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Fashion paralysis

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

So this a very self-indulgent, whiney post. Please feel free to skip. This morning I did my PT approved workout. Except for a short stint of walking backward on the treadmill, I'm now limited to the recumbent bike for my main source of cardio. I used to be able to ski in the winter and hike in the summer. In fact it used to be I weighed less in the winter because I skied so much. Because of this significant decrease in my activity my weight is up. I also found my long lost tape measure and I've gained 1 1/2 " in the hips. Today I did a full hour on the bike, over eight miles, and yet I only burned 200 calories. I literally broke down after coming home from the gym.
I have an appointment for NAS pre-sale on 7/13. I don't want to go. I know I won't fit into my usual size and it depresses me immensely. I feel my judgement is clouded. I don't trust my taste.

Shopping

33 replies

Latest reply was from Kyle

sarah

Veteran

Anna, it totally sucks to be limited in physical activity by injury, especially when you're so used to being really active. I'm really sorry that you're not able to do the things you love. Fingers crossed that the healing continues and you are back to your old self (or at least to new activities that work with your body and are equally fulfilling) soon.

I was out for two different years with achilles tendonitis from playing soccer back when I was in grad school - I couldn't do anything that I was used to doing. All I could do was swim, which I don't really like. It was so depressing. But eventually I healed. I stopped playing soccer, because my weak ankles were too prone to giving me achilles tendonitis, but I'm as active as I ever was. You'll get there!

Deborah

Veteran

Anna, as someone who does very little in the way of sport or working out I don't really have much advice except to encourage you that it will get better.

You have impeccable taste and I have thought in your recent posts that you are looking incredibly slender (and gorgeous). I understand the dilemma you face re the NAS presale but you have a good eye and a couple of extra pounds or an inch extra isnt going to change that. Clearly, morning has got you down. Perhaps sleep on it and you will feel more positive? Why don't you review your recent posts? It might encourage you to see just how good you are looking:)

Amy

(website)

Veteran

Anna, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I know how frustrating physical ailments can be. I hope you figure out some way to give yourself a high five for the hard work you are doing now, because some day, it's going to pay off and you'll be able to get back out there and enjoy some of your favorite activities.

Inches and pounds are hard to deal with mentally, because we have certain ideas of what's "right' for us. What's really "right" is more of a range than a specific number, so go easy on yourself. (I have to tell myself that daily...) You look GOOD right now, right as you are. Really.

Even if you don't want to invest in clothes at NAS, there will surely be other things like shoes, handbags, etc. to tempt you. As for your taste, it seems to me you've been making some pretty spectacular decisions lately. That jumpsuit...100% fab

((hugs))

velvetychocolate

Veteran

First things first - wanted to say that I think you are looking *fab* these days! In fact, I am kind of surprised to learn that you're having a bit of a struggle lately with inches and/or pounds, because it's really not noticeable at all.

Thing is - I do know what it's like to feel like this. It's awful when the scale goes up, and yet, the thing is, those few extra pounds don't really show as much as we think they do. It's more that we can 'feel' that our clothes feel differently, or even that we might have to buy another size, but I can tell you for sure that no one else can tell. I have also been feeling like this too lately, battling a few extra pounds that shouldn't be there, and it's terrible to feel like that, and yet - no one else can see it. It's only because I know the number that makes it feel worse.

Also, I don't know about you, but I never used to care that much about a few pounds here or there. However, having lost a bunch of weight, I'm kind of hyper-alert to even small changes, and I can say that these changes have a terrible effect on my self-esteem, which is really weird, because back when I was a lot heavier than I am now, these slight scale changes really didn't matter that much to me. I can't help but wonder if it's just because we know just how much work it took to take it off, that even a few measley pounds up is ....well, it's like ...one of the worst feelings!

That's one side effect of weight loss that I wish wasn't there - this weird hyper-awareness fairly minor scale or inch changes. It's not fun.

I don't have much in the way of help to offer, other than to say that I know what this feels like, and most importantly - you are looking extra-fab these days, and I would never have known that you were battling a few extra pounds if you hadn't mentioned it. You look great! Whatever's going on isn't noticeable at all, although I can totally relate to what you're feeling these days.

