Fashion Help - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Fashion Help

Jennifer

Member

Hello, I'm new here and I am in desperate need of fashion advice/help. I'm 36 years old and I feel like I dress in clothes that a 50 year old would wear, but worse. When I was younger (teens-20s), my mom would always question everything I wore and I ended up dressing sort of tomboyish at times (even though I'm not a tomboy) and/or frumpy in bulky, oversized clothes with no shape or fit, usually in dark colors and somewhat masculine or androgynous (not the look I'm going for but the only look I've know). That's how she used to dress and I would hear about it until it was something she approved of even if I didn't like how it looked, didn't like how I felt in it or how it made me feel.

Now that I'm 36, I've spent the past 10 years trying to find a style and I feel like I'm a lost cause because I end up back in the same boxy sweatshirts and stupid jeans that don't fit right but I still keep wearing. I like the classic looks but not too old. I'm not really sure what's trendy but I'm not a fan of wearing workout pants outside of working out or hiking/riding and I don't like the distressed/worn look. Take today for example, it's chilly here (about 60F) so I'm wearing the stupid jeans that are cut so weird that they don't stay up even with a belt, a small sweatshirt that swims on me, tennis shoes, and my hair in a bun (think schoolmarm bun - it's a whole other issue that I have no idea how to content with). I work for a printing company and it can get dirty, I have to load things into customers cars and it gets HOT in the summer but I want to look presentable and put together, not like I just got off the treadmill or pulled something out of my mom's closet. I don't ever feel comfortable or feel good about myself in my clothes but I want to. I'm tired of the same old thing, but I don't know where to start or what styles are right for me without looking too young or too old.

Any help, advice, guidance ... anything is appreciated. TY

Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from Stagiaire Fash

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Hi Jennifer- welcome!
I can hear the frustration in your post, andIthink thiscommunity can help get you sorted....but finding your style is a process. I would browse the blog and photos here, maybe look through some old threads and start taking note of what appeals to you. A good place to start is to make sure you have well fitting bras/underwear and get a new haircut to set you off. If you wear glasses, new frames are another good place to start.
Once you've done that, figure out your body type and start trying things on to see what you like.
Posting questionsand photos here will allow you to get opinions of others who have been on your journey.
Take it one step at a time, and don't get overwhelmed. Fashion should be fun- and you can get to the place that it is.

rachylou

Veteran

Welcome! I second what chewy said—take it slow and do some looking around and see what appeals to you. I’m a bread baker, so I totally hear you on the challenge of dressing for the job without looking like you’re in borrowed clothing after a disaster. The bakery once gave us all those chefs pants... baggy in all the wrong places!

kkards

Veteran

Welcome...
i wonder if you have inspirational pictures of what you’d like your style to be? If not, that might be a good place to start...what appeals to you, what would your dream outfit look like...if you collect enough you will probably see a pattern or a common thread. and if you don’t you can’t after a couple of days and couple of posts, you will become an active member and can post pictures, and we can help you.

Jennifer

Member

Oh my, thank you for all the comments Pinterest always makes things look cute and then I try and it looks like I put on a potato sack. My hair is it's own beast. I have naturally curly hair and it gets really humid here but I'm so tired of wearing it in a bun and i don't want to straighten it but nothing seems to work or do what it promises. I'll look through the threads and my fantasy closet and start from there. I'm kind of excited ... I feel like clothes aren't made like they used to be, they're all cheap. I like the classic Audrey Hepburn styles and Kate Middleton but I feel like the clothes in the UK are so much more classy than American clothes. I never learned how to do my own makeup, all i can do it mascara. My mom told me I couldn't wear it because it wasn't becoming on me or it made me look like a harlot. I don't know how to explain what I'm looking for. I'll try to find some pictures.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Welcome, Jennifer. I echo the wise advice offered to you already

You might find these posts helpful:

https://youlookfab.com/2015/12.....style-rut/

https://youlookfab.com/2017/03.....ure-style/

https://youlookfab.com/2015/11.....e-renewal/

But more immediately, if you get a few pairs of jeans and tops you really like, and see a stylist who specializes in curly hair - you will feel a whole lot better about your style quite quickly.

