Etiquette: all the apologies - YouLookFab Forum

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Etiquette: all the apologies

ironkurtin

Veteran

I've noticed a number of threads over the past year where people say how sorry they are for being absent or not responding to comments left on their threads. Possibly I was raised wrong, but I really don't hold anyone accountable if I don't get a zing back when I comment, or someone is gone a bit, or just leaves. (I do get the point when Angie posts about not being on, because it is her forum, and because she often does it in advance.) Personally, I almost never respond to individual comments on my posts unless there's a question or a misunderstanding. Is this rude? Or is this attitude perhaps generational, like sending email thanks sometimes instead of written notes? Because really, ladies, IMO all is well. Come and go as you please.

General

49 replies

Latest reply was from unfrumped

Janet

(website)

Veteran

This is the politest forum I've ever encountered.

I don't apologize for my absences, and I wish I could find time to respond to every comment, but that's just not feasible.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

IK, I'm like you. I sometimes feel like I might be prolonging or endlessly bumping a thread if I keep responding. But that might be my hang up in the opposite direction. In my opinion, it's best to just do what works for you personally as long as you're not stepping on others' toes. We all have different expectations and involvement levels. Heck, there is a poster who has been here years who only drops in to post WIW and that's all. Works for her. It's all good.

Deborah

Veteran

Dana, I perceive a thread/post as a "conversation" so it's important to me to respond to comments. I also view you all as friends so I do appreciate when a forum member lets us know if they are going to absent, otherwise I find myself concerned and wondering if all is ok.

I communicate this way with my real life friends and like to extend the same courtesies to my Fab friends whose friendship I value as much as my RL girlfriends.

So while I agree the apologies etc are not necessary, I think it's a sign of respect and care for one another.

Lisa

Veteran

I don't mind the apologies, it's rather refreshing compared to the lack of etiquette I see during non forum life. You open a door for someone they don't say thank you, that sort of thing.

Astrid

Veteran

I don't see the need to apologise either when I'm going to be absent. But I always try to post an answer in my thread, even if it is only an all-encompassing thanks to everyone who commented.

Jules

Veteran

Maybe it's the Canadian in me... But the apologies just seem like a conversational convention. People want to give an explanation so they couch it in an apology.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Given that I am on the forum nearly everyday I would feel I was being rude to not let people know I was going to be away, it's not necessary but it is polite.

So for me I agree with Deborah, but whatever works for people is fine. Some people don't post very often so it wouldn't make sense for them to apologise for not being here.

Angela K

Veteran

I'm new to the forum and find this a timely post. I just posted my first WIW and then promptly went on vacation. Travel with spotty cell service and no wifi at our accommodations (don't even ask what a joke!) left me wondering if I was being rude by not checking in more often. I enjoy the back and forth conversing in the various threads because it engenders a feeling of community. However, it is a relief to know it's not expected and no one is offended if I can't reply. Thanks so much for this!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Dana, people have different ways of responding. Some are extra attentive at getting back to answer questions and others are not. Some are very proactive about responding and saying thank you, while others are less inclined to further comment on their own thread that way. Some feel bad about not getting back to comment on their own threads, while others don't. It really depends on the person, the time they want to invest, and what their "forum style" is. No one should worry about bumping their own thread or another thread. If you want to say thank you - say thank you. If you'd prefer not to rebump your thread - don't. As long as we are respectful to each other, all forum "communicating styles" are welcome.

To your point, I need to say when I am off the forum for a while for obvious reasons.

catgirl

Veteran

I feel apologize when I start posts and then disappear, and my disappearances are unpredictable most of the time. It is fine with me however people use the forum. But I do worry about regulars who suddenly are not around for a long time (Aida!) and hope they are well.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I agree it is a personality thing and everyone should do what seems right to them and as long as everyone is polite we will be able to handle everyone's way of doing things.

Gigi

Veteran

I'm fine either way. :^)

cuffcat

I'm amazed at how people are so polite in this forum. It's absolutely refreshing. It's what made me want to be a part of this forum. In my opinion, I think it's understood that you might not be able to respond to every post. But, it's okay. You respond when you can.

E

Veteran

I'm so glad you started this, because I've been having such a dilemma on my posts: I want to reply & continue conversations (as much as my arthritis lets me; some days are better than others) but I also don't want to be seen as bumping my thread/being a forum hog. Angie's reply as reassured me tremendously!

Jewell

Veteran

I just wanted to chime in and say that YLF is by far the most respectful online forum I've ever encountered. It's what prompted me to join and keeps me coming back. I, too, am fine with every forum member handling apologies and replies however they see fit. Personally, I try to make a point of saying thank you for the feedback and comments I get (or at the very least awarding appreciation to the poster) and also to answer people's questions. If several days have passed, I might neglect to do this for fear of resurrecting an otherwise dead thread. I do understand that real life gets hectic and sometimes forum members go MIA, myself included. In the past I assumed no one cared if I disappeared for a while, but I can see how announcing a pending leave of absence would keep others from worrying about me.

Neel

Veteran

While we are at it .... I just wanted to let you all know I am off on a holiday for about 20 days. So, I would be absent from the forum for some time

Not that anyone's going to miss me, but just that I find it polite to inform people about it who take time to respond to my posts. Its like paying a compliment. You could very well not give it but when you do .... You make someone's day :).

ManidipaM

Veteran

I agree with you IK but also appreciate Neel's point.

And I prrtty much do as Angie says... I have been scarce on here lately and no notice, no apology. But then older forum mates can likely guess why I am busy offline. Newer members wouldn't miss me.

