For Eirlys-keeping it real! Our not so perfect lives :) - YouLookFab Forum

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For Eirlys-keeping it real! Our not so perfect lives :)

Anonymous

Ok YLF team for Eirlys (and anyone else feeling down post holiday)-an unsantized keeping it real thread It can be about any of life's imperfections!

Here goes:
My life is absolutely Not all paddleboarding, hanging out with birds of prey, or other fun stuff! I dress fun and hang out on here cause it cheers me up in my dreary offices-one of which has no windows and is tiny and dark. I like my coworkers and have a short commute now-but it's my slow season and some days feel about 18 hours long

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Runcarla

Veteran

LOL! Okay. I can 'fess up. My life is not all walks with DH, smelling the roses, treats at Queenie's Bakery, and chillin' with my bridge peeps at the Senior's center! I'm trying to be a good daughter to a difficult mother, parent two 20-somethings who are slow to launch, and manage the symptoms of an autoimmune condition called CREST. I'm an optimist at heart, though, so the glass is never empty. There is always another drop. If you turn it upside down. And give it a shake!

rachylou

Veteran

Lol. This is fun. I have a long list of whinges. My healthplan is trying to kick me off Novolog (insulin) injection pens for Humalog vial and syringe. I’m extremely bad at hair. I don’t have a new car yet because I’m afraid of car buying and public transportation is pretty good for everything except shopping and visiting people... whom I’d rather text anyways because I prefer to be home with my dog... which is not a problem now, but one day I’m gonna die and no one will know and my dog wouldn’t even eat me because she absolutely refuses the raw diet.

kellygirl

Veteran

Haha. This is great. I confess that most of my photos take multiple attempts before getting anything even remotely postable and I am a serial outfit repeater. My work life is incredibly messy and most days feel like triage. Sometimes the only thing fun about work is what I'm wearing! I'm also not that good of a mom--I've kind of run out of gas in that department. Good thing my kids are almost all out of the nest.

Anonymous

My entire life has never been perfect. I envied my classmates whose parents were well off and could afford the "finer" things in life. What I learned later that life was not so great for my classmates' families who were just trying to give the illusion of wealth and happiness. They just wanted to be admired and envied.

DH and I were raised the same and worked hard for everything we have. We are lucky to be able to live well and have never lived beyond our means. We have always been kind to others even when others have been less than kind to us and have lost friends who only wanted to be with those who projected a much "richer" lifestyle - vacation homes, large extravagant parties, etc.

The perfect things in my life consist of my DH, DD, and a few of my friends who have been there for me as I have been there for them for over 50 years.

Anonymous

Thanks all! I'm sure you're great moms kellygirl and Runcarla You made me laugh rachylou! And I can definitely relate danusia!

Anonymous

A perfect life .? Who has that anyways ? My life is a hot mess half the time , but it’s who I am . I need a new car right now and don’t have time to do anything about it . I weigh far more than I want to , I am tired a lot, I probably drink too much wine , and am not great at keeping my office tidy . Perfection is boring And Rachy , that made me laugh out loud . But , I read a lot and am pretty driven and smart , so there’s that

Windchime

Veteran

Oh, do I ever have an example. Our son graduated from high school this evening. I just posted some pics on Facebook of the event—we’re all smiling, and I wrote positively about everything. In reality, I bawled my eyes out for more than an hour between the graduation and my FB posting. We adore and enjoy our son so much, and I’m terribly sad thinking about how he will be moving out of the house later this summer. Looking at the FB post, you would never guess how sad I’m actually feeling right now.

Jane

Veteran

Outwardly it probably all looks kinda okay on occasion and then when what is in my head spills out, well, it feels so complicated and unfathomable to unpick and put back together. I wrote something quite long just now, and then deleted!

Good things include DH and DS and lovely family, tight knit circle of close friends, lovely work, lovely home in a pretty town. Good health, mostly bags of energy.

Good thread!

