Ledonna, my theatre director was so surprised to be pregnant at 45 that she didn't tell anyone, even her husband and best friend, until nearly the 6 months point -- and by then, they had guessed Her doctor told her that a natural, healthy pregnancy in her mid-40s meant that she had a young body. The baby, her third and the only girl, brought her tremendous satisfaction in life and kept the whole family young with her energy and drive.
Take this next part as you will. I think maybe the whole weight of mortality feelings are due to you feeling vulnerable since little Z'J arrived. Because that happened to me. I cried quite a few nights after my kids were born, knowing that I had previously shielded myself, but now had been stripped of skin with all raw nerves exposed, all on their behalf, because I suddenly cared and invested so much of myself, unguarded. Juggling love can be an uncomfortable experience because new moms have to be so open. it gets easier, promise. Fewer raw nerves and much, much more comfort and joy!
