I do have experience of those types of feelings in the past. My sister is 5 years older than I am and I've always felt that there was no point trying to 'compete' with her looks or style wise.

I think that when I got to the age of 18 or so (I'm now 39) that I developed my own quirky style to stand out more (instead of relying on my looks as such). I'm in tune very much with Alaskagirl as I think I use fashion as a sort of prop as I'm never going to be the pretty sister I may as well be the quirky one.

Funnily enough I was talking with a colleague at work today about proms at UK schools now (which weren't around when I was younger). I stated that there would've been zero point in me trying the glam route and I would have totally rocked it in a Hell Bunny zombie dress with outstanding wacky shoes (in my head anyway). But that may partially be because I now like to be individual and stand out now.

Anyway, you are not alone but I think the feelings mellow when you feel more comfortable in your own skin and happier with your own style.

Wow, I stepped away for awhile and am BLOWN AWAY by all your insightful comments. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only person who struggles with feelings of inferiority at times. I tend to be very hard on myself, and I know others probably don't see what I see -- but it's still difficult sometimes.

Anyway, I have a lot to think about and I may come back and reply again later after I've had more time to absorb your thoughts. Many thanks again.

Hi Stacey

There has been so much love and good advice here for you. I don't have much to add except to say I understand and I think this is completely normal! I admire your courage to examine your feelings and move toward a more positive and self-loving place.

I have two sisters and four daughters, so I have seen this in action in my own life and home. When I feel this way, I find it helps to remember where my worth comes from - it comes from knowing that we are each unique individuals designed for a specific purpose in life that only we can fulfill.

It isn't a magic spell, but it does help sometimes to remember we are valued and loved and are a vital piece of a much larger tapestry.

Hugs to you!

Oh goodness I can relate to your feelings. I have 2 older sisters and the 3 of us are very different in a lot of ways. I am closest to my middle sister though I don't get to see her often.

I remember clothes and style being important from the time we were very young. Going shopping downtown was an event. We didn't have a lot of money but we always had good shoes and appropriate clothing for school and for church. At Easter, we would all have lovely dresses (often matching) complete with patent leather shoes, spring coats, gloves and hats. When I was 5 or 6 I modeled for a nice children's store, though we probably couldn't afford to buy much there.

As a young teen, my mom managed a very fashion forward clothing store. I recall accompanying her to New York on buying trips. Later she wholesaled women's clothes. When she was 18, my sister moved to NY to work in the fashion industry.

A lot of background just to say that clothes have always been a thing in my family!

Anyway....my sister went through an awkward stage in childhood when she was very thin and had short hair and was often mistaken for a boy. But boy did she blossom! She became a gorgeous woman as an adult and she has a knack for looking sylish. I remember plenty of times when she would borrow clothes from me and always managed to look better in them. But her beauty is not just skin deep. She has a bubbly personality and an extremely kind and caring heart.

Today, I am able to shop more and buy more than my sister can. Yet with a much more limited wardrobe she still manages to look way more stylish than I ever will. Part of that is that she has a much nicer figure than I do and styles are more flattering to her. So it is easy to feel frumpy next to her.

I hope I don't sound jealous because I truly am not. I adore my sister and am happy to share my closet with her. Numerous times I have sent her dressy shoes, a bag or jewelry to wear for a special occasion. We no longer share clothes because I am quite a few sizes bigger than she is. But accessories fit!

Hi Stacey,

I struggle with comparing myself to other people a lot. I've only had brothers or step-brothers, and while I would have loved to have a sister, I can see how it would really exacerbate my "comparison" habit. It really does rob your joy. Others have given advice, which I find helpful as well. There are some wise words here. It's a bad habit for me, and you're brave to share this. I think we all struggle with this. Especially when relatives inadvertently exacerbate this by pigeon-holing people as the "smart" one or the "pretty" one.

Sometimes when I hear so and so is so [insert positive attribute] there is a part of me that feel like it means that I am not. While someone else's blazing success does not mean I have nothing of value, I wish someone would say that about me.

I like the advice someone gave about finding an identity outside of where you feel lacking in comparison. And own it.

I've only had brothers or step-brothers, and while I would have loved to have a sister, I can see how it would really exacerbate my "comparison" habit.

I have four sisters, I am the oldest - they are all tall and gorgeous. I am the only gray one. I am envious at times.... yes one has more money, they are all taller, they are ALL beautiful in their own way. But I have some gifts as well... different ones, but all the same I am grateful for them.
Sure I feel the green monster sometimes BUT at the same time I would not trade places with any one of them.
I know in a pinch I would throw myself in front of a train for any of them. I WILL not lie for them and although I will take their side in public, I have to be the devil's advocate ... as I can typically see the other side- when they cannot.

Hugs!

This thread definitely strikes a chord with me. I'm from a family of seven girls, and even I am guilty of hanging labels on each of us (the pretty one, the smart one, the creative one ...) -- it's terrible and we all suffer from it.

I'm sure that somewhere there is a wonderfully articulate quote that gets right at this idea, but 12-step programs talk about the danger of comparing my inside to your outside -- that is, comparing how I feel to how you look. I think that's a big problem with comparisons, and a main reason why they rob us of joy for no reason. The person who may seem conventionally prettier, or who is taller, or who has a nicer pair of shoes, or better hair, is not necessarily more at peace or happier.

So really, does it matter? We should try to remember that it is only hair, or height, or shoes. It's not the important stuff.

I have a cousin, we're about six months apart. Our parents must have consulted each other, because when we were little we'd have the same clothes, furniture, barettes, etc. There was also a little bit of competition there...

...anyways, cut to the chase, I believe the whole answer is not "be you" but "be you more." For us both to be the best, I think we had to differentiate. Yes, that's what we had to do. Hells bells, we were in the same dress! How can two girls both be best in the same dress? Gonna have to do the same dress differently. No other way.

...on a side note, I think it helps to own your pigeon-hole. I'm a cool girl - not smart, pretty, athletic, etc. I live in hipster land and, as my other cousin says, i belong there. Hahaha. Maybe that's insulting, but it's also true.

Stacey, no great wisdom but I can sure relate ... not with family for me, but the same issue of comparison, and judging oneself as coming up short ... so you are not alone! Hang in there!

I think this might be a two part issue -- I can relate to feeling fine at the house and frumpy not an hour later, I pay extra attention to cut and fit of my clothes. I realized that I really wasn't doing anything to "frump up" these outfits that looked so great at home, but I did need to take note as to what went wrong.

Shirts that wrinkle on my drive to work (too big, bad fabric). Pants that leave crinkle marks when I sit (too droopy in front), "help me wrinkles" from pulling buttons (wrong bra or too tight shirt), pants droopy after my commute (don't buy this fabric blend again!). All things that were actually happening, and not just a case of the "i look fat blues". I buy better fabrics, I take note of things that don't work with my body shape (tucked in shirts ALWAYS come untucked on me), and belts with pants always do bad things in the back.

Secondly, visiting + participating here at YLF helps me see that it's totally OK to dress me for ME. The cute styles that I see on other people aren't going to work right out of the box on me, but I hear lots of compliments on my style from those same people. You don't have to look as slim or as young as your sister to look just as hot. You just have to believe in yourself and your style and don't be swayed by what you imagine other people might think of you in comparison...because more than likely they aren't seeing what you are.