I think all of us know that terrible feeling of buyer's remorse. Not fun! But I try to look at the silver lining, which is that the mistaken purchases actually help me determine my true style even more clearly. So it can help you move ahead with a very clear direction...and it sounds like that is what is happening with you.

Sometimes we need to make the same mistake a few times over before we really "get it." Although mistakes are painful, IMO, they are some of the best ways to learn--especially when it comes to stuff as individual as our style.

I too aspire to have a well-curated, moderate-sized wardrobe. I don't have much space and hate clutter. I enjoy repeating outfits. I do like a little variety, but all I need is a new piece here or there to spice up my already-loved pieces.

My wardrobe is pretty classic, I would say, and not too trendy. If I don't feel a strong attraction toward a trend, I sit it out. Sometimes after sitting it out for a while, I do start to crave it, and at that point I will start looking. But I rarely will look before I feel a strong attraction.

The backbone of my wardrobe is neutrals. I do occasionally crave something more exciting for color, but I know that it will be only in small doses!

This! Somehow you captured my intentions. I just sent 4 hours in my closet. I may need to go back in after doing the mental work you’re done.

I’m a complete magpie with a large-ish wardrobe. Seemingly the opposite of you. But I get where you’re coming from because I see all the small, tightly edited wardrobes on here and wonder if I should be aspiring to the same!!

However, I’m gradually accepting that it’s not me. I crave variety and my style is eclectic, plus my climate varies. All these things mean a larger wardrobe works for me. Fortunately I have very real space limitations that mean I can’t go too crazy. This year, I’ve edited a lot out, actually. But I’ll never be a small wardrobe person, especially because even if I’m happy with what I have, I sometimes fall in love with certain prints, or crave a new silhouette. I’m fortunate to be able to indulge, but I’m more rigorous about what I will keep. It’s fine for me; others would be horrified at the churn. If my style were classic, I’d probably have an easier time. But it ain’t.

Anyway, my point is that the grass is always greener, isn’t it? So I understand your frustrations. And yeah, you’ve said some of this stuff before, but I am getting a new focus and determination from this post. For me, tracking my purchases AND what I pass on has helped.

We are all rooting for you to do what you need to do to make your wardrobe work for you.

Hi Lisa

I’ve been consciously trying to stay true to my style for a couple of years now. I’ve found settling on my themes helpful to keeping my style choices on the straight and narrow. I tried to develop them by looking inwards, rather than outwards. By that I mean I didn’t have any particular designer, or muse, or trends in mind when I came up with them. I looked at my wardrobe. The outfits that I loved, and why I loved them. The changes that I’d like to make, and why. This enables me to be a lot more selective about trends.

Of course, you don’t have to have more than one theme, as I do, but I think it could be a good idea to try and develop your ideas about what sort of vibe you are going for. Make a list. Use it when shopping.

Another thing - I sometimes second guess myself with posting here. I wear a lot of black for instance. And many people here don’t care for it (plus it photographs badly). Lately I am wearing a fair bit of brown, which is trending now, but I also suspect that many people here don’t care for it. I think this forum tends to skew cool and bright. Sometimes I find myself opening my post with words like “I know people here prefer bright colours but...” and such. Apologising for my preferences. I notice others do it too. “This is old and not super trendy but I still really like it” for example. I make a conscious effort to delete those sort of statements now. I tell myself:

Don’t apologise for your style. Own it.

Of course everyone here has their own preferences. But they are also very supportive of others. And Angie leads the cheer squad I think I’m the only one doubting myself when I post. And I think you are the same.

I have a lot more thoughts about this issue. But I won’t share more for fear of looking like I think I have all the answers, when I don’t!

But, before I go, you don’t like plaid! When did this happen?

Lisa, it’s so tough with shopping, isn’t it? There’s always more to want, more to have, more to try. And the blog and forum can be tough with reading about trends and people trying new things. I find myself caught between wanting to stay up to date and buy new things and wanting to enjoy what I already have.

I’ve found for me that it’s helpful to recognize that I am never going to be at the front edge of fashion. I’m a slow adopter to be sure. I have a very classic style preference and want my wardrobe to reflect an element of timelessness. I don’t want to look back at pictures and have my reaction be “What on EARTH was I thinking?!” So I try to incorporate some trends without veering too far from my modern classic look. I doubt highly I will ever have Dad sneakers. But I am very happy to incorporate my adidas and Cole Haan sneakers into my daily look where it makes sense to me.

Good luck with your new found laser focus. Can’t wait to see the before and after pics of your closet!!!

