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Gearing Up Stylishly

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Okay YLF I need your help

Okay I did not realize how long this post was but Fare warning.

How do y'all look so stylish going for walks Hikes or even to the store?

I've been here for years and have yet to figure this one out. My wardrobe tends to rotate. I had dramatic flare before Zijoy even when carrying her. Somehow I slowly but surely got rid of all of my old pieces of fab clothing before her. Even my shoe size went up to a 12 from an 11 and I had to get rid of 90% of my shoe wardrobe.

I always remember what Angie says. Dress for the life you have.

Remembering that I had to start thinking of what life could be like as a mama. The reality of that is babies pull and grip and rip everything off of you as a new mama. So I packed away my jewellery and one of a kind earrings watching them break or suffer at the hands of my cute baby. When I pulled them out again. Looking at each piece brought back great memories but I no longer wanted to wear them. Slowly but surly I donated them. I still have a few key pices that I love and throw on just because.

Jeggings, Leggings & Workout gear

Really started to take over my life in 2020. Work Is usually the same uniform of Jeans men's work boots and uniform tops and headwraps. Not very stylish but neat and presentable. Before new years I started to downsize again my wardrobe getting rid of the usual suspects with stains rips and tears.

Now I need help in getting stylish gear. Don't laugh but when I go into walmart I usually Hate it #1 then I go to the men's section Because the clothes seem sturdier but not really flattering. Even shoes or boots for women seem to disappoint my fussy feet.

It is hard to look at myself in the mirror because I don't like what I see when it comes to wearing clothes. It comes and goes but I really want to look pulled together as we go about our day. My daughter looks fab I need to step up my game.

It had me feeling this way because an acquaintance said to me after not having seen her in a year. What happened to you. I don't think she meant to be rude but I also was not looking my best. To be honest I had on fleece camo leggings from walmart They are nice. A long Tank top and a long zip sweater. A Gear jacket looks like it is made for hunting and fur lined boots. I was going for a massage for my self care time.

Shopping

21 replies

Latest reply was from Stagiaire Fash

Helena

Veteran

Ledonna, first of all, I think the outfit you described sounds perfectly fine! is it possible your acquaintance was comparing your more practical outfit to some of the more flare-filled outfits you used to wear and was noticing the difference ... in which case, I would come back to Angie's dress for the life you have comment!

In terms of practical advice, I know when I was chasing toddlers I was wearing BASICS. Yoga pants or jeans, t-shirt, probably some sort of zip-up yoga jacket-y thing, done. Like you said above - neat and presentable was the goal and it just had to be good enough.

I think having a 'signature piece' that affirm the bit of you that's YOU and not just Mom. For me it was lipstick and earrings - maybe for you it's your amazing graphic tees or headwraps? I found this blogger who has some beautiful looks of really simple, practical outfits (think leggings and t-shirt) punctuated by a beautiful head wrap. (ps - cleaning day, so thank you for giving me an excuse to fall down this rabbit hole )

http://dimplekhadi.blogspot.co.....r-set.html
http://dimplekhadi.blogspot.co.....r-set.html

Most of all, as a mom whose 'baby' is now taller than me, know that this too shall pass. xo

Helena

Veteran

Oh yeah, and it's also January and I think you're in the midwest right? So it's damn cold out and sometimes style needs to take a backburner to that too - double-whammy!

Anonymous

Maybe your friend just meant, "Where have you been?" since she hadn't seen you in a long time. It sounds like you were dressed perfectly fine.

slim cat

Veteran

I don't think I look great in my hiking outfits or store run ones - it's all about being comfy and practical. I agree with @torontogirl - your outfit was probably unfavorably compared to more "go out" looks that used to be in your wardrobe.
I think bright headwear are fab on you! Possible addition - switching dark laces on shoes ( sneakers or lace up boots ) on a brighter ones
( like yellow or red ), adding bright scarf and maybe playing with make up ( just a touch of a eye shadow, or eye liner - worked for me before
). You will find your way back to feeling fun and fabulous!

