Dressing well = mid life crisis? - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing well = mid life crisis?

soobee

Veteran

To continue from Lyn's thread, I've been asked by close friends if

(a) I'm going through a mid life crisis and
(b) Why don't I grow old gracefully.

The answer to (a) is probably "yes" (lol) and the answer to (b) is that I thought dressing well, and in age appropriate outfits, actually WAS aging gracefully.

These are the answers I thought of afterwards, of course! I was too stunned at the rudeness of them to say anything at the time. Perhaps having a close friend completely changing her wardrobe and becoming interested in outer appearance might be a little threatening?

General

16 replies

Latest reply was from Esther

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I prefer to think of it as a "mid-life reassessment" ... I recall very gracious older patients who dress very well, and I think they aged very gracefully!

Like the 98 year old lady who apologizes when you check on her at 6 am that she doesn't have lipstick on yet ... lol; terribly cute!

My friends became ++concerned when I started the YLF journey and my parents thought I was spending a ton of money, but I think overall, everyone has been very supportive!

Maybe offer to take you friends out shopping?

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

My god!! Soobee, those comments are, if possible, even ruder than the ones Lyn got! Do hang onto that answer for question 2, because in my book it's brilliant and absolutely perfect.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with such dreadful, potentially hurtful remarks. Please try not to let them phase you too much. If age appropriateness is ever a concern, many of the forum members here can provide invaluable first-hand advice.

Freckles

Veteran

With friends like these you don't need enemies and I can't believe that people are actually thinking these things!

If a friend of mine were to change her style drastically I would imagine that she was underging a change of style and be really excited that she were looking at things differently and probably talk to her about it with joy and abandon.

Sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Yiour answer to b is perfect, remember that one.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I also think your B answer is right on the money. Looking good is supposed to be the "grace" part in aging gracefully! Can't age gracefully if you look a mess...

I hope your friend gets over her fashion shell shock soon so that you can stop receiving such strange comments. :T

Lantana

Veteran

What a shame Soobee. I fully expected you to be posting glowing reports of positive comments from your off line circle. Some people just don't get it, do they? It's a good thing YLF is here.

soobee

Veteran

Thanks ladies, for your kind, if somewhat amazed, responses I'm not losing any sleep over it, but it did sting a little at the time!

Scarlet

Veteran

Gosh, I really do not understand why people feel so threatened when someone takes a little care with their appearance. I think some people just don't want to make the effort because it is not important to them, but if that is the case, then I think they should be happy with themselves the way they are, and happy with you the way you are. I am sorry you got those hurtful comments. I haven't been around the forum as much lately, so I don't know your story, but I just checked some of your outfits, and it looks to me like you are very appropriate and doing a great job. I hope you are able to brush these rude comments off.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

People often do feel threatened or left behind when someone they're close to starts stepping up their appearance and self-confidence! I watched my brother-in-law stand up straighter in pride after trading in some worn out sneakers and ugly tee shirts for a new leather jacket, button front shirt, nice shoes, and a new scarf and hat, only to have his daughter roll her eyes and tease him about looking like a gangster. It hurt his feelings, but the rest of us have been encouraging him.

Soobee, it sounds like you have the right attitude -- keep it up! We're all behind you!

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

We make judgements all the time on the basis of what one wears. I'd rather look good and feel confident wearing an outfit than look dowdy although I've had my moments. If it makes you feel good, than wear it. We shouldn't always worry about what about others think.

Mochi

Veteran

In my case the urge to dress well probably reflects a mid-life crisis but whatever, those remarks are rude, defensive, odd, you name it. Why do people feel that way about something that gives another person harmless pleasure? Do what feels right for you and forget everything else!

Anonymous

I like Lyn's term "midlife reassessment". That is definitely what I'm going through. I think people know that something's up and maybe aren't very delicate when they ask about it.

I'm sorry for the unkind words you had to endure. We get you, though!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Mid-life reassessment! I like that!

It's true that quite a lot of us are here because something has changed for us—be it our employment situation, our weight, our status as parents or caregivers or partners...the list goes on. And we are questioning our identities and trying to figure out how to best express the people we have become.

To my mind, there's no shame in this. Instead, we can feel PROUD that we are learning and growing. It is exactly as you say in your second answer: that's what aging gracefully means!

Considering your outfits, I wonder if this particular friend is threatened by the very thing that makes your outfits (to my eye) so much fun: your playful use of accessories. Some people cannot put the words "aging" and "fun" in the same sentence. Well, that is THEIR problem, not yours. You are showing how to live vibrantly!!

Keep glowing. You're an inspiration to us on the forum, and will soon inspire friends in real life, too. Once they get over their fear.

nancylee

Veteran

Chiming in to echo all the wise words offered already, and to cheer you on in your evolving style transformation. I'm going through my own "mid-life reassessment "(great phrase!), and your comment about growing old gracefully while looking good really resonated. It's a great and good thing to seek change and transformation no matter what your age.

We've got your back here at YLF.

Queen Mum

Veteran

aren't you a little young to be going through a mi-life crisis? LOL
I like Lyn's term as well.
I am in my 40's, as are most of my friends, and I have friends who have recently taken up running, lost weight, got new hair styles, gone back to school, started new careers, started dressing nicer, etc... if these are signs of a mid-life crisis than I say they have picked some great ways to deal with it.

Personally, in my 40's I...
got my first "expensive" hair cut (and will never look back)
started running and did my first triathlon and 10K's
started taking backpacking trips with my husband
AND... completely turned over my wardrobe

I think it's a good thing to wake up one day and say, Hmmm, my life is only half lived.. what are some areas that I have been letting slide, what are some things that I would like to experience that I have yet to? What have I been putting off for no reason than "it seems so frivolous"? I remember agonizing over putting in new carpet and kitchen flooring a few years ago. it seemed so frivolous, yet I had never ever had the luxury of picking out my very own carpet and kitchen floor (except for to sell a house). Now every day, I get to admire and enjoy my beautiful floors. I'ts the same way with our wardrobes...why settle for less that what makes you feel fabulous. Why not get up every day and have the joy of picking out an outfit that makes you feel good?

I have more to add but don't have time right now. I'll get back later ;-0

afterism

Soobee, it sucks when people close to us are uncomfortable with changes we are making to OUR lives.

I always thought a midlife crisis was getting divorced, dating people the same age as your kids & buying a red convertible

Getting your crap together, not dressing like a teenager & taking charge of your health is called acting like a grown up in my world.

Esther

Soobee, I am sorry for the hurtful things that have been said to you!! I too have recently completely renovated my style from a "do not care, jeans-and-sloppy t-everyday" to more put together and attentive to style. To those who are currently where we were, it may seem like you are putting on airs or something, but I know that just the simple act of picking out clothing and accessories that make me feel happy, pretty, stylish, current, etc (even if it is only to go to the grocery store after being home with the kids all day); helps me to be a happier, more positive, and more fulfilled mommy and wife for my family. Have fun with your new outlook on life and who you are and want to be, and do this FOR YOU!!!!