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Embracing my gray

MaryAnne

At age 56, and after coloring my hair for 30 years, I have decided to begin the transition to gray hair. We will begin the process with strategic highlights and lowlights to enhance my own silver and white strands. The pictures below show two possible transition looks and my current color.
I am wondering if my color palate for clothing, or makeup, will need to change along with my hair. Have you embraced your gray? Did you need to adjust the colors you wear on, or near your face? Please share your advise with me!

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51 replies

Latest reply was from Mainelady

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Well mine has been greying slowly since age 40. I only dyed it once, at home, aged 47, and it was all the one colour ( a nice colour, the same brown it had been ) and I just didn't feel right. I think the main thing I've noticed is some softening of the colours that suit me. I always looked my best in "Spring" colours before and the don't need to be quite as clear as before. I can also wear greys better, and probably blacks.

lozz_oz

Veteran

Interesting how genetics come into play here - I take after my mother + my maternal grandfather. At 55 I have just a few grey hairs that aren't noticeable, and in fact just today commented to my daughter that I'd like some blue grey highlights in my hair (like many young people seem to be embracing!) She seemed quite perplexed as to why I'd do that
I like the examples you've shown here...but I know that I'm not equipped to share the reality of transitioning to grey, so over to others for their advice.

Runcarla

Veteran

My hair was copper penny red until I hit my 50's, when the appearance of whites (vs grey) resulted in a 'fading' of my hair colour. I coloured for a couple of years, bet red dye is fugitive and a couple of weeks after a dye job my hair looked more blonde than red. I stopped dying in 2014 and by summer 2015 was all natural.

My opinion is that black clothing looks much harsher than when my hair had more brilliance. Blues are a better neutral and white can be fabulous! I'm still figuring out what colours are best- but agree that 'going grey' will require an adjustment of your wardrobe.

Staysfit

Veteran

My hair started to turn grey in my mid 30's. I colored my hair until last year and then stopped. My hair is short, so I didn't need a transition. No highlights were needed either. I haven't had to alter my color palette too much, but I had already made a change in my palette prior to going grey. I have found that yellows don't work as well, but I still wear them, mixed with other colors from my palette. I mix gold with silver and continue to wear it, but the more yellow golds are less complementary than a lighter gold. I also had to change my makeup, my blush and eyeliner are lighter, and my lip colors are brighter.

always trying

Veteran

after dying my hair for over 20 years, I decided to just stop about 2 years ago. My hair is white, and I got a lot of compliments when I first stopped dying it. The only clothing colors difference I find as not liking black as Runcala said it looks much harsher. Also colors like lavender that I wore before look too dull now.

Joy

Veteran

Mine is nearly completely grey/white and is still going whiter from grey. My colors for clothes and makeup have changed a lot. I use a tinted moisturizer now and some self tanner for my face as I like my skin not to be too pale with the grey. I wear black better than I did with dark hair but have moved away from jewel tones to midtones that are clear and not at all murky. Your hair will change texture and may need more body. I have not done it for a long time, but you can have a shine treatment put on that gives your hair shine and some body like coloring it did.
You will have to play around with makeup colors. I find black for eyes too harsh now and use a MaryKay "blonde" pencil. It is more of an ashy taupe than what I would think of as blonde.
For clothes, experiment with whites next to your face. My best white is slightly greyed. I love optic white with grey hair but it needs to be a softer shade near my face. Have fun with it. I love your transition looks.

Liz

Veteran

My advice is simply to play it by ear as you go. I've naturally stopped being attracted to some of the brown / citron / olive colors I used to wear, and have risked wearing some grays, which I always used to avoid. Since your transition will be a process, you have time to figure it out. I would, however, hold off buying any new clothes in very warm tones, just until you know what your natural color will end up being.

JAileen

Veteran

I went grey four years ago. The colors I liked to wear changed a lot. I never wore grey before, but had a lot of tan and brown. Tan and beige are especially awful, now.