So much of this post had me over here like the "Amen" corner at church. Preach on, sister!
I love that this forum is diverse, inclusive, and supportive. Angie always finds a way of interpreting "trends" for every body, budget, and sense of style; she also truly loves seeing how we've run with it (or ignored it, as the case may be). The members here don't care how many or how few items I have, they just care that I feel good in what I wear (whatever that may be).
I've learned to look at what others are doing and appreciate it as the art that it is. I can come here and get my fix for ladylike white boots, necklaces with scarves, and any other flavor of style that I just can't [emotionally] pull off; and i can do it without having to go off on shopping sprees buying up all the fit & flare dresses that I know I'll never wear or all the structured blazers that I have no use for...
Don't beat yourself up over having this realization. Be glad you had it, because now you can concentrate on shopping sprees that work for your personal sense of style. When I got clean and sober, I had to learn to let go of the guilt and shame I felt over all those past mistakes. the past doesn't define me today, and the lessons I've learned from my past can help me have a better future.
(((hugs)))

Lisa, I’ll try to answer your question - how do you manage it all.
I’ve been reading this blog and forum for a few years. But my stile is very different from the most. Black, navy and white are my happy colors. I have only a couple of patterned pieces, I do not like bright colors on me, I don’t wear skirts and dresses. I admire some posted outfits but am not tempted by them. I’m here for an education. When last year I decides to add olive color as an accent, I went to Angie’s outfit suggestions for the ideas. I like to see the trend reports, fit recommendations and learn about new brands.
I recognize that my oversized clothes is not popular but I like it. Who knows what I would like in a few years? I have to find it myself. I add trends to my wardrobe, it makes me happy to stay current @ 54 and I’m grateful to Angie for introducing them. I just find my own way to incorporate them or rework them for myself. Or ignore it - like cold shoulder tops, mixed patterns or double breasted blazers
Mistakes happen all the time. When I have an idea, I rush to buy. Fortunately, I buy only returnable clothes and my rate of return is about 80%

Lisa for posts like this, this is why we need you on the island! Thank you for the reminder to stay true to my style and to not use shopping as a form of escapism.

Gryffin's advice about it MUST BE LOVE is just the best and I need to stick to it. Because I know that if I don't love it, I don't wear it. As soon as I try to be like someone else, the wheels fall off very quickly.

I can see you having a very cohesive and well curated wardrobe. Angie and Carla are wonderful inspirations in that respect. Congratulations on getting to this point, it will only be onwards and upwards from here for you and hopefully me too.

Thank you so much for your post; it is so open and fresh and I love the responses.

I am thinking especially about the pieces that I recall having worked well - like your A McQ scarf, and then shorts outfit with the t shirt, and also the striped skirt outfit.

Maybe it is that you could benchmark your potential purchases against those items?

I read this post a lot earlier but have waited until now to reply as I had no wish to seem cruel in what I said but others have touched on my own take on your situation so what I have to say hopefully won’t seem so at odds with the consensus.
I understand and empathise with a lot of what you say.Being in your 50 s is tough ,way tougher than most appreciate until they get there themselves.I get the sense that you are shopping to deal with some underlying emotional issues.There is a dissonance between what you state ,so vehemently,about hating consumerism and yet you buy 10 unwanted tops.Whydo you think this is?Could Bijou be right in her analysis?
You also say that you if you could get your wardrobe sorted out you could focus on the important things in life.Why can’t you do that now?That is a bit akin to people who are overweight feeling that their life would be perfect once they have lost the weight,they do and find that their life is just the same .Maybe if you could focus now on other things you would find your need to shop would lessen.You May well find that the perfect wardrobe is an elusive,ever changing thing that is continually just out of reach for you as your feelings and ideas about clothes are never static and you need to find a way to deal with this so as it does not distress you or your wallet.
You are giving your wardrobe more power than it deserves.They are only clothes,static,inanimate objects.How you feel about clothes comes from inside you and maybe the route to true wardrobe happiness lies there too rather than in your closet.
Ok,lecture over!Practically I have found Stylebook,or similar,a useful tool.Being confronted with the numbers and cost of my wardrobe plus the ability to keep track of it all is really helpful.Also sticking to an allocated budget,once it’s gone,no more clothes,also helps.
I truly wish you all the best Lisa and hope that you can achieve your wardrobe goals.

Haven’t read the other comments yet but I want to congratulate you for really listening to your own frustration instead of pretending it isn’t there. Clearing out some clothing/purchases that irritate you is a great first step. Some stuff can be kept and worked into your outfits maybe as accent pieces (like yellow sandals with a black outfit, or something.). As a designer/artist, of course I will say I think it IS worthwhile to stay up to date— not on “trends” but on visual culture in a larger sense— furniture design, graphic design, fashion is all interlinked and it’s our visual food! But in terms of what you bring into your own house. maybe you could experiment with limiting your additions in future. Say, allow yourself to add 3 wildcards every season, something like that. It’ll be interesting to hear how your thinking develops.

