Flip flops on dates - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing

Flip flops on dates

Wayne

I seem to be having trouble getting serious answers to this question, so I thought I would try a group forum like this.

Why do women wear flip flops, specifically flip flops, on dates?

It makes absolute sense to wear a flat slide sandal on a date, they're
comfortable and easy to wear, but why flip flops, specifically, instead
of any one of many other flat slide sandals that look nice?

Why not flat slide sandals such as (but not limited to) the photographs below,
that look nice? Why the reversion to something that does not look
nice?

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Dressing

30 replies

Latest reply was from Gigi

Liz

Veteran

You are likely not getting a serious answer because it's very difficult for strangers on the internet to answer why people do things, or why the women you are dating are doing what they do. And because the question does not seem to be about a serious issue.

Traci

Veteran

Yes, personal preference, comfort and everything else Liz said. I'm not a big flip flop wearer these days, but the sandals you showed do not work for me for walking. I either need something for my toes to grab, or a back strap to hold my foot in.

No joke, maybe you should advertise that you hate flip flops when you look for dates.

rachylou

Veteran

Ok. No. I get it. What's worse is a guy wearing flip flops on a date. Lol. That happened to someone I know. She just didn't know what to do, except leave ASAP.

It's natural birth control. And a way of letting you know their uncle just got out of jail. And I do not jest.

kkards

Veteran

Why do men called it babysitting if they are left alone to watch their own kids? The universe is a strange and complicated place....if it bothers so much say something.....or not....it depends on how much you want a second date

Anonymous

And I say, why not flip flops? There are some very nice flip flops out there. Seems like a picky thing to me, but whatevs.

rachylou

Veteran

Kkards...prob for the same reason their wives don't really trust them with the kids

See, what I notice is that flip flops become sandals when they're nice...and you live in the tropics.

Ok. But this is another tribal/class thing. Some feel one's significant other will be the person they let it all hang out in front of. Others feel their SO is a reason to get up and get dressed. For some, family is what you take care of; for others, family is what takes care of you. Peeps will argue it's both, but I will argue that that's rarer than one might expect. Think about all the women who get up before their husbands to do their makeup.

unfrumped

Veteran

Maybe it's an ad for these sandals?

These are just a style, and slides inherently are not particularly dressy to my eye, so flip flops are not far behind ( though I get it that someone could be in worn, rubber flip flops and really look super casual), but it's true as stated above, the functionality of slides, ff's, all types of footwear is different and different for different feet, hence it's not a simple matter of, if you'd wear those you could just as well wear these.

JAileen

Veteran

I wouldn't put all the blame on women. When we were in Seattle this summer, I saw three separate couples where the women were significantly more dressed up than the men. The picture shows the most egregious example. She was wearing a nice dress and dress shoes. He was wearing flip flops, shorts, a tank top and a backwards hat. I thought maybe they had different expectations for the date if that's what it was.

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Kaelyn

Veteran

I think JAileen has a point--men in general seem to dress more casually than women. A lot of women have been given advice at one point or another to dress casually and comfortably because it sends a message that we're down to earth and don't take ourselves too seriously. My husband and I both dressed casually but not sloppily for our first date--he wore green pants and a t-shirt with a nice jacket, and I think I wore jeans, a long sleeve shirt, boots, and a plush sweater. If we'd met in the summer I can't say I definitely wouldn't have worn flip flops. I was nineteen and he was about to turn twenty-three when we met, I was in college and he had just graduated, and neither of us particularly liked to dress up. All of that said, I think flip flops are inappropriate for some places, like a nice restaurant. It really depends on the date.

Wayne

I seem to have the opposite experience. My dates are usually the more casually dressed when there is a mismatch, though I see all the time couples dressed similarly to jAileen's picture.

Kaelyn, it's actually a little annoying to me when a woman makes a point of dressing up the least possible to avoid "trying too hard", but they overshoot and do not try hard enough. For dates, I tend to dress up slightly above what is "required", because I do want to look nice for her, but my dates often go down one step, then it ends up in a mismatch.

That's the thing with the flip flops, my dates wear them every chance they can. Nearly 100% of all warm weather dates casual enough to "allow" flip flips, they have been worn. Very, very few things do women seem to keep reverting to like that, skipping over the many, many other styles of ultra-casual flat slides that look nice.

Kaelyn

Veteran

That would be frustrating, and I'm sorry that it keeps happening. Dress codes can be tricky when something between ultra casual and ultra dressy is called for.

Andrea H

You keep reiterating that these women wear flipflops rather than sandals that "look nice." The obvious answer is that they believe their flipflops DO look nice. You disagree. Either move on or overlook this small incompatibility in favor of the things you do have in common.

