Funeral Dress - YouLookFab Forum

bj1111

Veteran

Anything somber is appropriate. Navy blue suit. Black pants and a charcoal twin set.

Anything you’d wear to interview at a bank

2 years ago

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I’ve been thinking I should get one. We don’t know how much longer we will have my dad. My son insists he will run out & buy a black shirt at the time. I can’t imagine wanting to deal with buying clothes when I’m trying to book the overseas flights and deal with our grief. So I ought to get a dress now.

Many people on YLF have mentioned never again wearing the outfit they wore for a parent’s funeral. If that’s how it’s going to be, I should get some use out of it first. I’ve also been thinking that if I know the dress is for my dad when I wear it while he’s alive, then wear it to commemorate him, then maybe the positive associations of knowing it was for him would carry me through and I could continue wearing it and thinking of him fondly afterwards.

But then idk exactly what kind of dress to get. I have a short velvet dress that’s black, and black jersey tank dresses. Don’t think any of those are right. It needs to be a 4-season dress, which I guess means elbow-length or 3/4 sleeves. I always prefer natural fibers, and since the dress will be all black, I think I’d like some kind of jacquard or texture. Is that appropriate for a funeral? I can’t imagine interviewing at a bank.

If you have an all-season funeral dress, how did you decide to get it, and what does it look like?

2 years ago

kellygirl

Veteran

I don’t have a funeral dress per se but I have many appropriate separates and black/navy dresses that have worked.

2 years ago

kkards

Veteran

Fwiw I haven’t worn a dress to a funeral since, well, I can’t Even remember. Dark clothes that I already own, the dressiness dictated by the family of the deceased. For my grandmother I wore
black dress pants and a black sweater, because on side of my family that’s dressed up. For my dads I wore a navy suit, because for my mother, that was what was appropriate

2 years ago

nuancedream

Veteran

I have a navy blue sheath dress that I have designated exclusively as a funeral dress. Since it's sleeveless, I have several black/navy toppers I can wear over it in cooler weather. I donated the black dress I wore to my mother's service because I knew I could never wear it again without all the grief bubbling up again.

2 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

There is no such thing as an all-season outfit in my climate. I have multiple options for skirt or trouser ensembles in somber colors for such occasions, and I have black or dark summer dresses that work too.

However, I have an observation: Memorial attire is becoming less somber, depending on the circumstances. Many people are deisgnating it a “celebration of life” and want to avoid a mournful atmosphere. In fact, one of my friends passed not too long ago, and her husband is planning a big event at a local arts center, with festive dress and music (she was a force in the local creative scene). And the last two memorial events I attended — one for one of my closest friends and the other for a friend’s dad — actually asked people to wear more festive colors. My best friend wanted a “big-ass party” to be held in her honor, and attendees were asked to dress in bright colors, since that is how my friend liked to dress. I notice this is becoming more and more common.

Either way, I’ve been able to put together an occasion-appropriate outfit with very little effort for both occasions.

2 years ago

Kate

Veteran

I don't have a funeral dress, but as a lover of neutrals, I have plenty of things in my closet that would allow me to put together an appropriate outfit for the occasion.

When it comes to services for loved ones, I have often made different choices. When my mother-in-law died, I purposely wore a brightly colored dress to her funeral service. She never wore black or any somber colors, and adored saturated bright colors, particularly pink, which suited her beautifully. So many of her nearest and dearest chose to do the same, though none of us consulted with one another.

At my parents' funerals, I wore outfits that I loved and that I knew my mother in particular (Daddy was not much into fashion, but always admired a good suit) loved on me. I no longer have the handsome green & blue tweed suit and pin tucked blouse I wore to my father's funeral 40 years ago—I wish I did!—but I do have the outfit and beautiful black, gray and silver EF brocade topper I wore to my mother's. Mama would have looked spectacular in that coat.

2 years ago

Anonymous

I respect the idea and when this came up before I decided to maintain a combination of separates that could combine to create respectful outfits appropriate for any kind of more formal gathering, including a funeral.

