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feeling blah

Elly

Veteran

Hey ladies,

I know I am new here, but I have been feeling kinda blah related to my appearance. Do you ladies ever get that feeling?

I have always had good self esteem and am not misguided in my opinions of my appearance. However, recently I really haven't been feeling my best, and I don't think I look it either. As some of you know, this past year I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. Dealing with it has been difficult, and dealing with changes in my appearance hasn't made it easier. I have experienced a bit of weight distribution, a slight weight gain, some muscle loss, and some swelling. I have problems with my abdomen swelling just enough that waistbands have to fit just so or they will be uncomfortable, for several months I was in pain in anything that wasn't elastic. I also get cold easier and have constant cold hands and feet. I developed exzema and spent most of the year in long sleeves and pants to cover it up and keep from re-injuring the skin. I also have lost 1/3 of the thickness of my hair. I am usually very pale, and have been having dark circles so bad that someone asked me if I had a black eye (and this was after concealer). My skin has also had more acne and been slower to heal. Enough of that.

Overall, I haven't been feeling my prettiest. I also have less energy to spend on hair, makeup, and fashion. I can no longer blow dry my hair because of a complication, and cannot stand long enough to do a long shop. Perhaps some of the blahs are coming from the fact that I have recently had several people think I was much older than I am (ten years) and several female friends comparing my appearance to that of a soccer mom "not in a good way" (quote from close friend).

So, I thought I would come to you ladies and ask what you do for yourself to feel and look better when you have the blahs. Either advice for me, or what you do personally would be greatly appreciated. I am just trying to get out of a rut.

General

20 replies

Latest reply was from Elly

AJ

Veteran

Oh big hugs Elly!

How about some gal pal time? Sometimes close friends, chocolate, and laughter is the best mood lifter.

How about an inexpensive piece of statement jewelry to add some new fun to the everyday basics?

I also like to have a weekend DVD marathon of both sad and gut busting movies.

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

Elly I want to send you some big hugs.

Its nothing compared, but I've been quite unwell for the past 2 months, and the massive impact in had on my self-esteem and appearance, and desire to do anything about it, was quite astonishing to me. So considering you've been through so much, I think they way you are feeling is probably fairly normal or at least expected...

Are you able to do a wardrobe edit? I love cleaning out my wardrobe because it gives me a "fresh start" in my wardrobe...

What about a simple hair cut and/or colour?

AJ's suggestions are fabulous too...

Elly

Veteran

Thank both of you ladies for your kindness--

You both had some great ideas. I think maybe I need to take a break this weekend and watch some shows or movies I enjoy. I love the idea of getting together with some gal pals. Unfortunately, I recently moved and most of my close friends are 400+ miles away. In the short time I have lived here I haven't had much opportunity to meet new women, but hopefully starting next week I will as courses start (I'm a post-bach student) and hopefully my new position will start soon.

Theresa-- I am sorry to hear that you have been ill. Was is pneumonia or something of the sort? Respiratory infections can be just awful.

I do think part of what I am going through is normal. Of course, I am also going through some changes that make it harder to be not looking good. My fiance of two years and I broke up this past year because he couldn't handle my illness, and I think I am ready to start dating again. I also am trying to make new friends in my new community and look good for bosses and job interviews. Not that I am ghastly or anything-- but being confident that you are looking good helps.

I think a wardrobe edit is a great idea. My wardrobe could really use some work. I haven't bought any clothing since last September, and most of it is older than that. I have quite a few pieces that no longer fit quite right, or are really worn. I really need to get practical clothes because of my mood though (am lacking in the warm clothes department) and need to bring a few pieces in before I can toss a few of the pieces out. I guess I am feeling a little limited because I need so much that I feel as if I should spend my budget on really practical pieces, which is spoiling a bit of the fun.

The haircut is another great idea. I actually went to have one the other day. I was a little disappointed. I really am a funky girl at heart, but this hairdresser was the second trusted hairdresser that I have gone to that said that doing bangs or layers in my thin hair would only make it look thinner, and my choices were shoulder length straight and blunt or very very short. Hmm . . . I kept the length for now and am hoping some more will grow back.