Cococat

Veteran

IMO flip flops look 'nicer' than some of the images in the original post, so on a casual date, I would wear my Havaianas or Tory Burch flip flops and I would think that they look nice. I don't own any sandals like in the pic, nor do I particularly want to. It's all a matter of personal taste and opinion.

My DH wore some very strange things on our first dates because, I found out later, he had been getting wardrobe advice for our dates from a female friend who fancied him...lol....funny story. Fortunately I looked beyond his 'interesting' wardrobe choices.

Echo

Veteran

Part of it might depend on your definition of flip-flops. Havaianas, sure. But other thong sandals aren't necessarily flip-flops, and many of them have a wedge or slight heel and look nice. Additionally, many women find a thong sandal to be sexier than the wider strap flats you have posted as "looking nice." I think it ultimately comes down to different preferences and a poison eye. Everyone has quirks, and yours seems to be a strong aversion to flat thong sandals. That doesn't make you right and them wrong or vice versa - you just have differing visions of what is acceptable or what is prefereable.

VioletMyra

I need educating.
In Queensland 'flip flops' are made from rubber and worn as a barrier between the feet and the burning sand, melting bitumen, goat head burrs and bindi eyes.
Is that the footwear you're writing about?
Best wishes to all.

Wayne

Echo, I will offer my own definition here, with some supporting photographs I found quickly on Google Images.

Obviously, #1 is a flip flop in its purist form. I also have the same dislike for #2 thru #6; they are also flip flops. Even though #6 thru #8 may not really be flip flops, they're all just additions to the same design; I dislike those, as well. #9 thru #11 are not technically flip flops, they are, again, just variants of the same; I also dislike those, even if ever so slightly less.

If I may interject a question here, Echo, you are making my point, in a way...not to criticize you or be smart, but you talk about heels and wedges, but without deviating from the core design. I'm glad you brought that up, because that's exactly what I am trying to get at. Why does it have to be this exact precise core style?

Moving on, I actually like #12 thru #14. I have no aversion to these flat thong sandals. They are awesome, pretty, even sexy. To my eye, these three can work with even fairly dressy skirts and dresses, if she wants to wear one somewhat casually, while flip flops or variations literally destroy the entire look in my eye.

But, the reason they wear flip flops in the first place is because they want a flat slide sandal, and the last three are not slides, and some of the flip flops here have wedges, which is why I picked out the random styles in my original post.

Did my definitions clarify?

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Cococat

Veteran

FootFetishDaily.com?

Hmmm....

rachylou

Veteran

I like number 6, laugh at 1-5 for anything other than a 'date' at Target with a boyfriend of 7 years, and pretty much would never wear any of these on a first date. Nor a slide or mule. Not even in Florida. Lol. And no man better show up for a date with me wearing open toe sandals. Reality is: I could not take him home to Mother. I'm not sure even friends would be allowed in.

Yeah, my peeps are harsh. I get a lot of grief for the green hair...

Gigi

Veteran

I think part of the reason your dates are wearing flip-flops is that flip-flops are pretty much everywhere, and they're cheap. They're easy because you don't need to buckle anything; you just slide your foot in. People have become extremely casual dressers, and this is an example of that. I personally don't wear flip-flips because I feel that they are too casual and remind me of beach wear, even in their dressier forms.

Mauvish

i am a little confuse wayne.

are you being curious that why almost all women you meet that specific style of casual shoe on a date?

or

are you actually questioning that from your experince,why most of the women you met are not putting an effort in dressing up as much as you do?

clarification would help. we are all very nice people here

Cococat

Veteran

is it simply a coincidence that one of the images (#12) in the second post comes from footfetishdaily.com, which googles as "the #1 foot fetish site on the Internet" ?

Wayne

Oops...CocoCat...I grabbed an image from Google Images without noticing the source. I'll fix that. I am not a member of that site you mentioned.

Gigi, some of the same things you said about flip flops also apply to the sandals in my original post. Those you don't need to buckle, and you just slide your feet in. By "they're everywhere"...if you mean availability, those sandals can be found in any mall or big box store shoe department just like flip flops, but if you mean found everywhere being worn, then that is true, the original sandals are less commonly worn. But, then, that begs the question, are my dates wearing flip flops because they are making that decision on their own, or because they want to wear what is widely worn? That in itself may be one answer to my base question. As for "cheap", I am not sure of the prices, I am sure you can get sandals like the original post ones for similar to most other shoes, but I can't see them priced at $2 like some places that sell flip flops in a barrel at the store entrance. You and I are in agreement in our views on flip flops.

