Showing your shape has ZERO to do with attracting the opposite sex, sorry ladies, but I think we are really getting off topic here.

I do like to show my shape because I am proud of my feminine body and I want to highlight that for ME. There is a huge difference between figure flattery and just dressing provocatively and one does not equal the other. As a matter of fact, I find too tight clothes man repelling.

And since we are off topic, to be honest, I am yet to see the oversized look catching on to the "average folk" street fashion. The people I see and work with around here are wearing the same tailored clothes. To me, the looser fits are too editorial for now, for my everyday life. I want people to "get it", not think I lost a bunch of weight or something.

Just my humble .50

Zapotee, is showing your shape the same thing as provocative? I'm confused.

Oh, I see the disjunct.

I don't see figure flattery as about creating the ideal figure. I see it as flattering MY figure - which has a small chest, almost no waist, and practically nonexistant hips. But to me flattering these item's isn't making me look like I have giant gazongas or a tiny waist. It's wearing clothing that doesn't bag or squeeze, bundle or make my skin look dead. Something that shows I like and respect my body and am happy to treat it well.

So, if men want me to breed their babies, they're looking for the wrong kind of flattery.

Rachylou, I was going to say the same thing. Figure flattery does not equal too tight clothes. Doesn't it just mean showing your figure to best advantage, making it best approximate the "ideal" proportions?

No Rachy , not by a million.
Did I confuse your point?
ETA: Basically my concept of figure flattery is what IK wrote above., making the best out of my individual features, irrelevant of what the "standard concept" is.

Ok, I see now...
To me, figure flattery is showing your shape. I'm glad I figured myself out and make a fool out of myself in the process.

deleted original post for oversharing.

deleted second post because it was not the first.

@ IK - Oh, yeah. That makes sense, IK.

@ Zap - Hehe. Sorry, Zap. I'm just confused girl. Ignore me.

Anyways, you guys. Interesting. You know, I think I really am about the clothes. Just the clothes. The body/physique is just the excuse. Physique just doesn't factor into my thinking in a way that I'm aware of.

I am rarely about flattering my own figure or flattery to obtain an ideal figure. I try to avoid deliberate or unintentionally UNflattering looks (like not overemphasizing my broad shoulders), but if I'm flatlining in the flattery area, I'm okay with that. Partly it's that I've gotten more comfortable with the shape I am and my own sense of style.

I will say that (as with makeup) when I make a little effort to wear something that actually shows off an aspect of my figure that is traditionally feminine (cleavage, legs) I get a disproportionate "WOW" reaction - like "We had no idea you were a girl!"...

Rachylou, that does sound like a great place to be, have you always felt the same?

OK, after reading all of your comments, I am SO confused. I do not define figure flattery as body con, attracting men, or trying to meet somebody elses idea of a right and wrong figure. When I look in the mirror and something looks good on me, I consider that figure flattering. Do I have the definition mixed up?

Hmm, this is getting interesting. Am I wrong, or am I detecting a real distaste for the idea of women wearing clothes that attract masculine attention? Personally, I don't mind my appearance being being appreciated by either gender; as a matter of fact, I kind of enjoy it. And, I don't equate being complimented by a man as automatically indicative of a sexual invitation. Figure flattery, to me, means looking good in my clothes. Personally, I find extremely body conscious, or "slut", dressing the antithesis of figure flattering for most women.

Deb - I was originally responding to Rachy's comment but at some point I confused myself.

To sum it up:

1- Figure flattery to me means using my clothes to make the "best" out of my existing features. I don't like to hide my shape because I think I look bigger when I do.
2- I tend to look best in tailored clothes, my "best" is more shapely and slimmer. To most of you, my version of tailored means body con. It is tailored to me.
3- Showing your shape is not provocative, to me. I was responding to Rachy and the mall comment primarily. I don't think I look provocative in any of my clothing but I can be wrong. So...bodycon or tailored does not equal provocative in my book.
4- If I happen to catch a look from the opposite sex, I'm ok with it too.
5- Extremely tight clothes i.e. the provocative stuff, is man repelling to me.

Sorry for any confusion I might have enticed.

The confusion in this discussion stems from different definitions of what constitutes "figure flattery."

It is impossible to look in the mirror and OBJECTIVELY assess whether or not something is "flattering," because that will always remain a SUBJECTIVE evaluation. Beauty is not an objective concept. There is no ideal beauty, totally abstracted from the values of individuals or societies. In short, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Your idea of beauty may be inherently bound up with sexual appeal or biological urges to ensure the future of the species. It might have NOTHING to do with biological urges and focus instead on somewhat more abstract notions of proportion, shape and color. It might be something else entirely.