And by the way, totally agree with what others are saying about the emotional side of things. I know for sure I use shopping as a way to feel “in control” when stressful life events occur. It’s like a quick fix —-except it doesn’t have anything to do with the real problem, unfortunately...

Trendiness is supposed to be a moving target for purposes of continuing sales. If you do not have a sense of who you are and what you like, you will always fall prey to worship at the altar of trendiness. You will never come out on top. Knowing yourself is key.

There is some merit in understanding the emotional impulses that drive you. If there is something there that needs to be addressed, perhaps that should be your primary focus.

I recommend removing all the offending items from your working wardrobe and moving forward with a clean slate. Forgiveness.

On a side note. I liked the comments about our fashion mistakes being akin to tuition. That helped me make peace with my own costly mistakes.

Just coming back to say: You’ve inspired me! I am putting all the too-bright things in a holding zone. (Not donating yet because I think I might like brights for a split second in the spring.)

I found myself nodding along to almost everything you said. I think most of us go through similar times. It sounds like you know your style which is a huge advantage to moving forward. You need to figure out a way to stay true to yourself in spite of all the distractions. Not a lot of wisdom from me I’m afraid, but tons of great advice here!

Oh gosh, there is so much wisdom in this thread, and I always appreciate how real you are about this stuff, Lisa.

I’m on my phone right now (with a whining dog at my knee), so not a good time for a thorough or thoughtful response, and today is a busy day for me, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to gather my thoughts the way I’d like to, while the conversation is still active. But I hear you and support you! I get caught up in the chase to be “current” too, while still trying to stay true to myself. It can be frustrating to feel like you need to keep relearning the same lesson!

Clearly you have touched a chord with many of us Lisa, and I do admire how you can open up like this, even if you are incredibly critical of yourself. (I can be too, but don't talk about it easily :-/ )

So much to love about this post and reading these comments. You know what you and you’re willing to try new things. Not everything will make your heart sing

I'm really having a great time reading your thoughts here, and I'm laughing too Of course there are emotional issues tied up in shopping and acquiring new things, and I am pretty sure I'm not the only one on this forum who buys more than they really need. Anyways, when I talk about hoping to be able to focus on the rest of my life once my closet is clean and spacious and orderly.......that has to do with not being able to focus and get things done with my environment is cluttered and disorganized. I get sensory overload very easily - from noise, stuff, people, colours, smells etc, and this is part of it. Not being distracted by being irritated and annoyed with my closet mess will be a blessed relief. As it is, I'm stepping over a basket holding my 10 pair of sneakers as I try to get into my closet. Etc.

Shevia - I particularly appreciated you mentioning Emmauel Alt - and I also love how you described her low-slung pants and jacket formula. I still LOVE a low-slung trouser -and really miss seeing them at retail. I could care less that higher rises are trending. Anyways - she is certainly one of my style icons , and no one is giving her the side eye for staying true to her style and not buying into trends.

Hugs to you and nodding along with so much of your post and the wise responses. I have different shopping issues, but they are real. The one thing I have tried this year is to limit my purchases to an average of 3 items per month. It has helped me be a bit more picky when I have to say, do I like this enough to not buy anything else for a while. It makes me prioritize.

I tend to hang on to things I don't love, just in case. And I also get caught up in the sunk cost. I have done a pretty big purge and find the additional room in my closet does make me feel better.

Others have already said it: Look to the underlying emotional influences and (try to) deal with those first and you might find your dissatisfaction with your closet diminishes. The wardrobe is a symptom, not the problem.

As others have also said, you have terrific style and you always look fantastic! If you don't feel fab, then absolutely, shift your purchasing to stay truer to your stated preferences. Find an "accountability buddy" to help you keep on track, as Gryffin suggested. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself to your plan.

You asked how others stay true to their own style and avoid the endless churn. It seems to me that it all boils down to inventing or accepting limitations of some kind.

1. Deciding on a colour palette, or a theme (as per Brooklyn), or a silhouette or "formula outfit" (as others have mentioned, e.g. Shevia) or some other form of aesthetic limit. Whatever limit works for you.

