Eek! - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Off Topic

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Eek!

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

So because of YLF I've met real life friends here, Amy and Jenava. My YLF blog has always been public, but I haven't publicized it. I've told a few sales associates about it, but that more to show them my style for future purchases etc.
Today I told a real-life non-fashion friend about it and sent her the link. She is non-judgemental and realizes this is an aspect but not an over reaching part of me.
I love fashion, but parts of me realize that it is frivolous and vain. And there are parts of my personality that are very much not frivolous and vain. So I hope that this doesn't come back to bite my in the ***.

Off Topic

15 replies

Latest reply was from Lyn D.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Anna, this is big.

"Coming out" and showing the world who we are -- especially our creative sides -- almost always feels momentous, except maybe to people who grow up in families where this is celebrated.

I'm hoping your friend will see that your love of fashion is a brilliant expression of your complexity and creativity.

I know that fashion gets treated as frivolous and vain. I guess it can be. But no more so than opera, or sport, or literature, or really any human endeavour undertaken to make the world more beautiful, enriching, fun, or comprehensible.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

First, we are all multi-faceted, and like Suz said, your friends - if they know you well - should understand that fashion and style is part of who you are. It's a hobby that provides great joy, and I include all aspects of the fashion industry when I say this. You love clothes, shoes and accessories. Why should this not be part of your identity? It's just not the only part of your identity.

Second Anna, be honest with yourself about why you posted links of your blog to others. There is no right or wrong answer here. Just ponder the question so that you are prepared for feedback. That way you will have nothing to defend.

Third, the more you make your outfits public, the thicker you will need to make your skin. This is the internet. And unfortunately, not everyone is as tactful, polite and gracious as our forum members.

Fourth, all creative pastimes (art, not science) are judged to be frivolous at some point. Again to Suz's point. And I'll throw Sport into the mix too. Football, Soccer, Rugby, and the Entertainment Business. But there is a market for these creative professions and past times - plus they are multi billion dollar businesses. If it makes you happy to be make these hobbies part of your life - why not.

Deborah

Veteran

Anna, do what you enjoy. I started my blog 12 months ago and it is a great source of enjoyment for me. Not only that, but I find I am developing some new skills because of it. So all in all it's great. And I balance my love of fahsion and style, with a deep passion and commitment for community work. So anyone who knows me, hopefully knows the broader me, so to speak.

However as Angie pointed out you do have to develop a thick skin. I sit on a board for our local commuity radio station and 4 or 5 months I ago I was actively involved in recruiting our first ever General Manager. The gentleman who was unsuccessful, launched a rather unkind personal attack on me referencing my blog and intimating that I was shallow and quite full of myself:(

It stung at the time, but my colleagues on the board and those who know me were incredibly supportive and I had to let it go over my head. Did wonder what he was doing reading my blog tho!!

Karie

(website)

Veteran

I don't think of fashion as frivolous and vain, I think of it as a way to express creativity. And you, my dear, are extremely creative and fashion-forward. I come from a long line of creative types - most are musicians, some are crafters, artists, chefs, etc. Expression of creativity should be celebrated. I would say those that don't are the ones who are shallow, frivolous, and vain.

Lucy

Veteran

I think many professional women have this problem! I really enjoy fashion - I wouldn't say I was obsessed, but I do get a lot of pleasure from it. I also hold an academic position. So I hope I have many sides to me! But yes, I understand the hesitation re one world colliding with another!
One thing I really like about YLF is the variety of women here - women from all walks of life. It shows how we can all come together over a shared interest, in a positive environment.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I told boy about my blog section of YLF and he thought it was funny, but he assured me he would not be reading it - he simply has no interest in fashion, but he still respects that it is something I enjoy.

I don't think I need to let people know that I take pics of myself for a blog in order for them to know that I love fashion and take care in the way I present myself and dress for work.

I haven't heard of it being a determent

Gigi

Veteran

Anna, I disagree with the assessment of fashion as being frivolous and vain. I believe that it can be used for those ends, but it doesn't have to be. If a person dresses up to be a snob and show how above everyone else they are, that would be vain. But you get genuine joy out of fashion. I think you get that joy because you are able to express your inner self through your clothing. I view fashion as art that uses the body. You are an artist, Anna! And a very good one.

I will say that I have experienced a lot of emotional healing by becoming attentive to how I dress and how I feel when I wear different styles. I certainly wouldn't put that in the frivolous category. Instead, it's life-giving.

You may be concerned that *other* people will think that you are frivolous and vain. That will happen. Like Angie says, you need to know what your focus is in making your blog public so that you can stay your course and be true to yourself.

Neel

Veteran

Now this is exactly why I am still headless! I hate to be judged/critisized .... Especially by my own. I will one day show the world the truth (when I am ready to answer their questions) and that day I will feel truly liberated.

Hope you sail through whatever is thrown your way :). Sometimes it helps to remember that no one is perfect and everyone is frivolous in some way or another. People who want to judge you will still do. It's their problem not yours. At least that's how I am preparing myself!