All of that sounds far too philosophical for the original thrust of this conversation, which I believe was supposed to be referring to conventional notions of figure-flattery, such as are described in Angie's posts re: pretty pears, adorable apples, inverted triangles, etc. That would be clothing that doesn't make you look bigger than you are, shows some shape at the waist and balances out broad shoulders or wide hips or short torsos, etc.

Deb, I think this veered into a discussion about attracting male attention because what is conventionally thought of as an attractive figure is linked to the fact that such figures generally represent the healthy, fertile phase of a woman's life. If we dress in a flattering way -- a way that makes our bodies most closely resemble the "ideal" (although when I say "ideal", there is obviously a range, not just one exact size and shape) -- we also tend to maximize our attractiveness to men. It's just biology. Of course it doesn't mean that we are desperate to attract the male gaze or anything.

I think Amy said it better than I could ever articulate. My writing skills have definitely degraded.
I do find it interesting when I wear truly body con I also get resistance from the forum. Eg this dress.

I LOVE that dress!

*swoon*

I think there are two questions here.

1. Do we dress for ourselves or others (real or imagined). What would you wear if no-one could see you? If it isn't the same as what you wear now then some part of you must be dressing for "others".
or
2. Do we want our bodies to look the best they can at the expense of anything else (including comfort, practicality).

I think most of us fall somewhere in between the extremes.

I think both the jeans and the dress are show stoppers and require confidence--just different kinds--to pull them off. Neither garment will let you blend into the background.

Anna, to answer your original question - figure flattery is definitely not a priority for me. I will happily shorten my leg line, surrender my (almost non-existent) waist, broaden my (already broad) shoulders, etc. in garments that I find appealing. I like wearing clothes that I *feel* good in and that I find pleasing in terms of design, color and fabrication. I think I would miss out on a lot of fab things if I only considered figure flattery. How boring - and stressful - that would be!

The one body part I will not compromise on is my pot-belly...it must be hidden, always! And maybe I'll get over that someday. : )

What an interesting discussion! Will throw in my 2 cents: anna, love you in the dress you just posted! The harem pants, not so much. That has to do with my style preferences, and nothing to do with the issue of figure flattering though. It wouldn't matter if beyonce wore the pants, i still wouldn't like them personally speaking.

The important point, which you've already made yourself, is that you dress the way you want, and you've made a conscious decision to do so. In deciding to be fashion forward, you have made the decision to sacrifice figure flattering and a more conventional style. It also sounds like you understand that there is a trade-off that you are willing to accept, which is that members of the opposite sex won't necessarily find the appeal in your style, as the majority of men do prefer a "feminine" style of dressing. my guess is that "feminine" and "figure flattering" are mutually exclusive, so we've come full circle!

Anna! We don't like that dress? It's knockout! And figure flattering!

Wow, I've read so many replies I almost forgot the question. Is figure flattery a priority for me? Absolutely. Backstory: in my twenties I was a slim hourglass. Then I got married and gained a lot of weight. A LOT of weight. I hated the way I looked and didn't find any joy in clothes. Then I managed to lose all the weight and like the way I looked again. Note I hated the way I looked, not myself ( I just wanted that to be clear). So now, when I look in the mirror I am happier with my figure and like to wear clothes that flatter it. I don't want to look as heavy as I was before and I do like the look of my top half balanced with the bottom.

But if you love the jeans, that's all that matters. Some people (including my mother) dislike my dreadlocks. They don't express the ideals of traditional (American) beauty. That's fine with me. It's my hair and I think it works for me. And I do suspect some people dislike my hair because it reflects a refusal to get on board with the masses. My clothes, however, are pretty conservative and I enjoy the juxtaposition.

I admire you wearing those jeans, just as I admire Angie wearing her jodhpurs. Would I wear either pair? Nope, they are waaaaay to far out of my comfort zone. But it does encourage me to try something a little different than I normally would.

Love the dress Anna!

Maybe from my advanced age I can see this from a different perspective.
I look at young men with a gorgeous head of hair and they shave it.
They have tight young bodies and wear ridiculous pants that show nothing.

I think to myself "when you are older, and your hair is thinning and you have to wear your pants below that huge belly you will look back and wonder why you chose not to appreciate the assets that you had?"

I was a modest dresser as a young woman, but I did want to show myself to my best advantage. I still try for that.

@RoseandJoan - You know, I think I have indeed always felt the same. Maybe it's because I grew up with a lot of hippie stuff. Free to be you and me, body beautiful, content of your character, etc. etc. Or maybe it's because I'm nearsighted. Lol. It's probably that.