RobinF

Veteran

Love this thread - so funny how real life rarely makes it to a post online! Runcarla, you hit it on the head with "20-somethings slow to launch" - ditto! Do we ever stop worrying about our kids? Not me so far. I'm with the "weigh more than I want to" camp also, and always dieting or thinking I should be dieting. Let's see what else, my job is often boring (hence an hour on here in the morning when I get to the office ), I struggle with my hair frequently and am currently debating letting the gray grow out because I am tired of having to color it every four weeks. I'm sure there's a lot more that I am forgetting right now but I do have a great husband and family and good health which I know is the most important thing.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh my, I think our online lives can be so misleading. We do tend to only post the positive and most flattering things about our lives. I actually reveal a little more of the not-so-positive here on YLF than I do in other places because I've come to see this group as a community of friends.

I feel VERY fortunate in my life. I have my health, a wonderful partner in love and in life, good family and friends, a beautiful home, resources to do much of what I please, travel, pets, and work that is very meaningful to me (if not exactly lucrative). But all is certainly not perfect. A very dear friend is now fighting metastatic breast cancer that has made its way to her brain, and I worry every day about her. My husband is away from home a lot of the time to work on the ranch, and that's hard on both of us. I also am carrying extra weight (for me) and I'm seeing the effects of age starting to catch up with me when I look in the mirror. I fight depression regularly. I went to the ER a month ago to discover I was having a panic attack. One of our dogs has a bad infection in her paw and is deathly afraid of thunderstorms, and we're in the time of year when we have a thunderstorm pretty much every other day (I just ordered her a Thundershirt).

I think it's always important to keep these things in perspective, and not pile them up into a mountain of stress. I am more successful at that sometimes than others. But every day I give thanks, because I have more than I probably deserve.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I also remember back to a time when I was in my late 20s, when I was catching up with a college friend I hadn't seen in quite a few years. He told me I was the one of our group who always had her shit together -- the one everyone didn't worry about. I was stunned. The truth was that when I was in college, I was a mess of neurotic depression, alcohol abuse, and self-destructive behavior. But apparently I hid it well. Sometimes the people who are struggling the most manage to hide it the best.

Anonymous

So sorry about your friend and dog!
I always figure if I think people have perfect lives, I don't know them long enough! And things can change so quickly too-that's why its so important to have gratitude for the things that are not going wrong.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I've learnt that it's important not to pass judgement about people and their lives. In the past I would think one thing, only to find out later that I was extremely wrong about the situation. Sometimes I catch myself doing that again and give myself a good talking to. You never really know what’s going on in a person's life unless you are close to them and they share things with you. If they are private people, you will struggle to find out and get the very wrong picture. Social media influencers, celebrities, friends, family and the like might seem like they have perfect lives - but that's seldom the case. The only thing that you can be sure of is that every home and person has their cross to bear, and is going through something - big or small. Every person has a set of issues, challenges and carries emotional baggage. The very best we can do is be empathetic, thoughtful, sensitive, positive, helpful and supportive in some small or big way.

Janet, cancer can be absolutely brutal, and I hate it. Hope you find a solution for sweet doggie.

Suntiger, you create sunshine in your dreary office with your sunset colour palettes and positive disposition.

Life is too short to concentrate on what you don't have. I'm happy to hear you're grateful for what you do have, ladies. I am too.

kkards

Veteran

i'm 56 (almost 57) and single...I spent the better part of my 30's thinking that i must be either really physically unattractive or my personality must be really off putting because if there wasn't something wrong with me i wouldn't still be single...even today, I wonder what i could have/should have done differently so that I wouldn't find myself alone....I work in retail, so spend a lot of time stressing over the state of retail as I need 10 more years before I can retire (health care being what it is in the US, I need to be able to qualify for Medicare)....but i'm generally content...and when I win the powerball/mega millions i'm going to buy a house on the beach and just sit and lesson to the waves

Bennett

Veteran

My legs are a mess of unsightly varicose veins and blue squiggly veins, and have been since pregnancy almost 40 years ago. Probably hereditary as I recall my dad having bulging veins at a young age, and I don't think he ever wore a pair of shorts. I had surgery maybe 20 years ago that left about 15 little scars on each leg, and new veins popped out in other places in retaliation. So, some things I don't wear: shorts, bathing suits, dresses and skirts unless they are maxi or very long midi OR can be worn with dark tights. NO ONE GETS TO SEE MY LEGS!!!

So that's just ONE of my handful of PHYSICAL imperfections, obviously the one I feel the least vulnerable about if I am sharing here. Plenty of struggles with marriage, family, work.....

