Fear of the Lens - How do I get over it? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Fear of the Lens - How do I get over it?

MsLuna

Veteran

WARNING: This is a bit personal and I'll be slightly pouring my heart out here a bit...

In this forum, I can openly speak about my personal style, but I have nothing to show for it. The reason? I'm afraid of the camera. I wasn't always that way though. Over a decade ago, when blogging was a new thing, I shamelessly posted self-portraits on my blog - most likely to illicit reaction from others. When I made a huge life change (moving many miles away from my family and living in a new city/country ALONE), somehow I didn't know myself. And with that, my journey for personal style began.

During that time, photos were taken of me, and I would often cry when I see those photos. They looked NOTHING like the girl I saw in the mirror. I would come out of the apartment knowing I looked amazing, yet the aftermath? My my... I looked like a hot mess! I have pictures standing next to my absolutely gorgeous partner, and he looks great while I look...... not so great. I often feel that I looked too "blobby" and "unrefined" in my photos. I really really couldn't believe I looked like that. I even tried self-portraits again, and yikes!!!! I looked like a mess still! So since then, I avoided photos like the plague. I often hid behind the camera instead, taking photos of other people. There are actually many photos of my partner without me, because I hated what the camera did to me! My partner is the only person I trust to take photos of me, because somehow, he knows how to make me look good.

So I wrote this because I'm making more sweeping changes in my life. First, I finally have a more defined style and would LOVE to share it to you guys (beyond my Pinterest boards). I have a unique body type (Rectangle/Apple), so I am sure women with the same body type can benefit from visuals. Secondly, in conjunction with that, I have been wanting to start a personal blog that chronicles my style journey. And third, I'm changing careers very slowly: I'm pursuing my love for fashion and style, and somehow melding a little psychology and my technology background with it. I'm hoping to go to grad school this year or next to explore fashion, psychology, consumer behaviour and something technology-related all in one. I plan to either be an academic or an entrepreneur.

So anyway - I apologize if the post is too long. If you have ANY suggestions on how I can get over this fear of the camera, please do share!

Thanks again!

General

31 replies

Latest reply was from MsLuna

ironkurtin

Veteran

I empathize. Pictures never look like the me I have in my head either. But then, nothing can ever really capture the totality that is me - or you - or anyone else. So, it's ok for depictions to fail, because it's an impossible task.

It's just an image. It's not you.

MsLuna

Veteran

@ironkurtin Yeah - that's the thing. I prefer to be seen in person rather than in photos. I just often wonder - am I the one being "skewed" or is the camera more truthful? I guess we'll never know. You're right it's just an image, but I guess, being the visual person that I am, an image has a strong impact on me.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

Hmm...I wonder if you're being too hard on yourself...? It's hard to say truthfully and objectively here without even one photo of you to look at! I definitely think some women look better in person than in photos, and vice versa. It's not the end of the world, unless you are banking on a career as a model. Have you honed in on things you like and that flatter you? Your Pinterest boards are a great start. Have you started experimenting with those looks you're drawn to, trying things on in the mirror, even videotaping yourself in them to see how they play? There are also "tricks" photogenic women use when having their pictures taken. Things like turning slightly to the side and making steady eye contact with the lens, thinking happy thoughts when having their photo taken (it shows in the eyes, I understand...lol.), etc. I'm sure there are plenty of sites that have photo-taking tips. I think the most important thing, though, is that you love how you look and that confidence shines through. Perhaps comparisons to how others' look in photos should end, and you should focus on how to look YOUR best!

MsLuna

Veteran

@HeleninCanada I'm apparently notorious for being hard on myself and I'm notorious for perfectionism too! Haha! The thing is, I would try different outfits that actually fit and flatter me, and yet I still don't look right. And self portraits on full body shots are difficult. Faces are fine, and I try and do them as much as I can to preserve a makeup look I like.

I watch America's Next Top Model all the time, and for some reason I just don't know how to work in front of the camera. I listen to the tips, but can't quite do some of them, probably because they're aimed at models anyway, not the rest of the humans.

I really am learning to love how I look though - just not in photos. It's a very inaccurate depiction of what I look like in person. I guess I just have to know a "formula" to work my angles. Yikes.

Meredith1953

Veteran

Hi MsKatieKat,
Learning to "tolerate" let alone love ourselves in pictures is not easy. You are not alone. I like very few pictures of myself, and the ones that are the best are the ones that are candid because that is when I look most like myself. It's like hearing yourself on a taperecorder. It's a shock at first because we never sound the way we think we do. After awhile we realize that we hear and see ourselves differently. Listen to yourself when you feel really good in an outfit and maybe have your partner take a pic when you aren't looking? The most imortant thing about style to me is to look authentically myself. Yes I would also love to look gorgeous but expressing and showing my true personality is what counts most. Let yours shine! We look forward to seeing a portrait of you and expresses that beauty.

