For those of us coping with loss this holiday season - YouLookFab Forum

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For those of us coping with loss this holiday season

Helena

Veteran

Hi friends, so many of us are coping with loss this holiday - both new losses that came to us this year, and old ones that show themselves with greater intensity at the holiday season.

I came across these words yesterday and they brought me a lot of comfort but also allowed some of those bottled tears to flow. In light of Angie's blog post today, I thought maybe I'd share - for what they may be worth to anyone.

Love to you all, whether the holidays are joyful or sorrowful - or both. xx

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24 replies

Latest reply was from nuancedream

Aquamarine

Veteran

Thanks for sharing this, TG. I think many of us have suffered losses this time of year. I certainly have and often struggle to get through the season. I had to go have a private cry after putting up the tree last week—didn’t want my emotions to spill out on my family. I’ve learned to be gentle with myself and try to focus on the meaning of the season instead of the secular, often forced gaiety. This can help, a bit.

Style Fan

Veteran

Thank you, TG. This is a difficult time of year for me as well for many reasons.

RobinF

Veteran

I find the holidays bittersweet. The times I would have gathered with all my family are hard because of those now missing. But of course I love the holidays also. Thanks for the lovely message.

Anonymous

Thank you TG. DH and I have had losses in previous years at this time of year, as well as others earlier this year. Hugs all!

cjh

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for sharing these words.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I saw that same quote yesterday. I have friends coping with much more acute losses than my own, and my heart breaks for them this holiday season. I had some tears a couple of days ago, and my husband was most supportive, which really helps. Hugs to all of you, and all who have sad moments during this time of year.

Inge

(website)

Thank you so much for posting this Helena. It's beautiful and comforting. I'm thinking of and sending hugs to everyone who finds this time of year hard (and as you mentioned, it can be both joyful and sorrowful at the same time).

Inge

xxx

Gail

Veteran

Thank you for this I'm really struggling as its been a difficult few months.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Helena, that is kind of you to share, especially today. Thinking of you, and Angie, and all the others on the forum who have recently lost someone dear. It can be a tough time of year for many, and especially for those dealing with fresh losses.

JAileen

Veteran

This past week our next door neighbor died unexpectedly. He was in his 80s and an absolutely delightful man. He was kind and wickedly funny. We are really feeling the loss.

Kate

Veteran

Thank you, TG. Christmas was always a little bittersweet for us, because my father died 3 days before his Christmas Eve birthday almost 40 years ago. He would have been 98 this year. Even though her heart was broken, my mother found joy in the season despite her loss for all the many decades of her widowhood, and helped her children look beyond themselves and their loss to do the same, during the holidays and beyond. My sister and I have been able to cope with her loss this year—albeit with many tears—thanks to her wisdom, resilience and joyful nature.

Helena

Veteran

Hugs to you all - my neighbour said to me, after Mom died, "[grief] is the club no one wants to be in, but at least you're not in it alone". So amazing that we can 'virtually' support each other in this, frankly sh***y, club. xoxo

nemosmom

Veteran

Thank you for sharing this Hugs to everyone with a hurting heart. It's a sh*tty club, indeed.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

That is a lovely thought. Thanks for sharing.

My mother's only sibling died very close to Christmas 17 years ago. My father's only sibling died the day before Christmas 10 years ago, and her husband the next day. Their son in law (my cousin's husband) died the following month.

But the most difficult thing we are dealing with now is that it doesn't look like we will be able to go home for Christmas. Besides the normal fun of going home for that, my dad is aging rapidly and we really don't know how much longer we will have him. We both really want to hug him again.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Thanks for posting this. This season has been rough this year.

Sal

Veteran

Thanks for sharing. Holidays are a challenge during times of grief - abd navigating them with love and fun especially for children is important.

LAR101

Touched me. Thank you.

cindysmith

Veteran

Now I'm crying

However sad these words make me, they DO comfort me at the same time.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Helena and Suz, you are thoughtful and kind. Thank you.

True words. It’s devastating losing a loved one. And time does not heal. It DOES make things easier though. Much love to you. Xo

rachylou

Veteran

That is a nice thought. A helpful thought. It can be very hard to be sad at a this time of year when everything is so high energy. You feel so out of step...

Marilyn

Veteran

That's lovely, Helena. My dad has been gone for 28 years and my mom for 12. I still miss them very much at Christmas. Time helps us to accept and cope with the loss but it never really heals the loss and it never feels right.

My dad was unwell for his last Christmas but was trying hard to cover it up....he was diagnosed with cancer shortly after and died on Valentines day. Very quick! The last conversation I had/tried to have with my mom was on Christmas Eve. She was screaming "I don't have a daughter" into the phone and was so messed up and distraught. Thanks, dementia! ***sigh***. She died 6 weeks later. Anyway, I try to push the unhappy Christmas memories out of my head and focus on all the happy ones but that can be easier said than done.

As Rachy said, these things can really make you feel "out of step" at a time went we're expected to be feeling all happy and joyous.

Windchime

Veteran

Thank you very much for starting this thread. My mom died eight years ago yesterday. And yesterday, my dad started receiving Hospice care. I don’t know if he’ll live for days or for weeks at this point. And I’m a church musician so am trying to prepare for some of the biggest services of the year, on Christmas Eve...

Helena

Veteran

Sending so much love to everyone xoxo

nuancedream

Veteran

TG, thank you for this thread. Despite having a network of caring friends and family, I am having difficulty coping with the recent loss of my mother, who adored Christmas. Tears of sorrow just ran down my face as I read the words, "Grief is just love with no place to go." My day-to-day reality is forever changed and the passage of time eventually will help me to adjust to it. I am truly thankful that members of the YLF forum are here for support on issues that go far beyond style.