("What fashion rock did you drag that outfit out from under?" So I bite my tongue and try to parse it down to the specifics that don't work for me.)- your words

I am very happy that you bite your tongue.
Boring to some is classic and lovely to others.
Fashion forward and edgy is ridiculous to others.
How lovely that we all have a place in this forum.
Being able to see style through the eyes of the individual and not our own preferences is a gift that I believe is worth cultivating.

Chiming in to echo alaskagirl and greenglove and applaud their comments. The only work outside the house that I've done in more than 10 years required that I wear scrubs. In a way, I was thankful because that means that all my other outfits are "for me" and don't need to conform to a dress code.

I think it is more important to refrain from comment if nothing helpful can be offered rather than if nothing nice can be said. I can learn and grow from a "not nice" comment that is respectful, honest, and negative and wouldn't mind receiving that. I would mind feeling as though I were being put down. It just seems simple courtesy to not offer input if it isn't constructive.

One of the reasons I love this site is that people are almost exclusively kind and supportive. I really appreciate a diversity of styles (mine isn't totally represented here, but I find I can often appropriate lessons--like you took the "classics" and gave it your Anna twist) as well as appreciate the outfits of others for how well they accomplish what the wearer wanted, whether or not the outfit is my style.

I sincerely hope that you can feel that you belong even if you don't blend as I feel you have a lot to offer; I also hope others with different styles will feel open to divergent opinions. I really do think it comes down to self-awareness and an open-mind along with some common courtesy and that goes for all of us both here and in life.

Off to the side here: Yes, a comment to anybody along the lines of "your style sucks" just doesn't fly. It's not an honest comment, if you think about it. It's saying what you honestly feel an impulse to say... but it's an emotional dump. It's making someone else responsible for how you feel. Honesty itself precludes that 100%.

If a person owns their feelings, it changes everything. Admitting they have poison eye for certain things, personal connotations, etc. Then it's just a response to be considered - as opposed to an emotional snow-in you have to dig yourself out from.

I suppose one important thing is to evaluate outfits by the wearer's own standards, goals, needs. Like, I could go around telling everyone they need to wear miniskirts as aprons and spirit hats (a stuffed animal on their head) to be cool... and obviously, I'd be right because I am the authority on these things... but ya, c'mon, that's ridiculous. Not so obvious, but also not useful, would be suggestions for me to take the teddy bear off my head. To tone it down. I can't do anything with that.

But there is a caveat: If a person is going to the North Pole, they really have to have a puffer. Things like that. No matter what. Sometimes you have to dress a certain way to achieve what you want and that can be depressing, but that's the way it is. Your mother - and your friends - are allowed to remind you of this.

what?!?! i have to take of the bear?!?!? then, i feel nekkid!

Down the rabbit hole!!! Off with your bear!!

;> hehe

I think a useful takeaway here is that feedback should be kind and directed to be useful.

I have gotten feedback like, "I don't like your shirt." Well, all THAT does is add negativity to my day. It doesn't tell me what you don't like and why. If you don't like it because my bra is giving me four-boob, or because the color is making me look like death, well, say so!

I have a harder time with feedback from people who obviously have a different style filter, like the gals I mentioned at my favorite boutique. I do not belt or blouson shirts, I do not wear sequins, and I do not like a lot of colors and patterns. Suggesting that I do these things is sweet, but I'm going to ignore you - because then it's not about you helping me with what I like, it's about dressing me the way YOU would dress. Like my mother. And that turned out great the first time, didn't it...? Heh.

IK, yes, I think you hit the nail on the head. I think *most* of the time we do that, but sometimes we fail and we need to get better at that.

I will add, that I think it's annoying when people "don't say anything at all" when they don't have something nice to say. I think like Anna said, if you don't like something the best course is to try to figure out the exact reason and post that. Nicely. IMO, you shouldn't just say you hate it (and don't say you "hate someone's style" Gah.). Oh, and can I add...don't just "vote Nay" without commenting! That's the same as just saying you hate something without explaining.