I don't really do this myself terribly consciously but, having said that...despite my love of colour, if you looked into my closet, what you'd actually see is a sea of blues with some white and grey. Why? Because I don't tire of blue and feel happy wearing my blue items for a long time. The same item in a different colour wouldn't fare as well. Even if I buy something a bit trend-driven (e.g. my now 5 year old Zara sarong shorts) chances are, if it's blue, it will stay in my closet long after the trend is over and I will still enjoy wearing it. This allows me to have my cake (a trend) and eat it, too.

2. Setting a firm budget and sticking to it. I admit I fudge this one myself all the time. I just take on extra contract work to pay for my new things. As long as I am paying for them and enjoying them, I'm okay with it. It's my hobby.

3. Setting a clear number of purchases you will make per month or year or a top end number or a 30-wears (or similar) goalpost for each new purchase. Again, I don't do this religiously myself but it seems to work for others, and I have found that questioning an item I'm thinking of buying ("Would I want to wear you 30 times?") is a good way of preventing the most egregious mistakes.

As for the guilt over shopping mistakes...I like Sterling's idea: it's like tuition. And donating while the clothes are still current allows someone else to get some joy from what torments you.

Looking forward to seeing your before and after wardrobe/closet and watching you refine your style even further into continued fabulousness!

It is very courageous of you to open up about feelings about this and you have done such good job with analyzing your own situation.I have had very similar feelings recently and just figured that it was because as a minimalist/classic dresser at heart I just finally got sick of all the maximalism of the last few years.
I took out all the clothes that bothered me and put them in another room, and they are now the “boho capsule” and “ladylike capsule”. The remaining clothes are my core classic/minimal clothes. Like you, it’s mostly neutrals and simple shapes.
One thing you can consider doing is dyeing some of your clothes. For example, can you dye the linen shirt black? Even leather sandals can be dyed. I had a blue and black patterned silk dress and I was about to dump it because I didn’t like the pattern, but dyed it black instead and I like it a lot better.
One reason I’m trying to dye things is because I decided to stop buying clothes altogether for as long as possible. Yup, so I’ll be kicked off the island before you. Mostly its because I want to pay off my mortgage, but also because I realized I have a lot of clothes already and I want to reflect on my current wardrobe without too much churn for a while.

Even Emanual Alt does trends! (And white jeans !)

Similar to Suz’s post, I was wondering if you might benefit from a monthly budget (maybe not a dollar amount but a item #), or some rules aka artificial parameters around purchases that force you to consider each purchase differently.

One approach - make a list of holy grail items for you - a beautiful blouse you can wear with all your bottoms like the one you missed out on; a perfectly tailored blazer with interesting details - and wait for these to appear rather than trying to shop from the trend buffet every season.

You often mention prices are too high in Canada for some of the nicer items Angie features, and I totally agree, but you do truly appreciate good quality and design, and aren’t saving any money with your current shopping habits. Somewhat counterintuitively, a stricter budget might actually help, if it forced you to save up over several months and choose only the ‘best’, most desirable items.

Carla - that middle grey suit is the worst thing I’ve seen all day .

No wisdom from me right now as I am exhausted after a long training run - I am so slow.......

Hang in there- keep smiling - I like you being on our ylf Island.

actually, this is the one that makes me go hmmmm....even the best of us go off the rails sometimes....

And come on, if EA can’t pull it off, what’s the hope for the rest of us...

Hi, Lisa;

I think you are more apt to be chained to the island! There are quite a few closet minimalists or minimalist wannabes here than maximalists like me. . .After trips, I want to burn what I packed because I became so frustrated by my lack of choice which tells me I crave variety.

Unlike just about everybody on YLF other than Angie, you work within the fashion industry. That is a lot of pressure and work to figure out how you will reflect style trends and look up-to-date. Don't be too hard on yourself! I am in an environment where there is almost more pressure to look frumpy and out of it; that's much easier, lol.

One can have a uniform. . .and then ask, "Gee, am I in a rut?" Or have something catch one's eye, and then ask, "Is my style evolving or shifting?" Experimenting is fine. I think the trick is not to overbuy and be scrupulous about returning stuff one is unsure about. (Easier said than done!) *Everybody* but me apparently, loves ponte pants, skinnies, and long over lean which don't suit my body or proportions.

I am wondering if your brighter colored items were purchased on a bright sunny day or in preparation for a summer vacation. Color changes with the light. . .That being said, highly saturated intense colors would wear you since the contrast levels of your coloring is moderate vs. high, so you are smart to stay away from them.

Your WIWs have always been spot on, so I am supposing your post comes from what we DON'T see?

Hang in there, and don't expect perfection.

Or, alternatively, maybe you have (or wonder if you have) a shadow style. Is it necessarily something that has to be stomped down? Or just something that shouldn't overtake (by volume) the major style?