Liesbeth

Veteran

Torontogirl already gave some great advice. Your 'thing' could also be print and/or color? I know I look better in my lilac fleece vest than in a grey one even if the level of polishment is really the same. I owned a pair of flowery joggers too when I just had my son that I also loved way more than all my grey ones. That stuff is out there perhaps harder to find though and requires some committment to pursue a coherent mini capsule of stuff that works together.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Ledonna, from what I've seen in your recent pics, you always look fab and matched to adorable Z'Joy! Practical, yet interesting, dressing for the life you have, and full of personality, drama, and spunk. Your hair, head wraps, bags, graphic tees, and specs show a LOT of visual flair!

You've had soooooo much to deal with in 2020. It absolutley amazes me that you're as pulled together as you are. WELL DONE.

As Z'Joy grows up, you will find your way back to exactly how you want to dress. But rest assured that authentic, unique, positive and playful you is still coming through

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

You’ve outgrown your big earrings and the like. You can remember those days fondly without feeling you need to repeat them. Did you ask that person what she meant? I’m wondering, because your outfit sounds fine. The extra layer of wizened experience you and your little one have gained over the past year probably shows in your bearing—for the good! Fortunately, “wise” and “joyful” are not opposites. And you’ve still got that verve and zest.

For going out—are you talking about inside or outside? Because in Chicago in the winter, I would think your outerwear/boots/hat/scarf/gloves/bag would make a huge impact. Go for CPTS. I’ve seen you wear Afro-centric clothing beautifully. The Afroshops here carry knit beanies and other hats with room for hair; they look warmer than head wraps and scarves. Maybe you’d enjoy something like that, especially if you want to wear your hair naturally.

Also, I agree with you on men’s clothing being sturdier and warmer. And they have POCKETS. But you’ve had so much ornamentation in your style, including your jewelry, that I’m thinking you might want to add something to your boots and pants—fancy laces (or lacing styles—cool looks for no extra $$$) and pins for your shoes, pins, studs, embroidery, maybe even patches for your pants.

But what will pull it all together and make it really you is that irrespesssable spark. I wish you the best in the new year.

Ps. Suz and others have posted about gear recently.

jacquez

Ledonna! it hurts my heart to hear you so down on yourself. You always look put together, even if put-together now isn't quite the same as put-together before. But I also remember the absolute mess I was about clothes after having my babies -- nothing was right, nothing was the same, and it took me a while to find the new normal for me. Having to find that space for myself with a baby AND a pandemic? It would've been so so hard, at least triple-hard.

These days, what makes me feel stylish are comfortable, practical clothes with something that makes me feel like Me. Mostly men's shoes (high heel-wearing absolutely did not survive having kids), jeans, and button-down tops -- but all my tops are fun patterns. Cats! Ponyo! Sunset scenes! bird print! etc. I also wear a bunch of scarves instead of jewelry a lot of the time, and I pattern-mix.

So, what accessories and clothing choices make you feel like you, to yourself, but is still soft, durable, and able to hold up to life with a kiddo? You've always done bold colors; maybe review your wardrobe with an eye towards brightening it up? Or headwraps in new patterns? Fun scarves worn as belts? Kidsafe chunky necklaces? (try searching "teething necklace for mom" for example -- the brand chewbeads is bright silicone beads that I think are super fun but will hold up to being yanked and gnawed on.)

Anonymous

Agree completely about women's clothing often appearing flimsy in comparison to men's.

The way you feel is the way most women with young children feel. Remind yourself that while you had less time to style yourself you were keeping the most important person in the world alive and well. Sometimes we need our bodies for things other than fashion. And sometimes people say things without thinking about what they're adding to the conversation, maybe your friend was having a low performance day.

Will be watching with great interest I'm always up for gear feedback.

Joy

Veteran

Ledonna, it is terribly hard dressing and feeling like you when there is a small child. My body and feet changed with pregnancy and never went back. Your outfit sounds fine for your day and winter in Chicago. I like your bright head wraps. I think of you as wearing lots of color and pattern. Scarves instead of jewelry is an idea. At this time in my life I had a large collection of cotton bandanas that I rolled and knotted in different ways and tied around my neck. Add color and pattern and sparkle when you can. This will pass until grandchildren come along.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

Ledonna, I always felt like three-quarters of your style had nothing to do with what you were actually wearing - it was your smile, your infectious joy, your beautiful personality, and the way you carry yourself like a glamazon Wonder Woman! So what if you wear camo leggings or men's clothing? Find some earrings and a fancy headwrap that speaks to you, and pair it with your sturdy, warm, useful menswear! Do a Rosie the Riveter look, and glam up your makeup with your workboots. Wear a fancier scarf with your everyday life-outfits.