In terms of NAS - I vote for handbags, shoes and maybe even a fabulous leather jacket, depending on what's "on your list" for fall. A few pounds here or there isn't going to make much difference in a really fab new leather jacket, imo. It might make a difference when it comes to something like a skirt, or even pants, but for most other things, I don't think so.

Hang in there, and I hope you feel better about yourself soon - you are looking extra-gorgeous these days. Fab outfits, beautiful new hair cut, new eyebrows and all.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Ugh, you poor thing. I'm right there with you, FWIW...I know, doesn't make it better!

My advice is to just weather through this. If you need clothing in a bigger size find some basics that will get you through...but concentrate on getting WELL so you can get active again.

I say this, and yet, I really need to go see a PT for my feet! (-: So i am a bit of a hypocrite. Trust that once you CAN get active you WILL and just watch your calorie intake and do the best you can.

My mom was flat on her back a few years ago and gained quite a big of weight back, but now she's back to being more active (she's still not 100%, but enough to do some running, plus biking and LOTS of walking) and she's back to where she was before her injury. It took two years, but it happened! We all go through these ups and downs.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Anna, it may be the lack of your accustomed activities and the 'un-freedom' to move as you used to that's getting you down, as much as focusing on the tape and the scales.

Could you perhaps put those two instruments of torture away for a bit? There will be time enough to get back on track once you're back to 100%. And even if you never get back to the exact body you had before (psst: none of us ever do; age has this odd side effect), and you may or may not be good for the old fun activities, for the HERE & NOW, keep an eye out for activities you can do without harm. I know I'm unlikely to ever run again (arthritis gaining on me), but I also know I'll be swimming more. And it's not just about weight, it is about how good it feels to be using your body in ways a sedentary life doesn't allow. Be alert to opportunities to find that high in other ways. Skiing is out, but could you swim, or skate, or play badminton...? Ask your PT about what other people in your position are doing --- even if it's not something you've ever tried before.

The inches... well, they'll go or at least settle into stationery mode as your body adjusts; and you *can* shift them when you're ready and have found an activity you can do with good spirit and in good health. Lots of people on this forum to inspire you! But for the immediate, I like the suggestion to actually look back at your recent photos --- you look absolutely stunning! I hope you can see that and not be too hard on yourself. And I'll second VC's insistence that we can't see the tiny changes that are bothering you so much --- you haven't suddenly changed into a terrifyingly unfit-looking young woman, I promise!

If you don't go to NAS, if you don't feel like it, so be it. However, it might also be fun to go with no plan at all, and bring a friend, so you can just have fun looking. Go with no expectations or plans to buy... and if something happens to jump into your cart, so be it. No pressure! To go or to buy. It's supposed to be fun; or else, don't bother. Though, if you do think you need to stock up on a few basics that you're comfortable in just now, *indeed* this is the best opportunity to fill those holes and have fun doing it.

Your style, finally, has been as awesome as always, and indeed extra special of late!

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I really truly had not noticed any weight or inches gain Anna. But I am so sorry you don't have your usual outlets for physical activity. Is there any kind of low-impact pilates or gentle yoga you can add to mix it up and elevate your mood? I had a wrist injury as well as sciatica and my yoga teachers all gave me modifications to work around not just one but two impairments.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Anna, I'm so sorry that you feel this way. It's really tough to feel this way. There is nothing wrong with "letting it all out" on occasion. I do have a couple of things to say (think of me like a strict mother here... ;-)):

First of all - you are beautiful and that is not reliant on a number on a scale or a tape measure.

Secondly - You know what? I applaud you for getting out there today!

I think you should feel so proud of yourself that you have gone and worked out today! Plenty of other people I know would have just said "I've got an injury, so I can't do anything" and then go and eat a packet of Tim-Tams. (Thought I'd throw in an Aussie reference just for you! Ahem.)

Thirdly - Instead of thinking of them as being terrible, embrace your womanly curves and love them for the time they are on your body. Please don't hate them. Knowing you, soon enough they'll be gone (and probably attached to me somewhere).

Go to NAS. Listen to what they suggest and embrace it all, just like you've embraced your beautiful new hairstyle! You may well find that your curves enable you to embrace looks that may not have previously looked as good.