Since it's hot where you live, do you like to wear skirts, dresses and shorts?

Anonymous

Welcome! I hear you on the humidity and heat!
A nice thing (one of many) about YLF is all the reviews, both from Angie and the Forum. There are definitely still well made things out there- every so often Angie puts a thread about good quality brands. It's worth a look through the archives!
You'll get to see who has a similar body type, coloring, climate, lifestyle needs, etc- for inspiration and shopping.

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

Welcome, Jennifer I agree with the others that this is going to be a process, but a (mostly!) fun one

Sometimes we can feel really overwhelmed by all the options out there & trying to match fantasy to reality (I'm a teacher, so I also know the struggles of trying to dress true to yourself but also true to your lifestyle). One thing I find that helps me is to first consider what you *don't* want & then work from there - it might sound counterintuitive but this is often easier to pinpoint at first than what you *do* want out of your style (you'll get there through a process of elimination, don't worry).

For me, this method helped me to then come up with my style moniker - the 4 C's of Comfy Covered Colourful Chic. In other words, I'm also 'younger' (not even 30 yet!) but found I was sometimes dressing 'older' because I prefer to stay comfy & covered up (even outside of work). That's where embracing my natural affinity for colour came in, but also the need to keep things well-fitted so that I don't look too sloppy. I also have a mother that would like to comment on everything I wore, so this is still a process to work through any internalised dialogue that doesn't measure up to her expectations, but I'm slowly getting there

I also have naturally curly/ wavy hair & have moved to a very humid subtropical climate (HK) from a more rainy cold one (UK), so I'd be happy to talk more about that if you like (I follow some Curly Girl tips adapted for my lifestyle, hair texture & product availability out here).

DonnaF

Veteran

Have you considered getting a hairstyle where your hair is off your neck? And going to a curly hair specialist?

Hair around the neck can make a big difference on what clothing styles work or not, such as turtlenecks, collars, etc.

Rome was not built in a day and neither is a wardrobe. If you feel you need to wear jeans to work, maybe you can start by posting (when you can) front, side, and back pics of yourself in your jeans. We can help you troubleshoot and find a pair that works for you.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I can relate to the pressure from mom!
If you have a fantasy closet, that’s great! Even if you couldn’t actually wear such things in your everyday life, they can signal what direction to go, things like what patterns & colors you like, if you like things flowing or more tailored, etc. Do you want to post parts of it?

Another sorta fantasy thing that might be fun & helpful is to go shopping with no intent to buy—just see what’s out there & what appeals to you. I was surprised that sales associates seemed happy to bring me stuff and play with different looks. I’d never pay full price for Kate Spade, but I tried on a bunch of stuff there, for example, to get done ideas of what to look for elsewhere. Just wander into whatever shops suit your fancy, turn off the mom voice in your head, take suggestions from the sales associates if you want to.

Sophia

Hi Jennifer! Figuring out your personal style can be hard, but it's also super fun, so I encourage you to take it slow and be kind to yourself as you explore. You deserve to feel good in your clothes, and I hope you find a lot of encouragement and inspiration here.

It sounds to me like you would love some guidance on how to find your personal style, and if you like books and workbooks, I highly recommend the book "The Curated Closet" by Anuschka Rees. It has a companion workbook that is fab. She walks you through the whole process of finding your style and going shopping. It's a very positive process, and I think it might be a helpful resource.

