So...this is coming out of a purely intuitive (and probably wine-driven) state:

I am wondering if the ideal closet for you might actually be something like former forum member Clearly Claire's 10 item closet -- which changes every season.

10 items was obviously a bit of a misnomer. She did have a few staple items (jeans, some simple tops, sandals/shoes, a jacket, a trench, a classic dress) etc. that stayed the same and persisted in her closet across multiple years.

But twice a year, she'd go out and buy some new to her stuff (mostly at thrift/consignment) that would complement the core (mostly higher quality) items. And at end of season, most of those items would go "poof" back to thrift/ consignment for the next person to love.

She'd have a new uniform every season. With new-to-her (and sometimes classic, sometimes trendy) things.

And she didn't need to feel guilt about it, because she did keep her core items for a longer period, and she mostly bought the other ones second-hand.

I know Winnipeg probably isn't quite like Scottsdale for thrifting possibilities and not everyone enjoys/ has the patience for thrifting. But even if you purchased ten to fifteen or even twenty new items each season and gave yourself permission in advance to let them go at end of season, maybe you wouldn't feel such guilt about the churn. Especially if you knew those items were aiding a charity you support, going to a friend who loves your taste and can't really buy the stuff herself, going to a family member (there are lots of options). I think there is something in the giving yourself permission for a certain amount of churn that might, counter-intuitively, limit that churn over time, and also help you refine your style even further.

Because although you say you don't like trends -- your actions while you've been on the forum suggest that following the trends appeals to some part of yourself. You're divided about this (as many of us are!) One part of you wants variety, freshness, newness, change, visual stimulation. Another part of you wants peace, calm, a uniform, lower consumption, etc.

I don't have a solution to this dilemma, really -- maybe I'm describing my own psychology more than your own, so feel free to disregard. I just think, while we are on the "accept our aging bodies" bandwagon, maybe it would also make sense to accept our cravings for pretty new things and stop beating ourselves up about it. Maybe it would make sense to acknowledge that we contradict ourselves sometimes and that's okay because we're complex human beings. And yes, we can work towards a way of consuming that is better for the planet, but extreme solutions are rarely the best solutions.

In the "be true to yourself" line of thought — you already listed the items that you feel are core to your style persona. (You know yourself well!) So maybe you get those items in as high a quality as you can afford, whenever you can find afford them. Building this core capsule for your main seasons may take a couple of years, but patience will serve you. Eventually, you'll find items that have longevity for you. I suspect you already have about half the ones you'd want already!

(That was my strategy, by the way. A few years into YLF, I picked my key neutrals and started building my closet with my core items for each main season-- great blazer, simple dress, a suit, fabulous jeans, etc. Note: Five to nine years in, I am still wearing all those items except for the jeans which have obviously needed replacement. There's been churn of other stuff, but not those items.)

Then, you supplement those items seasonally with "the fun stuff" -- deciding ahead of time how much of it you'll permit yourself. Making a decision about numbers will help you become more choosy and deliberate.

Does that make any sense?

So many great thoughts and ideas being posted here. You should feel good about starting such and honest, open, and thoughtful dialog Lisa p!

I particularly love what Brooklyn said....
Don’t apologise for your style. Own it.

Really, isn't it time we all followed that advice, or tried to? We need to acknowledge that fellow fabbers post about what works for them, but generally are totally accepting of the different things that work for others. Let go of all the self judgement and go with what works for you. And in your case Lisa p you know what that is Don't mean to sound preachy, Brooklyn's comment just caught me as JUST RIGHT.

Lisa,

It is perfectly logical that you would have a strong and correct sense of your own style given your industry and expertise in it. Remember Deb from A Girl and Her Wardrobe? She had her own aesthetic and stuck to it. By doing so, her look was enviable— even though it was uniquely hers. I imagine that is what I think of as a style icon rather than a fashion follower.

If I were in your shoes, I would try:
1) Keeping images handy either on your phone or posted in your closet of your favorite outfits on yourself and others;

2) Not purchasing for a month at a time and forcing yourself to be content with your wardrobe. Even with a nirvana closet, you will have to discipline yourself to keep your eyes inward.. Practice it now.