2 years ago

Joy

Veteran

Yes, I have a funeral dress and different weights over toppers. There is nothing worse than being caught unprepared for an unexpected funeral. Just today we heard from a friend that his sister had just died of a heart attack and she was 40.

You will be attending more. First it is parents of friends, then aunts uncles, grandparents, family friends, even parents. The worst is you do not feel like shopping for much and may have to cook meals or host out-of-towners, be involved with calling people to let them know, involved with the funeral and all the decisions that involves, there is no time. Think about different seasons, coats and possibly flat footwear to walk in a cemetery. The need will strike suddenly. You may be in photos and be seen by people you have not seen for years. I highly recommend that you do what you can now to prepare.

2 years ago

Echo

Veteran

Most of my wardrobe is black; I am always prepared...

2 years ago

Sloper

Veteran

I don't have anything specifically set aside. That being said, my parents passed away some years ago.

I think I could put something together from separates I have, though I did donate most of my conservative work clothing.

2 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

I don’t think you need a specific dress/outfit however, I have a Girl Scout mindset: always be prepared. I specifically bought a theory black scuba sleeveless sheath for formal religious/professional/funeral. It’s as 4 season as it can get. Cropped cardi, black blazer, formal blazers in b&w, gray etc. it’s the cover you for anything with change of topper and accessories. I did by a black L’Agence sweater dress for cold weather. I had been without a black sheath for many years (because it’s a hewi) and I find it invaluable. I’m a slim rectangle. That piece won’t work for everyone but I do believe a little dark classic dress can be very valuable. Kudos to Rachy. I was thinking funeral. I have 2 very aged loved ones on deck. I want to look nice and I can’t be unprepared. Always have a ffbo for somber or formal professional events in mind. No matter what it is. Just plan ahead is my advice.

2 years ago

BrieN

Veteran

I have been looking for such a dress for a while. I would like one that I *know* is appropriate so that I can forget about it. So many of my dark neutrals have a little too much bling/flare somehow. My issue though is that I keep trying black dresses that look “vavoom” when I put them on. It’s not a new issue for me but one I can’t yet figure out for a nice dress that doesn’t lean casual.

2 years ago

Anonymous

I don’t have such a thing and couldn’t conceive of buying anything for just that purpose . I haven’t been to a funeral in 6 years , and for that one I simply wore a dress I already owned . From what I understand in my community / my world / my friend group - all- black and somber dresses aren’t expected anymore .

2 years ago

DonnaF

Veteran

I go to way more Celebrations of Life/memorial services than funerals as in multiples per year. I own a lot of black. I look to toppers to tone down dresses that are too bodycon.

2 years ago

JAileen

Veteran

I go to a memorial service at least once a year. I don’t necessarily wear black, but I do try to dress up. It feels respectful to me.

2 years ago

DonnaF

Veteran

When my daughter was a high school junior, we attended three memorial services over St. Patty’s weekend. Two were dads from old preschool classmates and the other had been a church youth advisor. All were ethnically Irish obviously. A few years ago I also had two services in one day but the times conflicted so I only made one.

2 years ago

cat2

Veteran

I always have a conservative sleeveless stretchy black sheath dress that can be worn with a variety of toppers. They are usually from the workwear section of a vendor like WHBM, Talbots or Ann Taylor. I find selecting something really generic and not at all bodycon is the ticket. If it’s not at all memorable, it can be worn for multiple occasions.

2 years ago

slim cat

Veteran

I don't have one but I guess can come up with a few possibilities using my black work pieces ( or something with black and white print which I prefer anyway ).

2 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

I have been to a lot of funerals. Probably actually more than most. Two people I know died last year, not COVID related. You don’t necessarily get much notice, esp with religious funerals, so I feel a need. I have two black silk dresses with lacey details. They work as celebratory dress as well as a somber. In winter, I wear thermals under them and a wool coat.

