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Going through my clothes is so emotional!

JennyK (NC)

Wow - what a surprisingly emotional process it is for me to go through my closet to take stock, prune, and figure out what I need to buy! I see so many things that are part of my pre-baby life. That life is gone and although I really love my new life (I feel so much more fulfilled now), there are certainly things I miss. My clothes very much reflect my life before.

There is no point in me keeping most of the stuff. I just don't need it. But it's so, so hard to let it go. I still have the same style persona but I'm at a loss as to how it can be incorporated into my chasing-toddlers daily life.

If I clear out all of the clothing that no longer works for me I will be left with a handful of cheap items bought in desperation to fit my current body and playing-on-the-floor lifestyle - most of them things I don't really like. Even though I already know that's the case, it will be really depressing to see it.

Have you gone through a dramatic lifestyle change that dramatically changed your closet too? How did you get through it?

Dressing

17 replies

Latest reply was from Nicole in OC

Nicole D

Veteran

I think it was during residency for Internal Medicine about 15 years ago, I was so sleep deprived and stressed about exams that I ended up with a closet of khakis, boxy tops and loafers. Then I went into maternity clothes for about 7 years!
To turn it around, I actually took a college one day workshop put on by a local stylist, and gradually started building a wardrobe of appropriate colours and shapes. Oh yeah, and I lost 35 pounds somewhere in there too.
Style transformation sure doesn't happen overnight!

qfbrenda

Veteran

Hugs to you! I went through a huge change when I lost over 30 lbs and totally revamped my style all at the same time. It was slightly traumatic though very good at the same time. My actual lifestyle stayed the same--SAHM to 5 boys--but I dress SO differently than I did before. I had spent over 10 years pregnant and/or nursing and wore long skirts (often mid-calf, sigh) and over-sized tops that worked for nursing. I looked like I was wearing sacks but didn't care at the time. All of a sudden nothing fit and I didn't want to dress in sacks anymore.

I got through it one day at a time, making lots of lists of clothing items I needed, and buying a bit at a time. In some ways it was easier for me to get rid of stuff because it was all so big that it looked ridiculous. There was no temptation to try to hold on to my old clothes. Trust me, slowly gathering the items you need works wonders over time. It feels like a snail crawling up a wall at times, but then it's suddenly 6 months later and your closet is already looking much better.

Is it possible to put together a "dressy" capsule with some of your old pieces? I don't know what your old life was like before twins, so I'll just make up a few pieces that an old lifestyle and suggest how you might re-purpose them:

If you had an office job, those blazers could be mixed in with your casual clothes. You could save a couple of nice office dresses for date night. Throw a denim jacket over a nice dress to make it more casual. You could put a blouse over a pair of boyfriend jeans. The dressy and casual stuff can mix better than you might imagine.

Of course if this is more of a size change issue, you can't forget what I just suggested. LOL But I'm thinking maybe some of those old clothes might work better than you think. Is that possible?

Kalli

I can totally identify. I moved away from San Diego (lucky me), where I had a one season wardrobe back to the Bay Area to take care and help my mother out - now two seasons at least. I also had more of rude awakening as that I didn't want to dress like I was in my 20s anymore. I also moved from a 1250sq ft condo to living in a tiny 120 sq ft room - aka tiny closet.

There were items that I wasn't willing to get rid of yet. 500 down to 173. I think you should be on team wear, don't be afraid to get those items from the previous life some use even if they don't fit properly (alterations) shirts that were button up can be worn open as layering pieces. I've even had pants that were too tight in the waist lowered a little bit.

Think of this as an opportunity to build a well edited wardrobe you could love. Looking in the past has never helped :). Good luck! I am definitely rooting for you.

Anonymous

I am not the biggest purger, I keep things even if I don't wear them often. If space is not an issue, them consider the following

Did you give birth more that 2-3 years ago? I don't think donating your stuff is a great idea, unless you have been out of preggers for a while. First, you need to adjust emotionally, meaning you might think there is no more going out or socializing so heck with the heels and dresses, but in reality, you will have occasions to wear your stuff. Second, I think you need to give your body time to do what it needs to do post baby.

I would hate for you to get rid of your stuff to then regret it.