3) Start setting aside money now that you will allow yourself to spend when that enviable piece pops up. Or you could keep track of what you did not spend this month to carry over to next month. Or you could deliberately keep track of small savings that add up: a packed lunch instead of lunch out; coffee/tea made at home rather than purchased; Indoor movie night on Netflix rather than the theater. Or budget for a twice-annual shopping spree. You get the picture. Create a plan and stick to it (sort of like being happy with your current closet).

You know, the great thing about aging is that we have earned being us! You have a really strong sense of self (as so many have said) and people love it! I agree you should own being Lisa!

Rather than purging what you consider superfluous from you closet, could you pull out the things you love the best to create that ideal capsule? You've posted about looking for the 'perfect' black pants - yet you've commented on how perfect the 'On The Fly' bottoms from Lululemon are. (FWIW - I agree). Maybe you don't have to shop for your ideal wardrobe. Maybe you already own it?

I guess on thinking about this some more, what strikes me is how often you say you “hate” some of your clothes. 10 tops and I hate all of them... previously some handbag you said you hated. And once before I asked why you had bought it then? And I think the answer may have been to do with its price?
Do you really hate them or is that your sense of humour?
Then even recently there was a what do “we” think about white shoes- yet here you say you don’t like white shoes and they were another expensive experiment? So is that where some of the change needs to happen? Much slower purchasing of items that you love? Even thinking we love something doesn’t always work as well as it could I know, but that’s why often I will walk away from something even if I think I love it, for quite some time, weeks or months even. If it keeps intruding into my consciousness and I wish I had it, then that seems safer. I do realise that runs the risk of it selling out, but then there will always be more clothes. I like what Cardiff girl said. Good luck.

Such thoughtful responses ,and this is what I appreciate: real, honest, insightful commentary.

Jenny - yes, using the word "hate" might be using exaggeration to tell a story. If I can't inflate and exaggerate - then how do I communicate (I'm kidding). Hate is a word I use when I'm frustrated with something . The white footwear post of a week or so ago was my attempt at trying to figure out a way to wear the couple of pair of white boots I have. No, I would not have bought them if I had seen them - I'm totally over the whole idea.

Carla, and Column - I have made a promise to myself not to buy anything now until fall is well underway. I indeed will use what I have to create those ideal looks - OTF pants included

Chris and Brooklyn - YES - this was the whole point of my post! I am through trying to fit into what is deemed current and a "must have" and am more interested in fine-tuning what *I* like and think is stylish. I need to remind myself that I do know what I'm doing , and can trust my own judgement - well, most of the time

Suz - joining you with some wine tonicght And yes, this totally makes sense! And you know what's funny? Clearly Claire was one of the forum members who drew me here in the first place. So chic, polished, knew her own style, and yet found interesting ways to curate a wardrobe . I LOVED her ideas - and miss her contributions here . I know I am contradictory (goes hand in hand with being a creative, left brain Gemini) and say that I don't like trends when my purchasing my indicate otherwise. This is precisely what I want to get a handle on : not having a wardrobe that is reflective of what is in the stores this season, but more a reflection of utter style and quality , with my own touches.

Going to bed dreaming of a clean closet - and hoping I can make some headway on Monday! Thank you ALL again for chiming in here - I truly, truly appreciate the time and mental energy it takes to write , and I benefit from it all.

Lisa, I read your post this evening and thought, darn, I’m going to have to rejoin the forum just so I can post a reply to this! And that was before my name was even mentioned (hi Suz!).
I check the forum only periodically these days and I always love your honest, soul-searching posts. I can so relate to the way you feel on so many levels. Aging bodies, feeling a responsibility to try a few trends or new silhouettes, realizing that something that always worked before may not ever work again—those are just a few issues I’ve been dealing with in the last few years.

I have become increasingly stubborn about what I will and will not try. I have not kept my poison eye to a minimum. If elegance is refusal, then I am verrrrrrrry elegant indeed, ha! I’m almost to the point that I avoid things that look trendy. But I don’t want to spoil any one else’s fun here. I’m just learning better what works for me, even though it probably wouldn’t work for anyone else on the planet. And that’s okay; I get to be an original.

I actually *stopped* looking at pictures of other people. No Pinterest, Instagram, catalogs, etc. Staysfit mentioned once that her daughter is an artist, and that she would never look at Pinterest for inspiration. That really stuck with me, and I think it has helped me. You might not be able to do this because of your work though.