2 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Uhh… I’m also old world Catholic, so I can actually wear these dresses to weddings too, lol

2 years ago

N

Active Member

This is very relevant to Japan...here we have a very very specific look of funeral dress. Unless you are going to a close family and have permission not to dress that way, its kind of expected. That said, I can't fit in any of them! I suppose people wouldn't mind but I really should look into this. I hope I don't have to go to any, anytime soon though so i've got a while to find something. Both my husband's grandmothers passed a few years ago and his grandfathers had both passed away before I met him.

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2 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Not specifically but I have all year options from skirt and blouse, to separated, to dark dresses. I haven’t planned it that way exactly.

I wore an existing outfit to my Mum’s funeral and have reworn it since. The outfit I wore at the hospital I didn’t rewear.

2 years ago

Sally

Veteran

I have lots of black clothes and don't have a 'funeral' dress. I haven't been to many funerals. I have been to two in the last ten years, both of them good friends. I can't remember what I wore to the earlier one. She was my best friend and I was all over the place so probably didn't really care what I was wearing. When another friend died two years ago, I had just bought a black tunic with gold leaves on it. It took me a long time to re-wear the dress because I felt weird about it. I noticed that people didn't necessarily wear somber clothes but just formal clothes.

2 years ago

Joy

Veteran

Back to say that I was forced to shop at a small town Walmart for my mother’s funeral. I did not know if my husband could find something in the closet. I never had thought she would die after a rather routine surgery which went well. But she caught pneumonia in the hospital and could not fight it off. The outfit I ended up with was a suit! A navy pinstriped skirt suit. I wore it again to my best friends mother’s funeral and it was a hit. You do not have to wear black. Another dark neutral will do just as well. In a church you need to have sleeves. Think European churches. You no longer need a hat, but a skirt that is not a mini would be a good idea. Think that many funerals are streamed on you tube by the mortuary these days.

2 years ago

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Thinking of all the recent conversations about color/neutrals—the people with a closet full of neutrals certainly have an advantage here! I’ve tried to ask family to think about funeral vs “celebration of life”. They think it’s horrible of me to bring up.

I agree with those who comment on wearing something appropriate as the respectful thing to do. I’d choose my outfit for your wedding, birthday, retirement party, or other celebration carefully; why not for your funeral?

Joy, both of your comments make me think I really do want to figure something out. Ideally it would be something I could wear many different ways, so it wasn’t limited to this one use.

2 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Because I always have dark basics (usually black in my case) I can always put together something appropriate to wear. If you don't want to be searching at the last moment, it can be wise to travel with at least something that can work in a pinch. Maybe it was here that someone mentioned being on a trip and flying directly from the trip to the funeral without time to fly home in between.

2 years ago

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I have two black and white small print dresses, one warmer one less warm, which I can wear, and have worn one. I have also worn black pants with black top and jacket plus to my cousin’s funeral last summer I wore navy pants, white top, sheer navy tunic over, white shoes. I think if fairly formal and sombre that’s always OK, unless it’s specifically one of those “ deceased loved bright colours” sort of celebration memorial events, in which case that should be made clear in the funeral notice.
Oh and for both my mother’s ( when I was 38) and my father’s ( when I was 49) funerals I wore clothes I already owned, and wore them again. Other things made me sad, not the clothes.

2 years ago

Bijou

Veteran

I had both parents die within 2 years of each other. My Mum was a bright and vibrant person, so I wore a floral dress that I knew she would love as she had previously expressed that she wanted us to celebrate her wonderful life at her funeral. Mum selected female funeral directors who wore teal suits with white cowboy hats as their uniform (Mum was into line dancing, so it was a good fit), so the funeral had a light and bright feel to it. My Dad was very proud of his career success and so I wore a dark suit to his funeral. Both outfits came from my wardrobe and were not tainted by association, although I can understand how that can occur.

For non family I would likely wear dark clothing that is neat. A simple dress may be a useful addition.

2 years ago

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