Good bye wardrobe, goodbye - YouLookFab Forum

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Good bye wardrobe, goodbye

ironkurtin

Veteran

None of my pants fit anymore. Even the ones that fit when I tried them on 2 months ago - AND the new ones I just bought for my "new", now dearly departed, size! They're all too big in the torso - not just the waist, but along that double side seam to the legs, which makes them rather pointlessly expensive to alter. Ahoy mass ebay listing of very expensive jeans! *weeps*

I continue to be depressed about this. Those of you who wish they could lose weight may not understand this, but I feel like something I used to rely on - knowing my size and shape - is gone. I think if I had set out to lose tons of weight, I would be rejoicing, but I didn't set out to shrink quite this much! Not that I necessarily want to undo it, but I wouldn't know how even if I did. I feel so much less queasy and belchy without processed carbs, and I really love being so much stronger and more fit. So I think this isn't a diet or a workout plan any more, it's a lifestyle change.

This kind of recalibration in my wardrobe - my collection of armor for life - is throwing me for a bit of a loop. I wish I were enjoying it more. My husband is *very* preoccupied with his new business and isn't really all that attentive to the new me. So the only feedback I'm getting is from 1) my clothes not fitting, and 2) my girlfriends. The first is making me sad. The second is very lovely, but since I'm not married to them it's not quite the same.

Man, I sound so freaking whiny. Sorry, ladies, just venting someplace safe. Thanks for listening!

General

24 replies

Latest reply was from JR

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

((HUGS)))

And this is just one of the reasons that our styles are a constant JOURNEY. Guaranteed we have to regroup when our bodies change their size and shape.

I bet it's sad and somewhat annoying to have to replace all your bottoms in one swoop. Do keep the positive about this process top of mind - you feel so much better both mentally and physically in your new body. Build up your bottoms capsule slowly. Try a clothing swap?

And I am telepathically sending messages to hubs to appreciate the new you.

shiny

Veteran

Do you have an idea when you might land at your goal weight? You may want to avoid buying any new jeans until then, and instead opt for skirts, dresses, and more forgiving pants styles (like ponte knit pants).

As for the hubby, at least you know he loves you no matter what size you are!

Laurinda

Veteran

It is bittersweet, isn't it IK? For fun I went on a shopping 'field trip' this week, and grabbed a few pants from the size 16 rack just to try them on, no intention of buying anyting. THEY FIT! WOO HOO I CAN BUY CLOTHES IN REAL STORES NOW! (Ok, a few places only carry up to size 14, but soon.) I won't be buying much since I saved my smaller sized clothes. I guess I am not sad at all about losing my plus-sized wardrobe, but I can understand the underlying paradigm shift.

Mr. Laurinda is similarly oblivious. He did not even notice when I cut 6" off my hair. To look on the bright side, I have carte blanche to do whatever I want with my looks ;-).

Cheers to a new and healthier you!

MsMary

Veteran

I feel your pain, IK! I lost a bunch of weight a couple of years ago and was THRILLED to replace my wardrobe. But then when I shrunk out of the new, awesome clothes, it was indeed bittersweet. I am still pining over a couple of items (I'm talking to you, olive corduroy jacket!).

I'm sorry Mr. IK isn't as attentive as you'd like. Sometimes I just grab Mr. K by the lapels and tell him what I need to hear from him!

Thistle

Veteran

Sending vibes form Mr.IK to give you the feedback you what. On the flip side, it is nice to know he loves you for you no matter your size!

Replacing so many clothes at once is difficult and expensive. At the same time, it does allow some reflection about your style and the image you want to project. So while you are losing your armor, it gives you the opportunity to craft fresh armor that speak to who you are today.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Shiny, I don't have a goal weight. So no. As for the rest, I see your logic but none of those are really my style and I'd feel really weird. In fact, my current skirts and dresses, the few I own, don't even fit anymore. Or not like they used to anyway.

Debbie

Veteran

IK you look amazing and that is the upside. The downside is your husband is not giving the new you the attention you deserve. Can you sit down and have a chat with him. Would it be possible to plan an evening together with no talk of the new business.
Just throwing out suggestions.
My own husband has his moments. Sometimes he notices nothing and then he will surprise me with a comment.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

IK, could you perhaps view this as having replaced the armor of your wardrobe with the strength of your new body? The changes you have made will keep you healthy in the long run and what a fabulous example you are setting.

shiny

Veteran

If jeans are your preferred wardrobe staple, then the good news is that you can invest in one pair and wear them every single day for weeks on end, until you shrink out of them and require a new size. Nobody is going to notice. Also thrift stores are filled with barely worn denim, so you needn't spend a fortune either!