MWA!

x

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I have little to add that the other ladies haven't already said, because I never would have had a clue of your struggle. You are looking fab as ever -- in fact, I have been admiring your recent foray into lighter colors and softer silhouettes, and your new hair.

However, I do understand a bit of what you're going through emotionally. I think I'm back up a couple or so pounds too. Even though I'm physically capable of all the exercise I can stand, the extreme temps here have gotten in the way of my outdoor activity, and our recent loss of our beloved dog has left me feeling a bit depressed. I could absolutely swear that my mood drops in correlation to the days of exercise I miss! I've also been noticing that my body is starting to show subtle changes as I near 50 -- my stomach (which has always been very flat) is starting to not be so flat anymore (also probably because of my fibroids, the largest of which is the size of a small orange), and it's throwing me for a little bit of an emotional loop. These things can be hard to deal with, especially when you're used to lots of fun activity!

I guess what I'm saying is that we all have shifts and changes and challenges and roadblocks sometimes, so we're all here for you!

Don't go to NAS if you're not feeling up for it. Or sometimes if I'm feeling not so fab, body image wise, I'll make it a point to look for tops instead of bottoms (since tops are always easier for me), so maybe just look with a particular type of item in mind.

Hugs to you!

krishnidoux

Veteran

Anna, you look so beautiful. I agree that you have been looking especially pretty lately, with your new hair and all.

Re: 200 cal: remember that when you do cardio, your body continues to burn calories after the exercise is over! So no fret about how much the machine says you burned. Anyway it cannot measure it accurately. For instance you can set it at a very low intensity, yet by exaggerating the movements, concentrating on form, breathing with the movement and moving your arms, work yourself up to a much deeper workout; however the machine won't know and will record only the low intensity. Therefore you might burn 400 cal, and the machine still shows 200.

About the hyper-alertness Velvety Chocolate brings up... so true. It's a difficult bump in the road to feeling good in our own skin. It's another trap, I think, made to make you trip. From the outside, it doesn't show: from the inside, your whole world is upside down. My own strategy has been to
1) Stop
2) Try to own it, just for a few minutes. OK, it's my body acting up.
3) Take a curious, researcher stance towards it: Hmmm... what is my body trying to tell me here? Is it really fat, or purely water retention? Or is it muscle mass?
(When muscle builds, it will first push the fat out making you feel and look slightly bigger, but this is very temporary; when not enough protein are consumed, the body will retain water making us feel fatter. To see if it is a water retention problem, eat an egg or some meat and wait a few hours)
4) Hormones will wreck havoc in a very short time.
5) Explore: ok, what would suit a slightly bigger me? I try to wear very different clothes in which I feel absolutely comfortable.

Sometimes none of this works but I take comfort in trying.

Re: Crying after a workout: Are you eating enough? Sometimes this crying is a way our body has of telling us that we need to rest and eat more.

Finally, may I suggest aqua-gym if you have access to a pool. It is wonderful both for the body and mind. And it is hard! An hour of moving and punching around in the water (with hand held floating dumbells) is equivalent to 2 hrs in the gym. I do some on my own in the shallow end and also do lanes treading the water, "walking" etc. And if you had any water-retention issue, you can be sure it will be gone after that!

Hope you feel better soon!

Hugs

bj1111

Veteran

anna,

you deserve to have a funk every now and then. frankly, you've gone through a lot this past year. it feels like you're losing a bit of ground, both physicialky and sartorially. go to nas or don't, there will be more opportunities to get great clothes that will be perfect for you.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

ah, yes, I know the feeling. It's a drag Remember my months with the ankle I couldn't walk on? Time spent in PJ's and feeling all around bleh. It will pass. I would get in the pool, even if it's not a favorite activity. Just moving feels good after being sidelined for too long. Not sure about NAS . . . maybe pick just one or two faves like some awesome boots or a bag?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Such words of wisdom on this thread.

Anna, it's SO frustrating when our bodies let us down and we're not as healthy as we used to be. FWIW, I think you have *never looked better* - the size up and all. Your style is as KILLER as it ever was. To my eye, MORE killer.