I'm guessing Z'Joy will be all on-board with getting to put on some makeup and glam accessories with her mom!

A girlfriend of mine wears size 12 shoes, and she seems to have very good luck at Nordstrom Rack. She has fussy feet, and doesn't wear heels, and she has a pretty good collection of flats, sandals, sneakers, and boots. I'll ask her where else she shops, and what brands she likes. Fair warning, though, we're in Georgia, which is not nearly as cold as the Midwest (as I recall, you're from Chicago?)

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Ledonna, what Mary Beth said rings true to me, too--I feel your beauty shines through your beautiful smile. Now that we are wearing masks out and about, I feel so weird, not being able to smile at people I see out on the street. Or I do smile at them, but they can't really see it in my eyes, because we're not that close. I wonder if your friend was reacting in part to the absence of your high-wattage smile hidden behind a mask!

Anyway, lots of good suggestions here already. I echo the idea of using headwear to amp up a workout outfit. Lately I've been focusing on hats and neck gaiters (which I use as a face covering) when I go out for a walk or a bike ride. I try to coordinate the colors, for a fun and intentional look. I also like to coordinate with my sock colors, when they can be seen.

LaPed

Veteran

The photos you've shared with us recently have radiated joy. No lack of fabness, that's for sure!

I think all parents, mothers especially, struggle with letting go of pre-kid identity. I definitely remember not having a clue how to get dressed and feel like myself after DS was born. The hardest thing was getting dressed to go out in the world without him. When you have a cute baby or toddler in tow, I figure no one is looking too much at what you're wearing, and they'll give you a pass for running around in leggings and a hoodie when they see you're wrangling a crazy kiddo. And everyone is looking at your kid, not at you. But what about those times when you're going somewhere without your kid, but all you have are kid-wrangling clothes? That's tough. You have to figure out who you are all over again.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

It takes a bit of time to find your style mojo after emerging from the blur of caring for a baby or toddler. And even moreso after the amazing miracle you accomplished with Zi'Joy. I first discovered YLF when my twins started pre-school and I actually had time to look in the mirror . I don't have any specific gear advice, but there is plenty of good stuff in the comments above. It is all still in you waiting to bloom!

Anonymous

Agreeing that it's your smile- you look like you just light up a room, and Zi'Joy too! Big yes to adding headwraps, bold scarves, fun laces to feel like "you" in gear. Shopping for gear can be fun and it doesn't have to be basic. See my gear collections, LaPed's floral leggings for examples. Treat yourselves to a few nice pieces, especially since you're facing bitter cold Chicago temps. I like Athleta for gear. They have fun prints and colors, are well made, size inclusive, a B Corp, and they have girl's gear too.

I also think though that Covid has made many of us less inclined to dress up. I know you used to wear fun things for festivals, even after Zi'Joy was born, but there aren't festivals to dress for. When they happen again, I'm sure you'll want some of the bolder things back!

rachylou

Veteran

I worked with this woman whose MOTG style I copied shamelessly: peplum canvas/denim jackets and flared jeans. Fashiony constructions in extra durable fabrics. Admittedly, that was early 2000s and I’ve totally thrown over jeans for leggings.

Anyways, finding one’s gear style is so tricky. Every year I would go camping and see people looking so cute in their gear. Their sand and sage, their stone grey and sky blue, their brown and plum. Then I’d try it and say ‘no’! I think the problem is I’m too RATE for anything from REI. Takes a certain natty trimness. It’s come down to English Librarian abroad for me, like Rachel Weisz in The Mummy. Lol A big hat, linen jacket, a dress and hiking shoes.