MsLuna

Veteran

@Meredith1953: When you mentioned something about candid shots, it got me thinking - my best shots are candid shots. My partner has this habit of taking pictures of me out of nowhere. I never usually had to pose for them, and suddenly, there it is - and it's up on his facebook (I'm really really lucky to have him - he never ceases to help make me feel beautiful!). Thing is, I've felt really good in many outfits, but somehow when I see the photos the next day, I look like a disaster. Yikes, right?

Anyway, with regards to posting photos of outfits, I guess the one part that gets to me is that they're so composed. I live alone too, so I need to be self-sufficient about taking these photos. And not to mention, trying to take it on my iPhone or my digital camera would be a bit of a pain. I guess I'll see how I can figure it out...

rae

(website)

Veteran

Oh, this post really hits home to me! I used to be exactly like you - I would tear up whenever I saw a picture of myself and grouse at anyone who tried to snap pics at events. I could not understand what was going wrong!

For me, ironically, the best therapy has been to take *more pictures.* DON'T share them at first. If you have time every few days, do a rough draft of your outfit, snap a pic, edit what you didn't like, and repeat until you feel better about the look (outfit as well as pose). The more you practice, the easier it will be - trust me, this was real work, and sometimes I had doubts that it would pay off.

When I look back at my old pictures, even though I was much thinner, much younger, and free to wear whatever I wanted.. I still like my recent pics 1000x better. I hope that this helps you or even just gives you an idea, because life is too short to hide and not document positive events. :T

Hugs to you - remember that you're gorgeous, and you just have to figure out how to make a little box of mirrors and lenses capture it.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I know I'm not very photogenic. I've never figured out my angles. Serously I get like one in ten photos that look halfway decent. I haven't updated my facebook photo in a two to three years because it was the only 1/2 decent photo. I had my best friend take a lot of shots in of me in a bar, just so I could get one moderately ok headshot for a dating website. I've been rejected online because of my photo. I know I look better in person. But I've also gotten to the stage in life where I just don't care. There's always going to be someone better, younger prettier, etc.

MsLuna

Veteran

@rae Thanks so much Rae! I learned in my martial arts class that the safest way to a fight is going TOWARDS it. With regards to your post, it somewhat aligns with that, and I've always believed it (Maybe because I'm as Aries as it gets, but that's besides the point). I think I'll try taking more photos. I think what I struggle with (being the perfectionist I am) is the lighting and the venue at home. So I guess I just need to do some experimenting. As for poses? I need to try something out. There must be some kind of a formula for a foolproof picture!

@annagybe Whoever rejects you on pictures alone is a loser. Seriously. Anyway, that being said, although I'm not as great at styling myself, I'm awesome at styling others. Perhaps, like me, you just have to learn your angles as well. Also, a bit of makeup tricks can help enhance your features too I know that's always worked for me! Maybe update the haircut? know your most flattering colours?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, MsKK, I do understand! I'm a photographer and much prefer to be behind the camera rather than in front of it.

I've gotten over some of the fear of being photographed, mainly by, as Rae suggests, taking MANY pictures. I just set up the little point & shoot camera on a table, set the auto timer, and felt ridiculous as I mugged for the camera over and over. I found some angles more flattering than others (oddly enough, I don't find angled poses more flattering than straight-on shots for my body, which is weird because I have wide hips/thighs!), and some tactics for arranging my body to work best to a) show the clothes I have on, and b) flatter my body to at least some extent.

Try checking out Imogen's tips for photographing yourself. It might help you get better results:

http://www.insideoutstyleblog......-html.html

Just remember that photography is a 2D representation of a 3D subject -- the flattening of a subject can often distort reality. Photos CAN lie. Some garments and outfits simply don't photograph well, even though they look good in person.

There's nothing wrong with you! I bet nearly all of us here have felt discomfort with the camera as well.

Jem

Veteran

I have to chime in to say that I feel the same way. The first time I asked my hubby to take a picture of my to post here, her couldn't believe it (neither could my kids). I even have a picture of my from when I was little crying under a table because I didnt' want to get my picture taken. I wanted to post some here, though because I'm really interested in learning about style, so I did it anyway. I have to say it has gotten easier, even though it's only been a few weeks. My husband even said he has to try to slow down when he's taking the pictures because he's so used to rushing, because previously he was lucky to get a quick snapshot here and there. I don't like seeing myself in a picture, but I'm trying to learn to not be so judgemental and I have to say that the ladies here have been so kind and encouraging, that I think you should give it a shot. (but I understand it's not easy!!)

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I have nothing more to add than what the other ladies have already said - just know you are not alone, no one is going to judge you by any sort of photograph, and for me, the more I have my picture taken, the more comfortable it gets.

