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Facing facts

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

So I must accept the truth now that I'm an "inbetweenie", not plus size but on the edge of straight sizes, 12ish. Where I was back in 2008 :(. Thanks to Marianna for alerting me to the term, it didn't exist back then.
Earlier this week I tried on my stupidly expensive raw denim Chimala jeans I got at the big Ingefest. Was that two or three years ago? Anyways they now give more muffin top than a bakery.
I went to a local boutique over the weekend between calls. Anything I liked was too small. So I went around the corner and bought some fancy hand wash and a fine jewelry earring. Because jewelry always fits.
I've been wearing leggings and very stretchy jeans, a lot. I've looked at ASOS as Angie suggested, but nothing really appeals to me. Also much of the merchandise size wise would put me in their Curve line. As Janet said Coachella threw up all over H&M. I'm at the point now I don't even want to try clothes on.
My hair color while pretty is turning out to be a real pain to work with. None of my previous stuff really works. 90% of my lipstick clashes.
I've been selling a lot of my existing wardrobe as well.
I plan to order some sweatshirts from Everlane based on Jenava's suggestion. She gave me a t-shirt from them that works. Going very basic because that's all that I can think of now.

Shopping

41 replies

Latest reply was from rebekahphoto

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Oh Anna, I feel for you. I know fashion and shopping offers a release of sorts for you and to be faced with little to no choice must be demoralising.

I hope you find your way through the mind fug, a small simple capsule appears to be a workable solution, just pile on the accessories to add the joy.

Anonymous

I feel your pain, annagybe. Our bodies do change and betray us in ways we never anticipate. But with your fashion sense, I know you will be able to come up with new looks that you can feel good about. Just focus on one thing at a time, though, so you don't drive yourself nuts! Getting back to basics, as you mention, seems like a good place to start.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Anna, I am sorry -- this sucks. It's really hard when your beloved creative outlet seems barred to you due to the whims of stupid manufacturers.

Jewellery is good. Also hats.

And how about this: http://shop.mango.com/iframe.f.....eta_400_US for building up that small capsule? Maybe a bit boho for the summer, but anyway....

AviaMariah

Veteran

The truth is you could wear very basics with your fab shoe collection and still look more fashion forward than most of us ever dream of. Add some hats, bags, accessories and you could have a lot to play with.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Dear Anna I can really empathize with you going from a slim 8 to a comfy size 18. It is an adjustment t to make when our bodies are not what we are used to.

I encourage you to not fall in the land of spandex and jogging sets. Ugh just no.

This is just a new curve in this fashion road.

You transcend fashion size. The challenge because it is challenging having more curves is finding what your style and $$ can fit.

Be encouraged and take heart. You just have more fashions options now.

marianna

Veteran

Basic isn't bad, just different from your norm. You may be sized out of high end designers but there are many mid range options for the inbetweenie. I feel you on the weight fluctuation struggle. I go up and down like a yo-yo. I wish it was easier.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Anna, from a practical size point of view, I echo what Marianna said. Many stores go up to a size 16 in regular sizes. I have clients who shop size 14 or XL in non-plus size stores quite frequently.

I really like what Ledonna and AviahMariah said too. Basic clothing can look smashing with your very dramatic footwear and accessories. A signature look all on its own.

Everlane is a nice and affordable place to shop, albeit very knitted. But you don't need sweatshirts for our current Summer! Don't you think you need breezier items?

(The Inge fest was Sept/Oct 2014).

Style Fan

Veteran

Anna you have an amazing sense of style. You could throw on anything then accessorize it with your shoes, etc. and look incredible.

jill58

Veteran

I know exactly where you are. A couple of years ago I went through a period of being almost 25 lbs above my usual weight. At first, it was very discouraging--then I decided to just own it. I thought about how the only person I'm hard on when it comes to weight is myself. Other people gain and lose and I barely notice. It certainly doesn't determine whether or not I think they're attractive. The main thing is to buy some great things to wear that you really like--and definitely accessories. I bought tops and tees that kind of floated over the areas I wasn't happy with. I bought cropped pants in my new size so I wouldn't walk around in anything that was too tight. Too tight does nothing for anyone's self esteem! I like what Angie said about "breezier items" for summer. I also loved everything Ledonna said, particularly, "I encourage you to not fall in the land of spandex and jogging sets. Ugh just no." and "You transcend fashion size. The challenge because it is challenging having more curves is finding what your style and $$ can fit." Don't lose heart. We are much harder on ourselves than others ever are. You truly can look terrific at any size.