My hair was a lot shorter than yours. For the transition, my stylist put blonde highlights in my hair each month, for about four months. This minimized the contrast with the grey. I was surprised just how grey my hair was. Not salt and pepper, but very silvery.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Great idea. You might like to read this post:

https://youlookfab.com/2015/07.....ully-grey/

The Cat

Veteran

I have adored grey and white hair since I was a child. My hair started greying in my 20s, but initially, I just got a few grey hairs here and there, and it didn't look good. Later, as more and more grey hairs appeared, I tried highlights, lowlights and colouring in various shades. However, I stopped colouring in my early 40s, when the grey became so prominent that I realized that I had to colour it every other week if I wished to hide it. Besides, I really wanted to see how I looked with grey hair. It was a pleasant surprise. I received many compliments and still often do.

I stopped wearing brown, beige and other warm colours. My skin colour and eye colours are cool, so with silver grey hair, cool colours for clothes and makeup suit me well. I still wear black, but not too much around my face. Or, if wearing a solid black dress, jacket or top, I "lighten up" the black by using for example a coloured silk scarf or shiny jewellery. My primary basic colour for clothes is now grey. I also wear more white items than before and have found that white bottoms (skirts, trousers, jeans, etc.) and shoes actually seem to "bookend" my hair, which keeps getting more white.

However, I no longer wear neutrals without adding at least a touch of a "real" colour near my face (i.e. a pink scarf, a cobalt blue necklace or a turquoise top). And I make sure to always wear some colour on my lips and cheeks. Small things like these help me to avoid looking "washed out".

As my hair tends to be more dry and coarse now than when I was younger, I regularly use hair treatmens which help it stay soft and shiny. And sometimes, but not daily, I'll use a shine spray.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Wonderful idea! As you see, there are several of us here who have made the transition and you have already received wonderful advice. Apart from those who have already weighed in, another person's posts to look up might be those of Elizabeth P; she started here with long dark hair and now has shorter silver hair!

My natural dark ashy blonde hair greyed initially very slowly (through my 40s). In my early 50s, several times I tried to make the transition from highlighting/ dyeing to going natural, but I wasn't quite "there" yet either emotionally or in terms of the proportion of grey. Then my mother died (in 2015) and about six months later, I realized I was ready in every way. No matter how ashy my hairdresser went with the dye, it felt too "yellow" against my skin, and grey started showing through by four weeks. I didn't like it.

Since my hair was short, it was easy to transition. I did one set of highlights no base, and then a big big chop. It only took a few months to grow out the remaining dye.

As Cat implies, whether you need to change your colour palette might depend on your skin tone and what you've been wearing up until now. I always wore cool toned colours and I still do. But I find that brighter, more saturated versions of my old favourites (blue, reds, fuchsia, berry, teal, purples) look better on me now. A light chambray will wash me out while a darker denim tone will light me up.

Silver and grey always suited me but look amazing now. Yellow never looked good on me and it looks worse now. I used to love to wear leopard print accessories to tie in with my ashy-goldy hair, but now they don't work as well.

Unlike others, I find black actually looks better on me than it used to, as long as I am wearing lipstick. Black and white patterns are also really great (as long as the scale is not too large.) High contrast in general works, even though I'm not super high contrast myself. (Pale skin, pale hair, darker blue eyes).

White is also great. I'm still more silver than white but white "brightens" my face and does work to bookend, as Cat said.

I actually find it easier to dress cohesively than I used to. If you search the archives you'll find a bunch of my transitioning posts from last year. I'm really happy I made the change.

MaryAnne

You are all so wonderful! Thank you for your comments and support.
Angie, thank you for the link. The post and the related conversations on the forum were very helpful.
I appreciate hearing about your experiences with going gray and needing to change the colors of clothing and make up. I have always had a high contrast between my skin and hair color, so going gray (or silver, or white) will be a big change. I have dark brown eyes and prefer dark lipsticks, so hopefully those will provide enough contrast. I will not invest in any pricey tops for a while.....thank goodness I have some nice scarves to help me out when a color next to my skin ends up making me look washed out.
One of my goals is to maintain the current health of my hair. Several of you mentioned the change in texture and dryness, so I will make sure I give my hair extra special attention. I usually only wash it every 3 days and do not use a blow dryer.
If I am brave, I may post a pic after my salon visit: transition stage 1.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Definitely post pics!!

Also, you may or may not find your hair texture changes. Mine has not. If anything it is softer now that I am not dyeing it. I wash it between 2 and 3 times a week. But I do wear it very short and air dry, so that may have an effect on things.

