Etiquette Q: Jewelry from the Ex - YouLookFab Forum

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Etiquette Q: Jewelry from the Ex

Mae

Ok, ladies, a question for you...

Your thoughts on wearing jewelry given to you from an ex? I don't mean the obviously romantic and meaningful pieces like an engagement/wedding ring or anniversary bracelet. Those would be a clear "no" in my book. But what about other pieces that you still have and still like?

General

22 replies

Latest reply was from Theresa

Elly

Veteran

Hmmm . . . I guess it would depend? Are you and the ex on good terms? Friends? or was it a bad breakup? Are you in a relationship with someone else?

If you are friends with the ex I would keep wearing it. If you are on good terms and it brings up pleasant memories, keep wearing it. If you are in a new relationship with someone else, I wouldn't tell them where it came from unless they know that you aren't interested in any way in getting back together with an ex. For some guys this will still be weird and old jewelry with a romantic connotation isn't worth it in most cases.

If it brings up bad memories, get rid of it. Even beautiful jewelry isn't worth remembering where it came from if it was bad. I have a pair of silver hoops that I am getting rid of because I think about where I got them from and feel stupid about the circumstances of the relationship. However, I have a beautiful barrette from another relationship that I keep because we are still casual friends.

Of course, I am not an etiquette expert, this is just my experience.

Kate

Veteran

ooo, I'm curious to see the responses. I've been lucky enough that the only jewelry I had from an ex was a super cheap/cheesy heart pendant, so saying goodbye to that one was easy

Maya

Veteran

I get to decide what the piece means to me, so if I liked it, I'd keep it.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

If you love the piece and can handle it's "baggage" (and the new person in your life can too), I vote wear it.

JuliaInGermany

My ex gave me a pearl necklace (genuine pearls) that I still wear for special occasions. In fact I wore it for my wedding because it looked so nice with my dress. My mother thought it was somehow "wrong" but my husband didn't mind. Now whenever I wear the necklace I think of my wedding rather than the ex who gave it to me.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

They are gifts like any other. If it doesn't bother you knowing it's from "him", I say wear it! Sadly I never got any jewelry from my ex's.

Or current, come to think of it! HEY! *marches off....*

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Hmmmmm, if it were me, I don't think I could wear it. Too many associations and why wear something that could have the potential to feel sad or angry?

In fact, when I found myself in this predicament, I gave the jewellry away to a friend who could appreciate it and wear it without the association of excess baggage......

One friend who went through a particularly nasty breakup, hocked jewellry given to her by an ex, at a cash converters (pawn shop?) and then used that cash to buy herself something new which didn't have the same association attached to the object.

Yet another friend of a friend returned the jewellry to the ex. In pieces. Goodness, my friends and I sure seem that we were an angry bunch, weren't we?
I guess a woman scorned......

April

Veteran

If you kept it and like it and it isn't attached to difficult emotions, go ahead and wear it. Things only have the meaning that we ascribe to them.

bj1111

Veteran

pm's story is so great...changing the memory association with the piece by wearing it to a much more memorable and significant event!

mae, is it a question of propriety for you or social propriety? in either case, ditto maya and angie, i'd wear it if i liked it.

if it's a question re your current so, the person you're with now should be confident enough in your relationship not to feel threatened by an inanimate object, when you've already chosen to be with this person! that said, you could wear it when there is a lesser chance of the other person seeing said piece.

FiestyWife

I think if the piece brings up a really strong memory that you don't want to remember then sell it and buy something new. If there are only passing memories then wear the piece(s) to some event and make some fabulous new memories (like pm's wedding). Don't let some sense of social right & wrong drive your decision. You don't have to tell anyone were you got the pieces anyway! If someone asks just say you picked it up years ago, can't remember where and just rediscovered it in your jewelry box.

Anonymous

Personally, I ditched all jewelry associated with former boyfriends ... mainly because I told each and every one of them that I didn't like jewelry and didn't want jewelry as gifts. Repeatedly. I made sure to tell them I truly, truly meant it and that I wouldn't wear jewelry if I got it. (they asked for gift ideas, by the way)

And what did they do? They all bought me jewelry, then sulked when I didn't wear it.