Diana

Veteran

Shoes always fit too! I remember a while back you had decided to try out a formula of basics w/ interesting toppers and shoes and I could see that working out really well for you still.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Cherman from the Nutty Professor

"Remember Cherman no matter what you got to strut"

I've seen women I know own and embrace their power. Power of self is not determined by the size of the wallet or the size of the body. Once I truly understood that I was unstoppable.

catgirl

Veteran

While I love me some empowering body positivity, I also get the frustration and struggle of being told to embrace the body you have now when it's irritating the heck out of you. So I'll just say you rock at any size and your style shines through - I've seen it in person, after all! Shoes and jewelry are where it's at for these days as well.

Also, I need you to tell me how to style the silver oxfords I posted.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

it is fustrating especially as your changing.

How can you love your body and make the changes you need to if you don't embrace who you are.

I come from that Army background that says if you don't like it change it. No pouting just make it happen or as my youngest neice says

"Auntie Donna you need to just dust your shoulder off"

I swear to you she then comes up to me and brushes my shoulder off. Lol

Saying see there it's gone now get to it. She is 14. Hmmmmm

Anonymous

I love everything Ledonna says here, especially the nutty professor quote. And I totally agree with Style Fan.

Anna, I am in awe of your styling talent. I have confidence that your amazing creativity will carry you through this bump in the road.

Anonymous

Anna: there isn't much anyone can say (other than LeDonna who is the queen of all good things and why haven't i met her in person yet?) that will mean much. Right? I am totally in understanding of this, I sympathize, empathize, and have no answers nor advice. Except to listen /read to LeDonna - who needs her own tv show. In all seriousness, I feel the same way in my own body/version of this. Acceptance is tough, because somehow to those of us who are intense,creative individuals, it signifies acquiescence. But you are so young, and still have the youth on your side that will allow you to change it , if you want to. At my age, it's so , so much harder. I don't know what I'm trying to say - but I do know that for a clothes loving woman, it's not a nice thing to go through. And all I can offer is a shoulder to commiserate on. And yes, lipstick and earrings and shoes always fit.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh Anna, I hear your frustration and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I ditto Una's words, and Ledonna speaks some very good wisdom as well.

I have total faith that you rock whatever outfits you are putting together these days -- I am also thankful that footwear, bags and accessories like jewelry aren't so subject to changes in size!

Beth Ann

Veteran

Anna: No one has ever tagged me as being avant garde (except in my music tastes -- I love the weird classical music), but I do know how to shop a curvy 14 in an non-plus size world. As a matter of fact, plus never fits me anyway. Trousers, jeans and dresses are hardest, by far, particularly the upscale denim and dressy dresses. Tops (blouses, sweaters) are the easiest.

Because I'm on a budget, I'm often shopping stores that have a lot of ho-hum stuff (Kohls -- I'm talking to you). I have learned, however, to case a store or website very quickly, skimming over the junk, and looking for the jewel hiding in the pile. Perhaps finding some of the more unique items at Everlane or BR, or in Nordies' mainstream lines (Vince Camuto, for example) would help through the Summer.

I echo what others have said about your amazing shoes and accessories!

JAileen

Veteran

That's where I am, too. I've never heard of that term. I think tweenie refers to dauschunds of inbetween size. Anyway, I blame jeans with spandex. It just sneaks up.

I have a book out of the library: "Why we get fat and what to do about it" by Gary Taubes. He says insulin regulates our fat, so food that has a high glycemic index makes us fat - bread, potatoes, etc. I'm willing to give up those things if it works. Who knows? Anyway, a good friend lost 30 pounds in the past year or two by giving up sugar, flour, meat and dairy. She looks great and feels great. Her doctor said she was diabetic (prediabetic) and now all of her bloodwork is excellent.