You've done a great job keeping up with your back pain. You look perfect right now, and I wish you luck as your body heals and becomes strong again.

Don't worry about the NAS. See how you feel on the day and make a decision to go or not go then. The most important part in this is to have fun with fashion and stye healthy. We are here to support you every step of the way.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Oh Anna - you know I totally understand where you're coming from. It's really hard when your body isn't the body you used to know and love. And it takes time to accept and process these changes, especially when it's not anything we've done. I try to remind myself of really how lucky I am - it could be so much worse.

Please remind yourself that healing your back isn't a quick thing and keep your eye on the prize. It took me a year and a half to heal my knee and now I'm finally back to running. But I had to follow my PT's instructions to the letter and she constantly reminded me that rushing the process would end up backfiring on me and put me behind. We need our bodies to function the rest of our lives, so what is a few months or a year in the grand scheme of things?

As for NAS, if you're not feeling good about your body that day (and believe me, I've been there!) you can always look at fantastic bags, super cool flats and gorgeous jewelry.

We're here for you - and you're allowed to feel sad and mad about what's happening. You vent to us whenever you need and we will help you however we can.

XOXO

ironkurtin

Veteran

We're all here for you, Anna! It's so easy to let a number on a scale or a measurement of the hips dictate our feelings of success and beauty. I empathize so much! Don't despair!

I think you are wise to wonder about your emotional state during NAS, because shopping is something we're taught will make us feel better. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. I agree with Angie that you should wait and see how you feel on the actual day.

In unrelated news, there is a new pair of LD Tuttle flattish sandals on ebay for a crazy price:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/221057.....1438.l2649

If they tickle your fancy, let me know.

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rae

(website)

Veteran

I was also surprised to hear this - I'm in the camp that thinks you've never looked better! You've had such a deft hand with your outfits lately, everything looks flattering and effortless.

I know you're not feeling 100% about your bod - after doing competative sports for a decade and dealing with recurring illnesses, I had a miserable time learning how to eat and work out in different ways and at different intensities. I'm thinking part of your unhappiness may be your body physically craving the exercise. I felt the same way, but when I look back at photos from that time now, I can't see the extra weight at all.

Even if you don't buy investment pieces, I think you can still go to the NAS and get a couple deals on items to look and feel fab in right now. Having things that don't feel tight and icky will make you feel tons better while you continue your therapy.

On a side note - are there other workouts you can use to supplement your PT? I hear swimming is really great.

Irene

Veteran

I don't want to repeat what others have said, but just so you know, I WISH I was as active as you are. Just the fact that you are MISSING exercise makes me admire you. I'm a coach potato with the strenght of an ant, and I'm 24. There, you have it.

PS: Be proud of who and what you are, especially if you are doing your best.

Jem

Veteran

I'm sorry you are going through this Anna! It is frustrating when your body doesn't cooperate with what you want to do. I'm also having some health problems that are giving me grief (although not as serious) and it's very frustrating! I agree with the others that you have been looking fantastic lately. I have to say that I've been liking your outfits with flats even more than when you could wear heels! I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated and depressed about it. I'm sure someone would say those are normal feelings to have in your situation, but that won't make you feel better. <<hugs>>

cciele

Veteran

Oh, anna, so sorry to hear about this. But from what I've seen of your outfits recently, it doesn't seem your judgment is clouded -- you look great! It's definitely hard and frustrating to deal with a body that doesn't do what it used to (speaking as someone who has had two knee surgeries). There will be ups and downs but I am rooting for you in your path to a healthy body!

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Thanks everyone. I read everybody's comments at least twice.
VC, I used to be quite heavy and worked really hard to get the weight off. I don't want to go back there. So I freak out over a few pounds and inches.
My PT doesn't want me to do pilates until my pain level is down to a one or two. Currently it's at a four.
For the record for NAS, I'm sorta eyeing the orange moto, plaid skinnies, snake skin booties and the the short moto Uggs for commuting.
ETA Dana, my friend bid on those sandals for me. We won at $78.90 which is a bargain for that brand.
I may do this hike at the end of July
http://www.portlandhikersfield....._Loop_Hike

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Anna, you got so much of good advice already so I give you HUGS!
If you cannot exercise as much as before you can try to watch what you eat: they say that if you have to choose between eating right and physical activity pick the eating! I don'\t mean the diet (cannot stand them) but make sure you don't eat a lot of empty calories, get a lot of fiber and less processed food. It did wonders for me and I lost a lot of weight without exercising much.
However I concur with others that you look great and you need to take care of your injury.
That hike looks so beautiful, I hope you will be able to do it!