I really appreciate all your thoughts, and will try some out.

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

Elly I did have pneumonia! But I'm a lot better now - asthmatic as well which added to the issues. Its given me a greater appreciation for people who do suffer chronic illness though.

It sounds like you have lots to look forward to that should definitely help you out of the rut.

You actually just said something that reminded me! My brothers girlfriend has lost quite a lot of hair due to her diabetes (not sure exactly why, but I think she said when she was first diagnosed she lost a lot and it never really grew back). But, she has a lot of layers in her hair, and just makes sure to put product in and give it lots of volume. You have to look really close (and know what you are looking for) to see her thin/balding areas. Of course, I have no idea what/how she does it, or what the texture of her existing hair is so it may not suit.

But definitely do a wardrobe edit - yes, shopping for basics is boring, but at least then the fun can really begin and by doing the edit you'll know exactly where you are at.

AJ

Veteran

Oh you have been through so much!

Well a new location, job and chance to make new friends sounds very promising!

YLF is the best place to start when you need to build up your wardrobe! Yes, you need to start with the practical basics first which may not seem exciting but they are the real workhorses that you'll be glad you have. This is where inexpensive and fun accessories really help out until you have all those basics filled in and can then splurge a bit on some investment pieces.

Have you also thought about trying different hairbands, scarves, hats or other hair accessories to help while you're waiting for more growth?

I look forward to watching your style journey evolve!

Louise

Veteran

(((hugs))) elly. Sounds like you need to fall in love with dresses. No elastic waistbands to fit just flowy and comfy x

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Im really sorry to hear you've been going thru a rough patch. Just the stress of a breakup, let alone a move or health issue can send someone into a funk, let alone all 3 things! Try to pamper yourself as much as you can and maybe go see a 2nd stylist who may be more open to ideas than your other one is...another thing to try is making sure your home (especially your bedroom) is as cozy as possible- it does help relieve some stress...and dont try to take on too much at once- get back in the groove slowly with your classes. Meds can also play a big part in how you are feeling mentally...check online for side effects and ask your Dr if you continue to feel this way. I have a few chronic health problems and Ive had to make some life-changing decisions because of them, so give yourself time to adjust to all the changes you're going thru and do a little online shopping ! If you dont want to hassle with possible returns, stick to jewelry or handbags- they always fit! Wish you the best of luck and remember you have a lot of friends here....

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

More hugs from me, Elly. So sorry that you're feeling blue and have developed a chronic illness. Lets try and work on some solutions. The gals have offered fabulous ones already.

You need a spa day. How about some pretty hands and feet?

I know you can't blow dry your hair, but perhaps a visit to the hairdresser on how to best manage the situation is in order. Perhaps you need a new style and some magical hair goo too.

Get some funky accessories! Try a new lip colour. How about a new comfy dress that doesn't dig into your sides?

Layer! You can look extra fab layering the right pieces if you need to cover up.

New shoes! To put on those pretty feet.

Above all, surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Do you have pets?

bj1111

Veteran

oh no, elly...you have so much going on in your life with your chronic illness diagnosis and the move and the new climate. no wonder you feel blah.

it's ok to feel a bit sorry for yourself and to grieve for the life and self that you used to have. it's also ok to get a little something to perk yourself up and get ready for your new life phase.

just come back here for more virtual hugs.

ps: there are a couple of women on ylf who have experience with thinning hair and eczema (me for example) so i totally sympathize with what you're going through.

Elly

Veteran

Thank you all for all your warmth and support and great ideas!

This has been a hard period for me, I just am trying my best to keep my spirits up. You are all right, I do have some great things to look forward to.

Theresa-- glad that you are doing better. A close friend of mine is asthmatic and had a bad bout with pneumonia two winters ago, that can definitely be hard. I will probably try a third stylist-- but I have very fine, straight hair. I just used to have a lot of it, which made a big difference in what I could do with it. Looks like a wardrobe edit is in the cards!

AJ-- thank you so much for your kindness. You had some great ideas. I do need to work on my wardrobe and I will get a lot of use out of the basics-- having support here at YFL during that process is very encouraging. I am going to experiment with some scarves and hats-- really great idea, thank you.