Always, a work in progress!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I just realized that I come to YLF to avoid both real life and social media!

That might take a bit of explaining. But here goes. In my real life, I am grateful for SO MUCH -- health, learning opportunities, amazing work (at the moment -- not always), financial security (hard won and very long in coming), loving husband, fun and supportive friends from all over the world. What gifts!!

At the same time, my family situation is extremely difficult and has been stressful for years. My chosen vocation doesn't bring in money so I always have to have a "day" job or jobs, meaning I juggle a lot even at the best of times. My chosen work as an artist means facing almost daily rejection. I am prone to serious, life-threatening depression and have to be on guard against it.

Anyway -- "real life" is full of that complexity and complication. And my social media is, too! Lots of arguments and fighting there, in various groups and subgroups, as well as the "perfect life" posts.

For me, YLF is a trouble free space. Just for fun. But unlike SM, it's not as "fake." People do come here with real problems, some of them little teeny problems strictly related to what to wear, and some of them great big problems that are somehow related to fashion and style, because, well, isn't everything, when you get right down to it? They come here and their online friends help them problem solve with great wisdom and empathy. That feels real but a little bit distanced and so not as messy and troublesome as the kind of stuff I have to deal with in my daily life.

Does that make sense to anyone?

anne

Veteran

I am not great at housework, and our house has a very, putting it charitably, lived in look. I have dining chairs that shed leather scraps constantly.
This is an honest look at our kitchen/dining/ family room as it actually is this morning, just after I have come home from ferrying DD/running and the other kids have got ready for school.

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Anonymous

Suz - yes , it does make sense to me . And you know what ? Your comments made me realize I often post or say things here that I hope will provoke someone to call me out on my s**t. I too am prone to , and have been professionally diagnosed with, life threatening depression. My complex upbringing and parents each with incredibly upsetting baggage of their own left me with very low self esteem and a permanent sense of not deserving - anything . I was sure I’d be mocked by trying to dress and look like one of the girls - I didn’t have nice long hair and felt I wasnt attractive enough . I think it’s why developed a slightly different look that didn’t put me in competition with the other girls .This emotional garbage actually landed me here at YLF .....where I’m usually off on my own planet , but don’t feel too weird . The rest of social media ? Yikes . If you don’t travel and own a lake front cottage in my part of the world - forget it .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Lisa, depression is awful. It's so sad that so many of us struggle with it.

What you said at the end is so interesting. In my own SM world (I'm talking FB because I don't even do Twitter or Insta at all) travel and lake cottages are not the thing. Publications and literary awards nominations or wins are the main "perfect life" posts, with a few "my kid is runway model gorgeous and a genius" posts thrown in for good measure. People do post photos from cottages and retreat locations etc. but usually they are visitors, not owners. Which doesn't make it easier if you don't have good friends with cottages or you lost out in the residency sweepstakes (like I did, this year, sigh...).

Just goes to show you that SM really does put each of us is in our own little bubble. But the effects are the same -- headache, creeping envy or irritation, FOMO, etc.

There are also quite a few political posts and the world is ending posts in my feed, and arguments in the comments, which can become addictive and not in a good way (for me).

On the other hand, SM has also been great for me personally in some ways! It allows me to keep in touch with people (friends/ family) at a great distance and it has also introduced me to people I might never have met otherwise and some of those people have become RL friends or colleagues! I've gained some great professional opportunities that way, too. I just have to take it in very measured doses. And for some reason YLF feels different. We get into some intimate stuff here and that's part of it. But it's also all about something beautiful/interesting/fun for those of us who are here, and many of us don't have RL friends who share this interest.

RainB

This thread snapped me out of my funk I have to say and I feel like posting again. And it also shows what a wonderful place this is for people to feel safe enough to be honest.

On the surface to a lot of people, it looks like I've taken a brave leap once again from a secure full-time job to freelancing. But the reality is most days I'm struggling to make it happen for myself and relearn how to put myself out there to find work. Plus, the fact that writing has never been a money-making profession here for the most part. Also been struggling to work on my book, which the main reason I made this switch in the first place!

