Give me your best tips for entertaining large crowds - YouLookFab Forum

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Give me your best tips for entertaining large crowds

elpgal

Veteran

One of my goals this year is to entertain more. As an introvert, I find it very difficult to engage with large crowds but my husband and son LOVE parties and get-togethers. Looking for wisdom from this savvy bunch.

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31 replies

Latest reply was from L'Abeille

Beth Ann

Veteran

My DH and I are convinced that something happens when people get together in one another's home -- friendships deepen, and the world becomes a little brighter and more welcoming.

I'd encourage you to choose a "format" that works for your family. Do you want to do cocktail parties? Game parties? Movie showings (we did one for the new Sherlock broadcast)?

Next, I choose a menu or two and use if over and over. Do you make a great Salmon? Go for it! Do you have a favorite restaurant that caters? Bring the food in, and concentrate on a homemade dessert and great coffee or wine. In winter, my "go to" meal:

2 soups
homemade bread or biscuits
pineapple or apple cake and ice cream
veg plate, hummus, chips and salsa, fruit plate

Simple, eh? Since I moved last Summer, part of my goal is to encourage new friends to share their homes. I've learned if I'm too "fancy," they're afraid to have me over! The smell of simmering soup and homemade bread is nurturing and friendly. That's how we want people to feel at our house. The bonus? My family eats the leftovers happily!

When I do "fancy" I usually keep the main course easy -- a big piece of fish (I don't have lots of luck with this) or a turkey or ham. I focus on some make-ahead fancy sides --- gratins and veggie casseroles, fancy salads, etc. I also have enjoyed doing small and elegant "tea party" foods for book group gatherings. Many of these sorts of 'finger foods" can be made ahead, and a lot of the book club crowd likes to pitch in with their own favorites.

Since you're an introvert, you could start with smaller gatherings. A couple of families, or a group of 6-10 can be festive, but not overwhelming. If you're not a late night person, don't forget the possibility of a brunch or lunch party.

Finally -- enlist your party loving son and husband! I find that this makes everything easier --- particularly the clean up. My DH does the inviting (Yes, he calls people and sets things up), and preps the house. I do the menu and event planning and cooking, with some help from DD. DS is on clean up crew!

Let us know how it goes!

catgirl

Veteran

Relax! That's my best tip- otherwise you will be stressed or exhausted before you even start. Also plan ahead and do a little at a time so you can spend the day of the event chilling. Accept offers of help or wine and food!

Gaylene

Veteran

Keep your sense of humor if things don't go exactly as planned and don't be afraid to improvise.

Pick a main dish that can be prepared a day in advance so all you have to do is pop it in the oven before guests arrive. If guests offer to bring something, let them bring an appetizer, salad, or dessert. Or, if you want to go solo, keep the focus on one special dish and use the services of a caterer and good bakery for sides and dessert.

If the idea of dinner for a large crowd seems daunting, start with an open house from 2-5pm on a weekend. Serve trays of apperizers/nibbles, veggies, fruit and cheese, and sweets. Offer drinks and assorted beverages. Invite lots of people so everyone has to move around instead of just sitting in chairs. Mingle with your guests, chat, and introduce them to each other.

Helen11

Veteran

The book I was reading today suggested "be brave about hospitality", and I agree that welcoming others into your home is the best way to deepen friendships.
How about inviting two other families, of your DS's friends? (I don't know how old he is) For me, that gives about 6 adults and 6 or 8 kids, and something in common to start with. I have to keep the food simple, kids are a good excuse for that. BBQs work well for us with simple salads and plates of single ingredients so those with particular preferences or intolerances can choose easily.
Accept offers from guests to bring something.
I am always comforted when I go to someone else's home and see that it isn't 'perfect'. I am there for their company, not to see a display home : )
I hope you have fun!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

We entertain quite a bit. How large is a large crowd?