I feel your use of headwear (I use this term to suggest a broad category of possibilities) is a standout. I also think your work look is quite natty! When l look back on your *greatest hits* I see funk, femininity (the strong type) and a certain tailoring, even when the items are free flowing. ‘Free flowing form.’ So... I feel you could try experimenting with those long zip sweaters to go with the leggings. Maybe something drapey like a scarf or intricately tied head wrap with the hunting jacket... Zi is old enough I’m thinking that she won’t strangle you by grabbing any scarf you might wear. Anyways, ok, it’s a lot of fun for me to think about MOTG looks, lol.

Ok one last thing: Man, all Walmart’s are not created equal. The Walmart near my goddaughter is FABULOUS. I was all, wow, Walmart is doing some good things. But I wasn’t there to buy clothes, thought I’d go another day to the one by me. Boy was that a mistake. All my Walmart had was scrubs and extremely boring jumpers. Oh and yeah, Nordstrom Rack IS good for size 10 and over.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Evolve-you made me laugh at "falling down The rabbit hole." I get distracted like that also. I could not agree more it is something more of a Herculean effort to stay clean and presentable when chasing toddlers I had not one clue. Thank you thank you thank you for the link I really appreciate it I’ll be able to read it soon. I think that I will add graphic tees to my list I have a few but I may need enough for seven days because that will probably be my flow it’s simple it’s clean it’s bright and I appreciate the inspiration

XtaBay-after reading all the comments here and sitting back and thinking about it I had to ask my friend to clarify and I’m glad y’all suggested it oh well gave me a different perspective. Basically she said that I look so tired and just not myself so it gave a lot of clarification I think I’m just a bit sensitive when it comes to my appearance because I know what I was wearing was but OK I mean it wasn’t Fancy but it was gear for the cold weather.

SlimCat-The suggestion of changing the laces in my shoes small but powerful. I ordered one in just about every color from Amazon that I can find I cannot wait till they arrive only thing is I have to buy some shoes to match maybe I’ll just go with a neutral pattern and then I can change out my shoes. And then I could get matching head wraps to match my shoe laces thank you so much for the inspiration I’m like the creative juices are flowing

Liesbeth-A mini capsule sounds perfect and you all have inspired me to take a couple days off of work and to invest in me and to invest in some gear and head wraps and things like that and I love color and pattern and so I will be on the hunt for exactly that may be a leggings form probably leggings form

Angie-thank you so much you know exactly what to say and I really appreciate that no wonder you are the guru that you are. Over the years I have appreciated how you find the individual spark in each of us and keep your own light shining and I really appreciate that Angie I really appreciate that

FashIntern-after reading your comments I had to sit back and think and then I reached out to my friend. What I appreciate about you and about the women here is that you give it straight no chaser. She just said I look so different and that she did not mean to offend but I took it in such away I think I’ve become extra sensitive maybe it’s because of Covid maybe it’s because of my daughter being sick and maybe it’s just a combination of things including midlife So I had to come down off of feeling sorry for myself and really look at what was going on and it’s that I’m not feeling good about what I look like and what I wear I will go back and look for gear inspiration and see how I can make it my own I appreciate your comments more than you know

Jacquez-you Have given me such great suggestions and as a new mom I feel everything you say I mean everything. I need to brighten up my wardrobe it has become a neutral wasteland. Thank you thank you so much Scarfs will be an added addition and color and pattern and texture which I miss. I already put in two days of vacation time so I could take some me time to reconnect.

Phoebe-low performance day. I love The way you word things. I love the way you framed sentences. I love that you reminded me of keeping my daughter alive almost a year ago on 10 January 2020 I love that you remind me sometimes our bodies are meant for more than fashion although I would love to look pulled together it was a daily struggle just to live and navigate the world as I saw it. Thank you for the strong reminder I really appreciate it

Joy-thank you so much for your testimony I’m nodding in agreement. I love adding sparkle and shine when I can. Your bandannas suit you so well. Scarves and new headwear will be on my list as I go out next week to spruce me up. Considering all of my friends and my sister are now grandparents lol I pray I have a bit of style when Zi has my grand babies. Much much later on

Mary Beth-you are such a uplifting person I needed to read your comments for sure. I will apply all of your suggestions I will find out what fits me. Nordstrom trip coming up next week I took 2 days off so I could do a bit of in person shopping. Thank you so much

FireCracker-I know looking back I’ve become overly sensitive. I had to ask my friend for clarification because I could not let it go. I love your suggestions and will look for coordinating colors. I miss smiling at people it encourages my heart and with mask and glasses everything is covered

La Pedestrienne-you named it. This is was my thought. Who am I without my child She is the sunshine and when I'm with her she is the center and I’m okay with that. It’s what others see when I’m alone in the world which is not often outside of work. It’s like I feel a spotlight on me.

