Ever made a tough decision in order to follow your dreams? - YouLookFab Forum

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Ever made a tough decision in order to follow your dreams?

Krista

Veteran

I'm interested in whether you have ever had to make a decision to leave something very dear to you in order to follow a dream and meet a goal you have had for yourself.

I requested a transfer to another school next year and it was granted to me. I dearly love the school that I am currently working in, but one of my career goals is to be a high-school principal in the next few years and a transfer to another school is excellent professional growth for me. I've had a great experience where I am but it's time for more challenges, so, I am moving on. I'm sad but happy at the same time. Following a dream is like that, wouldn't you say?

There is an interesting discussion about this in my city right now as the captain of our city's hockey team (and face of the franchise for 17 years), signed with another team yesterday to try and meet his lifetime goal of winning a Stanley Cup before he retires in the next year or so. This is not entirely uncommon in the hockey world, but Canadians take their hockey seriously and there is quite a bit of debate over the idea of staying loyalty to something no matter what vs. the idea of following your dreams to meet a goal.

I personally find it an interesting discussion as I think we've all been there in our lives. Over to you if you'd like to share or weigh in (of course, no need to comment on the hockey situation - I was just giving that as an example!).

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27 replies

Latest reply was from Jaime

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I left my home school for specialty training, despite what I felt as severe disappointment from my mentors and the faculty. I feel that I burnt a lot of bridges by not staying where I was. I left for a more "prestigious" school with a stellar specialty program that was of a small enough size that I wouldn't be lost amongst them (we are all great friends, which has been SO fantastic).

I have heard from staff that have come from my home school that they thought so highly of me and even told me where they ranked me as a candidate in specialty training (against school policy and the policy of the ranking system).

In terms of my mental health, this new school's attitude was - "What can we do to help you?" vs. my old school's attitude which was - "What can you do to minimize that impact on us?" This helped me make the choice pretty quickly. Also, everyone here has been so warm and welcoming.

It was a tough choice (and it may still come to bite me in the behind when I look for a job or subspecialty training), but I think that with appropriate thought and analysis, sometimes a change is for the better!

PS: Good luck with your pursual of the principalship! When I did education a few of my friends were very administration minded and they swapped around to get all the leverage they could. My principal was "concerned" I wasn't doing enough to further my career as a teacher ... until I gave him my notice :p

MsMary

Veteran

Well, I left my marriage three months ago to follow my dream of... a happy, peaceful life. I gave up a lot of financial security, I (temporarily) gave up my home, I gave up many, many aspects of life as I'd known it. And I feel sad that the "dream" for which I had to give up so much is something so modest that it should have been a given from the outset.

It's been a tough, tough road but I feel like I am finally turning a corner and I am breathing easier every day. So yes, Krista: "Sad but happy at the same time" is a good way to describe it!

Let's hear it for Team Dream Followers!

catgirl

Veteran

I just did - I closed my practice to take a job that is a step in an exciting but challenging direction in my field. It was hard leaving the security of the known (as much as self-employment can be secure), but not an opportunity I could turn down. Like you said, sad but happy - and the joy of finding new ways to use my skills and brain right now are so rewarding.

You go, girl! It's going to be great.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Story of my life.

Left my suburban childhood home for my dream of life in the big city.

Left my suburban white-bread community for marriage into a different culture and my dream of belonging to a bigger world.

Left my first husband -- whom I loved, but with whom I couldn't build an honest relationship -- for my dream of a more equal and intimate partnership.

In the process, I also left my child-free existence to become an instant stepmother to three teens. It wasn't a dream, exactly (i.e. I had never aspired to this) but it certainly propelled me in new directions!

Oh -- by the way -- this second marriage was also a marriage into a different culture.

Left a potential career in the law (I went to law school) for my dream of becoming a writer.

Left the security of my paid job in teaching for the financial insecurity of life as a freelance writer.

Chose to adopt when we could not have biological children, to fulfil our dream of becoming parents together.

Left various specific jobs for other jobs, to fulfill dreams of learning something, growing in a particular way, achieving a greater degree of work-life balance, financial stability, and so on.

ETA: Left behind habits that had caused me to gain weight, for my dream of increasing energy and setting a good example for my daughter.

Left one city for another, one province for another. (But have not - yet - moved outside country.)

Left behind my image of my frumpy self to gain a bit of style on YLF!

It can be difficult and painful to leave the known and loved (or even the known and unloved). And we always face resistance, and sometimes, accusations of disloyalty. Yet how else can we learn and grow except by risking change?

bj1111

Veteran

You women amaze and inspire me with your strength.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

For me the biggest life-changing step was to leave my country and come to Canada - with 2 little children, no lined up jobs and just a handful of possessions. I was almost 15 years ago and it was the best decision we ever made even though it was scary to uproot like this, leave everything familiar behind and step into unknown.

abc

Veteran

These responses are amazing and encouraging.