When my wardrobe was large I was absolutely overwhelmed by it. It wasn’t enough to just store most of it away. I knew it was there and kept buying more stuff to make the orphaned pieces work. I probably have OCD and it helped me tremendously to get the offending items out of my life for good. Then I could properly experience the favorites that I kept. Somehow they became more beloved and valuable when their space wasn’t contaminated with the “cheap tat” lol! I didn’t want to dilute my style with items that just didn’t feel right to me. YMMV

I am still reducing and tightening my style parameters because it makes me so very happy to do this. I feel giddy excitement whenever I purge or do something drastic. I went on a one-year shopping, looking and buying fast. I wear only dresses now, and have for the past two or three years. I am really enjoying the process and each new hiccup—hot flashes! Spider veins! Undefined waistline! —I think, hmmm, how and I going to dress around this, and what do I want to wear going forward? Sure my choices are fewer, but I see that as a good thing. Like the mention of Emmanuelle Alt above—sorry I’m on my phone and cannot easily scroll to give credit properly—don’t fashion editors often wind up wearing a very simple uniform? Maybe this is why. But as Angie always says, “horses for courses”. Some would find this a very bare existence. I only share my thoughts to be descriptive (not prescriptive), since you asked what we do. Thanks for writing such a great post. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, along with all the comments!

Thanks again Lisa P for starting this fascinating discussion.
It has made me realize a couple of things which have been right there in front of my eyes and yet I have not thought about them.

Donna F mentioned that we might have a style uniform and start to wonder “gee, am I in a style rut?” This is so me. Getting out of the perceived style rut is almost always connected to wrong purchases for me. And the purchases are often some “trendy” pieces.

Another thing I tend to do is comparing my style in terms of the variety of silhouettes and outfit formulas to other people’s style. Many people have much bigger variety. They wear patterns and solids, skirts and dresses, trousers and jeans, blazers and knitwear etc. I wear mostly trousers, few dresses, almost no skirts .... much more uniform outfit formula. Inspired by others I then try to expand - and wrong purchases follow. So not really owning my style. There is a difference between evolving and updating, and misguided attempts to improve something that is not broken.

And that brings me to what Carla suggested - maybe your perfect wardrobe is already there ....

I used to feel a lot like you - buying a lot of random stuff that didn’t make me happy and that didn’t fit in an overall plan for my wardrobe, because i didn’t have a plan. Amount of choices and trends was overwhelming and confusing. I finally set up rules for my wardrobe management that make me feel in control (grouping everything in the capsules, limiting number of items I own in each category, limiting number of items I can buy yearly in each category, strict one in and out policy, religiously tracking, etc) It took me years to slowly get rid off things that didn’t belong in capsules and replace them with something that fit into it perfectly. It is of course still work in progress, I am now in process of eliminating the place holders- something that belongs to capsule but it is not the best possible (for me) version of it. It is a lot of fun and shopping is not stressful anymore - I have a clear picture of what I own, what I wear and what I am looking for. I don’t think it will ever be finished and completed and absolutely perfect but where is the fun if it is?
And in regards to style - I don’t particularly care - I earned the right to wear whatever makes me happy, trendy or not. As Brooklyn said - no apologies.

LisaP, I really appreciate your post and your candor. I found myself nodding my head with several of your comments. As I have read the incredible feedback and support from forum members, I had done more head nodding. Sorry. I know my on head nodding is not really helpful to you.
I do think you have identified what does, or doesn’t make you happy. You have plans to make changes and a whole bunch of support from all of us while you do so. You are most definitely needed on the forum. I appreciate your insights and questions....gotta say I love your WIWs, too. I think you always look great. Good luck with the editing and the closet space!

I haven't read the others' responses but please, do go on that road, re-read your own words here if you feel yourself going astray, and keep posting so you can keep inspiring us all.
Actually, in theory I would love the sort of wardrobe you describe. But I have learnt a medium sized wardrobe with a fair number of cheaper (though not disposable), trendier items works better for me. I can't help feeling the need to 'refresh' my wardrobe with some trends each season, though I'd love to have a timeless uniform. So I'm just leaning into that right now. Especially in this stage of my life when 'investment pieces' just don't work. Can't have precious clothes that need babying with a nosepicking toddler around (sorry for grossing you out). And at my job I'd look incredibly out of place in designer clothes. Knowing what suits YOU imo is the single most important lesson to keep learning here, over and over again.