As for the hubby, it can be threatening when your spouse loses weight and makes positive lifestyle changes. Perhaps some of that is going on with him? Perhaps he feels pressure to get into shape himself, or he frets you will get all skinny and fit and run off with your personal trainer. While it'd be great if he was more supportive, it would be a lot worse if he was trying to get you to "change back" and sabotaging your efforts (consciously or unconsciously). I've seen that a lot with couples.

Anonymous

That would be tough having to replace what was just newly replaced. I seem to remember you wanting a small manageable wardrobe so I guess this is a kick off to buy all new and wonderful items. Go forth and purchase!

Jem

Veteran

I'm sorry you are going to all of that work and not getting the positive fb you deserve. FWIW, you are my hero. I want to do the same as you, but am having trouble sticking with it. I hope you are able to find some new, equally as fab jeans, etc and you will start feeling better soon.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Deep breath, IK. I know, it sucks to not fit into things you love and feel are part of your identity. Plus, the uncertainty of where you'll land when you plateau makes it not fun because you're not sure if new stuff will have the same fate. It sounds like you're just going to have to make due and muddle through!

As for hubby's business - I grew up the daughter of small business owners. Owning a business can be very intense. I'm sure he cares about what's going on with you...it sounds like you are both in a time when you need support from the other person for different reasons, which can be so hard. I'm glad you have your girlfriends, though. (-: Hang in there - this can't go on forever!

Irene

Veteran

I remember when I lost an important amount of weight a few years ago. I had to rebuild my wardrobe from scratch. It sucks, especially when you have some items you love, but what can you do? Enjoy the shopping

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

I'm sorry about your clothes not fitting anymore IK but congrats on your new healthier body! I really like Dianthus' comment, it is spot on. Your body is your life and is all the armor you need. You know your style (which is super fab) and it's just a matter of doing a few new pieces at a time and remixing more. I sympathize more than you know, because I'm going through the same exact dilemma but from the opposite end due to my growing belly. I really lament not fitting into my newly acquired wardrobe and am struggling to maintain my style on a much smaller capsule. Good luck with the transition and once again congrats on feeling and looking better. Even if your DH doesn't notice, we all do! XOXO

Gaylene

Veteran

Oh, does this sound like me last year. After years of knowing what sizes and shapes to take into the dressing room and amassing a wardrobe of things that I liked to wear (and had spent some serious cash on), I decided to lose some weight and get in shape to avoid taking blood pressure meds. Since I was concentrating on exercise and a healthier diet, the weight loss seemed more like a pleasant fringe benefit. But I was unprepared for my mixed reaction to dropping two sizes and literally swimming in all my clothes.

Here are some of my thoughts on going through that process. First, do decide on what weight you would like for a maintenance weight. It's easy to get caught up on the thrill of seeing the numbers on the scale go down, but, in my case, I realized that I didn't want to end up at a number that I could maintain only by constantly monitoring my food intake and spending hours in the gym. There is more to life than constantly worrying about food and exercise, important though they are.

Second, once you are close to your maintenance weight, give yourself permission to start buying a few essentials that showcase your new shape and fit your day-to-day lifestyle. For me, spending a bit of money on those items made me realize that re-gaining the weight was not an option medically or financially. If things got snug, I was back on monitoring and exercising--no excuses!

Third, don't get hooked on feedback from others. That sounds a bit blunt, but I know that, while I had mixed emotions about how my shrinking size was affecting my wardrobe, it was hard not to feel a bit smug at times about my accomplishment. It was my sister whose straight-talking made me realize that my getting in shape was great for me, but not that interesting to the rest of the world.

Finally, don't get depressed if your weight starts to creep up after a year or two, It does not mean that you are going to end up back where you were. Keep the the number on the scale in perspective. Your body is going to keep changing, but, as long as you take care of it, you can maintain its healthy state. In my case, I found that my intense workouts were actually causing some other issues in my knees which couldn't take the constant pressure. I had to scale back on my workouts, do some extra work with a physical therapist to strengthen my knees, and ended up with a much stronger body in the long run. But scaling back on the workouts also meant that I realized that I had to accept a few extra pounds on the scale. My doctor is happy with my current weight, so I figure that I ought to be as well.