My husband was the FIRST man to hear my request and listen.

Doesn't help answer your question, but there it is.

Mae

I knew you'd have opinions.

The piece in question is a necklace. I wore it yesterday and always feel a little weird about it when I do... I kept it in the jewelry box for several years, but now it's making its way out again when it works with an outfit. I think its time in the box allowed the negative feelings associated with it to wither, now it feels like a nice gift that I received at a different point in my life.

I appreciate the acknowledgement that it may be a threat to current SO. I have those exact feelings when I wear it. It takes some assuring that my wearing the piece is not a statement. Anyway, I think we've worked it out.

I was just curious what you all thought and if anyone else wears jewelry from the ex.
Thanks!

And, Anne, so glad your husband is a listener!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Ive tried and just cant do it...I ended up not wanting to even see it in my armoire so I gave several pieces of 14K away....I think its perfectly fine to wear it if it doesnt bother you or a SO, but mine just brought up so many bad memories it wasnt worth it...same with giving away anything else that does that..it all boils down to how it makes you feel

Beth

Veteran

I have with some pieces and not with others. It seems the pieces that I wear more often have lost their association with the ex.

hanna

(website)

this may be just me, but i usually rid myself of anything and everything given to me by an ex. for the last one, that included a bracelet and necklace that i used to wear constantly. it's not so much about bad memories as it is wanting to make a fresh start.

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Maybe you could create some kind of purification ritual for the necklace from your ex. Like run it under shockingly hot water and then into an ice bath, then let it sit outside in the sun

taylor

Veteran

I wear my ex husbands wedding ring AND my current husbands old wedding ring ...together on my right thumb...you can see them in my photo's. I have been wearing them together this way almost 19 yrs. Call me crazy:)

Cookie

Laura you are hilarious! An Exorcism for jewelry! I think you should write about this for one of your editors!

Mae

Yes- the purification ritual! I love it.

I guess I never thought about the emotions that jewelry can evoke- from positive to extremely negative. It can become a statement of commitment to another person (whether SO or a dear friend or family member), it can become a thread of connection to another person, it can represent something significant in a way that any other item of clothing or accessory doesn't seem able to.

Hmm. Maybe jewelry is like a song... it can mean something during a particular time period and be converted (exorcized) to mean something completely different after some time (or after a purification ritual ala Laura)... Some people appear to be better at this alchemy than others. Not even a wedding ring is off the table. Interesting.

shana

Veteran

My exes never gave me any jewelry but I do have various other items such as clothing, a leather briefcase (yeah, that guy was a real romantic!), a painting (he was an artist) etc floating around that I use. I have to admit that when I see the item, it does make me recall the ex but it's been so many years now, the memories are never bad ones, just evocative of a bygone era!! I would wear & enjoy the jewelry!

MsMary

Veteran

My ex husband wasn't big on giving jewelry, but my current husband has given me a ton of jewelry over the years. I wear a ring given by my ex from time to time without a second thought, and if the current and I split, I'd wear the stuff he gave me, too.

I guess my philosophy is that when it's given to me, it becomes mine. And if I like it, I wear it and enjoy it regardless of where it came from.

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

Interesting topic!

After 12 years (almost 8 married) with my ex, I accumulated a collection of lovely jewellery from him - my birthday coincided with the local jewellery stores massive annual sale & he sucked at thinking of ideas himself so "gold" was the standard pressie!

Even though we get on fine, and are still very good friends, I can't bring myself to wear any of it. It helps that its all fine jewellery and my tastes are more chunky/artistic...

So, what I am planning on doing with all mine is give it to my girls - it was all from their dad, so they may as well have it.

I'm actually even thinking of having my wedding and engagement rings made into two rings (splitting the diamonds evenly) - one for each of them - for a special event - perhaps graduation or 18th birthday or similar...