Meredith1953

Veteran

MsKatieKat,
It's "fake it till you make it" baby! You'll get there! Just be YOU.

catgirl

Veteran

I was this way too, and I was especially horrified at how different the relatively acceptable mirror image was from the awful photos I took of myself. Some people are just photogenic, and others have to fake it - I'm definitely in the latter category. So is my dog - she is SO ADORABLE in real life, and yet in pictures she just looks goofy..

Think of it this way - mere film is not adequate to capture your amazing essence! Tell us all the fab things about you we don't see. You all can't know from a photo my hoarse and raspy voice, my lack of gracefulness and direct gesticulating, my expressions and way of moving and general presence... Know that those things will not always come across, though your partner clearly knows and appreciates them and brings them out in you!

Feel free to start by taking photos of yourself that no one has to see. Sort of like a journal! Practice freezing yourself into a position that you can cope with seeing. That's why my photos are all in the same silly pose. And I delete 99% of my pictures. Eventually you will harden yourself off to the whole photo thing, and then you will see one that you can feel comfortable posting. And from then on it just gets easier, until you are shamelessly posting pictures of yourself ad nauseum like me.

ONLY JOKING! But seriously, I guarantee nothing is as bad to others as it is to you, and you will get nothing but honest kindness here.

Anonymous

I can relate to this 100%. I used to look possessed in each and every picture. I guess I have a tendency for red eyes. To top it off, I have dark circles around my eyes, from allergies.

Anyhow, after coming back from a vacation and seeing the disastrous display of horrifying pictures, I decided to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and I started taking self portraits. I swear, it was an intense session. I must have taken more than 400 pictures of myself in less than a month.

I came out victorious. I learned how to position my face so I don't look like a zombie.

I'm actually doing the same right now for full body pictures, so I can finally post WIWs.

Some people are born photogenic, while others have to try harder.

Amy

(website)

Veteran

The ONLY thing that worked for me in getting over being camera shy was taking photos of myself every day for a few months, whether I wanted to or not. Instead of having someone else photograph me, I did it myself using a timer and then later a remote and tripod for my camera. I worked in private so I could do a lot of experimenting. I forced myself to dance, spin around and act goofy. I took pictures from as many angles as possible. The delete button was my friend. If I didn't like a picture, I just deleted it. This taught me that good photos were often accidents and bad photos just don't need to exist...if they really bothered me.

Eventually, I developed more control over the outcome AND I felt relaxed in front of the camera--even when someone else was taking the pictures.

At least for me--and maybe for you--it may be a case of just forcing yourself to do it for awhile. Make it fun and try not to take it too seriously. You'll relax eventually!

This post has 3 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

Amy, those shots are PRICELESS! The 3rd is a mind-boggling wonder! If that doesn't help this gal let her guard down, I don't know what will! Brilliant! Thanks for the huge smile I have right now! That paper hat shot MUST become your newest profile pic.

ETA: I have no idea what "taking the Mickey" means, so I'll just leave that out! :/

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Una, I object. Your dog is ADORABLE in photos! Almost as adorable as you...and AMY!!! Wow, those are brilliant!! Do you have a separate career as a character model, Amy? If you don't, you should!!

Ms KK - I think the only solution is lots of photos, and the knowledge that we will not be looking at you with nasty eyes. On the contrary. We would love to see your style, and it sounds as if you're right: you probably have much of value to share!

Mochi

Veteran

Amy is amazingly photogenic, right? But conveys not only prettiness, but all these varying moods and stories (or characters, as Suz called it). I will never expect to reach that level.

That said, I am sure, without reading most of the comments, that I'm echoing people in saying I'm not photogenic, I have always hated how I looked in pics, etc etc. I have very few pics from my thirties, and I can say I looked horrible (in photos) in my twenties. Okay. I am finally starting to not care. And oddly, I'm starting to look much better in photos. However, it often takes me at least a few, or up to dozens, of shots before I get anything I like (this is with me taking the pic--which in some ways is harder, in some easier because i have control).

And since participating in YLF, I've just recently learned that I have a Pose! Yes, I keep standing and tilting my head the same boring way...because it works!

I think relaxing and letting the pics happen is a big step toward liking how they end up. But it will take time. Remember that almost all of us look better in real life, so don't be too hard on yourself!

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I'm glad I could make you ladies grin and giggle! Helen, I seriously hurt myself trying to take that third picture. I pulled a muscle and had a hard time walking for days. But it was totally worth it!

Mochi, I don't agree: I'm NOT particularly photogenic. In fact, I used to hide from the camera like so many of the rest of you feel tempted to do. What I realized at some point is that I didn't want to let the camera boss me around. I wanted to do the bossing.

