It's not really simple, is it? We all have slightly different motivations and reactions to this. I find myself feeling that FOMO thing at certain points when a style or item hits the collective consciousness here...and then I get turned off once it seems like the forum is saturated with the look. Even though it may not be prevalent in my area of the world!

To me, this is a sign to step back and really look at why I want something, how I will wear it, and how it fits into my wardrobe, my style, and my life. As long as we keep tempering that rush of wantsies when it seems like "everyone's doing it," I think a balance can be achieved.

At least that's how I feel at the moment.

I've been thinking about this while getting ready to head out for the day, and wanted to add this:

Everyone here brings a different personality, different set of issues/baggage , and different ways of interacting with each other. Clothing/shopping/dressing is probably one of the most emotionally infused subjects we can talk about (outside of politics and religion ) . Some people view buying and dressing as a hobby, others as a necessity, and lots of us use it to deal with a whole cartload of baggage dragged with us from childhood (not that I'm talking about myself here or anything - lol). Copying, inspiring, suggesting - it's all good - but each one of us handles the "noise" in a different way. I happen to understand or agree with what Gaylene suggested because it is something I feel for MYSELF. I am very very introverted and get overwhelmed by things easily (words, talking, excitement etc) and that's where all the chatter about one specific dress can get to me. NOTE: I lemminged the burg one too, so don't hold myself apart from this at all. I find it fascinating in an anthropological way but it does bring me back to things I really dislike about myself, and things that I grew up hearing were negative characteristics. Anyways - sorry Una to hijack this thread with my essay of the day. Gotta run to work.

Angie, I didn't return the Vince dress. I just didn't buy the blue duplicate! Restraint is a step forward for me.

Lisa, I love your essays - reading people's considered thoughts is the best part of YLF for me!

Lisa, ditto what Una said -- reading people's analyses is a highlight of this forum!!

Also, you're absolutely right -- we each bring different baggage with us.

I'm in Peri's school. Shopping used to terrify me, I never did it, I had few opportunities anyway, where I lived, and I could never find things that worked for me. Being on here has cut down the shopping angst -- now I truly enjoy it! As she said, YLF streamlines the shopping process, makes it possible, even. I simply could not manage it before.

Also like Peri, I might hit the "buy" button when I experience FOMO or lemmingitis, but I won't "keep" unless I really love something for myself. So copying others does not have to be expensive or wasteful.

That wasn't necessarily true in my first year or two here. I wasn't always as confident in my own feelings or perceptions. But the longer I'm here the more sure I am of my own gut feelings about an item. If I don't feel great in it, there's no point in keeping it. Though it can be useful to hear what others perceive; this keeps me learning.

Over my tenure at YLF, I don't think I've lemming-ed that many specific pieces, mainly because I'm bigger than most of y'all and they wouldn't fit or come in my size. I'm not sure who's still around who's a similar size to me - maybe me and Marianna and thistle and maybe Jenn could start a nearly-plus-size lemming circle or something. I was able to dismiss the Vince dress because it would have looked awful on me and likely been way too short anyway.

But the general feeling of wanting to participate in a trend, or just worrying that something will sell out and you'd miss your chance, I definitely struggle with all the time. Retailers are really good at creating that sense of urgency and FOMO because it benefits them when people make quick, emotional decisions rather than calm, reasoned ones.

And Suz's point is well-made too. There are times when you miss out and you can't go back in time. There will always be more clothes, but there won't always be that particular fabric or fit that happens to work really well, since most retailers constantly change up their offerings. So it's hard to strike a balance between realizing when you've got a good thing in front of you, and realizing that you're talking yourself into something that you'll regret later.

Well, I'm sticking to my original thought in spite of Angie's chiding. I'm not saying that copying and imitation never work--just that, for me, the odds are rarely in my favour. Others, of course, may have a completely different opinion.

But what bothers me is the insidious lure of imitating, FOMO, and herd mentality, and the realization how much it has cost me in time, energy, and money. The tricky part is these things OCCASIONALLY work--just often enough to make me want to take another chance--but the odds are almost never in my favour. The jacket which was a forum darling ends up in a consignment bag a few months later because It never feels quite right on my body or works with the rest of my wardrobe. The "insurance" duplicate hangs in the closet for a year or two until it looks dated, or my body/style mrphs into something different, and thus meets the same fate. And that gorgeous dress that actually fits and looks as good on me as it did on its original owner hangs in my closet because I have to invent occasions to wear it.

I'm not saying everyone has my odds, or that others can't be bigger risk-takers, just that forums like this can have a downside as well as a plus side. I think it's this sort of discomfort that makes people feel the only solution is to sign off the forum permanently. Maybe "outing" this underside might make it easier for some of us to pause before we leap onto another bandwagon. Fun with fashion doesn't have to have a bad aftertaste.

ETA: just wanted to add this clarification: in my mind, there is a clear distinction between copying and imitating, and being inspired by someone or something. To me inspiration is an internal, personal response to a stimulus, while copying and imitating puts its effort on creating a facsimile of the orginal.

