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Empty Nest

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

I just waved goodbye as my son loaded his belongings into a friend's pickup truck and took off for his new apartment. He's only going to be an hour away and we'll see him this weekend as we drop off another load of boxes, but it's going to be a lot quieter around here.

I'm consoling myself by starting my new project of turning his old room into my new studio. The paint chips are all ready to be taped to the wall.

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20 replies

Latest reply was from Laurie

LJP

Veteran

Well at least let him get to the end of the driveway before you tape up paint chips ;).

Another big stage in life - one I’m both looking forward to yet not . I feel you .

Star

Veteran

This must be a loss and a new beginning all at once. Good that he will still be close by.

Bijou

Veteran

Oh Jenn, what a big change, I'm glad you are getting a studio!

I have two thoughts on this:

I will not enjoy having my DS leave home BUT
I will encourage him to leave home once he gets to his mid 20's for his personal development and independence.

This is a sign that you have done a brilliant job on raising a healthy and independent adult. I'm glad that you had a lovely family holiday together and hope that they continue for many years to come.

Kyle

Veteran

This was a hard moment for me with my son, akin to dropping him off at kindergarten and watching him drive away down our street for the first time. And yet, this is our goal in raising them — so they can go off into the world and be who they are meant to be. I guess that’s the silver lining (plus the extra room, of course). Watching them evolve and grow is so exciting and inspiring. It’s even better when they don’t move far away!

Helena

Veteran

No advice except the loss (grief?) is real ... huge hugs xoxo

rachylou

Veteran

It was at this point I got my first dog, ie Lilypup…

kkards

Veteran

Ah…that’s both awesome and sad for you ! New chapter and challenges for both of us.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Jenn, it's a big change, isn't it! I can imagine a myriad of emotions! So want to keep your baby chickens close - yet so want them to spread their wings and fly away independently with confidence.

Good job pouring energy into a new project. Goodluck

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, this is tough, I know! Didn’t go through it so much with my stepsons because they never lived with us full-time other than 3 months out of the year, but I’ve seen friends go through the same.

One of my BFFs just dropped off the first of his triplet daughters to her college. The next ones will follow in the next two weeks (all over the country! GA, CO, and OR!). He was a mess after the first one, so I’m hoping it gets easier from there! I hope your room project helps you through the transition.

Echo

Veteran

I agree that it was similar to taking them to kindergarten the first day; one somehow feels that they will be somehow changed after this (and they will, but not in the ways we imagine). I have taken my three children to college, and while it really WAS hard, it turned out to be a great thing. Dh and I connected much more and rekindled our (kind of boring) relationship. The kids are happier, Dh and I are happier, and we all get together regularly. The dynamics change, as they should, but as others have said, this is ultimately the goal of raising children to begin with. Good luck with your studio, and I hope you and your son are able to visit often!

Irina

Veteran

Hugs! I remember when it happened in our family. First step was not too big - about 20 minutes away. But the second led to a different city 5 hours away. I was sad, scared for him and proud of him!

catherine

Veteran

I never really got over the empty nest, even though I was thrilled that my kids were able to leave home. I missed them so much.
I think it’s very difficult to be both sad and happy at the same time, which it sounds like you are.
Congratulations on the launch of your son. It took a lot of love and work to get him to this point.

anchie

Veteran

I know the feeling. It is not empty nest for us yet since I have also 15 year old daughter still at home, but my son is getting keys of his new apartment next week. I am not sure how to feel. I am proud of him that he is getting independent and I think it is good for him to live on his own, but on the other hand, things will not be the same without him around. And I haven’t decided yet what will I do with his room, maybe we can share ideas? I could use a good project.

Sal

Veteran

Oh that’s a big day Jenn. Exciting but poignant - so many mixed emotions.

My youngest son is in a form in a city five hours drive from me - my older in a flat two hours flight away - I am visiting him now.

I have adjusted but still get teary every so often. I have made some tweaks to my life but haven’t made a major change.

Big hugs and all the best with the project!

DonnaF

Veteran

It’s so different and quieter, right? DD went to college halfway across the country and stayed there after she graduated. But since she is the only child of older parents, I felt and still feel that she really needed to learn how to adult. I think she’s done really well, and we are emotionally closer than we’ve ever been. We talk or FaceTime several times a week, and I really don’t think we’d be as close if she’d remained local. She thinks so but I think we’d be locked into parent/teenage dynamics which I don’t think would be good for either of us.

Anonymous

Ha Lisa- I thought the same
An hour isn't very far at all. Close enough to easily visit, but far enough that he can feel some independence.

RobinF

Veteran

Such a strange time - both happy and sad. For us it was a little easier because our boys both moved out at the same time as we moved to a different house, so we never lived in the house where we raised them without the kids (our daughter had moved away several years before). Of our 3 only one is still local so I miss them but it is so special when we are all together. I still get a bit teary when they all pull out of the driveway or get dropped at the airport - maybe always will!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Big hugs, Jenn. It must be a huge shift. But I'm glad he is close enough to be in touch a lot.

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

Thank you all, for all the comfort and like experiences. It’s so appreciated. This is an especially hard transition with my husband being sick and it hasn’t quite sunk in yet, since my in-laws were visiting to help out with the move.

Kiddo left a TOTALLY empty room since his new apartment was unfurnished. Getting it back into a livable state will make for a more comfortable place for him to come back for weekend visits. I put in a velvet chair that converts to a twin bed and picked out some cool wallpaper for the bathroom, but there is still a lot of painting and furniture to come.

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Laurie

Veteran

That empty room is tough....my younger son really cleaned out his room (but not as completely) when he graduated in 2020 and deployed on his first assignment. He sold a bunch of his stuff on eBay, donated, and just lightened his load. Of course, there are boxes in the garage attic that have come back in the last 3 years. We're still a holding zone!

It's just very hard. And it will be ok. Hugs.