the stores to get a feel for size and style that she will like. She is not into boys clothes either, she just prefers tough over sweet and is very particular about what she likes. Usually it is a good thing but not in this case it will be most likely a solid neutral dress without bows, ruffles or lace. Hopefully we will be able to find it.

The Cat

Veteran

I think the jumpsuit was a good idea. Other ideas: How about a casual pinafore dress or slipdress, worn over a tee, and with boots and a choker?

Barbara Diane

Veteran

First thought was a jumpsuit. How about a dress length one or a wide leg cropped one?
Or a dress over pants?
Or a shirt dress with combat boots.
Maybe camouflage print?

Barbara Diane

Veteran

My friends’ daughter wore a tailored suit for an event and looked sharp.

A question for her to consider is where does she want to be on a line between 100% herself and fitting in?

Elizabeth P

Veteran

My dd was totally against dresses at this age as well. As well as vraduation, I remember she had a couple of sports banquets to go to, where all her teammates were wearing sun dresses. We also had her grandfathers funeral. She wore cropped leggings and a woven mid-thigh tunic. I would have liked something dressier but she was comfortable and it was a good compromise.

She’s stilll not into dresses but did get one for subsequent banquets and junior high graduation (age 14]

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Oh speaking of which I remember not being pleased with DD1 who is now 28 and just married, when she wore jeans at 15 to Neil’s sister’s wedding! She had one pretty dress but I was not onto it enough and not realised ( until the day, too late) that she had grown out of it. She was and still is very slim but obviously it had been a year or so and even a slim girl grows I guess. At least her shirt was quite a pretty pink.
Good on you for seeking advice and planning ahead.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

These events can be a bit stressful for kid and parent both— I love the idea of an Oxford shoe or a loafer as a dressier option that is not too girly.

Anonymous

A jumpsuit sounds perfect to me, and seconding oxfords or loafers. Since you had said before it's pretty formal, I'd veto the combat boots (at the event).

RB

I would embrace her style and work with it. Something like these would look great with plaid shirts as a jacket or tied around the waist or a denim jacket, and combat boots or sneakers

https//www.zara.com/dk/en/dress-with-pockets-p02208805.html?v1=9895917&v2=1180427

https://www.zara.com/dk/en/tex.....v2=1180427

https://www.zara.com/dk/en/emb.....v2=1180427

https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/prod.....44004.html

https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/prod.....80031.html

https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/prod.....80003.html

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

H&M is a good idea--you can pick up a few things for her to try, without mentioning which department they're from. Spend a little time googling options together beforehand to get an idea of what she likes. You'll probably have to return the first batch; she can come along, see what dept they're from, and realize they fit her.

I like the Cat's idea of how to style a dress.

abby

What Angie said! A compromise is in order. To run with the herd, a dress is the thing, but she can be herself otherwise with her combat boots, choker, and her beloved shirt. This is a good lesson in life in finding her own balance between conforming and being herself. And a lesson for you in how much guidance to give her as she grows.

anchie

Veteran

We are going later this afternoon to the mall, just to check what is out there, without pressure. She can try on whatever she wants, and who knows - she may even like something that is not her usual style.
She is not easily influenced by others, her group of friends don’t share her style preferences and she is fine with that in every day situations, but little unsure if she wants to stick out much on this occasion. And I think there are other factors at play here - she developed earlier then her friends and she is in ‘hide my body’ phase. And she is also always fighting for gender equality and don’t like being told to do something just because she is girl. Few months ago she raised issue in PE because teacher gave different assignments to boys then to girls. She sings in choir and they had concert just last evening. Dress code was all black, and boys were given school ties and girls school scarves. She objected and insisted on wearing a tie, and then almost all girls in choir ended up wearing a tie. It was her protest to gender stereotyping.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

She sounds like a really cool kid. You must be proud.

Liesbeth

Veteran

Yeah, your daughter sounds amazing. I'm glad you are supportive and aware that wanting to hide her body is most likely a phase. Probably best not to pay too much attention to all that and pick out something she likes that is appropriate enough.
I never had a primary school graduation, is that common? And my highschool graduation was the other way around: no dresscode, I had picked out a pretty dress (from my existing wardrobe) and found myself standing out between a sea of jeans and black (!) tees/sweaters. To this day I wonder if there was some sort of pact to look too cool to care that I wasn't aware of :). But I'm glad I dressed up a bit because that's me.