Claire!! Thank you SO much for reading and contributing here !  I can't tell you how exciting it was to see you here today:)  Several of your thoughts are so bang-on  - like not wanting "cheap tat” to contaminate your good pieces , etc. and for being able to truly appreciate what you have when you have fewer pieces.  

 Anchie - I feel calmer already just reading your words - I hope I can stick to this course and be patient. Thanks , too, for reminding me/us that it can take years to get it all sorted out .

I love Suz’s comment about trying a trendy item in a “me” color so it has longevity. Lightbulb moment!

Lisa you are gem. I am having very similar struggles and you mange to get it all out in words which I cannot. All the the comments and advice that has been given also gives me much to think about. Have to laugh about the black pants reference , I just counted 12 pairs in my closet and that doesn't include the plethora of black jegging/ponte pants that I have , argh . YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I find myself seeing a cute outfit on someone and immediately deciding it's something I should have, not even considering about whether it would really suit me or whether its even my style. If they have it it must be okay. What's up with that mentality?
My closet is stuffed and as much as I give away or donate I still fill it back up and when I go to get dressed I could cry it's so overwhelming with nothing quite right.
Stay on the island please:)

You all are so wise and intentional! Such a lovely bunch of women you have here, Angie!

I read this thread early on and have come back to it countless times to read everyone's comments due to the wisdom they contain. This has been very helpful and sent me on style soul search which I'm still contemplating. Thank you, Lisa, for speaking out and starting this enlightening conversation. FWIW, I love your fashion sense and look forward to your posts. Be true to you and this will all fall into place.

"My ideal look: a blazer, a silk top or blouse, jeans, trousers ( no, not clean front dress pants) , really great footwear, a good bag and really good jewelry. A cashmere long cardigan, a silk tank, really good sneakers (nothing kooky ) . An excellent coat. Maybe 3 or 4 colours at most in my closet."

ME TOO! Pretty much this, exactly, although my version of this skews more boho than you, and I also have a dress + long cardigan + boots look that works well for me. I'm pretty good at keeping a tight closet, but I absolutely get distracted, especially by the floaty sustainable fashion girls with that eco-friendly, unstructured vibe that seems so great until I look in the mirror and see a sweaty, wrinkly wad of linen.

I have a naturally moderating sort of personality, but I see you as more of an "all-in" type, which I love. The world needs people like you. You set your mind on something and you GO FOR IT. That's fantastic for making big things happen but less fantastic for...you know, practicing moderation. I bet, though, that you can use that to your advantage and, once you commit, move quickly toward the small wardrobe of your dreams.

Well, I wrote a long post and then forgot to press submit reply. I think I have done that a few times lately.
I like the idea of a well edited wardrobe but there is agony in creating it. I know. I have been working on it for years.

Hi Claire!!

As if this thread weren’t great enough, it was so good it brought Claire back into the fold! Hi Claire! We miss you!

Yes, it is wonderful to see Claire. I loved her 10 piece wardrobe.

OOoooh!! If you name her, she will come.... HI CLAIRE!!!!!

So good to hear your update and know what's working for you!!

Made my day.

Mine too

Great post.

I have had a number of fashion, style, wardrobe, closet situations and epiphanies over a few years.
So, “ know thyself” is key but not easy.
In no particular order:
I buy mire clothes than I need.
I learned that I may buy items that are great and fun but if I don’t need them, ultimately it causes me bad feelings.
I have trouble browsing without buying because there is ALWAYS something that looks good to me. Yes, my bar is not high enough if I really admitted it- it seems easier if I have item A and B at same time, I can choose. It is harder somehow to say, I don’t live this as much as something that’s out there but I haven’t seen yet. A strict budget would help. Am honing that as getting closer to retirement and realizing all the OTHER things I’d like to have/do besides clothes. Budget plus lists. If I’m honest, I DO have a kind of list of items that might really make a difference, instead of random more- ness. But I balk at sticking to my list- maybe an item is hard to find but something else is RIGHT THERE- and then of course the hard - to - find aspect is what would serve as a natural braking function ( budget+ list+hard to find), but my brain is resisting limits.
A “ hanger limit” or in/ out policy helps , but can still get out of hand by “ churning”. See all the blog goals of perfect, curated wardrobe, some of which are in search of endless replacements and elusive perfection.