Anyways, when I think about physique I don't come up with anything. I don't feel a need to show off, tweak, hide, or enhance me or anybody else. I don't yearn to stand next to the hot guy - who I wouldn't be able to identify by myself in the first place.

Although, I suppose if you hit me over the head, I will get it. I knew this Ralph Lauren model once. He was so good looking, I had to leave the room and laugh the first time I saw him. Of course, sadly it's true, looks like that peak sharp. Five years and he wasn't hilariously good looking anymore.

Anna, this is such a great discussion! For me, figure flattery is a priority. For how it looks on others? Well, I'm not entirely willing to say it has no importance to how I appreciate an outfit when I see it, it isn't nearly such a big priority. Whether something looks intentional or not is what clinches it for me. Intentional, with good fit where fit can be demonstrated (hem length, fitted waist, or items paired with it?) gets a huge okay from me. Your harem pants, for example. Where it looks thoughtless or sloppy, where it is not a conscious choice? No go. If it were food, I'd say it is good in the way that bitterness in a beer or coffee can be lovely or saltiness with sweetness. Or that just right almost burnt that you get with great croissants. It is the intentional conflict that delights, the dance on the edge. That's when figure flattery doesn't matter.

Also, a little off topic, but I have to throw in with Moira here that I too look at certain trends and sadly shake my heads. I was walking behind a gaggle of teens with my bff in the early '00s and she commented on the challenge of ultra low cut jeans. I agreed--all I could think was how sad it was that these girls were probably at what they would later consider the pinnacle of their personal attractiveness (and boy of boy do I know that is a load of it and says a lot about our misguided society), and yet they were wearing jeans that made their lovely rears look flat and dumpy. What a loss!

For myself, I've always heavily skewed toward figure flattery because I never felt I was tall or thin enough to do otherwise. Lumpy and dumpy get a thumbs down from me. I've also passed on many an item of clothing because I felt it didn't fit properly.

As to others? I don't like seeing ill-fitting garments on others, but if they fit but aren't traditionally flattering, it is fine with me. Umm, but I've told DD when I didn't think something was a 10 on her so she would recognize the difference.

As to man-repelling/attracting clothing? I think most (80%?) of straight guys are pretty conventional in their taste. They don't understand fashion forward stuff or much of anything unusual, but are probably attracted to nicely tactile fabrications. I, personally, ignore this consideration but like flannel at night because I run cold.

And as to you, Anna? I remind myself that you are quite fashion forward, and to let my eye grow accustomed to the look because I'll probably be seeing it all over in two years' time!!!

This is such a great discussion. I've thoroughly enjoyed hearing everyone's perspective.

Does figure flattery matter to me? I've been pondering. And I honestly don't know.

I think both your outfits (the jeans and the dress) are expressions of your highly intentional style -- albeit very different -- and I like them both on you. I might wear the dress. I love the halter style neckline, the colours, the slightly retro feel of it. I probably wouldn't wear the jeans, but more from a sense that I wouldn't like the *feel* of that extra fabric on me in that place than out of concerns about flattery. I'd wear pants in a different fabric with the extra fabric there, if you know what I mean. If it were more drapey -- like those wild crossover pants I tried on and loved but decided were too impractical with their stupid little tie up.

So....when I look at others, do I prefer them to dress in ways that are conventionally figure flattering? No. Not really. I like to see people with a clear sense of their own style. That trumps all.

For myself, I do care about not shortening my leg line because I'm sensitive about my short legs. But otherwise, I don't think it matters to me. And even then, if I really like a look I am willing to try it at the risk of a shortened leg. At least to see how it feels. In the end, for me, it's more about how I feel in the clothes, I think.

Having said that, I prefer not to wear looks so unstructured that I am entirely swallowed up in them.

In theory, it's not a priority for me at all. I adore out-there cuts, loose and drapey stuff, avant-garde, androgynous looks, etc. I drool over them, pin them, stalk them online, read blogs that show them, the works. But it seems like invariably, if I actually try them on or even worse, bring them home, I end up hating them on myself. I feel good, or at least OK, in conventionally figure-flattering stuff, though, so that's what I end up wearing even though it bores me. I cannot for the life of me figure out why this is (Am I just choosing the wrong clothes over and over? Do the looks just not translate to my body type in the way I want them to? DH hates them? I do not know. Well, I do know DH hates them, so that's part of it, but I'd wear them anyway if I could figure out the rest of it).

I love the way you dress, Anna.