Shevia-thank you for the new mama testimony oh boy twins. I needed this. It’s like I know who I am yet I’ve changed and I’m meeting this new person for the 1st time. Making sure I’m clean and neat is top priority I think I add my style to Zi right now.

Sun tiger-thank you for the inspiration I’ll take a look at you an LaPeds post. Adding the touches you suggested have given me a fresh set of eyes. Never even thought of colorful shoe laces. I could do that. I miss festivals. They were my escape from the monotony of the everyday

RachyLou- every time I read your comments. I get a visual because you are so descriptive and you make me laugh and think. Thank you so much. For reminding me. To take style and make it my own. Headwear speaks volumes. I think I will look into some new and colorful headwear. Oh I’ve not been to Nordstrom in a min. I’ll take a look

Thank you so much everyone for the uplifting comments for reading I know my extra long post I think I’m having a midlife moment I don’t want to call in a crisis but certainly a midlife moment of reconnecting with the new me I did go back and read some post I did probably the middle of last year and I was experiencing the same thing when I did get serviceable gear for my daughter and her therapist appointments. And I’ve taken so much inspiration I have two days off next week so I can treat Myself to some colorful hair wraps a walk-through Nordstrom shoe section and maybe some graphic long-sleeve tees and some thing that would flirt me especially scarves and neckwear that I can flip on a dime and where his head wraps you all have a little spark and I appreciate it. Also if you take the time to read this I want you to know that I did go back and call my friend and we had a we had a good conversation and I just misinterpreted some things that’s why I said my life moment because it’s like I just i’m feeling a certain way about my appearance. Clothes are my armor against the world and I think having my shape changed I’m still the same size but having the shape of my body changed and having to give up my shoe wardrobe has pushed me to a place that I don’t feel comfortable in I feel serviceable meat and presentable but not comfortable and not like who I am inside so my goal when I take my two days off it’s one go shopping and to put together a capsule wardrobe that will take me through this year I have great foundational pieces and work out pieces but I really need to invest in footwear and colorful shoe strings which I ordered from Amazon and just a great capsule wardrobe will help me feel more like me.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Ledonna. Your words were a gift to me today. THANK YOU for being awfully gracious, kind, giving, and positive. You are extremely strong, always bounce back, and are an inspiration.

I'm GLAD you phoned your friend and sorted things out. And onward to adding a few more elements to your daily style that make you feel more like you

Bijou

Veteran

Ledonna - I love the advice you have received and also how you have embraced the massive life change that occurs when you become a Mum. You have amazing style and presence - you radiate optimism, strength and beauty which is so much more about being authentic rather than what clothing you are wearing.

Beth Ann

Veteran

I've not been active on the forum for quite awhile. When I read your recent posts I realized that you've had a lot to carry -- joys and struggles -- and yet I still saw your flair in every pic!

I'm upgrading my active clothing, too. Right now, I take pics of the outfits I like best (I find certain combinations much better than others). I also bought a raincoat with lining aa size up so I'd have plenty of room for movement and layering underneath. I'm on the lookout for a pair of boots that will work for hiking a trail to my cute downtown OR hiking in Ft. Benjamin Harrison (who knew old Army bases had real forests!) nearby.

I keep my color palette simple: black, grey, teal, navy, burgundy, and I focus on fit and silhouette.

You cannot hide your light, Ledonna! There's not a bushel made that could do that! Simple can be beautiful, too! Now you can slowly create new accessories and statement pieces that reflect your life with your daughter right now.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Beth Ann, old army bases have lots of forest! They were used for shooting practice & other drills. In East Germany, many have been made into wildlife protection areas.