I'm sorry that your husband gets a bit freaked out by shopping. I wonder if perhaps it would help if you sit down with him and discuss how you decide to budget for purchases - whether that is keeping an eye out for great deals, or purchasing only a few high-quality items that should last you for years, or being diligent about returning items that don't work - to make sure he understands that these aren't just mindless impulse buys borne of a shopping addiction, or anything irresponsible like that.
I grew up with a family, and especially my dad, who is very deal-happy. As a kid, my dad was especially frugal, and nigh-on cheap. Now, he purchases more but is adamant about making sure he gets the best possible deal through bargain-searching, coupons, researching similar items or alternative retailers, etc. The only problem is that he sometimes gets suckered in by a "good deal" for things that he maybe doesn't need, especially on deep discount sites like woot.com. But he is also very, very careful about saving money and isn't wasting it on pure junk.
My family also has a *lot* of trouble getting rid of things. Closet editing was unknown unless we actually grew out of something, or wore it to shreds, so we'd end up with a LOT more clothes than we actually needed. We're not hoarders, but we hold on to a lot of things that don't get used until every few years someone takes the initiative to go through and cull out items for donation. Even then, there's a lot of guilt that goes into donating an item that is still in good condition - I feel that it's looked at by my parents as being a waste of money.
I think my mom is cautious about shopping for herself since, while she earns a small income in a part time job, my dad is the primary breadwinner - however, she doesn't take it to extremes, and she and my dad are always very open with each other about their purchases and their shared budget. Sometimes when my mom comes home with a clothing item that my dad especially likes, he tells her "I like it when you come home with new clothes!" If one of my parents started carrying their purchasing to extremes, particularly if it started imposing a financial burden on the family, I think they would proceed much differently.
My perspective, as an adult, is different. While I'm not great at wardrobe editing, and certainly could do with less clothing, I've been considerably pickier. I won't let sub-par items into my wardrobe (with the RARE exception of an item that is trendy that I'm trying out for the first time - I might be tempted to purchase something cheap but still "close" to perfect, try it out, and then upgrade to a better, more permanent item later.) I edit and donate clothing more often than I used to if items aren't getting much use. I still bargain-hunt and squee when I get a good deal on an item I've been craving; however, on occasion I also will pay full retail price for an item that I know I am going to get significant use out of (like my yellow Fidji slingbacks or an expensive but excellent quality pair of specs.) I am learning to set and stay within my budget, and though I've spent more in the past few years than I did before, it's also because the last few years were immediately following my graduation from college when I started working/earning money independently and was trying to upgrade my wardrobe from a "college kid who bats for Team Dressy" vibe to "young, smart, confident, professional woman."
My boyfriend bats for Team Casual and Team Cheap (or at least, inexpensive.) I don't try to force him to spend more money than he's comfortable with, particularly since he's coming off of a few years of unemployment (or underemployment) and is getting used to having a stable income again. But it's important to both of us that he be dressed professionally and respectably, since he's now working in a professional office. The one hangup is footwear - I'd really love to convince him to spend some money on just one or two GOOD pairs of shoes, since he has very picky feet and has to spend a lot of time walking, but I can't force him to do so.
Though my boyfriend and I have nearly opposite shopping habits and different sartorial preferences, he doesn't give me grief for shopping, and I try not to pressure him either unless it's clear that he NEEDS a certain item (for example, if he was lacking a professional wardrobe but had a crucial job interview coming up, or something like that.) We have separate budgets at this point, so it's up to each of us to determine what we choose to spend money on, and we know that we are both able to budget and spend money on fun things or personal items while still being able to put funds into savings.