Mauvish, I'll try to clear up the confusion. I got sidetracked with that poster's photo, I interjected my own personal experience of often being on the other side of the situation photographed. Though, I suppose there is an element of that in my basic question: Even if she wants to be casual or ultra-casual, why does the flat slide sandal have to be flip flops instead of something that looks nice?

Yes, most of the people on here are nice :-).

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

That is something you would have to ask your specific dates, as it is a personal decision. If your issue is that they are dressed more casually than you are, I would mention that you tend to dress up more for dates in one of your pre- date conversations. Another possibility is that you are mistaking a come-as-you-are meet and greet for an actual "date". There is a difference in my book.

Staysfit

Veteran

JAileen, I can't stop laughing at the pic you posted!

Jen W

I think the reasons for flip flops are varied. Region and age come to my mind first. I live in N. California now, but when I lived in S. California, flip flops were the social norm. I think that may hold true anywhere with an informal, beach culture. The other variable is age. When I was young flip flops were inexpensive, easy to fit, and my feet didn't mind the lack of support. Now that I'm older I only wear flip flops when I need to get out of my shoes easily, i.e. at yoga studios, the pool or beach. Our culture has also pushed an effortless look for some time now, and some believe that nicer shoes make you appear high maintenance. So women may be trying to appear approachable and down to earth on your dates as well. Perhaps the answer to your particular dilemma is to change the nature of your first date activities. Coffee, movies, casual dinners all invite casual footwear. Perhaps choose more active dates which would make flip flops a poor choice, or increase the formality of the places you go.

Gigi

Veteran

Wayne, you noted that some of the original styles that you posted are just as widely available as flip-flops (by "widely available," I meant available for purchase in stores). I feel like those other styles are not generally marketed to younger ladies; they look a little more mature to me, which is probably why the women you are dating aren't wearing them but are wearing the flip-flops. The exception would be the first pair you posted, the Birkenstock (or Birk lookalike). I don't know why one would choose a Birk over a flip-flop, or vice versa.

I think what you are experiencing is what we on the forum call a "poison eye." All of us have certain styles of clothing that we just can't stand, and for you, it's flip-flops. I would recommend grinning and bearing your date's wearing flip-flops for the first few dates, and then if you feel like the relationship has potential, gently explain that you would feel better if she dressed up a little more when you go out. You could give the flip-flops as an example. Just say that to you, they read uber-casual, like beachwear.

VioletMyra

Dear Wayne
Pic #1, featuring multiple pairs, is what I know as flip-flops.
Thanks so much for the education.
Best wishes to all.

Wayne

Gigi and Echo, maybe the "poison eye" is the problem. Jen W's post also makes sense now given that. Perhaps the answer is that I need to express this up front somehow, but that is outside the scope of this forum since this is not a dating advice site.

What is the fashion world's term for the opposite of the poison eye, to refer to an outfit or a specific article of clothing that looks good no matter what?

Also, is there a way to paste someone else's words as a quote in this forum?

Aziraphale

Veteran

You ask why not flat sandals that "look nice", and then the first example you post is a pair of Birkenstocks, which are, like Uggs, considered "ugly" by a large proportion of fashion-oriented people. (Not me, mind you; I've always thought Birks were cute). Birks had a little revival recently, but are still more or less universally acknowledged to be quite homely...so maybe the problem here is that looking "nice" versus "not nice" is actually a matter of opinion.

But I may have some insight on your original question, "Why do women wear flip flops, specifically flip flops, on dates?". It has been a long time since I was on a real date (i.e. not a night out with my longtime partner), but I remember my approach way back then, and it did not involve dressing up. I of course wanted to look desirable, but I took care to appear as though I had not tried. See, for me, a big element of desirability involved an impression of unselfconsciousness, and of WYSIWYG. So I made sure my hair was clean and shiny, but kept it loose and natural-looking. I wore just enough makeup to make myself prettier, without giving the appearance of wearing makeup. I chose clothing that was casually stylish, and broadcasted the message: "Yes I'll go out with you and I'll be fun, but I'm not heavily invested in you". (And truthfully, usually I wasn't). Looking like I'd tried hard to make myself desirable for this guy was incompatible with my attitude to men and dating, which was one of wanting to have the upper hand. I found that men were much more interested in women who liked them but didn't need them.

So I might easily have worn flip flops and jeans on a casual movie date. I wouldn't have done so, of course, if we were on a date to the symphony.

Also, I wouldn't do it now, unless it was a date to the beach. What you can get away with at 22 does not always work at 44.

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