Louise-- thanks for the dress suggestion. I have a couple of summer dresses that I like, but haven't been able to wear much because I need a topper and shoes to go with (was in the middle of shopping for these pieces when some things went south, and after that I never found the energy to deal with them). I am not sure how to wear dresses in the winter-- especially ones with a more floaty waistline, as they tend to not be made out of as warm of fabric.

Bistcuitsmom-- so glad that someone can relate. You had some really great suggestions. Sometimes things happen and we just forget to take care of ourselves. I need to make myself a priority and spend some time making myself and my environment feel good. I will try another salon, and I think finding some clothes that make me feel good and are comfortable and functional could really help out on my bad days.

Angie-- Thanks for responding. A spa day sounds really great. I used to give myself manicures and pedicures but I have never had one done professionally. I guess I need some help getting the hang of layering, but I am sure YLF will be a help with that. The family that I am staying with does have a dog. I love animals, but he and I are still learning to get along with each other. He is an older toy breed and is very set in his ways and I seem to be disrupting his household a bit too much for his liking!

Bj1111-- Thank you for the support. I appreciate the hugs and the sympathy. Great to know I am not all alone and there are some very fashionable ladies out there that have overcome some of what I am dealing with.

Once again, thank you all-- this has inspired me to keep going with my journey to looking more like myself and all your support and great advice on taking care of myself means alot.

Reneeb

Veteran

I have been thru the same thing. I Shrunk 4 inches in height & gained 15 pounds due to meds. I have chronic pain and can not stand long or hold my hands up to dry hair. I got my hair Cut short & layered & bought a very good hair dryer. I use to wear hats but that got old quick. I use to love shopping but now I order everthing on line mostly. But this web site & Angie has made my life better. When I can I meet a Friend and we have a Pedi. Also I started sending cards to the sick & shut-ins and that helps too. But I have allot of time on my hands. (had to take disabiity)
Also do small special things just for yourself. If there is a small project around the house you have been wanting to do start with that. I am sorry to hear about your problems and I pray thing get better in your life. Hugs.

Anonymous

Hi Elly, I'm sorry to hear that you are not feeling good these days. I wonder if part of it is that you moved away from your friends? Also having your fiance breakup with you just when you need him most is quite a shock to you and may be affecting you more than you know.
I suggest taking some long walks for excersise. How about getting a puppy?
I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing with us because we will always be here to help with words of encouragment.
Try to get strength by moving, dancing, riding a bike, any way to get endorphins going so you will get a natural high!
Take care and please keep us in touch with how you are doing.

Elly

Veteran

Thank you both--

Reneeb-- Im sorry to hear that you suffer from health problems, but find it great that you have been able to turn your free time into a positive.

I have always been very outdoorsy and loved outdoor-type activities. Unfortunately, I really haven't been able to enjoy those type of things much since developing my condition. It affects my bp and my heart and am just finishing a series of testing that should allow me to be medically cleared to go back to exercise. I am looking forward to that, although I know I will have to take it slow. I would love to take more walks, because they always boost my mood. I need to have a buddy to walk with though because when I am standing or walking I could faint-- it is rare, but would be potentially dangerous on a path or the road. I would love to get a pup though!

sinead

Elly, in reading through your posts, I am struck by just how much you have been through. No wonder you aren't at 100%! I'm sending you express mail hugs- and lots of them!

But it sounds like you are on the mend and can start focusing on ways to make yourself feel better. One thing Angie recommended to me when I first joined YLF and desperately wanted to overhaul my wardrobe but couldn't afford to- was to buy a few pretty scarves. I did, and I'm constantly amazed at how much a scarf can take an otherwise blah outfit to stylish-chic. And in winter, I love that they add warmth to my always freezing body. Here's one link to try: http://www.affordablescarves.com/

Good luck to you- keep us posted on how you're doing.

greenglove

(website)

Veteran

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. Health issues are especially hard when they involve appearance. Do not feel guilty about having the blahs. You are going through a very difficult patch. Get support from as many people as you can. I find that troubles are lessened when shared with others. Sounds like a new stylist would help and maybe a great fashion stylist if you can afford one!