I left the familarity of my home country to take a job in a different country. I've made moves across the US for new jobs before, but this was by far the biggest and most impactful. I had always dreamed of living/working in another country and now I can proudly say I am doing that. Three years and two kids later I don't look back.

Don't let fear hold you back, I know there are sad and happy feelings at the same time, but how would you feel if you passed up the opportunity and stayed where you are? Would you always be thinking of what could have been?

Best of luck, please keep us posted

rae

(website)

Veteran

For a change of pace, one time I did NOT follow my dream was when I turned down a Regent's scholarship to Berkeley because I was so scared of what a gritty place would have done to Little Sheltered Rae. I still wonder if I made the wrong choice, even though I met my wonderful DH in LA. :T

But I hope I've learned my lesson. I left one very comfortable job at The First Bank, with coworkers and bosses I loved, to advance my position.

I gave up the allure of life as a Single Dating Lady Playing the Field and married my second boyfriend ever, following my dream of a fun and loving marriage.

Then I left The Second Bank to follow my dream of doing something I loved and that made use of my talents (not just my work ethic).

Congrats on your new opportunity, and I just know that your courage and hard work will pay off!

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I gave up my dream of being a scientific illustrator to go into allied medical field for more stability. Mostly because I realized I had no one to rely on for the rest of my life.
To go into my field I moved to a very small rural town to go back to school.
I was the only person in my class willing to take an externship in the Bronx. I was completely miserable in my externship but because of it I did get the good job in Seattle.
Now I'm trying to figure out what next.
Also I think this is most I've ever shared on the forum.

Krista

Veteran

Wow! These responses are truly amazing. Thank you to all of you for sharing. Everyone's decision has required a great amount of courage, faith in oneself and trust that it will all work out okay and, if it doesn't, well that's okay too! I am currently typing this response on my iPad and the autocorrect is killing me so I will respond in full tomorrow. In the meantime, I am inspired by the honesty and open sharing on this thread. Thank you!

Nicole D

Veteran

Thanks for sharing Anna, by the way. I wonder if your artistic talent influences your amazing style. Also, I am curious, if you want to keep sharing, which discipline are you in? My guess is respiratory therapy...but just a guess. You need not confirm my suspicions.

ANYWAY: The saying goes: You gotta grow so you gotta go. Alternatively, "they'll only miss you 'til you're gone". No one is going to hand you your dream job, you need to make some sacrifices to get it.

I am disappointed in Alfredsson too (grew up in Ottawa).

DonnaF

Veteran

I think the tough decision will hit me in a couple of years. . . .but I encouraged DD to go to college half way across the country because I thought it was the best match for her and would lead to maximum growth. I knew this meant she might eventually settle out there. She is our only child, we love her dearly, and we get along. But she's vowed that this will be her last summer out here, and she is going on tour with her choir over spring break, and her Christmas break is under two weeks.

I feel my job is to make sure this only child with older parents (age 60 & 59) becomes an independent adult, and that is where she is headed. I am sad about letting go, but proud of her nonetheless because I know it is all for the better. She has grown in so many ways.

And Krista, she would love to follow in your footsteps! She ultimately wants to become a school administrator, and I think she understands that you have to move around. She was on a panel that hired one of her ex-teachers as an assistant principal. Her recommendation (and the other panelists presumably agreed) was that he not be an assistant principal of kids who he had previously taught, so he ended up being the assistant principal for freshman. This summer, she is assisting in his summer program for academically at risk rising eighth graders.

deb

Veteran

Oh, yes. I left my home country, U.S.A. to spend a year in a 10ft X 10ft room in a small village in South Korea for a year in 1974. Such a growth experience. I left my comfortable 15 year career in banking for another company entering the IT field. I left an abusive relationship becoming a single parent while very ill and survived. (As did my children) All of these experiences, although very scary, were the best decisions for me and I am so glad I made them.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

I am inspired by your courage, Krista, and also that of others who have responded. I am kind of surprised by my own lack of examples. I feel as if I've taken a lot of risks and done some daring things, but when I think about them in terms of leaving someone/thing dear behind for a dream or goal, I get stuck. I went into the Army, for example, when no one among my family or close friends would have expected or encouraged that path for me; but I didn't have to leave dear ones to do it. And I kind of did it out a mild rebellion, a wish to be independent (yes, imagine that--rebelling, seeking independence by going into a highly disciplined, authoritarian line of work! So I was maybe a little naive?).