I've been struggling with my weight too, the highest now that it's ever been. And really have to ensure that I work hard maintain the body positivity I've worked on for years to achieve and not let this funk make me want to just give up on working on it.

I am grateful for a lot and I feel blessed in a lot of ways, but some days are just ugh! Phew, that was cathartic!

Anonymous

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DeAnna

This is such a good thread, keeping it real. My life is just crazy. I work full time at a boring job that pays well. I adore my husband, he is so good to me. I am raising granddaughters, the oldest just moved out, she is 18 and just graduated high school. she moved out because I am to strict with her, and won't allow her to spend the night with her 15y old girlfriend, and spend her paycheck so she will have it for college. The last 10 months she has made life hell for us. We have worked so hard to get her into college, and get it funded with scholarships so she will only have to pay 6000 a year to live in the dorm each year for 4 years. But she probably will not go, she does not wish to leave her 15 year old girl friend. We are working on the 16 year old sister to get her to pass her driving permit test she has failed 4 times. She is so stressed out from her older sister she can't study. And we have the other sister who is 11 and trying to have an attitude about everything. I have to remember that when we got her she only knew 90 of 350 sight words and her last report card is all A's and one B.Then my husband's son has tripplet's, who lived with us and him from 8 months old to 9, they are 11 this year, and are still over at our house a lot. The girls we have, we took them away from their parents 6 years ago, both parents are drug addicts and their dad is going to prison again this month. We are not blood related to the girls. Their mom is my husbands stepdaughter. Some days I feel like I am just to old for all this, and other days I can see we are making a difference in their lives, but its not easy. I struggle with my weight, I was doing so well losing weight and working out, then we started working on college and now not so good.This last year our dog got sick, and we found out he has Addison's and gets shots once a month and daily meds, I'm so glad we did not loose him. Some days he is the only bright spot of the day. I am a very creative person, but my plate is so full I rarely have time to do anything now, and its frustrating. I have a very loving relationship with all the grand kids except the one who just left, and I am so sad about that, but it was not for a lack of trying on my part.The triplets are two boys and one girl, she is handicap, and does not walk, she has been texting me all day, little messages of hearts, puppy's and I love you's. Life is messy.

Anonymous

Oh DeAnna. My heart goes out to you - life is indeed messy and not always great. It's pretty great that you can tell your story here, and know that it will be honoured.

Suz - yes, I understand the world of honours, awards and publications , and wonder how a writer withstands all of that. I find Facebook very difficult - especially right now - with all of the abortion bills and women's rights violations taking place in the US. I want to raise my voice, express my outrage and anger, and question my fellow women who seem to be ok with this . But I don't - because the creeping anxiety and anger and irritation with those whose political views are different from my own takes over - and I need to live my own life. I love instagram for my business and my personal design interests. Couldn't live without it

Sterling - I wish this past month wasn't so awful for you. Is there anything you can do to mitigate some of this stress?

Anonymous

Hugs to all!

I can't even look at the news many days, cause I quickly go into "people are rotters" mode-and get depressed thinking of all the bad things people have done to each other

This is one of the few sites I even look at now! DH is the same, he'll look at the science sites, but see stories about environmental damage and get mad...Every so often they threaten to get rid of the program I work for too-good times

Anonymous

Thank you for your kindness, Lisa P. I have been working to mitigate the stress. In June I will take a week off of work to do nothing whatsoever. Best wishes.

elpgal

Veteran

I am in a puppy-eyes phase with social media. Real life and the actual news is terrible, so I spend a lot of time on gardening FB groups, Twitter and and nstagram looking at pretty photos.

Runcarla

Veteran

LOL elpgal - I don't FB or Insta, but I have 279 pins on my Pinterest gardening board!

anne

Veteran

DeAnna - so sorry hearing about your struggles. Wow that sounds so very tough.

anchie

Veteran

I don’t believe in perfect life. If you think that someone has perfect life it most likely only mean that you are not that close and you don’t know them very well. I have problems and issues but trying to concentrate and be grateful for all the good things in my life - my family and friends, my health, my job, my home.
Regarding social media - I am very selective. If I would not like to have a drink with a person in real life - I don’t want to interact with that person online too. And I got very good at cutting people off - I don’t want to waste any energy on someone else’s crap and negativity.

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