My contrast level hasn't changed much so the changes weren't as extreme for me as they might be for you. I made zero changes to my makeup. But again, I was already cool toned and already medium to low contrast.

I do find that in the past I sometimes wore patterns that were "all colour" (without neutrals) and now I like a neutral (white, navy, black, grey) to "ground" the pattern and keep it in relation to my own overall colouring (which is more neutral with grey hair than with blonde).

Summer

Veteran

Good luck with the transition, MaryAnne. I think you'll find the process interesting - even exciting.

I decided to stop highlighting my ash blonde hair about five years ago, and am now a soft silver with darker charcoal at the nape of my neck, which I like! My cool colour palette hasn't had to change much at all.

I understand that brunettes might find the transition a little more challenging, but the end results can be truly stunning for darker haired women, so hang on in there.

Your plan to use scarves to help you adjust your colours is an excellent one, and will help you to experiment without too much cost
.
Do keep us posted on your progress!

DonnaF

Veteran

I stopped coloring at age 58 or so, but I am Asian and had brownish black hair. My gray hair is the same texture, but my dad's grays were softer and wavy.

I have noticed that I am really drawn to black'n'white and ivory'n'white patterns as well as wearing more white and cream. Charcoal looks a lot better than black. I don't think there's been much change in colors that I can or can't wear, but I am less drawn to wearing color. If I started with brown hair and wore a lot of beige it would no doubt be different.

If you tend to wear a lot of colors that bookend (match) your hair, that will change unless your eye color is close.

cindysmith

Veteran

I noticed my first grey hairs almost 30 years ago when I was 18. I finally quit dying it for good a couple of years ago, and it's been liberating. So much of it has gone white, and the maintenance was killer. Every three weeks I had to do my roots and touch up the rest because red fades so fast. My only regret this time around with ,you grey hair (yes I've let it go grey before) is that I didn't start using the purple products that keep it a bright white instead of a brassy color. I'm trying to get it looking brighter and whiter before my sister's wedding, and I might be more successful if I actually remember to use the product lol.

I figuess I've earned these grey hairs and I'm don't wasting time ND effort trying to be something I'm not

Echo

Veteran

I definitely think this is a situation of adjusting as you go. It very much depends on the natural colour of your hair, IMO. My hair is beginning to grey in the very front, and I am not colouring to stop it. But my hair is naturally a dark auburn, and the grey/white strands are high contrast. Since I often wear black and other dramatic and highly saturated colours, I don't see that changing in the near future, and indeed it might be just as appropriate when my hair is over 50% grey, too.

But good for you for embracing your natural hair. IMO, it gets harder and harder to chase anything approaching "natural" hair colour with no grey/white as one gets older. My mum went with lighter hair when she started to go grey, and then highly highlighted hair for a while, but when she finally went natural, her black and grey were striking and far more flattering than the unnatural colours she had been trying in the past.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

That's exactly how I feel Cindy! ( something in having the same birthday?!). I feel I'm not trying to be something I'm not by colouring. Now before everyone goes all "it's a personal choice" on me, I know it is, and it's the same personal choice as whether one has Botox, fillers, plastic surgery and even if one removes hair from the body or wears lipstick- and the latter things I do do. ( Hair removal, and wear lipstick). But I kind of wish I didn't feel like I have to. I am too conditioned that extra body hair is "ugly" and I wish I could resist that. I like to be all about authenticity in everything that I can, and I also find it a feminist issue. Why should we feel pressure as women to not " look old" ? Many men don't seem to feel the same pressure. I know that some do, particularly with the balding question, but fewer of them seem to care about colour.
I do also realise that I was "lucky" enough to not start greying until age 40 or so and not much younger like you and MaryAnne the original poster here. I hope I'm not hijacking your thread too badly here MaryAnne. We here will support you through the transition. And Cindy, if you forget to use the product you will still look awesome at that very important to you wedding xx

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

You have received wonderful advice here. Everyone's coloring, and grey, is different, so I would say just be prepared for changes. I have received so many compliments on my hair, and I think most of them are from women in their 20s who say they are eagerly waiting for their hair to go white (and/or they wish their mothers would stop dying their hair).

