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Fashion and judging others

Synne

Veteran

Oversized and boxy clothing has been so prevalent in fashion the last years that my eyes have adjusted to this as the new normal. Today I attended a work related conference and one of the (female) speakers were wearing bodycon clothes and I was very surprised at my own initial thoughts: "why is she dressing so provocatively?? Isn't that very unprofessional?".
These thoughts took me by surprise. She wasn't wearing anything revealing or inappropriate, just a knit sweater and skinny jeans. I would have worn the exact same thing without a second thought before this my more "fluid fit" phase.

Have you noticed the same? Funny how fashion and style can influence our perception of other people.. just some Friday thoughts from me!

Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from Stagiaire Fash

rachylou

Veteran

I live in a university town. Tons of students. I’m completely adjusted to the ‘leggings as pants’ thing. So much so, regular pants look ‘off’ to me. It’s interesting that when I see a pair, they don’t look ‘unique and original’, just off. My brain is probably doing some sort of advanced social calculus there, triangulating location.

kkards

Veteran

Ok, I was just talking with a colleague about peers who seem to have confused WFH and the 3 days we are back in the office…

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ha! I also think that paying attention to fashion means our eyes adjust to newer proportions before they eyes of those who aren't really into fashion. If that makes sense. Even the latest adopters among us tend to be earlier adopters than the general population. And you'd notice this in a speaker who was up front and centre more than you'd notice it on the street (when people are still probably bundled in coats anyway).

Anonymous

I was surprised to see someone at a work event in a miniskirt, since I've gotten so adjusted to midis/maxis or at least knee length. But the fashion sites say they're coming back in.
I was going to say I'll pass, but I've been wearing skorts since 2020, which is just a safer version...sooo...

Anonymous

Even though I adapt rather slowly to new fashion silhouettes & trends, I do tend to think something looks off when it’s usually something I actually wore in the past. Maybe it’s because I have moved past those looks & don’t want to return???

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I think I just can’t help looking at what others are wearing, it’s ingrained in me now after so many decades. Like you I may have initial thoughts which are not so flattering or kind, but I then try to temper those thoughts because those can be judgemental and I fully realise I am a product of my upbringing and environment. And those of us interested in clothes may indeed make more judgments than those not interested.

Sloper

Veteran

Jenni - I feel the same - especially about tempering one's thoughts.

I'm old enough (early 60's) to have seen so many trends come and go and come back again (and again!).

I'm definitely not proud of snap judgements I've made - and I try to be mindful.

Jules

Veteran

I realized recently that sometimes something stands out just because it’s different from the current ‘norm’ - so I will notice a mini skirt because they aren’t as common these days, but noticing doesn’t have to be judging (being self aware about my reaction hopefully means I can quickly move on from it without ascribing any meaning). On the other hand, I might advise someone including my own daughter that in a job interview or other significant situation with new people, one might consider trying to blend with current norms so as not to distract people and invite judgment when it could be avoided. Freer self expression might come later with more familiarity. Of course it’s so subjective and depends what the audience is used to - mini skirts or very body con clothing in an office context no, I’m not currently used to them so it might attract my attention, but crop tops, tattoos, brightly dyed hair don’t phase me…

cat2

Veteran

I blame casual dress codes for creating some confusion. Some folks don’t distinguish between what is casual and what is appropriate for a casual dress code at work. I think casual body con looks aren’t the right office choice.

Anonymous

@cat2: It’s bad when stores present pajama-like casual clothing as being office appropriate &/or great for dining out, etc. In what universe?

At any rate, I look at what people wear to see how they put their outfits together—what works or doesn’t work. It’s not done to judge people. It’s simply to get ideas.

DonnaF

Veteran

Ha, ha, ha. I try to tell DD what C Suite executives might think if she were to wear X.

Gaylene

Veteran

I think it’s human nature to categorize people based on visual clues so yes, I think it would be disingenuous to say style and fashion didn’t influence my perceptions of other people.

What bothers me more than my faulty judgements, though, is people who maintain that they have a totally open mind and are somehow immune to the instincts which govern the rest of humanity. Knowing I’m fallible seems to me to be less dangerous than my thinking I’m somehow the exception. We’ve all been caught in the web of having to adjust our initial perceptions after learning more about a person so being hesitant and cautious about my preliminary assumptions seems like a wiser course in these days of “no rules/anything goes” fashion adventures.

As a side note, I think being interested in fashion is really an acknowledgment of being conscious of the messages we are trying to communicate to ourselves and others through our clothing choices—friendly, fun-loving, sporty, creative…whatever monikers we’d like to use as self descriptors. Meeting people who don’t think about clothing this way can be daunting since those visual “cues” we rely on can’t be easily observed. That’s why I’m constantly trying to remind myself of my “poisoned eye”—still a work in progress after a decade of wrinkling my nose at babydoll dresses in the workplace and distressed jeans on well-paid TV presenters.