A basic wardrobe can look good with great accessories. You have lots of interesting shoes. Done.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Beth Ann this is way off topic but so funny.

"I have learned, however, to case a store or website very quickly, ....."

I do the sane thing in the thrifts or op shops I go in. Lol

Zibbets

Veteran

Anna, I can relate. I've gained weight recently too. I went back to work full time for the first time since having kids and apparently I'm edging toward menopause too, which isn't helping. (fun times!) Anyway, I'm not giving up or giving in and you shouldn't either. Ladonna is right, if you don't like it, change it! C'mon, we can do this! ((((hugs))))

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Zibbets let's not mention MP . Ugh I had early onset and feel like the fire starter kid. Imagine med winter chicago but wearing tank tops. Lol Personal summers suck.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh Ledonna and Zibbets, I am hearing you loud and clear on the menopause thing. I think that's a big part of what is happening with my body changes and my mood lately. Let's just say it's a good thing my husband is a very patient, good-natured man!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

So much good stuff on this thread. Yes to shoes, lipstick, bags, jewelry, sunglasses, haircuts, pedicures, and lots of other stuff too. Look at new places and then decorate with the above. I guess we all believe we should accept what we cannot change, but the challenge is to know what is unchangeable and what needs to be attacked (after our shoulders are dusted by an inspiring young lady if possible). I struggle with that anyway. You be you.

Dgusanl

I hear you, another inbetweenie

Anonymous

I think Anna is far too young for the menopause effect , but it is indeed a life changer . I SWORE I would never be of those women who gained weight , but lo and behold , I did. Anyways , that's not the issue here -it's the fact that life can throw us a hand we don't know how to play . And it's hard when we are surrounded with other women who aren't affected . There is no solution nor answer , just the knowledge that there are more of us in this situation than not .

rachylou

Veteran

Well, I guess it is what it is - although it's ridiculous for people to, like, stop at size 6. A round up of the usual suspects...ahem, boutiques...isn't cutting it. I'll scoot over on my bench and make room for you. The boutiques in my town have dwindled period. And those left - it's all smocks. I can buy a JC Penney night gown for the same look...and did (!)

Joy

Veteran

Hugs, (((((Anna))))). Bodies are constantly changing and there's very little that we can do about it. You are young, beautiful, intelligent and compassionate.

Jeanie

Veteran

I feel your pain. I've been at size 12 for 10 years and have stopped frequenting the little boutiques even though they swear they have more sizes in back whenever I dare pop in. Of course you will always look brilliant with your shoe collection!

SandyG

Veteran

Anna, your fashion vibe and intelligence has little to do with your body, as it comes from your essence. Which hasn't changed IMHO. You're on call all the time and your life sounds fragmented. It's hard at present. Ease up on yourself.

I'm older than you but completely bonded over loving the European styles that run terribly small but look so very, very cool. I buy like crazy when I'm lean, then gain five pounds and my closet looks Fab but I have nothing to wear that fits and performs well. Unforgiving items. No room for error. 'Lather, rinse, repeat'. It's a lot of drama but not much to wear that's reliable IRL. But I love clothes! Shopping is creative, artistic, fun! Who wants the basics? And yet ...

Please don't snear at leggings or stretch jeans for a variable, vulnerable, stressed body. (Remember I'm older than you and California is more laid back than Seattle.) I wear them nearly daily for workouts/travel/training the working puppies in class or field. They work hard, wash easily and relieve me of several headaches over outfits because I can move, jog, squat (dog training) even in my relatively chubby state. Un-fancy workhorses are not show ponies but perform and look good so they earn my respect. Not Fashionable but certainly Essential I don't need that many items so it's not expensive. If I lose 10# it's back to my Isabel Marants in a heartbeat-- !

I bought some edgy artisan earrings and necklaces to keep my soul content and quiet with my current 'uniform'. It's all about focus. The accessories are unique and people notice them. Want a sad-but-true point? That's REALLY ALL they notice. I'm comfortable, bendable, and enjoy the attention, and get to talk fashion designers. Clothes should feel good in all ways; don't despair about stuff that doesn't 'get' you right now.

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