Oh, but I guess I did make some heart-wrenching choices, come to think of it. My first love in college could see that our career paths were going to lead us in different directions--he was headed to med school, and I was headed who-knew-where--so he broke up with me. In fact, I had a few failed romances because I insisted on staying in my career and not resigning from the Army to follow someone else's career moves. Perhaps I didn't think of these examples at first because I did move on, and I eventually found I could have both love and fulfilling work.

anne

Veteran

Yes. Today we left the church my DH has been pastoring at for the last 81/2 years and go to start a new church, what is called a church "plant". We are leaving friends, a stable life, a place where our daughters were settled in school and a steady, income. We had our last service today and a farewell yesterday.

I guess it is our faith in God that is getting us through, not in ourselves. DH says staying where we are is the safe option - going is the right one.

(and things are going well - I got a job, the first one I applied for, which while it won't bring in as much as he did, will be enough to get by on. And the congregation here is very supportive of our move)

Krista

Veteran

Such courage and inspiration from all of these stories!

Lyn- it sounds like you have found the right place to be as there is a distinct difference between "what can WE do?" and "what can YOU do?". And I didn't know you were a teacher?!

MaryK - Your comment: "the "dream" for which I had to give up so much is something so modest that it should have been a given from the outset" gave me (and still gives me) chills because it is so right and true. It is the essence of why, sometimes, we need to take the step to follow our dreams. Thank you for sharing!

Una - What a career change! I take your point about the security of the "known" vs the "unknown." I think the excitement of the change makes the unknown worth it, wouldn't you say?

Suz - I hereby crown you Queen of Team Dream Followers! You have consistently followed your heart and dreams throughout your life. And you are right - there is no other way to grow without risking change.

Sveta - To pack up a small family and move to another country is the essence of following your dreams. Imagine what you have inspired for others in the forum by sharing this story. Thank you!

bj - I agree! So much strength and inspiration here!

abc - Like Sveta, you made a brave choice and so many wonderful things in your life as a result. I agree, though, passing up the chance to do something is not worth it in the end.

rae - I like how you shared a time where you didn't follow a dream but used it as an inspiration to make choices differently in the future. Ah, life! So many lessons, so many opportunities!

Anna - Thank you for sharing. These are amazing experiences you have had for your career and I know well the feeling of having to do it for yourself because you can't rely on anyone else. It is tough, but you learn so much about yourself in the process.

NicoleD - you have provided this thread with the motto: "You gotta grow so you gotta go!" So fantastic! On a side note, I'm over my disappointment with Alfredsson as I cannot argue with anyone who feels the need to follow their dreams. He doesn't owe the city of Ottawa anything, in fact, I think we owe it to him to go and do this for himself. Praise Alfie!

DonnaF - I am an only child, so I cannot tell you how great it is that you are encouraging your daughter to do these things, as hard as it is on you. She will appreciate it in the end and your relationship will only be stronger! And hooray for future educators! It's the best job in the world

deb - Wow. Three huge experiences! I love how you say that you were so glad you made them because it shows that the unknown can be the right thing. Thank you for sharing!

Firecracker - The Army! Wow! You have inspired me on that alone. The decision to stay true to your own career is a tough choice when it's in competition with love. You are right though, you can have love AND fulfilling work at the same time.

Anne - It is so hard to say goodbye after so many years, isn't it? Your point about how staying where you are is "safe" is so true. Sometimes safe is okay and sometimes you need to move on. Sounds like things are already falling into place in your new life. All the best!

Thanks also for all of the kind encouragement for my own decision to change! I have been at this school for three years and I can honestly say it's been the best three years of my working life. So it's tough to leave, but I had to ask myself what I would be saying to myself in a year if I didn't make this change. Realizing that NO change would make me feel disappointed in myself was the inspiration for moving on. All of your responses to this thread have also helped me see that change, though hard, is always a good thing.

Here's to Team Dream Followers!

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I guess I have a history of it, actually.

Dh and I gave up good jobs, being close to family and all of our friends and moved 500 miles away to a place that we knew no one and had no jobs (while I was pregnant) so that he could finish school.

Two kids, graduation, and several small moves later (after it became clear that we could not afford to buy a home where we wanted to live), we moved back to be closer to family with no jobs and no place to live.

Recently, I gave up the security and financial stability of my marriage and have started the journey of taking my hobby business of vintage/handmade/antiques into a real business.

I don't regret any of the times that I have just closed my eyes and jumped. Sometimes you just have to do it.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

My life decisions have mostly followed a fairly organic progression of my life's interests and goals, but I have made some leaps. I was raised by very conservative parents (children of the depression era) who did not make dream-following decisions; they acted carefully and deliberately and made "safe" choices that insured long-term financial stability for their family (my father worked from the time he was a very young boy to bring home money for his large, working-class family, and he never took a sick day from work until he went into the hospital with his first heart attack). Both of my parents deferred many dreams in the interest of doing the "responsible" thing.