Jonesy

Veteran

I'm late here and it sounds like you are feeling better, but I wanted to chime in. It really is an awful feeling when you have the desire and will to move/exercise your body but a certain part of your body won't let you! I think I've mentioned a few times here at YLF that I have had some chronic injuries (ankle, each rotator cuff, lower back) that have sidelined me for spells, and I always felt so frustrated and angry. But each time I have healed and come back stronger, strange as that sounds. It can be the same for you! Riding a bike for an hour is some serious exercise--keep that up and you will be back to your regular size/shape in no time (like everyone else, I have certainly not noticed any change in your bod--you have been looking mega-gorgeous and stylish lately, as I have mentioned!)!

Mochi

Veteran

I"m just relating as someone who understands how drastic the effects of an injury can have on so many aspects of your life. I can't imagine how it must be to deal with extreme back issues, though. I'm really sorry. Maybe this isn't the time for shopping. If you can be happy looking at shoes and bags, maybe so, but otherwise I would suggest that you either go with Angie's advice to play it by ear, or else give yourself a break this time. Shopping can be fun, but boy are women able to feel down about it too, and you don't need this right now. There's nothing you can do about your current situation, and when you're healed you can get back to the body you are used to. Don't kick yourself or rub your face in things that don't look or fit the same for the time being, if you're vulnerable to sadness and frustration.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Oh yay, I'm so glad you got the shoes! Less than $100 for LD Tuttles is jawdropping!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Everyone has given you wonderful advice already. And IK has given you a great shoe tip! I agree with what krishnidoux said above - do not let the calorie burn discourage you. I am skeptical that those things are accurate and exercise has many other positive effects other than the immediate calorie burn anyway. You look especially gorgeous with your new hair, and I say go to NAS, start with the shoes and if you feel like it move on to clothes.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

You were saying:

"VC, I used to be quite heavy and worked really hard to get the weight off. I don't want to go back there. So I freak out over a few pounds and inches."

This is me too! I feel like this about a few pounds or inches as well - and I think it's because of how much work it took to get the weight off in the first place. So, I can totally relate to this feeling, and wanted to let you know you're not alone in feeling like this. I ditched about a hundred pounds, and I'm still not quite where I want to be, but in the meantime - like I said, I can relate to freaking out about a few pounds or inches. It was hard to get it off...and seeing the scale go in the so-called wrong direction is depressing, and scary!

Meanwhile...

In terms of being able to be as active as you were before this back problem - is there a chance you could consider something like swimming and/or even those 'aqua fit' type classes? It's been years since I did something like this, but I *do* remember that this type of exercise was extremely gentle on the body and allowed me to burn off mental and emotional stress. In the meantime, is there any chance you could try some weight training? Obviously not anything that would stress your back out at all - but how about other stuff?

Although I haven't been a regular exerciser for awhile now (kind of messing up a wee bit here), I can tell you with 100% certainty that weight training made a much bigger difference in my shape than any amount of cardio exercise ever did. Furthermore, weight/strength training seemed to amp up my metabolism somehow, and as it turns out - there's research and studies (don't have them at hand, but will look them up if you want) showing that weight training has you burning a lot more calories 24/7 than cardio does. Cardio will have you burning fat/calories for the duration of your workout, but muscle (especially newly developed muscles) ...eats up calories and fat.

What do you think of this idea? Hire someone to show you a few weight training routines that you can do either at the gym or at home - with the caveat being - no stress on your healing back injury. So no, you're not going to do back extensions ....or perhaps any 'over the head' moves (ie. chest press etc. ) but there are still tons of other options.