Anonymous

I'm a full-on introvert and actually LOVE entertaining. It allows me to take the backseat and observe, listen, move from group to group and keep myself busy "working". I feel in control in these situations which makes me more comfortable. My DH and I entertain on a relatively large scale (for us) twice a year - both in cocktail/evening party formats. I plan well in advance, creating pinboards for food and decor ideas and really "go to town" . Yes, the downside is not really being able to engage with any one person in conversation for any length of time - because I'm serving, fillling drinks, moving around, bringing out more food - but I have a great time and we've become known for these parties .....if I do say so myself

The key though - plan, plan , plan, and plan again. Then have a drink before hand, turn on the music, light all of the candles, and have a GREAT time!

oh - one thing I always do - is invite at least one new couple or guest each time - never keeping the group static is key to keeping it interesting

rachylou

Veteran

That was my first thought - how large is large? My second thought was, as an introvert, the hard part isn't food or decorating - it's the social engineering. One thing you can do is get a talky bestie to come early. They can grease the wheel, do the bantering, work the room, keep people talking, provide you with moral support. This sort of bestie can also be asked to keep someone lonely company for an extended period of time, take them around. If everyone knows everyone, you can let them take care of themselves. If people don't, introduce them to each other WITH a tidbit of information about each of them. Really shy people - give them tasks. Ask them to help serve. Don't ask them if they want to, ask them to do the thing.

Sit down dinners, think about who to sit people next to. Quiet people next to sympathetic talkers, etc.

... I am reminded of all the times my uncle ditched me with his guests, where I had to entertain them alone from cocktails to dessert. Lol. People much older than me and far more sophisticated and part of the social scene. Times like those, you make them move around the house... Living room to dining room to living room again for coffee. Lol. Put some books out for them to look at... Keep them busy while you swear curse words in your head...

rachylou

Veteran

Ps. Be an air head. This is when you also study up on your US Weekly... When all else fails, talk about the Kardashians and the new iPhone.

Anonymous

As someone who has hosted many a large crowd, I learned a long time ago to get it catered. It is easier to gauge how much food and the type of food you want/need for the amount of people you are expecting. Plus you will not be stuck in the kitchen the whole time getting stuff ready.

You can do this many ways
1. Prepared foods from caterers or even some supermarkets that you only need to reheat and set out.
2. Caterers who do the entire set up to cleaning up afterwards
3. Designate someone as a bartender if you intend on serving drinks. Some caterers will even have bartenders who will make one or two specialty drinks for your party rather than having a full bar.

Another option that I truly prefer is to do a brunch. Lots of bread, rolls, bagels, lunch meats, cheeses, cinnamon rolls, pastries. Guest arriving at 11am and stay till about 3pm always worked for me

For me is to make it easy so you actually get time to spend with your guests.

SandyG

Veteran

If your husband and son are the driving forces for beginning to entertain this year, here's something simple that we've done for years. A festive but casual meal + watching Monday night football, or Superbowl. Our group ranges from 8-16 depending on who is in town. I plan a dinner that's easy to eat at the table, and lots of finger foods for appetizers and desserts. Beer, wine and soft drinks suit everyone. An example, a fancy chili, cornbread and a pretty salad with tiny brownie bites for dessert, although January seems to be dessert-poor after the holidays. It's really fun, not much trouble (but you need sizable serving pieces for a crowd) and everyone has a good time -- and goes home on time after the game thinking you're wonderful

L'Abeille

Veteran

Chiming in as another introvert... the planning and food prep is the easy part, and in fact you can use the kitchen/serving needs to get away from people when you need to!

My suggestion is to have an activity focus for the party. A board games night, swimming or ice skating with munchies at your place afterward, watch the Big Game on TV or a themed DVD night (we watched the Sound of Music while eating shnitzl and strudel, but you have guys to cater to, let them pick), stringing popcorn and trimming your Christmas tree, a musical jam session... That takes the pressure off for making small talk/finding conversational topics. Once you've done it a few times, you'll be used to the crowds, and an evening of directionless face-to-face time will be easier to contend with.

I also second the idea to start with inviting one or 2 families over for supper. That will give you a smaller size trial run of figuring out bathrooms, coat storage, serving dishes... Again, menus that incorporate activity, like fondue or make-your-own pizza or sundaes, come with built-in conversation.

Elle

Veteran

You've gotten some wonderful suggestions. For me, the easiest gatherings are a buffet brunch or something like a movie/board game night. As others have said, It helps to have an activity for people to focus on and talk about and movement so that people can move on to different conversations.

Choose a simple menu that can be prepared in advance (the last thing you want to do is to be stuck in the kitchen stirring). Most important - invite people you like or would like to get to know and remember that most people are incredibly grateful to be invited to your home.