Admittedly, I am gushy on this forum with thanks and sometimes compliments. I am not like this in person (reserved or socially awkward) or on say facebook or even gmail (graciousness deserts me in the face of PR sending 50 mails a day and *immediately* calling to say they have mailed me and could I see...).

This is because I feel more accepted and understood here than on many online forums and (a) want others to feel just as appreciate (b) want to be unmistakably clear in my gratitude (c) love indulging in this unusual sea of positivity as a rest-stop from my cynical daily life.

Also, styles differ in interaction and also fashion. To the point, I used to be a tad intimidated by your one-liners early on (while I was lurking). Couldn't decide whether you were being curt. But observing a pattern gradually came to the conclusion that your wit lay in brevity! And now I love looking out for your quick quips. And can see you don't respond on as many threads so are clearly occupied elsewhere, but therefore appreciate all the more when you do pop up. *And this understanding made it easier for me to delurk around awesomely stylish people when I felt like an utterly ugly-feathered duckling.*

So. Sometimes I think of old ugly-me and overcompensate on the warmth perhaps.

And yeah, Una's right. I wonder how Kirti is getting along, and I still wonder about Meredith years after she stopped posting her daily WIWs as I had come to regard her as a friend. It's like a neighbour who says hello each day moved away overnight... No explanation needed. But not surprising if you wondered whether all was well.

Krista

Veteran

I always assume people are doing the best they can when it comes to their level of participation on this forum. I, personally, have been scarce this Fall and it was never intended, life just keeps happening and I'm not here that much to offer opinions (but I seem to scan the forum at least once a day.) That being said, I do not offer up notice or apologies to the forum for my absences for a few reasons: 1. I have become super paranoid about what I put out there on the internet and 2. I'm self-conscious about people knowing my business. I keep my parents and my husband informed about what's going on with me and that's about it. But that's me and if others participate differently - wonderful!
Threads like this remind me it's okay to have my level of participation on this forum because, in all honesty, I can't offer anything more. Thanks, IK!

Deborah

Veteran

Neel, I will miss you:). Have a great time away xx

jen

Mmmm... I comment about once every two months, I think people have no idea who I am

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

For the record, my own recent apology thread was not about my being absent per se, but more about my not having time to comment on other people's posts with the same regularity as they post on mine. I want to give to the forum as well as receive.

Personally I also like to at least give a blanket thank you and acknowlegment to those who comment on my threads since they have taken the time and consideration to do so. I don't consider a thank you bumping a thread.

Like Deborah I consider threads to be conversations and want to do my best to treat them accordingly.

Neel

Veteran

Thank you Deborah :). I will miss you all too! I hope I don't have any fashion emergencies during my time away! I won't have YLF to fall back on

jayne

Veteran

It is like meeting new people, we all have different styles and after you know someone a few, hmm, maybe years, you know their style and are likely to say 'oh don't worry, she is always like that' to a new friend in the group. On the forum it is recorded, our behaviour, so it is easier for newcomer to see that some do the quick one liner and a rare longer response, and some always come with long thought through and well phrased paragraphs. Each style is fun to get used to, it makes it feel like we know each other.

I think most people, in the course of their time here, have tried to explain why they choose their way of responding. And although I don't judge, it is nice to get that explanation once in while, to know the person better. Apologies for absences are just another form of that. Thanks to those who do it, especially those very active members, and I am cool with those who don't. I just enjoy myself popping in when I can and appreciate that I am accepted for that.

Debra

Veteran

YLF is a lovely forum, it seems to me that people become friends and care about each other. It is just nice to know if someone will be absent so as not to worry.
Is that the Mum coming out in us
Have a great holiday Neel, make sure all those party clothes get a workout

Anonymous

I agree with everything Deborah said. I think it's important to thank people and I view threads as a conversation. I think it's only polite and how I was brought up.

rachylou

Veteran

I don't feel it's rude to start a thread and not get back to it, or not respond. So I don't feel apologies are required. I don't think one is required to announce they're going away. This is in part because of the nature of the medium, and in part because I'm so old I remember the days when people were far away from you and you couldn't see them in person daily - well, you took it for granted they'd fallen off the ends of the earth.

But I can hardly fault anyone for giving a heads up or discussing the subjects they brought up themselves. Haha! And of course we miss people when they go away... Everyone is important here, one of the reasons I like YLF so much. Everyone is important here because everyone is important!

marianna

Veteran

I used to be a very regular forum member and I disappeared years ago. I never felt like I needed to provide an apology. My lifestyle just changed and I got busier. I do read daily (more than once daily) I just don't really ever comment.

Mo, I don't know if you're referring to me as the poster who has been here for years and only pops in to posts WIWs occasionally... but that strung a cord with me because that has been my pattern lately. If that is bad forum etiquette then I apologize for that (I do feel the need to apologize for bad etiquette as I definitely don't want to rub anyone the wrong way). But... the forum for me is a leisurely activity and sometimes I feel like popping in to post a WIW. And other times I don't. So... it is what it is.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Heh, Marianna, no it wasn't you. And as I said, it's all good. It works for that person. I like a little more give and take, myself, but that's me. She's free to utilize the forum any way she needs or sees fit.
I like to use the buttons so folks know I saw and appreciated their response without writing up a written response each time.

marianna

Veteran

Thanks, Mo. I guess I never really thought about the "give and take" on the forum. I do use the buttons to show appreciation, though.

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