Tanya, you have been in my thoughts and prayers, and I will keep remembering you so. Hang in there. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but do know that you are not alone. xxx

I wish I had more to offer but sending you positive thoughts. I can't imagine how challenging this is for you.

More prayers and love coming your way Tanya. May god grant you the strength to get through this very difficult phase of life. I am always thinking of you and this morning was looking for your outfit posts (I was sparse on the forum this last week). When I don't find you posting I get a bit worried. You are doing the right thing by posting and keeping your mind occupied. I cannot imagine the will power and strength that all this requires. Please keep going and don't give up.

Thanks for updating and please keep them coming.

Tanya, I am sending love and hugs and I know you have the strength to get through this. I do wonder sometimes if fear of the pain is as bad as the pain itself, you know? Ugh, it's so, so awful. Just know that we are all here for you and as bad as it gets, you will soldier through it and come out the other end on top. Please continue with the updates. Have there been any changes since you first posted this?

Dear Tanya, thank you so much for updating us. I am thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts from half way around the world. It might be actually be a good thing if your break from work comes sooner. Perhaps you will be better rested and in a better position to face your treatments. Smiles and hugs!!!

I'm glad your oncologist is a sweetheart, Tanya. That's a great relief.

How are you feeling today? Which TV shows are you watching?

I have not had to face such a serious challenge, Tanya, and I'm so sorry it has come to you, and has come to you so young. I pray for your strength and comfor and health at the end of the treatments, and for the people who are forming a ring of care around you.

Oh sweet Tanya - I'm sending you the BIGGEST HUG EVER!!! I guess there's no easy way to get through these treatments. You are strong and courageous and you WILL get through this. I second Sona and Angie's suggestion to maybe look at some alternative treatments which can provide pain relief and comfort. My husband used acupuncture during chemo and found not only some relief with it but also a feeling of some control - it was his CHOICE to use it, you know? That can often be one of the most frustrating side effects of any type of cancer treatment - the loss of control and choice.

And know you don't need to be strong all the time - it's ok to be angry or cry or have a bit of a tantrum. You have every right to be ticked off that this is happening and afraid of how you're feeling.

We're here for you whether you need to vent, cry or anything in between

Tanya, I'm just finding out about all of this now and I am amazed at the strength you've already had to go through 1/3 of the treatments on your own! My goodness, that is incredible fortitude. I hope the next 20 go as smoothly as possible for you, and that your body adjusts quickly to the full dosage. Sending huge piles of good vibes your way!!

Thank you very much for your kindness everyone.

I will not be posting any more WIWs for quite a while. Things are taking a turn for worse regarding my skin and I have to wear certain necklines, such as scoop necks that allow me to put on bunch of cream on immediately after treatment etc. I truly have to dress for comfort now.

Classically Casual, I am not quite sure it is possible for me to come into such financial arrangements. I have a pretty good insurance but nevertheless my out pocket costs have been more than brutal. They are a great source of additional stress, and I am now financially into negative. There is really no fun goal of such nature for me, I am just trying to make sure every bill gets payed on time, and I can afford to buy all the million of things I need now.

Elly, I actually had a detailed dental check-up before radiation and had a lot fo work done, as everything had to be in perfect order before the beginning of radiation, as you are much more susceptible to caries and you can never have a tooth taken out afterward. Some poor people loose all of there teeth a year or two after radiation, really hope that will not happen to me

Angie, no new TV shows for me now. Today has been frustrating. I was hoping to go to work even though it is a holiday to try to make up for lost work on Friday as there is an very important deadline looming. But, after I took my pills in the morning, I was hit with some bad nausea that did not go away for a long time. It put me straight into bed and forced to me cancel my physical therapy appointment too. It went away in the afternoon but it was too late to do anything.

I have been crying a lot earlier, but not so much lately. It probably has to do with keeping almost too busy and getting exhausted and very stressed. But I am sure the crying spells with hit again once I start staying home and holidays start coming.

