This is such an interesting conversation! I am fortunate to move in circles where it's the norm to take care in dressing, for the most part, so this doesn't come up for me all that much. But I have worked on understanding that just as "no" is a complete sentence, so is "thank you" a complete sentence in response to a compliment.

Although sometimes I will elaborate, a la La Pedestrienne, and add "Thank you! Isn't it fun?" or "Thank you! I picked it up on vacation last year!" or "Thank you! It jumped out of the shop window and followed me home!"

Since joining YLF I have received a lot of compliments on my outfits, particularly in the past few years. I am learning to respond with a simple thank you but I still find it embarrassing—but not enough to change. You see, I think quite a few people at church have a What is Donna wearing THIS week? thing going on. Like maybe a half dozen.

When I was going to school you could be either smart or pretty, and to be pretty you had to be blonde with long legs so that was out from the get go. But when you have youth on your side you can look fairly attractive without trying.

Now that I am in my mid-60s, I feel that my appearance is also a political statement. But I also need to wear a vest, scarf and boots because I run very cold despite my two layers of Heattech and need a belt to hold up the pants. And since snapping this pic a few minutes ago I added my (studded) fingerless gloves since my fingers were turning purple.

This is a great thread and a very compelling read. Such an important question! Thank you for putting it out there.

I have learned to say thank you and refrain (the operative word here) from degrading myself, or excusing myself, or veer towards how or where I got it or how it was on sale etc. because all these statements, I came to realize, make ME feel better maybe, but do nothing for the person who complimented me. If I bring myself down, it's almost even not nice to the person because it's as saying that what (s)he complimented about was not worth it.

I like MsMary's approach because each little addition she offered are not negative, they are full of humor and also present the interlocutor with a possible fresh conversation topic (such as - Oh, where on vacation did you go?).

I am trying out this idea: I try to turn it towards the complimenter and focus on them, and then say something nice about the fact that they noticed ("Oh, how clever of you to have noticed that..." or "How kind to take the time to complment me like this").

I am so impressed by the incredibly interesting posts from all of you.. There are many perspectives obviously and I personally relate to very much of what has been said here. And what is even more valuable are the new and different viewpoints, those that influence and perhaps change the way I see things. I have just written quite a long post trying to summarize my reflections and I was not happy about it and deleted it. It felt like fragments.
What I have learned for sure from many of you here is that it is largely a matter of what we are used to, what we have always done - a question of a habit. It is possible to change a habit and to prepare and practice suitable responses. I am going to work on that.

I agree with Krishnidoux- it’s probably nicest to say a genuine thank you to the compliment-er, as deflecting the compliment is almost like disputing their opinion. And I think most times the person is trying to be friendly, have a chat and it’s an easy way for them to start a conversation.
Also I avoid judging others upon their attire, I don’t think that’s fair. Many lovely people have no interest in fashion at all.
Great thread

Jessie, I agree with all your points!

Great thread. I’ve gotten much better at saying a simple “Thank you” when someone comments on something I am wearing. When I have deflected comments, it’s because I am either uncomfortable with the attention or fearing judgement on how I spend my money/time...basically, my value system. My comfort (or discomfort) level with attention depends on the circle of friends or acquaintances I am with.

Aquamarine makes a good point. I'm better about accepting compliments that are specifically about an item I'm wearing, OR compliments that come from strangers or people I don't know very well. It seems the closer the person, the more likely I am to deflect. Working on that!

I can relate to Aquamarine and Janet. It is connected to judgment of one’s value system. It is sad though, that loving great clothes (which is not the same as expensive) and putting time and effort into cultivating one’s style is judged differently than other interests and “hobbies”. When people spend money on their gardens, cooking and kitchen equipment, sports and gear etc. - it seems to be accepted in a completely different way (at least here where I live).

Also wanted to add that there is a difference between a genuine compliment - a kind and happy remark, and false compliments and other comments. Maybe, unfortunately, when we often get comments about the size of our wardrobes, number of scarves or shoes, being dressed up or similar, the true lovely compliments might also cause discomfort and fear to be judged. And generate explanations and excuses.

I have always loved fashion. Even as a very young child I preferred to be dressed up rather than casual and my Mother loved that I enjoyed fashion and nurtured that, allowing me to chose my own clothing and also taking me along with her when shopping for her clothing.
I have never felt that I needed to apologise for being well dressed as that has always been "my thing". In my job, as a professional, I have often been complimented for looking current yet professional in my style of dress. I have never felt that dressing well was frivolous and I am not self deprecating when complimented on my appearance. I always say thank you and often it is the start of a conversation with someone who also has an interest in fashion.

Such wise words in your last comment Katerina - they really struck a chord with me.