I purged stuff that I wore, when I fell ill a couple years ago. Seeing the items gave me flashbacks.I could not take it. Everything was gradually donated.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Yes.
First I was heavy.
Then I got sick and very, very skinny.
Then I got fit.
Then I got pregnant.
Then I was nursing.
Then I was a working mom.
Then I was a *traveling* working mom
Then we moved to Texas.
Then I got fat.
Then I got fit again.

Yeah. Kinda how it goes.

Thistle

Veteran

Yes. I went and had a baby, and I am still nursing her.

Nothing fits much from my opre-baby days. My "girls" are much different and my hips, well, they haven't shrunk back to pre-baby me.

I hear for some women it is easier to lose the baby weight AFTER breastfeeding. Maybe I am one of them, maybe not. ANd, we may or may not be done with our family.

And, I keep getting older. Can't wear in my 30s what I could in my 20s.

abc

Veteran

Hilarious reply, Ironkurtin. And so true!

I went through something similar to you (actually I am still going through it). A job change coupled with a move to a foreign country with different seasons/weather plus having 2 babies in 2 years has definitely made me redo my wardrobe whether I wanted to or not.

I know I did / am not doing it quite right, though, because I buy up a storm when I am in the USA - I am comfortable with the stores and shopping there vs here (bordering plus size means most of what I can find here are elastic pants, no thanks).

I did a shotgun approach and at times I know I didn't get it all right. But is it better than what I could find here? Probably so - lack of selection plus my lack of knowledge of the stores means I just get lazy and do my shopping when I am back in the USA. Not the smartest approach but it is what it is, for me at least.

If you can identify what "capsule" you need most (SAHM, WFH, dressy, office, etc) then you can ID the key pieces you need (jeans, flats, tops, dresses, pants, etc) and approach it in a somewhat orderly fashion and with less haste than I do.

Sometimes I do not practice Angie's PPP because I feel pressure to find what I need on my limited time in the USA. At least you don't have that aspect to deal with (or at least I hope not!)

Just don't let it get you overwhelmed. Get what you really need for day to day and build from there. Good luck!

Oh and I agree with what Zapotee said too - maybe cull some of your pre-baby stuff but not ALL of it. Save some heels (I am hoping for a day to wear mine, too!)

Aziraphale

Veteran

Chin up. You'll figure out the things you need to suit your new life before you know it.

I went through it too. I got through it by, I confess, putting style on a backburner for quite a few years while my two kids were small. It was wonderful when the little one was old enough that I didn't have to schlep him everywhere, and could start wearing what I felt were "normal" clothes again. But there are better solutions than that, and plenty of moms of this forum who can give tips on how to feel stylish and have toddlers at the same time. I never mastered that art.

I always made sure I had a good haircut, though.

I think a lot of us go through this dramatic change you're talking about when we become mothers, especially if we don't got back to work after the baby. (What works for a stay-at-homer is quite different than what you need to work in, say, an office). Every woman who grows a baby in her belly changes shape dramatically, and nearly no one goes right back to her pre-pregnancy shape quickly. Sometimes never. So there's that for starters. You have to have clothes to fit your body NOW, which means new clothes. And it's hard to find time to go buy new clothes when you're busy with small children. Plus, lots of people feel a financial squeeze after baby, which doesn't help either.

Thistle, how long have you been breastfeeding your baby? I've heard that if you breastfeed for a really long time (like, more than a year) then it generally does promote weight loss. I don't know this from experience, of course, because I didn't much like breastfeeding and gave it up on the early side.

Jules

Veteran

One small suggestion - over the years I have allowed myself to keep the odd item for sentimental reasons - even if I never wear it again (actually I'm sure I won't!), it'll be fun to show my daughters the very of-the-moment shirt I was wearing the night I met DH - in other cases, the attachment diminished through the years and I was able to get rid of the stuff quite easily a few years later. I put them in a box marked sentimental so they weren't in my closet, mentally they were purged but emotionally, I could hold on a while longer.

Mia

Veteran

After I gave birth to my son I actually raided my husbands closet to tide me over the first summer. Shirts and shorts if I remember. I don't advocate this mind you but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I kept thinking I'd fit back into my stuff although it was almost all corporate wear and I never did until it was too dated. Even my shoe size changed. I put a bunch of things in a "dress up box" for my nieces and I made a sentimental box too.

Eventually my love of clothing and style got me back into things and with the help of a friend who worked in a local clothing store I started rebuilding my wardrobe.