Tanya, my prayers are with you everyday. Hugs and thinking of you. Hope you feel better soon.

Tanya, I'm so sorry that things seem overwhelming right now. My mothering instincts make me wish I could zap right over there and take care of you!

Please keep your boss updated on your physical situation so they can try to accommodate you and hopefully relieve some of your work stress.

Are there any comfort/happy items you can plan for now to make the holiday recovery time more brighter?

I know you don't want to be a burden, but please lean on your friends on a day like this. Sometimes just hearing a kind voice on the phone can do wonders.

Hang in there and know that we are all here for you. You are in my prayers.

Hi Tanya - you have been in my thoughts and prayers these last couple of weeks. Thank you for the update! I wish there was something that I could do to just make this all go away for you! Being alone in a situation like this only makes it more scary and difficult in every way. I know that your family is far away - but, I'm wondering if a family member could possibly come stay with you? I know that for myself, when I was seriously ill several years ago, that the main thing that helped me get through it was that my sisters took turns coming and staying with me. Just their presence made things seem a little easier - and also distracted me from the pain and the anxiety and stress. Or - if not a family member, a close friend?
I will continue to pray for you and send you my love - and please keep us updated when you feel up to it!

Tanya, sorry you are having to go through this. After seeing my mother in law go through chemo, I feel we need to go back to a world where doctors make house visits. It is just too hard to get to those appointments after a certain time. It takes a lot out of you and it can be hard to think of adding another appointment. That said, there are some alternative therapy practitioners that will come to your house. I know yoga therapists who work with ill and recovering patients and massage therapists and acupuncture therapists that all do house calls. Maybe you could get a friend to call around for you. I hope this helps. I will say a prayer for you.

Thanks ladies!

Marley, unfortunately, neither my parents nor my brother can come stay with me, mostly due to complicated issues, visa and health related. As for close friends, one did come all the way from Boston and stay with me for 5 days after the surgery, when I needed constant supervision. But she can not do it again, and most of my local friends can not do it because of work either. So, unfortunately, my friends will be able to visit for a few hours here and there, but that is it. Almost all cancer patients have a caregiver, someone staying with them all the time and helping, usually a SO or family member, but I don't, so I have to go through this alone-ish.

Jeanie, if I need an acupuncture therapist, I will try to find one that makes house calls. But, I have to call/etc. myself.

Tanya- sending all good thoughts your way. I am especially sorry for all of the obstacles to having some support available to you regularly. Done the cancer journey with multiple immediate family members and close friends, so it is especially poignant to hear of your dilemmas.

Have you checked in with the hospital social services dept.? Sometimes there are funds available to support patients (not always advertised, so worth asking), as well as volunteers to drive or provide other forms of support. This challenge makes me realize that everywhere there are those facing serious illness and treatment, as well as those who could use their experiences to provide assistance. How can those connections be made? Sometimes religious institutions have members who are available and known to the clergy, perhaps cancer support group leaders are aware of resources their members have used, and sometimes specific cancer organizations could help. I recognize that all of this takes energy at a time when it can be in short supply. I would ask nurses, health care providers if they have any tips that other patients have found helpful. Also, when it comes to ways friends and family members can be supportive, especially with the holidays coming up, perhaps knowing gifts would go to a bit of home care would be meaningful.

Best to you.

Tanya, thanks for the update. I hope you are able to let to go of the work pressure and let your body rest. It is unbelievably exhausting what you are going through now. I get that you need mental stimulation, but I hope you can get it in different ways. Please be gentle with yourself.

Big hugs Tanya.
I think you are being extremely brave in facing this all by yourself.
I know it must seem daunting to think of all the things yet to come but remember that you are already half the way.

I've been thinking about you today.

You're half way there Tanya

Hi Tanya, thinking about you too. How's it going today? Neighbors doing anything interesting and scandalous?

I don't know how I missed all that you are going through, but I am sorry it is happening. Just wanted to send you some virtual hugs.