MaryAnne

When I began to notice the first gray hairs, I was in no way ready to let my hair go natural. I was a brand new, young mother. I didn't want to look like my own mother, even though, at the time, she had stunning salt and pepper hair.
I tried to go gray once before and it turned out that I really was not ready. Back to coloring I went and I was very happy with my color.
I feel confident in my decision and will keep the end results in mind, during the challenging parts of my transition. Your comments are so encouraging and make me feel excited!
For now, I plan to keep my hair long so I can pull it up, back, twist and braid it. In time, I do think I will go for a shorter style. I have donated my hair to Pantene and to Locks for Love twice. When I decide to cut it, I will donate it again.

The Cat

Veteran

Staysfit, I hope you saw the message I sent you some weeks ago, about grey hair.

The Cat

Veteran

MaryAnne and others who are going grey, the website "revolution gray" may also be of interest. Lots of shared experiences and inspiring tips. Here is the link:
http://goinggrayblog.com/categ.....-the-gray/

Lyn D.

Veteran

This will be a great journey!
Well said Jenni- when we transition to grey the process is an inside and outside one that makes us stronger women along the way.

MaryAnne

More encouragement and inspiration! Thank you for the link, Cat.

Gaby Meyers

Hi Ladies,
I've really enjoyed reading all your stories and advice. I stopped coloring my hair 10 years ago at 58 and looked forward to less time spent at the salon and some financial savings. However, that being said my gray was disappointing. I have very fair skin and the gray just made me look old and washed out. I found out it takes time and patience. It's a self discovery process all over again trying new makeup, clothing and colors to determine what works best for me as everyone is so different. I have to say I'm enjoying this new adventure. Here are a few things I've discovered:
Navy can be softer and less harsh than black
White next to my face is a good thing
Saturated colors work much better than pastel
Stay away from brown and beige near face
Hair needs shine products
Eye makeup has become more important
I feel more empowered to purchase fashion items with a little more edge

Think of this time as the next act or new beginning whatever you was to call it, experiment, try new things and have fun along the way.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I have grey streaks here and there, most notably in a spot where I always had a slighter lighter-color streak. I call it my natural highlighting. I think my haircut is pretty simple, but have found it's important to have it done well. One new hairdresser (at Aveda, of all places) laughed when I mentioned the "natural highlights" thing. The cut she gave me looked dowdy and lifeless. I've found it well worth my while to shop around for someone who can work with the color that's there.
People tend to group grey and white hair together. Aren't they actually pretty different? My mom began coloring her hair in her 30s, kept it up until chemo made most of it fall out in her 70s. It has come back so white Billy Idol would be jealous. She keeps it straight, has it cut in a bob, wears more bright colors than ever, and looks great.

Laura G

Veteran

I kept being surprised by women that I thought went gray very early (in their 50s). It took a decade or so, but I finally figured out they're the norm and I'm the outlier. I have some bright silver hairs at 60 and my mother is salt-and-pepper at 77, as was her father when he died at 93.

There are plenty of signs of aging in my body and face, and they've forced changes in the way I dress, but pretty minor ones. Gray hair, on the other hand, is not just a sign but a symbol of aging, and I wonder if gray hair acts as a kind of binary switch that makes the clothes available in stores suddenly seem "too youthful for me". It's just a guess, but it could possibly explain why I don't really get the widespread perception that the fashion industry isn't making clothes for the age I am now.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Laura, I'm not sure I completely understand what you're saying about the "binary switch" -- but I am decidedly grey now and I feel more like Gaby Meyers in that my silver hair actually seems to make it easier for me to pick items that have a bit more edge! With grey hair, I don't feel that most clothes are "too youthful for me" -- if anything, it feels easier to wear the fashion forward styles I prefer. I am not sure why, but it is something about feeling as if I am expressing a message of ongoing vitality vs. trying to look young by dressing in this way.

The Cat

Veteran

I very much agree with what Suz wrote: "My silver hair actually seems to make it easier for me to pick items that have a bit more edge!"

I also don't feel that most clothes are "too youthful for me". For instance, I still often shop at H&M, just as I did as a teenager more than 40 years ago.

I admit that I really wish most shops would have many more dresses and skirts that were kneelength or longer. But that has to do with my lifestyle (I need dresses/skirts for about 10 appointments a week) and my height (I am a bit taller than the average woman), not with my age. My younger friends and colleagues my height or taller are sharing my wish for greater variety when it comes to dresses and skirts.

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