Going Shopping...With Mother - YouLookFab Forum

I love my Mum, promise, we just have COMPLETELY different ideas of fashion. Even her own friends to give her modernizing tips so I'm not the only one who struggles with her. Skip to the TLD;DR for my questions if you want

I had to have my mother go shopping with me, since I can't afford jeans on my own right now - and well, I really needed something that wasn't patterned. All my tees, some shoes, even my one pair of long pants are lace-printed although it's subtle.

We settled for black skinny jeans - her reluctantly, since she's a thorough believer that dark blue, 3/4 length jeans are the only jeans a woman needs, and me because quite frankly I needed pants and these were the only thing I liked she hadn't shot down instantly, or put me down for when I tried them on. I realized coming home though I don't know of one person, my age or otherwise, still wearing black jeans. The few I had seen some around campus, were mostly worn by goths and camp guys. If I rip them at all, or "Wear" them in, I know she'll throw a hissy fit. There's no way I'm taking them back either, I dread another shopping session.

TL;DR

Have you ever found yourselves sacrificing your own opinion, your sense of self and fashion just to please someone?

Also, is there any simple, budget-friendly things I could do to make my black skinnies more in?

I own mostly sleeveless sheer or lace button-downs in various prints. Pics of similar included. Wearing them plain or tucked like I do with my lace-print blue jeans just feels a bit old. I'm big-busted so wearing things backwards is such a bad idea, as much as that keeps getting suggested.

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10 years ago

Anonymous

Have you tried layering some of your tops? I could see 2, 3 or 4 worn under #1 for a different look.
As for shopping with your mother. This too shall pass. Soon you will be earning your own money and buying what you want. Could you find a part time job to earn a little spending money? In college I worked in the cafeteria on Saturdays and Sunday's, mostly cutting up chickens and ironed shirts for some of the guys. Nothing exciting but it helped with the extras. Another idea is to try thrift stores for jeans. It takes some patience and trying them on in rather primitive conditions, but the price can be worth it. Wear tights under your clothes when you go so that you do not have to completely undress to try on jeans.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh my dear, my dear! I was brought up severely preppy. I have 'fond' memories of being marched to Nordstrom for blue blazers and being given monogrammed jumpers. My parents just loved this stuff so so much - couldn't ever bear to break their hearts. (Ok, I did have to say something about the cloisonné cat earrings...)

I do think it interesting no one in your area is in black jeans. I'm in the San Francisco area, and I only see blue jeans on, well, frumpy old men (have to be honest here).

I would go for sweet tops to avoid any gothiness... So maybe not red plaid or black lace. Cheerful things like the tops in the middle. What do you think? Shoes also will make a big difference: no combat boots

Runs With Scissors

I can't comment on the coolness or not-coolness of black jeans. I wore some on Friday, but then I'm 43 and work with engineers. My assumption would be that it would be the cut of the jeans, more than the color, that determines whether they are stylish or not.

Here's a link from Elle magazine featuring their favorite black jeans, which appears to be from November 2015 -- http://www.elle.com/fashion/sh.....ack-jeans/

I have worn things that were not "me" because somebody else wanted me to. I wouldn't say it damaged my sense of self, though! An example story -- when I was in high school I wore a lot of dark colors -- navy, burgundy, forest green, gray, black. I wasn't at all gothy, I just liked those colors. But it bothered my parents, and in particular my dad. So once when we were at the mall, we passed a shop that had a bright pink t-shirt with a fish on it in the window. (I think it was Benetton -- this was the 80s.) My dad spotted that shirt, and immediately went into the store and bought it. Reason given: "you like fish!" Well, yes, I did. But not on my clothes, and especially not on a bright pink t-shirt that was frankly too big for me. But it was so out of character for my dad, who hasn't chosen clothing for me before or since. So I did wear that shirt on a regular basis, even though it was an anomaly in my closet for sure.

But, it sounds like your problem is that you don't control the budget, which puts you in the position of having to negotiate for what you want. And when you are dealing with a relatively small wardrobe, you want every piece to be a workhorse. Do you think some prep-work before the next shopping trip would help? Research and find some examples that demonstrate that what you're looking for is aligned with current trends?

Wait wait! Can I talk about this incredible Turkish rug my mother gave me? It is too fine to give back or not use, but it's primary red and blue. It is completely out of place with my stuff. I've lived with it for 8 years. She took it away for cleaning and then dragged her feet getting it back, and I was dying the whole time because I just wanted it over and done with. I was getting too happy not having it. Lol! Anyways, tho, I actually do think finding a way to love things people foist upon is incredibly valuable. I like that you're looking for ways to make these jeans your own. Because if it's not your mom, it will be your roommate's One Direction poster or your husband's easy chair or your landlord's choice of beige carpet...

BrieN

Joy has some good suggestions for making some of your own money so you can stop shopping with your mom. I shop with my daughters and our rule is we both have to like the item if I"m paying for it for them. I say no and it goes back, she says no and it goes back. So there is compromise (much like your mom made a compromise and you did as well). But you mentioned that she put you down when you tried something on and that's not acceptable. She can comment on the fit or the possible longevity of the style but it's not fair to be personally commented on in the vulnerable dressing room. It sounds like she doesn't care for changing up her style and getting out of her comfort zone -- likely because of that feeling of vulnerability -- and with my armchair psychology degree I'm going to hazard a guess and say it's likely she didn't have such a good experience shopping with her mom.

Leighways

(website)

Active Member

BrieN - my grandmother did not go shopping. Period. She's had the same pair of pants since my mum was a teenager - literally, we even have pics to prove it and they've been patched and re-sewn so, so, so often. So hoarding and a lack of change in one's fashion sense seems to very much run in the family for those two at least!

Isis

I would aim to stop shopping with your mother. Thrift stores, earning your own money, anything.

It's just too difficult if your tastes diverge, and I can understand her wanting input if she is footing the bill....

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