April

Veteran

Yep, it's a big step. And "fashion" is often interpreted as you said (vain and frivolous).

People also assume that anyone interested in style is
-- a lemming for laughable trends
-- subject to anorexia and body dysmorphia
-- shallow, trivial, surface-obsessed
-- contributing to the sweatshop problem/ the ruination of the environment/ cruelty to animals -- take your pick
-- not spending their time out building affordable housing or feeding the homeless
-- willing to endure any level of pain or discomfort to look good
-- overly fixated on expensive designer labels and visible branding
-- a little too familiar with lowbrow popular culture
-- just plain unintelligent

Your mission should you choose to accept it, Anna, is to stand as an example against these stereotypes. It's time to represent!

retailgirl

Veteran

I understand your thinking that being concerned with fashion is frivolous. I have been fashion minded my whole long life...going back to when I was 7 or 8 and allowed to chose my own clothes. And my dolls! they all had great wardrobes, much of it sewn by my mother. That segued into a 40 year career in retail and I have loved it. But when I started, my friends were all teachers, nurses, social workers and the like. (Acceptable careers for women at the time!). I worried that my career choices were shallow and non consequential. But as I worked with customers, I realized that, hey! What I do makes people happy. And I never second guessed myself again.

April

Veteran

This post has got me continuing to think on this issue. Other judgments people make about fashion-minded individuals:

-- not enough of a feminist, or
-- not enough of a churchlady, or
-- insufficiently devoted to one's children/ family responsibilities, or
-- not a serious researcher/ scientist/ thinker (academic circles), or
-- not a serious athlete (tell it to Serena Williams), or
-- too gay (men); not gay enough (women), or
-- narcissistic and self-obsessed (look at me! look at me! look at me!), or
-- extravagant spendthrift

Angie is so right. A thick skin is extremely important.

leopardluxe

Veteran

Judging someone based on their fashion choices is what's shallow and vain, imho, rather than having a love and appreciation for fashion making someone shallow and vain. Who are they to judge and why should I (or you) care?

I've always been a "live out loud and appreciate every day" kinda gal, and this is reflected in my style choices. If someone has an issue with it, it is their problem, not mine. I'm not in this world to please everyone (most especially not strangers who may want to criticize my style or attribute a generic personality trait to someone based on their clothing ).

Never judge a book by its cover, I always say.

If your friends are your friends (or even associates) they will appreciate you for who you are...lover of fashion and all! As to every one else, who cares really?

As a side note, I have also been known to purposely dress funky at the corporate events I need to attend. Where everyone is in their "uniform" of basic corporate attire. I find it telling who actually comes up and wants to engage in conversation with me versus those who actually seem surprised when I can carry on a stimulating and thought provoking conversation about something as deep as global issues or data analysis as applied to human behavior or as "shallow" as how much I appreciate a really cool hat!

My style is very much an expression of creativity. No different than when I used to paint back when I was in art school. Now my canvas is me and my style choices.

Just like not every masterwork painting appeals to everyone neither does everyone's wardrobe choices. That's what makes us such unique and interesting creatures. And that is a good thing, imho.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Angie, I think what you said is so smart. Thank you.

I really, really can't worry about what other people think of my hobbies. I like video games, comic books, horror novels, science fiction books and movies, fantasy... and fashion. Every single one of these has gotten me pain and judgey comments at some point in my life. (I remember the woman I met at a wedding who, on learning I wrote and edited comic books, looked at me in disgust and said, "WHY would anyone WANT to DO that?!")

People who don't like that I like doing what I like doing can bite me. Seriously. Life is too short.

Diana

Veteran

Anna, this totally resonates with me. I have many of the same concerns about sharing my fashion "hobby" with certain people in my life. I think that people have different reactions to learning that you like fashion/clothes/style/shopping and learning that you take photos of yourself and post them on the internet. The first I am fine with, and it's pretty obvious in any case (all you have to do is look at me to know that i like clothes). The second makes me incredibly self-conscious and I don't publicize it. But I'm also a person who tends to strongly compartmentalize my life. I'm also an incredibly private person. There's a lot of things my co-workers and even some of my friends don't know about me, and I like it that way.

So, I don't think I'm frivolous or vain, and I'm not even terribly concerned about other people thinking I'm frivolous or vain. The thing that bugs me is that I don't want to explain myself. Maybe it is an introvert thing. I have been called out on this before by friends and family and am trying to work at it. (It works both ways, by the way. Sometimes I am very curt and can get quite annoyed when non-science friends ask me to explain my work.)

Anyway, I really applaud you for putting yourself out there. I do realize that there's not a way to have people understand without explanation. And that is a really hard thing to do.

Lyn D.

Veteran

It is great to have friends like this that you can trust with your creative leanings.
I don't talk much about this to non-fashionistas, but my close friends are supportive. They even ask my opinion about their outfits and I occasionally shop with them.
I think that having a hobby we are passionate about makes us more interesting people!
I admire your fearless attitude Anna.