I think it's taken a couple of years to adjust to my new body so don't feel weird if it takes you some time as well. It's like saying goodbye to someone you knew very well and spending enough time getting to know the new kid on the block.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Thanks for all the sweet words, ladies!

Gaylene - I actually don't even know what I weigh. I don't look, because it turns into exactly the kind of mind game you describe. And hopefully I'm not boring anyone with my wonderful weight loss, although I'm turning into a bit of a moaning Myrtle about it. Everyone does seem to think weight loss = happy joy time. I'd far rather get compliments on my biceps than my skinniness. Why do so many women all want to get *smaller*?

Dianthus, I will try to do what you describe. I've just lost my footing with my sword arm a little!

And if anyone wants to see the hall of lost jeans, soon to include many more orphaned pairs, they are here:
http://www.ebay.com/sch/notdon.....038;_rdc=1

rae

(website)

Veteran

Since I panicked like crazy when my shoes didn't fit the same, I can only imagine how you feel. *hugs* Since this is a lifestyle change, you will come to know your size and shape again, no problemo. It will take time, trial, and error - but the results will be fab!

Anonymous

It is unsettling when our identity shifts. I understand what you're feeling.

If eBay doesn't pan out on some of the items, Moss Consignment on South Lamar might be worth a try.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

But your shoes still fit right?
In the long run you will adjust. Maybe this is a chance to reflect on your style and where you want to go in the future. Just like I had to reevaluate my style without heels.

Lyn D.

Veteran

IK. all the items you are selling look like they will add up dollar wise.
As Shiny said you will be able to buy just a couple of replacements in your current size with the proceeds to keep you stylishly going forward.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

IK - HUGE hugs from someone who has been every size from a 4 to a 22! It's hard to figure out who you are when you are constantly changing and it can feel like you've really lost yourself. But you haven't. You are finding a stronger, leaner YOU and it's just going to take some time to get to know her. Be proud of what you have accomplished and try to remember why you went on this health path in the first place.

I agree with Anna that now is maybe the time to think about the next leg of your style journey.

And I love MaryK's point about just grabbing Mr IK and letting him know how you feel and what you need. Husbands (at least my husband) aren't always that astute and don't often get hints

shiny

Veteran

IK, I think it's awesome you aren't focused on a number on the scale. At my smallest clothing size ever, I weighed 20 lbs more than I do now -- the difference was solid muscle. (It'd be awesome to get that back, but not happening... long story and don't want to digress here). Scale weight has zip to do with clothing size.

You did remind me, however, that long ago when on my own journey I made a connection: when you are on the smaller end of the clothing scale (size 0, 2, 4 or 25/26/27 jeans), it doesn't take much at all (pounds OR inches) to drop or go up to the next size. Whereas if you are on the middling end of the scale (8, 10, 12) there is more leeway.

This was years ago, mind you; but your thread here reminded me. I did this whole analysis. And if you go look at size charts, you'll see what I am saying. There may be only an inch difference between size 2 and 4 ... or if you put that into pounds we're talking less than 5 lbs difference. But between say a 10 and 12, there's a 10 lb difference.

What this means is -- now that you are heading below a 30 in jeans, it doesn't take much at all to drop or go up in a size. And yes that IS frustrating!

This is why I duplicate my favorite jeans in both size 26 and 27. Because I do fluctuate 2-3 lbs during the month -- easily.

It kind of sucks. But, it's also a clear sign that you are getting about as fit and near your ideal weight/size/shape as you could possibly ever be. So there is the positive.

You WILL settle out, and not too long from now.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I LOVE moaning myrtle. (-: You are allowed to have freak outs.

And, on so many women wanting to be skinny, we saw a crack addict walking by today as we sat at lunch on Alki. Skinny is not always good...ugh.

JR

Veteran

I hear you, IK, even if I don't put as much money into my clothes as you do. I do lament the loss of some of my great new clothes, and it is rather unsettling to not really know what size I will be three or six months from now. I also find myself looking in mirrors a lot, just to try to come to grips with what I am seeing. I mean, on one hand I'm thrilled, but on the other it's a bit unsettling. When am I going to stop being surprised and feel like I'm really looking at me, and not at some stranger?

Still and all, hearfelt congratulations on your accomplishment. Far better to have the healthier, stronger body than the clothes.