Feeling a bit lost

anne

I have now been living in the city for 4 weeks and I'm having lots of "I don't know what to wear moments". Not so much for work, though there's room for improvement there, but at other times. Have any of you experienced this after a move?

12 years ago

Dressing

16 replies

Latest reply was from anne

Glory

Veteran

Yes I know what these feels like. Even the smallest event can be troubling for me - feeling dated, frumpy etc. I am trying hard to create the idea of capsules for the various activities. This is starting to come together but still a challenge.

12 years ago

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

All the time for me. I'm thinking I have way too many clothes so I get overwhelmed and end up trying a million outfits on or wear the same "safe" outfit I always do.

12 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I think this is very natural after a move, Anne. Four weeks is not very long, after all. You are still getting used to the mores and attitudes of a new community, still looking around. It's a big adjustment. I remember when MaryK changed churches (in the same city!) she had trouble figuring out what she wanted to wear at first.

Also, your closet is very small and has been geared to completely different activities. You may find that your style will evolve in response to these new conditions. The weather may be a bit different, too, so there is also that to consider.

12 years ago

Anonymous

You have my sympathies Anne. I can't imagine the upheaval. Personally I don't deal with change that well and for you it is job and home, so a double whammy. Suz is right you may have a shift in style. Don't be too hard on yourself. Have a good look through your clothes and see if one or two new key pieces may help enliven things and help create a few new combinations.

12 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Aww, I think this happens with any big life change! I just try to pull out my favorites during a time like this and wear the heck out of them because I know I look fab!

12 years ago

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Yes- and also after a change of season. It gets a bit of getting used to change.

12 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Oh yes. After moving up from the suburbs, everything has changed. I wear black with black, when I do something with studs it's punk not bling, no more little flowered shirts with cotton twills and keds ballet flats...

12 years ago

ramya

Veteran

Anne it's natural. I have cribbed and cried on the forum whenever I haf to face a change:)

12 years ago

Nicola

Active Member

I know exactly what you mean. I found our last move incredibly hard and discovered I looked a bit too dressed up for around here and I had to tweak things in a way I still can't even put my finger on. Thinking of you.

12 years ago

ManidipaM

Veteran

Oh but that's so very reasonable a reaction! Of course it would take a while to suss out the environmental norm enough to adapt accordingly... and it's true whether you adopt it or whether you flout it. Funny thing I have noticed: the same does not happen when we arrive as tourists!

12 years ago

Beth Ann

Veteran

Moving is such a terrific, but overwhelming, opportunity, to change our place and function in our community. It a natural moment of reinvention. I've been in my current location for 15 years, but before that I moved from Indiana to Kansas (550 miles), then way out to Los Angeles, then to Oklahama, followed by New Jersey, before finally arriving in Chicago. And yes, all but the first were ministry moves.

After the third move I had a revelation. Because every bit of stimulus is new, I spent the first 2 months constantly tired. I learned to plan on more time for sleep. I also had a great and natural opportunity to break old habits and put new ones into play. With every move, I learned more and became better at presenting myself as the person I aspired to be, rather than the women people expected me to be. Of course, I make new mistakes all the time, but I still feel like the moves helped me "move forward."

And yes, dress codes vary a lot from place to place, particularly when you change to an office setting. It will come. It's already coming, by the looks of your WIW!

12 years ago

Lyn D.

Veteran

I am feeling for you Anne!
It may be a bit of 'Season-Ending' blues too, where we are ready for something fresh but we are sort of in-limbo 'cause the weather is going back and forth.
I like other Lyn's idea about dressing-up a little in outfits that feel Fab.
Hang in there

12 years ago

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

oy, anne! you've received great, very realistic replies here. i moved a distance of twenty minutes by car 14 years ago. No biggee, right? pfft! Different weather/climate, different social climate, oh and perimenopause hit at the same time - my entire style and style strategies just stopped working.

But BethAnn makes a great point: "With every move, I learned more and became better at presenting myself
as the person I aspired to be, rather than the women people expected me
to be." After i figured out what was up, i jumped in and started a jag of research and esxperimentation which lasted a few years. Now i love and understand my style more than ever, and my closet is accumulating more and more hand made by me clothes i love more than i could have imagined.

So hand in there girl - try using this time for observation, experimentation and research. It's an opportunity to love your style even more! steph

p.s. more sleep is good too

12 years ago

Deborah

Veteran

Hi Anne, first up I am sending you a big hug. As you know I moved 2.5 hours away from my home almost three years ago. I was living in a community close to my friends, and family and my church family. I was very active in our local community and had a small public profile because of the work I was doing. All these things clearly contributed to my sense of self. When we moved, we didn't know anyone. Without going into loads of detail, it was almost like I had to redefine myself:) No-one knew me, no one knew what I was capable of, what I had achieved in the past etc etc, and I found this somehow inexplicably flowed through into my dress. Also I had moved to a regional centre and wanted to be appropriate and not appear too "city"! Long story short, I found YLF just after my relocation and with everyone's help I 'rediscovered' myself stylewise. Of course, making friends, settling into a new job, a new church etc also make a difference but it does take time.

12 years ago

Lantana

Veteran

Your move is one of the Biggies on the life events score so go easy on yourself. You are understandably feeling a bit lost in your new environment but you are still "at home" here.

12 years ago

anne

Veteran

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies to this thread. I really appreciate them. My new job allows me a little personal internet time at work so I peeped at this thread at intervals in the day, though I was quite busy and couldn't reply at the time.
I'll respond to various thoughts mentioned rather than the people.

Firstly, Yes it is a bit like a change of season - I always find that a bit difficult. But in that case (for me at least after 5 years on YLF) it is more like "how to I do it again?" and soon I remember what I wore last year!! And I don't have that many FFBOs that seem right!.

Secondly climate is indeed a factor. In my old town for a fair bit of winter I worked on the basis that so long as my coat and boots were okay I was pretty much covered. I rarely took them off. Now I am dressing for slightly warmer surroundings with the coat mostly for my mornings and evenings.

Thirdly I have written elsewhere about not seeing bootcuts much at all. And I have one pair of jeggings that is literally ripping apart, one pair that is really too small ( though I have squeezed into them for 2 casual fridays) and a pair of straight legs that are too tight around the waist except when I am at the lower end of my weight range. But right now I am a pound or 2 over the top or my weight range. And two good pairs of bootcuts that have gone to the suitcase under the bed!

And I can relate to the points about not being known here. At church I don't know who is new and what happens. And we are attending a mostly studentish congregation (while DH is making preparations for another student church) - the exact demographic lacking in my previous country church!

Wearing smarter clothes to the office makes me want to go more casual by contrast on Sundays too, in addition to other people dressing more casually.

I have ordered a sweater and some jeggings, though the latter are wait listed so could be ages (I found normal skinnies uncomfortable). I went looking for a belt today so I could tuck at the office, but came back empty handed. I don't look good in skinny belts but there were few wide ones around.

And I have been thinking through a new dress purchase. I know I want it do be patterned and the style not to be fit and flare, but I don't know if I should go stretch or woven, loose or fitted. I am thinking about how it could be worn on weekends too.

There was food for though on the "reinvention" issue too. Will continue to ponder. And make sure I sleep enough!!

Thanks again!

12 years ago

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