Radical idea - join a gym that you like. Sign up for some easy/gentle aqua fit classes. Take up swimming even. Maybe do a bit of treadmill here and there, but gently and slowly. In the meantime, hire a personal trainer to show you how to use the weight machines and, more importantly - some free-weight exercises, while explaining that you cannot do anything that will mess up your back.

I feel a bit silly mentioning this now, because I have *not* been exercising at all lately, but even so - I can promise that three months of newbie weight training will make a huge, huge difference. Way more than any amount of cardio could ever do.

I realize that contemplating something like weight training while trying to heal an injury sounds absurd, but if you can get a good trainer - it might work out beautifully.

...

Also - seems to me I recall reading something years ago - that bike riding is very good for healing backs. No, not leaned over, but on an upright bike of some kind. The reason I read this? I threw out my lower back umpteen years ago, and was researching anything and everything that might help with the pain. I had a clunky old upright exercise bike in my living room, and I swear - while I was riding it (watching TV and movies) the pain wasn't there. So this might be an option for 'cardio' while you're healing your back - but please ask the PT people first, because it was a really long time ago that I tried riding an exercise bike in my living room to make my lower back feel better - it worked, as long as I was actually on the bike.
....

In terms of NAS - go for a fab new leather jacket. Forget pants/skirts - I find those hardest when feeling bad about my weight, size and shape.

Even though I'm not where I'd like to be either, I think I'm just going to go ahead and get a nice leather jacket for fall - if it turns out to be a "boyfriend" style leather jacket later on, then that's just fine with me

What do you think of this idea?

Sorry this is so long.

New trend for fall - fab leather jacket that turns into a 'boyfriend' jacket later on.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

VC, I have a limited PT approved weight training program. It's low weight though now. I have limited time to work out though. I work a 4-10 schedule and right now my off day is for PT, and try to hit the gym on my other off days. I am able to do level 4 abdominal exercises, so that's encouraging.
I don't how much better I will truly get. I've seen the x-rays and it's permanent, disc compression plus scoliosis.

ironkurtin

Veteran

AG, I second weight training, although you will definitely have to build slowly. From the back travails in my own circle, I am a true believer in core strengthening! Easy does it for now.

I hear you on the weight gain thing. What helped me lose the weight I did (and keep it off so far - knock wood!) is cutting out all grains and processed carbs - bread, pasta, cereal, etc. It's amazing how many calories you don't eat when you're eating lean protein, vegetables, fruit, and fats like avocado, coconut, and olive oil. I even manage to feel full. I have learned to love salsa and the smallest schmear of hummus!

Of course, I am also hypoglycemic and lactose intolerant, so automatically I can't drink alcohol, eat sweets, or enjoy butter or cheese. So cutting out one more thing wasn't really that big of a stretch. I know this kind of diet probably doesn't sound very fun but it does achieve a sort of zen purity after a while. And if you can do it - even for a month - I bet you'll lose weight even if you're not exercising.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Anna, I just remembered something that worked for me the last couple of years. Did you ever have a music track that you habitually worked out or walked or ran to? The shoe-melting monsoons we have in my hometown essentially ban me from both walking and swimming for at least 3-4 months a year --- and I found quite by accident that listening to the music I used to run to once upon a time still raises by heart rate... which of course is the whole point of cardio! It's like the body has a Pavlovian response to the soundtrack and *expects* to have the muscles move!

Also endorsing Sveta's and IK's suggestions to tinker with the way you eat if possible. It helps with the blues too, I promise --- it is all too easy to eat a comforting bowl of pasta when you're feeling awful; or to starve yourself in a fit of anger... but both strategies actually get you further from your weight goals *and* make you feel worse in chemical terms alone, never mind the emotional spiral. Like IK, I'm hypoglycaemic and lactose intolerant, though far less restricted in diet --- and find just letting go of most of the refined carbs for even a week or two at a time makes a decided difference to actual measurements, even more than weight. Don't forget to add in plenty of veg and fruit though. And if lactose isn't an issue for you, get a little extra dairy by way of yogurt or cheese --- helps with stabilizing weight, healing as well as controlling mood swings a little. You're a very creative woman, and I'm sure you can get as creative with a plate as with your person (and no cooking needs to be involved if you don't want to).

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