Thoughts and prayers are sent your way. Please post pictures and maybe some of the hair experts can suggest styles for you.

Elly

Veteran

Sinead and Greenglove-- thank you! I really appreciate all the kind words.

Playing with scarves is a great idea! I have had to find some money to buy clothes for this fall and winter (that I normally don't have) just because of the major climate change. At the moment I haven't owned a proper coat in at least 4 years and have nothing warmer than summer-weight zip tops and long sleeved t's. However, because my need for basics is going to be great I don't have much if anything to spend on those type of pieces you get excited to put on in the morning. Scarves would be a great help with that!

I will try to keep my chin up. Unfortunately, I don't think we have any fashion stylists locally, and limited shopping-- probably wouldn't be in my budget anyway, but would be lovely to let someone else help with the legwork. I will post some photos of my hair, probably toward the end of the month when I can justify getting it cut again. Now that I have worn this cut for about a week I am hating it. I mean, it isn't horrible, but I don't think it flatters me at all and looks a bit like a grown woman who has continued to allow her mother to give kitchen haircuts. Ugh-- oh well, soon enough.

All the support has really, really meant a lot to me and I will try to check back in. I haven't started posting any shopping ideas on the forum because of a bad first week at the college/work/with docs. Goodness, now I really need some new shoes and a movie night-- and the week isn't even over yet!

hanna

(website)

i'm so sorry to hear about your health problems, elly -- you've been through so much, it's no wonder it's taking its toll!

i hope you feel able to post some pictures soon? we have so wonderful hair experts here in the form of taylor and renata, and if you're looking for outfits that make you feel fabulous, visuals could perhaps help forum members make more helpful suggestions -- not that you haven't already gotten loads of great advice here. we are gentle with feedback, i promise.

outside of fashion, i hope you take up angie's suggestion of a spa day, which can do wonders to reinvigorate you. please keep checking in, let us help you through the down days

Elly

Veteran

Thanks Hanna!

I really appreciate it.

Thank you for encouraging me to post some pics. I went from living in a climate with 9 months of summer to one with 9 months of cold weather more or less. We have a couple more weeks of warm weather here, and then I will need fall clothes. I am really trying to build up that part of my wardrobe, but I am still in the looking stage (we have no shopping locally, so it is online only). I could post some summery outfits, but many of them will be making an exit or being demoted just due to wear. I could post hair and some body type kind of shots though!

Angie does have a great idea there-- now I just have to find someone to go with! After all, my birthday is on Thursday.

Thanks for the encouragement--

Tanya

Veteran

Oh Elly, so sorry to hear about you are going through ! No wonder you are feeling blah. You are very brave to openly face all of that. I totally understand how you feel, I went through a very difficult break up myself last year as well as many other issues that caused me to loose a lot of weight ( down to 94 lb) and have my doctor threaten me that she would hospitalize me if I do not start eating.

You have already heard some great suggestions, but here are a few more. Do you think you could do some mild, relaxing yoga? I have found that incredibly helpful. Get a whole body massage? For your birthday, I would grab my best friend and head to some fancy cosmetics counter for a make over ( you are expected to buy a product or two, but is really up top you) and than grab some of yuor favorite food.

Elly

Veteran

Thank you tanya--

Sorry to hear that you too went through a bad breakup. It was a pretty serious relationship and ended badly, but not by my doing. Unfortunately, it also caused some problems with our group of friends.

A massage sounds lovely and would be beneficial to my circulation (and I would die and go to heaven). I will have to check into the yoga and see some of the other options. I used to go the more strenuous stuff, and I have to see what is out there and if it would work for me.

The cosmetic counter idea is a great one! I'm not sure what I am doing yet, but unfortunately don't have a close female friend in the area to do something with-- that and we would have to drive about an hour to get to a cosmetics counter (other than clinique, which doesn't agree with me). Boy does it sound like fun though. I think I will try to find someone to go out to dinner with though!

Thank you for your suggestions and your empathy--