Jennifer

Member

@Angie: I haven't worn a pair of shorts outside the house in over a year. Usually I wear jeans to work in the summer because I don't like my legs and I can't really wear skirts or dresses to work but that would be great and so much easier and cooler in the summer. I don't go out often (no friends) but sometimes (rarely) my husband and I will go out for lunch or dinner. I did the maxi dress thing for a while but I felt I was either overdressed, under-dressed or trying too hard to the group of people. I read the article you suggested about style renewal and you're right that you have to know what each style is before you can decide if it's what you're looking for. It's harder to find exactly what you're looking for in stores and hoping you get what you see online. I guess nothing really beats the old-fashioned go and try it on in the store (if you can find it). I know I have body dysmorphia issues and it's probably not as bad as I make it out to be.

@Zaeobi & Donna F: my hair (wet) sit around my shoulder blades. I don't want to go above my shoulders because I want to be able to pull it back. I can't even wear it in a ponytail without it turning into a frizzy poodle tail or being crunchy from all the product. Plus, if I go too short, I get this bowl cut effect and it's horrible. I can't stand wearing turtlenecks or high collars, I used to but now I feel like I'm being choked by them. I'll definitely take hair advice too. I live in the midwest (US) and over the summer our humidity it between 80-90%. Sometimes it looks great just out of the shower or after I've plopped it but good luck getting it to stay that way. Halfway down the stairs and it looks like there's rats are having a meeting on my head. Either I have an odd-shaped head or my nose is too pointy and the height of where I tie my hair up is either too high or too low

Jonesy

Veteran

I agree with others about reading through all of the resources available here at YLF to get a sense of what *you* like. When you do that, try to set aside all of the negative, critical self-talk and simply focus on what you respond to and what looks interesting and fun (I notice in your posts that you tend to judge yourself very harshly, which may be left over from your upbringing, but definitely something you can overcome!). I do think it's possible to find some professional summer clothes that will make you feel good even when it's hot--there are multiple regular posters here who live in very hot climates and dress professionally, so they can offer great advice.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

If not shorts or skirts/dresses, maybe a jumpsuit would be comfortable in the heat and appeal to you. I love mine, because there is no waistband. Here are a couple ideas, but you probably need to try some on to see how you feel in them.

Mimi Chica Button Down Floral Jumpsuit

View Info

Top Pick

2

View Info

Top Pick

5

JINsoon Jumpsuit

View Info

Top Pick

5

Vince Camuto SHORE STRIPE BELTED - Jumpsuit

View Info

Top Pick

2

ONLY ONLCANYON STRAP CROP - Jumpsuit

View Info

Top Pick

2

Warehouse ALOHA PRINT - Jumpsuit

View Info

Top Pick

6

Sal

Veteran

Welcome to the forum! You have come to the right place!

I hear you on your frustrations. I like all the advice above. When I was new I looked through lots of Angie’s archives, read and looked at forum members outfits and worked out where I wanted to go. My reasons were a bit different to you - I was buying pieces that didn’t go together, and struggling to find things that I liked.

Some forum members live in a completely different climate to me ( I am in NZ) but I love the variety. Helena has lots of great jeans outfits with a polished look as does Suz. Jenn also wears jeans really well. That might give you some ideas.

I would start with a capsule based around one great pair of pants or jeans, two tops and a pair of shoes. Then go from there.

I wish I had curly hair but it is hard to manage I know!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Jennifer, if you like the idea of wearing skirts and dresses to work, we can help you find some suitable options.

rachylou

Veteran

When I started on YLF there was a thing about who you’d be in the Zombie Apocalypse. That was a lot of fun and freeing - sort of who are you at the core and at the same time, who you’d be without any restrictions. There were all sorts - farmers, warrior princesses, med techs. I was *all*, yeah I’m the one weaving soda can tabs into chain mail, lol A different way to get at things, in any case.

DonnaF

Veteran

Don’t feel badly about your mom haunting you. I still *hear* my mom’s judgmental comments, and she died nearly six years ago and I’m 68! For years (decades) she made snarky comments about the men’s Farmer John overalls I cut off and wore with my Girl Scout friends. So this month I bought the overalls below. They are more flattering than my old ones, maybe because they are cut for a woman’s body. I need to get them hemmed and they are no doubt too *young* a style, but I really don’t care. To me, too young = too tight, and too old = too big and baggy and I don’t mean fashionably slouchy.