Anonymous

The most important part of having people over is making them feel like you're actually really happy they're there. If something, like concern about timing a sensitive menu item, etc., is distracting you from that adjust it or eliminate it and don't look back.
Plan and prepare ahead as much as possible so that you won't be stuck in the kitchen or anxious and unable to enjoy the atmosphere you've participated in creating.

Helena

Veteran

Two words - make ahead!! Use as many make ahead recipes as possible, create self-serve stations, etc ... The more work you can get done in advance, the less frazzling it is, at least in my experience ... I can't deal with cooking, serving and socializing all at once!!

deb

Veteran

Drink more wine.

rachylou

Veteran

Eavesdrop and make one line quips. Do NOT hide in your son's room. I went to a party like that. A pained smile is better than being ditched. It's much better to leave the house than hide in a room if you need a breather.

anne

Veteran

I'd love to hear more about what worries you as an introvert and let us help with those specifics

I have some introverted tendencies but we have people over A LOT (at some points of the year, 4-5 times a week) and some of my coping tendencies (which have been mentioned already I think) include

-Working as a team with my husband. I'm good at observing people and seeing who might need to be talked to - sometimes I then ask HIM to talk to them!
-Some types of food do just need a lot of going into the kitchen - eg heating up lots of trays of savories. Sometimes this can be an escape and then ask someone else to do the handing around!
-Having some time alone afterwards to regain your equilibrium.

Also talk to your DH and DS about what they expect from you and how you can best fit in with it without it being too hard. Would they be okay with your having a few good conversations with a few people (often easier for introverts)? Would they be happy with you in the background doing things in the kitchen? etc

catseye

Veteran

So many wonderful hostess on this forum.

This is very timely for me because I am gathering up courage to send an invitation for my son's birthday party at home. In the past, we went to a venue for that. But he really wants to invite all of his friends over to play in our house this year. I am the world's worst housekeeper and chef. My plan is to serve pizza, cake, veggie and fruits platters. Luckily the guests will be mostly 6-7 years old and not picky. Their parents can talk to each other while I get the games/play organized.

So in short, I think you can certainly practice on your son's friends.

Anonymous

I always entertain buffet style, using crockpots to keep food warm. Adults are surprisingly picky eaters, which royally annoys me, as my mother always taught me to eat whatever was served to me and be thankful. So unless someone has a bona fide food allergy, he/she has to eat what I fix or go hungry. I always prepare an assortment of things in an effort to appeal to a wider range of palettes, but I never prepare anything that my family and I wouldn't eat. If stuck with food, we're the ones who have to eat the leftovers!

Thirkellgirl

Veteran

As an introvert myself, I find entertaining big crowds to be exhausting but it's worth it a few times a year to me. A glass of wine (or a large coffee ahead of time) serves as a social lubricant without verging into unhealthy-coping-strategy, I think. Don't serve too many different things, have plenty of what you do serve, if you can get someone (paid or unpaid) to keep topping off the food platters that keeps you from being constantly preoccupied with how the food supply is doing, and relax and enjoy the chaos for a little while!

catgirl

Veteran

The layout of your house makes a difference too. Our entire upstairs floor plan is one open room separated only by different flooring and some built-in arches. We don't have a separate dining room, just a table and a large counter with a breakfast bar. This means that everyone is hanging around the kitchen area while I'm serving, which makes it less formal. No hiding in the kitchen or keeping the mess hidden for me...

Anonymous

I agree about the open floor plan being important. My DH and I have an open floor plan, and it makes all the difference in the world.

elpgal

Veteran

Hi all, thank you for your wisdom and suggestions. I thought a lot about what you wrote and the questions you asked.

I want to be able to organize a few parties - a birthday party at home (about 20 adults and 10 kids max), a large neighborhood party for about 30 adults with snacks and drinks, and a summer backyard party for friends. I still have time for the summer party, so I'll worry about that in a few months. We usually have birthday parties in locations (bounce place, fire-station etc) but I want to have a more unstructured party and then have it at a nearby park (lovely meadows, creeks). The food is predictable, the kids will play and adults will mill around and we'll talk about kids and nothing in specific.