Several years ago, I made the difficult decision to give up my career as a graphic designer and publishing professional (a career in which I had many years of experience and a master's degree), to pursue being a fine art photographer. This was upon my husband's urging, as he noticed I was less satisfied with my work as the years went on, and ever since he had known me, my biggest wish was to travel and take photographs. One of the big issues for me was that this decision put me into a position of financial dependence on him, and that made me uncomfortable. I've never in my adult life required financial support from anyone. I supported myself through two college degrees and many years as a single woman before getting married. Relying on someone else for financial security while I embarked in such a "frivolous" new career was scary and made me feel vulnerable. I had definitely tied my ideas of "success" to the idea of financial independence. I also was unsure whether I, as an "untrained" photographer, was actually talented enough to be taken seriously as an artist.

But I leaped. And I have to say that embracing this new life took time -- I'm still adjusting -- but I am much, much happier and more fulfilled now because I followed my dreams with the encouragement of a loving, supportive family. I feel like the best is yet to come!

ramya

Veteran

Well these are truly fab examples...
But in my case I gave up my job in India so that I could move with my DH whose career would benefit hugely by coming to Norway. What I did was not good for my career.
Initially it was very hard for me yo be a house wife from a financially independent women.
but guess what a year later I have now found a job that I dreamed of all my life:)
All because I decided that being away from my husband was not what I want.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I have loved reading these stories.

And Krista, I think you are setting the best example possible for the young people AND the teachers that are in your charge. And that is perhaps the most important (and unnoticed) aspect of your job as an administrator. To lead by example.

Raisin

Veteran

I left my childhood home, all my friends and family, at 19 to move across Canada to train to become a police officer. After which I moved to the great white north for my first posting, talk about culture shock! It was a big change but I often think now about how great things have gone for me. At 29 I am considered "senior" in my job. I have 9 years of service, and will probably retire between 45-55 years old. I make a great salary, and have 2 great kids and a hubby. All of this came to me very early which was a scary move to make, but life has been great because of it. I think no matter what happens, following your dreams and passions is always the right choice. Life is not meant to be lived as a bystander, we have to get out there and really dig in.

PS - Love hearing all these stories! You ladies are all an inspiration!

Krista

Veteran

Chewyspaghetti- you are just like Suz - leaping from change to change with a great deal of faith. So cool!

Janet - you have shown that the leap can be very fulfilling and joyful. Thank you for sharing!

Ramya - you also took a big leap of faith and I'm so glad that you have found your dream job. Awesome-ness!

Raisin - 19 is very young to leave home and follow your dreams but you're right - you have to get out there and "dig in"

Suz - thank you

I am loving all of these stories. So inspirational!

Kristin L

Veteran

All of you are so inspirational.

One of my hardest decisions was moving to a brand new city when I started my MSc. Then moving back to a town I knew for my PhD. I thought moving back would be easier, but it was difficult because all of my friends had either moved away or worked completely different hours than I did.

The hardest decision I have made has been to stay in school and change my career path. For years, I've been focused on going into research reseach research (with a small side of teaching). Now, after months of debating (plus health problems mostly from stress), I've realized the cut-throat world of research isn't for me. I want a quieter teaching job. I know it will still be long hours and there will be hectic and stressful times, but after the anxiety problems and the weekly migraines, I want something else. Will I make less money? Yes. Will I have other problems that come up *cough adjunct looking for assistant cough*? Yes, but I feel like this is the direction I should be headed.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I gotta say, reading through this thread makes me realize all over again what a remarkable group of people you all are. Very inspiring!

rachylou

Veteran

Rae, it makes me laugh to hear you call Berkeley gritty. Actually, it is, but it's also a small town and everyone knows everyone and the homeless can men would protect you from the aggressive homeless aged-out foster kids. But it's a bad place to come in the sense that it's completely in its own universe and you get so out of it in Berkeley. Also, I turned down a Regent's to UC Santa Barbara. The interviewer told me not to go there because I was too serious and it was a party school. I thought I should take his advice.

I don't know about leaving something dear to follow a dream. I know something about leaving a bird-in-the-hand to follow a talent. I've gone where there's work, into the cultural wasteland, and live on edge as a contractor. However, I should say that I'm not the sort of a person for whom "security" is really that secure. Safety is boring to me and makes me a little crazy. For me, following dreams is a lot easier than staying put and, oh say, doing a picket fence in a cul-de-sac.

abc

Veteran

Interesting comment about the white picket fence, rachylou. I think you're onto something there, I can relate now that you put it into words. Kind of an eye opener statement for me. Thanks.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Well I have made unconventional decisions - I went into retirement directly after being admitted to the bar, left an interesting job in downtown Manhattan to move to Israel without a job or a plan, married a man from a very orthodox religious background and huge tightly knit extended family coming from a completely secular background and small family. Stuff like that. Rachylou, I relate to what you said.