Excellent point(s) Gaylene, and I, again, agree.

Gaylene, you make a good point. But I don't know that these lenming waves can be prevented or the discomfort that can come with them. For me, I'm grateful that I've been forced to rock back on my heels and think about how to better cope with my own impulses. If I didn't have the forum, it would be some other aspect in my life and I would have to deal with it in that realm.

Sorry to argue the opposite point, Gaylene and Lisa...you know I always love to hear your thoughts! But if your hypothetical (I think) jacket never felt right on your body or worked with the rest of your closet, what is it doing in your closet? The idea that needs to be examined is why do we keep things, not why do we order them in the first place. It is hardly the fault of the forum if we keep what isn't right for us. If I make a shopping mistake I'm hardly going to fall back on "well, the forum was so excited about it so I had to buy it".

The only way to completely avoid social influence is to avoid social interaction. I stand by my own evaluation. I love to see all the things people get excited about. I see no uncomfortable underside. It is up to me to decide from there if an item works for me or not. It is certainly not a problem the forum needs to address. Maybe this is easy for me because I'm not a shopper. Saying no comes much more easily to me than saying yes. So if someone is having this issue, I don't mean to make light of it. I just don't like the idea that people getting excited about what they have found and want to share could be viewed as a downside.

And yes, copying may not be the most accurate word. I've never seen anyone actually copy another member. There is no "single white female" going on. I have several items that various other forum members have, but we don't look like each other and we certainly don't try to. It's just help (hopefully) finding a nice dress that I've tried to find on my own for three years and haven't been able to. If I don't like it, back it goes. Win-win, no loss, no downside.

I get it. I don't necessarily think it's undue influence from other members, but being on this forum certainly keeps you in touch with the retail machine and, thus, more subject to retailer's FOMO tactics. It can be hard to resist when you go to Zappo's or wherever and see "only 1 left in this size." Their job is to get you to put things in your shopping cart, and they're good at what they do.

Luckily, everyone here is equally as supportive about SYC and returns as about adding great new wardrobe pieces.

Laura is right, I'd probably be a lot more tempted if I were a size 4 or 6 than I am at a size 14 or 16. Ask me about this again when the NPSLC (Nearly Plus Size Lemming Circle) kicks into gear.

Peri, of course you are right that the "fault" doesn't lie witin the forum, or its members, but within ourselves. But (and you knew I'd have one, right ), as Lisa says, we all bring our "noise" to the equation. Being around the excitement makes it hard not sometimes not to get caught up in the giddy fun. We also shop in different ways and in different environments, so returns and "trial" periods aren't always as easy for some as for others.

I guess Una's original question about why do some of us succumb to FOMO and make poor buying decisions just triggered my thoughts about the whole question of the duplicating, copying, and imitating that occasionally sweeps through the forum. I think I'm not alone in having had some regrets about how these urges have influenced my buying habits and I've wondered if my desire to imitate Angie, or another forum member, hasn't contributed to it. Sam Edelman pumps, I'm looking at you!

*runs in, does complicated fist bump-secret handshake thing with Jenn, runs out again*

I don't think it's so much FOMO. It's that you found something that works for you, and you see something similar so it's very easy to get that, because you know on level it will work. But you didn't know that it existed till someone pointed it out.
Also I honestly don't think anyone on here can be truly unique in their fashion or style because we all buy all at retail. Unless you either design your own clothes or get the made from new designs. Haute Couture falls under this, because more often that not it's one off. The only person who truly comes close to this is Firecracker, and even shes adds in RTW. There's only so many ways one can make a pair of jeans.

But back to forum. Fashion magazines are dying. FashionTelevision and

Style with Elsa Klensch, RIP. Many here I've noticed only read this blog as a sole source of fashion information, I think Gaylene you said so yourself at one point. Seeing things here posted by Angie and others shows what is out there in the stores and shifts in fashion.

I actually very rarely wear Angie's recommended outfits in the way she styles them. But her input and information that she shares is all incredibly helpful in knowing what options are out there. i think you are correct, Anna, that when I see a style or color that works for me I panic because it isn't often that am item just works for me, especially dresses.

Can I just say how much I am enjoying and learning from this thread? Smart women (making an assumption posters are female) with distinctly different opinions engaging in sensible, polite discourse.

Maybe we should all run for elected office.

High five, Peri!!

I agree with everything you've said. Especially this:

The only way to completely avoid social influence is to avoid social interaction. I stand by my own evaluation. I love to see all the things people get excited about. I see no uncomfortable underside. It is up to me to decide from there if an item works for me or not.

But I also agree with Lisa and Gaylene that different people's baggage may affect them differently. For you and me, the forum is an introduction to items and stylings we'd never see, IRL, and it helps us find things we love and figure out how to wear them.

But again, I came here an absolute fashion ignoramus. I had no idea how to do things. Now I have a clue. Thanks to all of you!

Can I join team fashion ignoramous with you and Peri, Suz?

Ditto what Aliona said!

I'm so confused what are we talking about again?