Free People Ziggy Denim Overalls

View Info

Top Pick

3

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

DonnaF, that made me smile!

Star

Veteran

Hi Jennifer, when I was looking to hone my style I started using Pinterest. Saving images of outfits that resonated with me and then I started seeing a common thread, this was immensely helpful.

Jennifer

Member

I have a feeling this is going to be a soul searching process as well. Mom always picked the matching skort outfits for school when I was younger and as I got older it was the frumpy and chunky. Just recently, like a month ago, I started wearing shorter sweatshirts that didn't cover my butt. All I can hear is "what are people going to think of you if you wear that?" I love my mom but I look back and see all of the negative.

Helena

Veteran

Hi Jennifer, don't fret - this is a lovely community and extremely helpful and encouraging! You've got lots of great advice here and I don't want to overwhelm you, but if I can make one suggestion that might give you a "quick win" to start with, it's to consider what your 'personal uniform' might be. For your job, it's sounds like maybe a simple jeans and a t-shirt might be it (or perhaps a lighter weight pant for summer, like a lightweight chino or jogger) - but of course, it's up to you to decide what might work. It's helpful to really think about your lifestyle - for example, if you are lifting things, you'll want comfort; if things get dirty often, you probably want items that you can throw in the washing machine easily, etc.

Then you can focus on just finding a couple of items that fit well and you feel good in them, to get you started and feeling a little better about how you look, so that you take the pressure and stress off. Don't underestimate the power of small changes! A nice-fitting pair of jeans can make the world of difference

It's an ongoing process so give yourself lots of grace!

Isabel

Veteran

Jennifer, you already got so much wonderful advice. I just want to say welcome.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Hi Jennifer, welcome! You have some really great advice here. My add would be this:
You sound like there are a lot of negative thoughts you are in the habit of harboring. You'll need to address those if you want to really feel good in your clothes. That isn't easy, obviously. I think most people don't make it through childhood without some of these on a loop in their brain. For me, it was being informed and reminded constantly that I had chubby thighs. I always wanted to cover my legs above my knees, but now I see that sometimes that length actually isn't flattering. My thighs aren't slim, but they aren't at all ugly and I am perfectly happy letting them see the light of day NOW, but it took nearly 30 years to get here!
All that is to say, I think you need a strategy for seeing yourself differently. Try to let go of all those prepackaged ideas that you inherited and really SEE yourself. I am also a huge fan of just TRYING something, and don't reject what you see out of hand. Remember, your knee-jerk reaction is going to based on something that might not really be true. So try things, and then try to see yourself in them objectively. Try LOTS of things, and post here or if you have someone you trust in real life, ask them as well. I think you'll be surprised...

And I agree with going slowly at first. For SURE get rid of those awful jeans! Find a pair you love. I'd do that first thing, right out of the gate. It's nice to see a hair stylist as well. Are you familiar with the Curly Girl Method?

Oh, and it helps to use pintrest for mood boards, but I agree often things look amazing on someone who has a very different shape that you and it doesn't give quite the same effect. That's OK. Try to capture the spirit of the look in your style and tweak the idea to work for you. Remember, it's also possible that it actually looks great on you but your internal monologue is preventing you from seeing what's there.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

This might be helpful to you. It’s from a series Sal suggested. People on here talk about their Pinterest pages or mood boards and I can never wrap my head around it. This describes the process. Still doesn’t really seem like something I could do, because I don’t know celebrities to be able to say what any of them look like, and it is extremely rare for me to notice what anyone has on, much less to have the presence of mind to consider whether I would want that look or not. But if you can do those things, this could help you use mood boards, on Pinterest or elsewhere, to help you figure out how you want to dress. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=.....38;index=8