I guess you could sum it up by saying that criticism should be constructive, not rude. Those of us who solicit opinions want honest ones, but also want to be treated with kindness and respect. It's all in the way we say things; not what we say, but how we say it.

I adore when you comment on my posts! I really enjoy your personal style and your eye for style. I do find comments are helpful to tweak outfits and when I don't care for a look I try to make suggestions.

I will add that as a newbie I do see a lot of cheerleading going on. But sometimes I think it's necessary. If someone is just starting out they need encouragement most of all, and then constructive suggestions that work with what they have or can realistically achieve.
On the other hand - I do sometimes see an outfit from an established poster whose look I love and think it's a relative fail, while everyone else is cheering. I'll admit I don't generally comment in that case. I'm a newbie and I don't post pics so I don't feel that qualified to comment.

As for boring/classic vs. fashion forward - for the most part I couldn't afford fashion forward even if I wanted to. I can't afford to take expensive risks outside my comfort zone. I also wonder how available some of these items are in plus sizes, petites etc. Some designers are really designing for one body type only.
In the end, I just want to look nice and like I respect myself enough to make the effort, I'm not looking to impress anyone with my fashion sense.
One last thing - the endless analysis people put into assessing new looks - Aida's pants, slouchy or drop-crotch or or or??? That's not me either - I'm hear to learn tried and true, Angie has pinpointed the whys & wherefores, everyone's eye has already adjusted (meaning general public), -type stuff. Maybe I'll progress to "PhD level work" as someone called it elsewhere, but I doubt it
All this to explain why my outfits are gonna be boring.

One more thing I just thought of - I've spent much of my life with people thinking I was poorly dressed, if they noticed at all. So again with the risk-taking - I don't need people looking at me and wondering WTF is she wearing? I'm not confident enough for that. Beginner vs PhD, again.
This is all because you said you don't understand why people want to be boring, btw Not purely self-involved posting.

Already lots of good replies, but wanted to just say how much I enjoy your outfit posts, neat item posts, and your comments. I always appreciate honesty, and I think that explaining what it is that you like or feel is off is a great way to go about it. (I feel like I can usually read your humor since I've had the pleasure of meeting you several times now ) And I did want to say that I don't automatically think "oh so-and-so doesn't like what I wore because they didn't comment"; the forum moves SO VERY fast these days, and of course we don't all have time to reply to everything. I personally find you an integral part of the community here, Anna.

(I am so pumped you started a YLF blog! Must follow.)

Ditto Greenglove!

Anna, for what it's worth, when you comment on my few and far WIW posts, I am always elated. Like Debbie said, when I get a comment from you, I feel like I've done something right! You have a keen eye for style and I truly appreciate your thoughts and insights.

What greenglove & ironkurtin & Ruth said. There is honesty & then there is dumping - finding our own style is one thing finding our inner tolerance is another.

Anna, I'm sorry for resurrecting this thread from page three.

Fashion and style are all about attraction leading to repulsion without this the board would be stagnant, the zig and zag is our lifeblood.

I do appreciate honesty. I believe strongly in freedom of speech, you (generally,not your personally Anna) may say what you like to me and I reserve the right to be offended. However, I also hope to have the wisdom to gauge when a comment is of benefit to the recipient and when it is a reflection of my own prejudice.

It is not always easy.

On a personal note, I love to see your WIW's and your inspiration posts. You are knowledgeable and very witty and I would love to shop with you one day.

I am fairly new to the forum but I really appreciate your posts! Maybe all those first dates are making you second guess yourself! If we can't give each other honest feedback, this forum will be less useful. COmmenting is like a mini performance appraisal and giving negative comments is very hard - but gets easier with practice and is constructive. DOn't change!

Anna, a little off on a tangent, but sending you a big hug. You remind me so much of one of closest girlfriends. She is very similar to how you have described yourself in one of your comments above. I had picked this up in your posts and you have confirmed it. I have found your comments always thoughtful and kind, so please feel free to comment openly and honestly on any of my post as you feel led. I can handle negative comments and suggestions for improvement as long as they are delivered in a kind and encouraging manner and I can honestly say I have never seen a comment from you that wasn't considered and thoughtful.