It is the neighborhood party that worries me the most. We moved to a very friendly neighborhood last year and there have been several parties so far usually holiday themed. The previous residents used to host a cocktail party in mid-winter and my neighbors have been delicately nudging me. We have a smallish house with an open floor plan. Two problems here - we don't have any experience with cocktails or drinks. The food we can manage with a mix of cooking and Costco. But how do we handle the drinks? I don't even know where to start. The other problem is I don't really know how to make these folk feel comfortable or what to talk to them. We know the names of some of these people and a little about their families and in some cases where they work. The good thing is that they all know each other well, so hopefully everybody will be entertained. The other thing that is making me nervous is that we are a minority race in a largely homogeneous neighborhood and one of the few young families in a neighborhood full of older families. Everyone has been very friendly but I admit I am nervous about this. DH has suggested we should make it a tea and cake party but if that would go over well.

Gaylene

Veteran

Hosting a neighbourhood party where people know each other is one of the easiest parties IMHO. Here's my version for a group that numbered approximately 50:

Keep the food simple and abundant--a vat of chili, burgers on the BBQ, lasagna with salads, buns, and any extras that fit the theme. Dessert is either a couple of sheet cakes, or ice-cream-based, or even just a variety of ice cream flavours and toppings for make-your-own sundaes. Add a tray of fruit and you're done. If people want to contribute, ask for another main or salad or veggie tray.

Fill a couple of big Rubbermaid tubs with ice and add an assortment of soft drinks and mineral water. If you choose to serve alcohol, you can fill another tub with bulk size bottles of wine and beer--or ask everyone to bring a beverage of choice to fill the tub. Ask around if anyone has a coffee urn that makes 25+cups of coffee at a time--or get a couple of neighbours to bring over their coffee makers. Make a tea concentrate, so you can offer ice or hot tea as another option.

Use disposable cups, glasses, cutlery, napkins, and plates. I'm all for saving the planet, but... If that bothers you, ask people to bring their own utensils or rent the stuff from a caterer. Most caterers don't expect you to return clean utensils so that saves work. Serve everything from a large central station so people can help themselves and return for seconds.

Big parties are fun because YOU don't have to worry about entertaining anyone--people meet and greet without any help from you. Some people might be shyer, so enlist them to help you keep the food trays and bowls filled.

Finally, just enjoy the whole madness of having a crowd in your home. Put away anything breakable and go with the flow.

elpgal

Veteran

Gaylene, thank you for sharing details. Coming from a family who entertained very differently, all of this is a brand new learning experience.

As Helen said, I will just have be 'brave about hospitality'.

rachylou

Veteran

For midwinter - you know, you could do an eggnog party. Only one drink to do; the rest can come in cans and bottles. Or a grog party. Or a cider party...

elpgal

Veteran

I tried eggnog for the first time this winter at a party and I would not be opposed to a only-eggnog party at all! I can't believe I never tried it before!

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Don't know if you'll look back at this post, but I would say if you want to host the neighborhood, have the type of gathering you want. Just because the previous residents had a cocktail party doesn't mean it is your job to fill that slot. If someone else really wants a cocktail party, they can host it. You will have a better time if you are happy with the type of party you are having and not just doing it to meet expectations. You can also ask your husband and son what they envision and what they are willing to do to make it happen.
If you want to serve alcohol you can make a huge amount of one drink in a punch bowl and call it the signature drink-that seems in now. Or have wine and beer and let people serve themselves. And always have non-alcoholic choices, which can be sparkling water, or fruit infused water, if you want to be a little fancier.
As for the social aspect, having a few prepared questions can work, such as what brought you to the neighborhood? Is there a particular book (or movie) you read recently that you recommend? What about it did you like? Do you have a favorite_______? Etc. Think about your answers if someone asks those questions. I often say I don't have a favorite, but I really like _____.
I feel like I don't know how to address the being a minority part of the question, but I also don't want to ignore it. I'm not sure if it is a question of feeling like an outsider or if there is a specific concern.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

A few more things. I started with brunches and built up to dinners over many years. And don't spend more than you can afford. And as others have said, do as much as you can beforehand. Leave double the extra time you think you need so if it takes longer than you planned to get things ready you will still have time to take a break, change, sit down for a few minutes, etc. before the doorbell rings.

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