If I THINK about or READ about wardrobe too much, I will buy more wardrobe. So. There.
If I just try to get dressed with what I have, I DO find myself creating new( slightly new, anyways) variations that surprise and please me- like, who knew? I will say this is in context of having a fair number of items that fit my style and I still like. It’s reinforcing, though- I really like my loafers, my ankle strap flats, my assorted pants styles, my jackets. As you say. If you find yourself feeling like you need to actually build a wardrobe that is currently way too small, , then a lot of focus on signature style, 2-3 “ uniforms”, tight color palette, budget, maybe a “ watchdog “ friend and avoiding random eye- candy. Hefty dose of patience and outfit repetition may be needed to resist “ fixing “ things immediately. R
Maybe re-read Toban’s posts on incrementally evolving her wardrobe over several years. Plus, you need some kind of reward system if you achieve certain goals or milestones.

The forum is skewed more towards trends and new purchases. It is a fashion forum. The focus on links and urging to post Finds makes it easier to buy the items I see right away. If I just see some random outfit on Pinterest or street style, yes, I might also hunt down that item or similar, but mentally I am more likely to either just appreciate it or think about it longer or maybe SYC ( stimulus- response). That’s me though- I’m not an aggressive online hunter so if I can make it harder to pull the trigger, it helps.

Doing or reading things not- fashion is
the most helpful for me. Because that helps my self- satisfaction more. Health and exercise help because it’s so obvious in my own situation ( not the same for everyone) that when I am more fit, I like how my clothes fit better and am more positive in general. Listening to inspiration to do other things or “ better” ( for ME) fashion goals- outfit creation, kinda minimalism but more of enough-ness, personal style, signature style ( these 2 align with your thoughts). If a blog, more ones on outfit creation than new items. I already forgot her name but I mentioned one such you-tuber awhile back. Changing patterns of going into stores or online, helps.

Not all of these thoughts address your specific concerns, but maybe some.

Please don’t leave the island. We’ve talked about this.

Your idea of an ideal outfit sounds ideal to me, too. A simple but luxe outfit - each item very high quality. The outfit you described would be a fall or winter outfit for me. Summer is so hot I can barely stand to wear any kind of sleeves, and certainly not any kind of jacket. Not a sophisticated look at times, I’m afraid.

As for colors, I think you look good in colors, but you obviously don’t feel good. There’s nothing wrong with a completely neutral outfit. And it would be easy since you like black. I was very strict about colors - only grey and blue. I’ve loosened up some. I’m very sorry you don’t like your mustard Fly London shoes. I love mine. However, I’m only wearing mustard in accessories with, you guessed it, grey or blue.

I could say more but really just want to say Hi Claire!

Back from the cottage so i haven't had a chance to read all the comments...but will offer up my own experience, in case it is helpful:

- I am an extrovert but also an HSP (Highly sensitive person, easily overstimulated by sounds, visual stimuli, etc.) So I seek out stimuli but am also overwhelmed by it.

- I am an ENFP (Idea and feelings driven but also very results oriented)

- in the Enneagram, a 3w4 (driven by accomplishment and productivity but with a very strong creative/feeling side that I must remain authentic to)

All these to say - I am a person full of contrasts. To say I have a rich inner life is to put it mildly

In my wardrobe, as in other areas of my life, the simple, serene, 'easy' solution - whether it be to one extreme or another - very rarely satisfies me. Thus a well curated, small wardrobe would be perfect - for three weeks, until I started craving more creativity and visual stimuli. Then I would overbuy and be overwhelmed with all that stimuli...

So the key for me is balance. This looks different season to season depending which side of the see-saw I am leaning to (in winter 2018 it was a capsule wardrobe because I was overwhelmed by choice, this past season it was exploring thrift stores because I craved possibilities.)

So in case you are also a person of contrasts - don't negate them, but maybe find a way to work with them? I know my large wardrobe and recent shopping may have prompted some eyebrow raising here in the forum, but I know what's right for me, and I am true to that. If I was a millenial, this is where I would tell you to 'do you'

Ooh Roxanna, that is very interesting. We have some similarities (I am INFP and also a HSP). Excellent points you’ve made.

Janet - I didn't know that! But now I see why you see the possibilities in your wardrobe items just like I do

Hi Claire!!