Anonymous

@Gaylene: I still wrinkle my nose at distressed jeans. I don’t want to look like I’m homeless, & that’s the vine they give, even though it usually costs a lot of $ to buy them.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I like what Gaylene said. I just don't think it is possible or laudable to claim not to judge people by their clothes - whether we follow fashion or not. I am pretty sure we are wired to judge people's first presentation and, after all, we choose our clothes more than our height for example. But there is a difference somewhere between making judgements and being judgy; between gathering information and impressions and ruling people out that don't conform to our own prejudices.

Anonymous

It’s impossible not to make judgments regarding someone’s clothing choices, but there are plenty of people in my life who I love, but who don’t dress in the way I think is stylish. What they wear does not impact my relationship with them. I analyze the garments that don’t work so I know what not to wear, & the stylish outfits to get ideas of what Imight be able to wear. That is all.

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

Visuals play a big part in 'first impressions', whether we admit it or not - which is why I scoff at the stereotype that women aren't visual like men, or some people's claims to be 'colour blind' (in regards to race, not actual/ medical colour blindness)

I think the extent to which trends affect your 'sugar eye' or 'poison eye' will heavily depend on your rate of exposure to said trends - which is likely why some people on the forum are onboard with balloon jeans VS some who see full-length 'mom' jeans as a more modern cut, or others who are still happy with their cropped skinny jeans I suspect someone who consumes more 'trendy' media (i.e. Instagram scrolling) or is around more 'trendy' people (i.e. people watching when out & about) is more likely to start seeing those trends as 'normal'.

Bijou

Veteran

I agree that it is impossible not to judge people because that is our nature to do so. However I don't think those first impressions are super important, because it is how you handle yourself that really matters. In the early 2000's I worked with a highly accomplished female professor who in her 60's wore the same hair and make-up that she wore in the 1980's (think Dallas and Dynasty style of excessive use of bright eyeshadow, red lipstick and very big and lacquered hair) and not the norm for the highly conservative work environment. It was a deliberate strategy and statement, judge her as unprofessional and an intellectual lightweight at your peril.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Personally, I find it best to think about it this way:

https://youlookfab.com/2014/02.....he-person/

I enjoyed Bijou's comment

Nodding along with Gaylene and Jaime.

Helena

Veteran

I completely agree with Gaylene and love Bijou's example!

With two teenagers, I am quickly corrected when I make generational judgements ... It's funny how I have to argue to get them in jeans to dress up; meanwhile my parents would have scolded me for being too casual in jeans! So much in the (flawed) eye of the beholder.

Sal

Veteran

It’s a very interesting topic. I like people and style watching - and regret that there are less opportunities to do so.

My friends and family and work colleagues have varied interest in clothing and fashion - and even a friend who shares an interest has a different style to me- more of an edgy street style.

It is hard now to know the norms - and people are often not set up for the older cultural norms. I recall myself getting it wrong a few times - one job interview where I got the job but some dress advice at the same time, and an expo in the UK where I really was under dressed with a black tailored but sleeveless dress and everyone else in suits.

Joy

Veteran

Ha! I saw lots of small town or rural young people in a big city to attend a concert or something. Most were trying to emulate what they thought city kids were wearing, but DIY versions of distressed jeans and rainbow hair that really stood out as tacky. DYI tattoos or piercings looked DIY with ink pens. Sad.

Joy

Veteran

I have made my share of mistakes as a young woman too. I do not want to seem too harsh. My take away was to accept the professional versions and not try to save money by attempting DIY in areas I did not like anyway.

Echo

Veteran

I agree that it is impossible NOT to judge people in some way based on their appearances. First impressions matter; they're not all that matters, but they do make a big impact on others. It can take time to overcome a bad first impression, whether you were judged according to your style of dress, mannerisms, attitude or otherwise. It is human nature to judge, and disingenuous to claim one does not.

But like Angie says, I try to judge the outfit, not the person. It can be hard to do sometimes, as we all have associations with certain looks the same way we do with names, and those associations are often based on personality. I judge young people less than adults, simply because I work with young people and see how desperately they want to fit in with their peers, regardless of how ridiculous they might look. They're still exploring what style means and who they are, and as others have mentioned, we've all made mistakes. But once a person gets past, say, 25 or so, it is a lot harder to excuse dressing unprofessionally in a professional setting or wearing inappropriate things to certain events.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I missed this the first time around. Am glad I just came across it (ok—I actually searched to see what Synne had been doing, because she’s one of my favorite people here and an interesting thinker) because I’ve been thinking through my winter style and where I want it to go. I’m trying to figure out how to go that direction without looking “tacky” (to borrow a word from Joy) or “trashy” (also a possibility).

On noticing what others wear—I am not good at it at all, am trying to pay attention for two reasons: to get ideas for myself and to decode whatever messages I’m getting from them. I’m sure we all take what people are wearing into account as we decide “who” they are. If we aren’t aware of it, we do it at a subconscious level. I want to be more aware of how I am receiving and processing those messages.