Anonymous

It is hard when you have babies and preschoolers, and you shouldn't get rid of everything. You need to schedule some regular date nights and wear those things that show the real you. I can remember when my body didn't feel like my own at all. At least get yourself some great looking jeans and some washable tops in flattering colors and styles. You need to remind your husband and yourself that there's more to you than being somebody's mom. Hugs!

anne

Veteran

Jenny, you have a much older child, right? So you have got through this before!

I am just getting back into the workforce after 6 years out, (just part time and casual) and I am REALLY glad I didn't get rid of all my work clothes. I love wearing my old suit, and sheath dresses. I didn't keep everything (got rid of worn or dated stuff) but some of it was classic and in good condition. And I get complimented on it

Also I agree that you should keep a few outfits for going out.

I know you have made some style resolutions for how to dress in your current SAHM lifestyle, and feel confident that with your pizzazz you'll get that sorted soon.

AJ

Veteran

Hi Jenny! Lot's of hugs to you, you hardworking mama!

Maybe put your most favorite things in a holding zone for now. I wouldn't get rid of everything just yet.

How about coming up with how you can fuse your bomshell style with your current clothing needs? Bombshell casual? I see knit pencil skirts than can be worn with leggings, knit moto jackets, scoopnecks tees, easy hair up dos, and "cat eyes." How does that sound?

JennyK (NC)

Thanks for the support everyone! I'll respond more later but I just wanted to say

AJ I love you!!! You still know me

JennyK (NC)

I feel like I'm reviving a dead thread here but I couldn't let it go without finally responding to all of you who so generously take the time to give me your support and advice.

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has gone through this. I mean, I know I'm not, but it is truly helpful to hear from people who've done it.

My style is what I call "bombshell". I like body-con stuff and was a blouse/pencil skirt/heels kind of gal who had an office job. I dressed downright scandalously to go out on dates with my sweetie and loved doing it (still do!). I have an hourglass shape with a rather large bosom and have never wanted nor tried to hide it.

My going-out dresses and such will stay in my closet. It's the every-day stuff that is tough. Even if I want to mix the dressy with the casual, the dressy stuff doesn't suit my physical activity. For example, I could get away with wearing shirts that weren't quite long enough when I sat at a desk all day. Now I spend a large part of every day bending over, kneeling, sitting on the floor and crawling around (gotta get the legos out from under the couch!). Those pieces just physically don't work anymore.

I actually lost all of my pregnancy weight pretty quickly after the boys were born. But things aren't necessarily exactly in the same place - LOL. I have much more pooch in the belly area than I did before. Sadly, I've gained about 15 pounds in the last 3 or 4 months (not sure why), so weight is another (though hopefully temporary) issue right now.

Thistle - I hear you about the getting older thing. Part of my problem is that I am now 3-5 years older than I was before, you know? I guess my style persona is evolving a bit.

ABC - My primary capsule now is MOTG and that's what I need to focus all of my efforts on.

Ann - Yes, I have two adult children so I guess I have been through this before. I didn't have much of a "style" back then really. I was barely an adult myself! I don't think I'll be back in the work force any time soon. but I do agree that it's good to keep a few work-type outfits around.

Thank you for your help and support! I'm working on a budget and a list, so I'll be asking for lots of k/r advice!

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, well, when I became diabetic I lost 20 lbs in two weeks. You could see rib cage and I was, like, a step away from the fly in the eye. My pants slid right off. Needless to say I was traumatized. My mother went out to Target and bought something for me to wear so I could leave the house. It was a total redo.

So... first step, emergency mini capsule wardrobe that enables you to leave the house. Then you can go shopping to redo the wardrobe. I took a couple of years to do it...

Nicole in OC

Oh my.. I lost close to 80lbs in the last year and a half and my ENTIRE closet had to be replaced. And I mean everything... Losing the weight wasn't the only problem for me, my biggest problem was that I didn't know how to dress a smaller me at all, having never been this size before. My friend was getting back into old clothes, but I had no idea what to buy/get/try on. I ended up replacing my whole closet with not so awesome pieces that I regretted later because I never wore because of either uncomfortable fit, or uncomfortable in them myself. I'm slowly adding better pieces to my wardrobe to replace some of the pieces I bought in a hurry. Still a learning curve trying to find what I like and what likes me.