The photos that make me the happiest are the ones where I can express to the world all the humor and whatever other mixture of craziness I have burbling up inside.

Even if you don't want to be goofy in your pictures, I want to encourage everyone to try letting go when doing something that makes them nervous. If you can give yourself a pep talk and say "this doesn't have to be perfect...learning may be hard, but that's ok...it can be funny and enjoyable too...," then you'd be surprised at how much progress you can make.

Compared to children, adults have a difficult learning new things. Many of us take ourselves too seriously, expect instant perfection and forget how to have fun with the process. After I had children, I was amazed at how they progressed through all sorts of difficult learning experiences and did it with wonder, happiness, humor, etc.

I can't believe I left out the photo of Fifi, the not-so-smart criminal. She's NOT photogenic

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

Fifi frightens me. Please bring back nice sweet Amy! Oh lawd, you are one of the most hilarious lawyers (I heard that on the thread - you practice law - that''s correct?) I have ever encountered, Amy!

And of course, you must suffer for your art. The pulled muscle will heal, the photos are immortal!

See MsKatieKat, photo-taking doesn't have to be traumatic at all! It is fun, dare I say!

Mochi

Veteran

Fifi was at the beginning of her style curve...till she discovered YLF.

Oh, and Fifi?:

KILLER

:-{

HelenInCanada

Veteran

You beat me to it! Actually, more like grand larceny. Look at the jewellry and Chanel she's lifted!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Amy! You look a lot like Mary-Louise Parker! And are 100% photogenic! KILLER photos.

MisKatieKat, you've received such wise advice from the ladies here. I'm so glad!

In this case I wholeheartedly believe that practice makes perfect. I try to make people who are not professional models feel comfortable in front of the camera and it always takes a while for them to relax. The more you are in front of the camera, the easier it becomes. Amy and Rae are spot on, and I see it the same way.

Also, it's easy to be overly self critical - especially when we are camera shy. To Helen's points 100%.

Aida

Veteran

Great advice and I can only second the idea of practicing It can take a while to relax in front of the camera, and further time to LOOK relaxed in front of the camera. If your partner takes the best photos of you, start with that: have him take photos, try to remember the way you feel when he does, how your body and face responds. If you're up for it, ask HIM what he likes to see you do when he photographs you (very helpful!). Try mimicking that in front of a mirror, no camera in hand. Pick a pose or two that you like in the mirror, and try taking the photos yourself of that pose with the camera around waist level or a bit lower if possible, and think of your partner while doing that. Hope this thread gives you the courage to start practicing so we can see your fab style

Linda

I have never adored my picture, but I was a slim and fairly ontrend woman for most of my life. But after retiring and passing fifty, I gotta tell you: I a not afraid of the lens, I actively detest it! THAT (you can refer to my profile pic) is NOT who I am in my mind's eye. I do agree with many who say we can often be our own harshest critics. I probably share in that, but still, I adored my grandmother but I didn't expect to come to look so like her!! I think that, by mulling over the idea, though, you are already taking a step toward conquering the obstacles. And, from what I've already seen, this is one of the very best places to figuratively disrobe in!! Maybe you could focus on tracking how you have changed and on the lessons that you feel your pictures over time have offered you? You definitely are not the only one with these concerns!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Another camera shy person. I find when I first download pictures I am horrified. Then I look at them a few times and my eyes adjust and I sort of get used to myself. It is also important to remember that everyone takes bad shots sometimes- we just don't see them. Or at least that is how I explain it to myself!

mirrorlight

I can so relate to this... there are times when I would dread having my photo taken. I'm already shy, so add a camera to some situations and it definitely makes me anxious. My husband is a bit better about it, and that's been helping me get better too. Within the past year we've been making an effort to take more photos of us together and each other - we realized that after our wedding, there was probably a good 3-4 years with a drought of pictures, except for vacations and special occasions, etc. Taking photographs more frequently is helping me feel a little more comfortable being in front of the camera. We actually did a little shoot of goofy/silly poses for this year's holiday card, and I think overall it turned out kind of cute.

MsLuna

Veteran

Thanks so much for the tips, lovely ladies!

@Janet: Thanks so much for Imogen's link! I remember coming across this and trying out the poses (though never with a camera). I guess the trick is to put the camera on head level then - I don't have a tripod so I can't get a good angle on myself when I'm taking self-portraits. Like you, I also stay behind the camera a lot (because I can style, arrange composition, and direct people in posing). So I hear ya!

@Amy I LOVE your pics and your different personas, btw! Thanks for making me smile

As for the rest of you: Again, thanks so much for the advice! So practice does make perfect so I'll have to buck up and get in front of the camera As soon as I get a tripod, I should be able to take photos. I only have a point and shoot and an iPhone and I can't take a proper picture with it! Again, thanks again!!! You all are so lovely and supportive!

12